Ego

Summary: dekhte hai, kiss ki zid badi hai, aap ki ya meri.
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Rukzaar wipes at her eyes and makes another aimless round across the room.

Amrit watches her, knowing by now where her attention was. Rukzaar goes to the window and peeps out from the gap in the curtains.

"What mischief have you been up to Rukzaar?" Amrit asks finally. "Which bomb are you waiting to go off?"

Rukzaar turns to her, blinking innocently.

"What possible mischief can I cook up Babhi jaan? I've been here the whole time haven't I?"

Amrit arches a brow, reading her innocence for what it really was.

"Achcha ji," she says. "Toh bataiye mautarma kiss ka intezaar horahi hai?"

"Kissi ka bhi toh nahi," Rukzaar shrugs. "Hum buss Yun hi dekh rahein the ke kaun aaraha hai. Kaun jaa raha hain. Garden mein kaun hai. Shaam bahar kaun jaayenga...Yun hi you know?"

"Kyun chaukidaar ka kaam karti ho aaj kal?" Anwar calls from the threshold and for the sake of appearances knocks on the open door thrice. "Agar aap ki ijazat ho toh andar aajaye?"

"Anwar bhai," Amrit sounds embarrassed. "Aap ka ghar hai, mujhse kya poochna?"

"Aap humare dost ki begam hai Bhabhi jaan, ghar jiss ka bhi ho, hukum aap ki chalthi hai." He comes in and stands by her bedside. "Teek hai aap? No fever I hope?"

Amrit shakes her head and smiles at his concern and following relief.

"Aap ki bhai sahab ke nikah ke baremein kuch aap se baat karni thi..."

Rukzaar makes a sound from her throat and turns away quickly when Anwar turns to her.

"Rukie tujhe kuch keheni hai?"

"Nahi toh. Aap ka mehel hai. Aap ka paisa hai. Aap ka zindagi bhi. Jaise jee chahe luta dein." Rukzaar says rather scathingly. "Just don't call me that weird nickname. I have given nobody other than my Abbu permission to call me that. Hum chaltein hai, happy to see you sober tonight Nawabzade sahab!"

She indeed turns to leave and Anwar gives Amrit a reassuring smile.

"We fight often, but make up even faster. Don't worry Rukzaar jaan, doesn't hold grudges."

"Mar gayi Rukzaar jaan!" Rukzaar yells with her hands on her hips. "Humein na dekhna hi nahi tha aap ka chehera- kyun aagaye yahaan? Aaj bhi chale jaate na Kahi jaise roz roz jaate hai sharab mein doobne."

"Rukie tu," Anwar swallows. "Achcha toh aisa kya kehediya humne kal raat joh tu itna -"

"Do I take notes of your great speeches? Sadly no. Poochlein kissi naukar se, aisa kya hogaya ke Rukzaar itni kafa hai."

"Tu kudh bata de na -"

"Nahi batani!"

"Rukie -"

"Don't call me Rukie -!"

They had ended up staring at each other, almost nose to nose, breathing hard enough that one might think they had just finished a physical fight. Amrit feels like an outsider who had stumbled upon an intimate moment. There is an undeniable spark between them, a low burning fire.

Amrit clears her throat and simply for the need of something to divert her attention with opens nearest drawer of the bedside cabinet.

There are some scrap writing in there, smelling citrusy with Veer's ink. She pulls them out and realizes they were draft letters to his solicitor in Delhi. Beneath the papers a thin cardboard folder catches her eye. It has the wax seal of government documents.

Frowning Amrit flips the folder open. Inside neatly stacked are papers to apply for Visa and other associated documentation.

Amrit draws in a breath, anger simmering within her. She could no longer hear what Anwar and Rukzaar were arguing about. In fact she does not care. There is a certain Kuwar, her most obstinate husband, who is going to get a very good piece of her mind tonight.

Both Anwar and Rukzaar fall silent when they noticed that Amrit is out of bed, wrapped in her shawl and marching towards them, worry drowning away the last of their argument.

