The clouds were passing by slowly, as the giant metal bird made its way through the sky. Steadily and silently it flew through the matter that wasn't as warm and soft as it always seemed when you viewed it from the Earth's surface.
I looked outside the window and watched the clouds dissolve as I listened to the music in my earphones, fading out the noises of human life that was on board of the plane with me.
Where I was heading?
I was on my way to visit a friend.
His name is Joshua. And I am Miles.

Joshua and I met years ago. I am pretty sure it was, when I was about 16 years old, close to 17 maybe. I was part of a Discord server that revolved around a game I played back then. Sometimes people were just chilling in the voice channel while playing and so did I though I always kept my mic off. I just liked listening to voices while doing things.
I still do it to this day.
I remember he sent a direct message asking, whether we could play together a bit and whether I could help him in-game. He also wasn't the type to participate in voice but liked to watch and listen.
Let me get straight to the point... He sucked at gaming - At least regarding MMO RPG Games. He was very good at rythm games though. He once showed me how he got an S rating on a song in that "Cytus" game. He played that thing in the so-called chaos mode, which seems to be the hardest one. I couldn't even get a B rating on easy. So yes, I suck at rythm games.

But I digress.

The point is we got to know each other, made friends and kept close contact. We exchanged numbers, we were texting on a daily basis and even called each other or video chatted. I've turned 22 a few months ago now. And a little less than two months ago Joshua stopped contacting me. It's normal that sometimes we'd not hear from each other for a few days because either one got busy and didn't have the time or simply forgot. That's just how it is. But after a month I was seriously worried.
After another one or two weeks I then decided to get a plane ticket and fly down to visit him.
We used to lend each other books or CDs and such or send a present from time to time. So we knew where each other lived. We just both never found the time to travel and visit. This would be the first time I'd actually meet him face to face. I was admittedly quite excited. He was sort of a big brother for me. Right I didn't mention, he's 11 years older than me. A very nice guy with a stable job and a freelance gig as a music teacher.

My plane landed in Idaho at around 2 pm. A Canadian boy, 22 years old - barely old enough to drink - taking his first steps into the United States of America.
Of course actually arriving in the USA was less than exciting...
Passport control, finding my belongings, figuring out how to navigate this airport, finding food 'cause I was starving and so on and so forth.
I had previously requested an Uber. I wasn't a big fan of taxis. I didn't like how hard it was to hunt down a cab. I also hated the smell of cigarettes or other gases or the overly sweet scent refreshers. The dangling Gimmicks like fuzzy dice in the front screen or hula dancing figurines on the dashboard were distracting to say the least. And I didn't like that unbearable silence or meeting eyes with the driver through the mirror. It was awkward and so was Smalltalk. I only knew one good cab driver in my life. But that's a different story. I might tell you in the future.

Back to my visit at Joshua's!
I found the address and stepped up the porch. Gosh, I knew some of this from photos. Being ACTUALLY there!!! So surreal. So weird.
Slowly I turned around on the spot and took everything in. I had been smiling for a while now, I noticed but I didn't intend to stop no matter how much like an Idiot I looked like right now. Instead I walked up to the door, straightened my back and pushed the button to ring the bell. I heard the jingle and waited. I was ecstatic! But no one came. Was he asleep or not at home? He could be wearing headphones as well. So I rang the bell again and waited. And again.
Furrowing my brows I stepped back and started looking for the spare key. I remember that Joshua told me about it.
The porch roof was held up by four wooden beams. The corner beam on the far right was stuck into a rather loose metal bond and the key was in there. How to get it out? Simple! Joshua had some magnetic lizards of sorts stuck to his rain pipe. I had to take one and place it on the metal, wait for the key on the inside of the bond to react to the magnetic force and slowly pull it up and out!
Joshua loves that hiding place.
After getting the key, I entered the house. There was nothing but silence inside and most of the furniture and other household things were gone. A few picture frames or some bags with trash had been left behind.
He didn't tell me, he was gonna move! Was it supposed to be a secret? A surprise maybe?
Looking around and walking through the rooms, I noticed that he really was gone. Where to now? I felt a lot more uneasy now. Without his address and with him not answering my calls I didn't really have any further leads...
Where had he gone?

Trying to calm my mind I stepped back out and onto the porch. I needed some fresh air. Joshua had taught me how to stay calm and collected but my thoughts were racing in uncertainty. I looked around and left the property. Should I ask a neighbor maybe?
That decision was taken off my shoulders by a stranger walking past me with a dog, a beautiful golden doodle I have to add. She looked at me and smiled:"Oh, are you the new resident?" "Ah no, I intended on visiting a friend. Do you know what happened to the house?" She looked past me and smiled:"Oh, a moving truck came by and a car with some people. They devided the belongings and drove off down the street there. I don't know more than that though. Sorry." "No it's okay! Thanks for the intel." I gave the dog a little head scratch and she went on her way, waving a goodbye.

