Kim Namjoon was not the only young man who tried with all his heart to be the cause of Jimins happiness.

He is still trying. And compared to the other pretty boys he really could succeed, at least that's what Jimin always tries to assure himself of thinking.

Namjoon is a caring, loving and understanding human being. He always was. In short, he's the perfect boyfriend and Jimin knows that. Every single one of his brain cells is aware of the fact that there won't be a better person for him than Namjoon.

But it just doesn't feel like that. Although Namjoon knows that Jimin is afflicted with particular issues, he would never have the ability to make them disappear. He can only tolerate them, like he always does.

And even though Namjoon always lays down with Jimin, holding the shorter one in his arms and is there for him whenever he suffers, the emptiness in Jimins chest would also never disappear.

Namjoon is always with him and sometimes Jimin wants him to leave.
Sometimes Jimin wants him to leave his life.

Reams of thoughts in Jimins overloaded head keep fighting each other. On the one hand, he's frightened of being alone, but on the other hand he always fears not being good enough for the relationship he's already in.

On some days he can't get enough of the affection he gets from his loving boyfriend, but the other day he hates him.
Jimin hates Namjoon for putting his whole energy in him. And he's angry at himself for allowing him to do so.

The thought that Namjoon deserves better won't ever leave him, because he knows that he's hurting his boyfriend on a regular basis. He always claims that it's okay, but Jimin knows it's not.

Namjoon would never tell him the truth, he would never tell him that he's hurt. He would never tell him that he feels exhausted.

And Jimin can clearly see that his boyfriend is upset about the fact that he just can't help him to feel better.

At the very beginning of their relationship he was. Jimin felt amazing, because the endorphins were simply overshadowing his dark thoughts and devastating feelings.

But now things are getting worse again and love is blind. Namjoon just loves Jimin too much to leave him. He hates seeing him suffer, but he simply can't do anything about it. Jimin has to do something on his own.

Sometimes Jimin just hates himself and needs his boyfriend to prove to him that he's a lovable human being.

But does Jimin really love Namjoon? He needs him, but does he love him? Everything about him is perfect, but does he love him?

Or does he simply love the affection he gets? The idea of having someone who stays by his side, no matter what?

Jimin feels like he is making no headway for years. He's not making one single step forward for a long time. He always feels incomplete, like he did not get to the point he has to be yet.

He's waiting for things to get better, waiting for life to get better.

Although he has everything he could ever wish for, he still lacks the inner peace he needs to see all the things he already has.

Because no matter how much he would be able to call his own, it never will be enough, if he keeps on thinking that he's not enough.

He has to learn how to be enough for himself, he has to learn how to cope with the issues which are following him for years.

He has to learn how to be happy all alone.