"Babhi jaan -" both begin.

Amrit marches up to them and right out of the door parting them in her stride. Exchanging a look both Rukzaar and Anwar follow after her.

"Kaha jaa rahi hai aap?" Rukzaar asks uncertainly.

"Kissi ka katal karne -" Amrit fumes.

"Kiss ka?" Anwar says rather timidly.

"Veer -!" Amrit calls out suddenly making them both jump.

At the foot of the stairs Veer freezes on his stride and looks up at Amrit charging at him.

"Veer - Pratap - Singh! I want a word with you!"

Veer watches her for a moment, his eyes rather distant, his face pale. He shakes his head almost absentmindedly.

"Abhi nahi -" he says as he walks away.

Never one to be so easily outdone Amrit follows him, catching up to his much longer strides, her hand snatches hold of his arm.

"Abhi - issi waqt!"

"Amrit," his voice is distant, withdrawn. "Hum iss waqt aap se baat na karein yahi behetar hai!"

"And you will decide that? You will decide everything? Who gave you the right to decide everything? Are you God? Nahi aaj bata hi dijiye, ahir kya - kya rishta hai humara? Kab chodni hai - kab banani hai sab ka faisla aap karonge?"

"Haan! Hum karenge! Sun liya? Milgayi thassali? Hum karenge faisla ke humein apne zindagi mein kiss ki zaroorat hai aur Kiss ki nahi hai -"

"Don't lie Veer! For God sake stop lying! I know you have some sort of a weird idea of protecting me going on but you are taking this too far -"

"You know what? I had enough!"
He presses both his hands to his temples and walks out on her.

Amrit expels a breath and follows all the way to the Jeep he thinks he could drive off on.

"Go back inside Amrit!"

"Kyun? Mera chehera dekh kar bhura lag raha hai? Mera saamna nahi kiya jaa raha? Kyun jaau main? Kyun jeene doon aap ko chain se?"

"Amrit!!"

She ignores him and settles on the passenger seat.

"Main bhi toh dekhu aap ka yeh zid kiss hadd taq jaayenge?"

Veer revives the engine and turns to meet her eye, his gaze burning.

"Get out Amrit."

"No."

The engine roars and Amrit smiles, there is a wild touch to that smile, a warning of sorts.

"Dekhte hai kuwar sahab, kiss ki zid badi hai  aap ki ya meri."

*

As the jeep dashes out of the driveway Rukzaar who had come running outside slaps a hand to her forehead.

"Ya Allah - yeh humne kya kardaala?"

Anwar comes after her and watches her distress with barely masked curiosity.

"What did you do?"

She turns to him, jabs an accusing finger right at his heart.

"You - you were supposed to take that jeep! It was supposed to teach you a good lesson!"

"Rukie," Anwar sounds serious. "What did you do?"

Rukzaar bites her lower lip, looking rather guilty.

"I - might have - taken off a plug?"

Knowing Rukzaar and her ability with engines Anwar's heart lurches into panic.

"Which plug Rukie?"

"The brake one?"

"Rukie!"

"You angered me!"

"Toh tu humein mar deti?"

"Nahi toh. I have damaged the fuel tank as well. You wouldn't have gone very far. Dekho!" She points out a wet trail left out by the jeep.
"Do you realize that you are Dadi of revenge? Ab muh kya dekhrahi ho challo!"

"Kahaan?"

"Teri galatiyo ke peeche, aur kahaan?"

*

The speed seems to stir something inside her. If Veer thought it would scare her, it is one among the many things he is wrong about. The speed, the wind slapping in her hair, the night burning in her eyes makes Amrit feel strangely alive.

"Hum kaha jaa rahein hai?" She asks rather conversationally. Veer glares at her.

Once upon a time, maybe not a long time ago but still, Amrit would have been burnt by that look. Now her mouth twitches at the sight.