I concluded that if the neighbors didn't know, I might have to ask his family. I didn't exactly expect to meet them like this... But what could you do? Joshua was a big family man. He would visit his parents often and send me pictures of the garden and the food and the house and his family. I pretty much knew them at this point and I had heard their voices in some audio messages. No idea how much they actually know about me though.
Looking through our chat I found a picture of a grill party with his family that had a good view of the house front on it and went to grab a cab this time.
I know what I said about cabs but it was pretty self-explanatory that I had no clue where exactly his parents place was though I was sure it wasn't that far away. So I just assumed that at least a few of the local cab drivers knew where this was. And luck was on my side because the cab driver was - and I quote - "at least 80% certain that he knew this neck of the woods". He was a nice enough man, older in years and friendly. He kinda gave me a weirdly "nice Woodfeller Santa Claus at his summer job" vibe. We didn't talk all to much. Instead he played his Elvis Presley mixtape and mumbled the lyrics along. I watched the rows of family homes rush by as we drove, trying to imagine Joshua living in one of these and spending his childhood playing ball on the streets. I felt like I could understand a bit more how he grew up to be such an open, kinda childishly joyful adult.
Amused I chuckled at the thought of it but flinched shortly after when my driver belted out a triumphant:"HAHA!" He pointed towards a house while brimming of self-satisfaction. "Told ya, I know these streets like the inside of my Shirt-Pocket!" "You don't have Shirt-Pocket, Sir.", I joked but looked ahead straight and at the house I had searched for, "Oh, it really is!" I already knew the house number from his constant status updates on WhatsApp though I hadn't known the street until now. Finchwood Street. Honestly, that's so adorable... The house itself looked just like it did on the photographs. A pretty light green coloring on the wooden paneling and classic sandstone brickwork right underneath the windows straight till down to the floor and at the side of the house leading up to the chimney. It had black roof tiles which gave it a modern swing and there were birch trees right behind the white wooden car port. It was a comfortable home, an old home and a peaceful one. It seemed oddly quiet to be specific.

Those were my thoughts as I stepped along the paved path and up the stairs, stopping just in front of the eggshell white door. Searching for a bell I looked around but couldn't find anything. A little lost my gaze led me back to a lionhead holding a ring in its mouth. The copper made sculpt was placed in the middle of the door and was probably meant to be used for knocking. So I did just that.
Steps approached from inside and I straightened my posture and my jacket, brushed my hair back and checked my breath real quick. I was kinda nervous but I really wanted to give a good first impression to whoever was opening that door. So I put on my best smile and looked at the woman that was standing in the doorframe. Her eyes and nose had a reddish glow and glistened a little in the sunlight.
The reason as to why, became apparent as she raised her hand to cover her mouth trying to keep in a surprised outcry. She had been crying a lot it seems and with widened eyes she did so again. Not quite sure what to do with this I watched her and raised my hands, thinking I should pat her shoulder or something, maybe give her a hug, but we didn't really know each other, did we? "Miss Drows, please - I apologize, I didn't intend to make you cry? Uhm- Is there anything I can do-" "Miriam, what's wrong-", a man approached the door, Joshua's Father no doubt. He grew silent as he saw me and carefully hugged his wife, motioning for her to go back inside. Then he leaned against the doorframe and looked at me. "Miles is it, right?" "Uhm yes Sir. I apologize - I didn't intend to just show up like this. Unannounced and everything, you know? Heh- I just couldn't reach Joshua the past two months and I grew a little worried. I was at his house but apparently he moved away?" I was a little stumped that he seemed to recognize me just like that. It was hard to read the grown man's face. He had a messy head of hair, locks going in all directions and a little stubble gracing his face. He was apparently quite sleep deprived. There was no smile, no real emotion, he was just watching me. After a while of silence I started avoiding his gaze and his steel blue eyes. "Uhm- Do you know where Joshua is?", I tried to inquire a second time but he didn't budge. Not till the woman stepped back into the hallway behind him and spoke up: "Caleb, invite the young man inside. I'll make some tea-"
She was Josh's Mom for everyone who didn't guess already. She seemed to have gotten back on her feet and Caleb, as I now knew, stepped aside and let me enter, closing the door behind me. He took the suitcase off my hands and showed me the way into the kitchen, where his wife was preparing a can of tea. Both of us sat down and I could feel his eyes on me as I looked around the room.

At this point I should probably mention that I had been preparing for bad news and that probably something happened to him. The crying and the sleeplessness of these people only deepened my worries, but I still hoped for the best.
Even thought the thought had crossed my mind that the worst could have happened, I generally try to not let negative thoughts defeat me. I am not a pessimist, don't get me wrong, neither am I a boundless optimist. I am a realist and when things are uncertain, I tend to think through every possible scenario. I did that back then and I still do it today. The human mind just tends to focus on all the negative possibilities there are.

Back then, as I was sitting at the table I was swamped by these thoughts. I contemplated what they might tell me. What really happened - I wanted to know!
I still remember the water boiling and the sound of Miriam pouring us three cups of tea. I can recall her picking up the cups and her hands trembling. Caleb had to get up and assist her, taking two of the cups and passing one to me, while she sat down. I had a Snoopy motif on my cup with some kind of joke. It's all so clear in my mind; that moment we sat there, exchanging glances, then looking at our cups, looking back up again. An awkward silence. And then she started, slowly and uncertain how to phrase her next words. In the end it was quite simple.

She just said: "Joshua... died."

It hit me like a punch in the face; waves of emotion, pain and so many questions.
I denied it at first. I couldn't quite believe it. Rather said I didn't believe it at all. I had to laugh uncomfortably, looking at them and asking: "Hey, is this a joke? Don't mess with me- please, tell me this isn't true!"
But denial doesn't make these things any less real.

Joshua was dead.

And I couldn't do anything against it.
We sat there for a while and they answered all my questions. My friend had been in a car accident. Another man had hit him at a crossroad. Both cars got demolished and both were admitted to the hospital, hurt but with good chances at survival. Nonetheless Joshua apparently was out of luck. Though he got away with some broken bones and a couple bruises, without major internal injuries, complications arose.
A so-called thrombosis happened - a blood clot that traveled through his circulatory system and towards his heart, resulting in a stroke that killed him.

And that was the end to his life.
They couldn't help him.
My best friend left this world without us ever meeting face to face.
As if nothing of it was real.
As if he just didn't exist.
Not anymore at least. He ceased to be...