"Main aap se nahi darti," she tells him. "Aap ke iss bewajah ghusse se toh bilkul bhi nahi. Kab samjhenge aap ke yeh - "

The jeep veers sharply against the edge of the road, in the mild darkness the forest line seem to beckon. Amrit swallows her next few words with the impact of that turn which tosses her sideways, hard against the doorframe on her side. Had it not been for the arm Veer shoots out to grab her, she'd have gone bouncing down the slope of the road.

With the force of his grip he pulls her closer, glaring right into those wine rimmed eyes.

"Dar nahi lag raha?" He growls.
Her eyes flickers to his hand on the steering wheel, then back to his eyes, her expression shifts.

"Kiss se?" Her words are puffs of warmth blown on his face against the cold slap of night air. Veer's attention slips for a moment, the wheels crunch on uneven road and everything rattles.

"Humse?"

"Meri dard agar aapse saha jaata toh hum saat hote. Aap se kya darna?"

A sudden jerk makes her propel forward, Veer places a hand on her forehead to make sure she doesn't hit it, but then needs both hands to bring the Jeep back into the twisted forest path.

He says nothing more, but she reads the tension and the bitterness that coils within him. He jerks away when she places a hand on his arm.

"Door raho!"

"Kyun?"

"Tumhari iss behuda sawalo ka jawaab nahi hai humare pass."

"Sambhaliye Veer," Amrit says slowly, her eyes starting to fill. "Meri bhi dil hai, joh aap se lagayi hui hai. Kahi aap ke haato toot na jaaye."

"Issi liye kehe rahe hai. Door raho! Yahaan, humare paas dard ke siwa kuch nahi hai."

Amrit says nothing, tears run unchecked in angry lines down her cheeks.

"So you will send me away? Abroad? You will ship me off to some corner of the world jaha koi dard nahi? Jee paonge?"

"Jee lenge." His tone is brisk, heart breaking. The jeep rattles again and Amrit is flung against the door once more. This time she brushes off Veer's helping hand.

"Don't touch me then," she bites back.

The tyres protest against the sharp turn and the ground slips beneath, they propel along the slope away from the road proper, gathering speed as they go. For a moment she thinks it is deliberate on Veer's part. It is then that Amrit notices that his knuckles have turned white with the grip that he uses to keep the steering in his control. His eyes that meet hers are wide in panic.

"Brakes aren't working..." he places a hand on her head and pushes her down when a branch comes swinging their way, it whips against his arm instead of her face and leaves a bleeding cut on its wake. Blood that Amrit barely realizes is splashed on her brow.

The jeep flounders through undergrowth and branches whip at them both. With a final lurch and a thud it hits a trunk sideways and the windscreen shatters.

Veer's much larger hands cover her head from the impact that comes, but he is flung forward and takes most of the impact on his shoulder. Both of them end up tangled together, her hair coming undone strewn over his face. Veer cradles her cheek in one of his hands.

"Teek ho?"

Those wine coloured eyes blink up at him, terror in them slowly melting.

"You are bleeding." She says.

"Teek ho?" He asks again.

"Bohut zada khoon nikal raha hai Veer!"

"Teek ho ke nahi?" He raises his voice above her and not stopping there moves to check her head for injuries himself. Amrit shoves his hand away.

"Don't," she says. "Just don't! Aap ka koi haq nahi banta! Koi haq nahi! Suna aap ne? Sirf ek aap nahi hai joh faisla kar sakthe hai! Door jaana hai na aap ko? Mere saat raha nahi jaa raha? Chali jaati hoon mein! Kudh ko Yun sathane ki zaroorat nahi hai."

She fumbles with the door and it pulls open. Amrit pulls herself out with effort, flinching at the burning ache that shoots up her leg. She stumbles but steadies herself.

"Main kudh chali jaaungi," she throws the words over her shoulder. "Jee lena. I have no intention of forcing my unworthy presence upon -"

Veer grabs her by the elbow and pulls her back against him before she'd taken ten paces away from him. The ground slopes from there and somewhere in the night a rustling sound is heard. A crunch and then a sharp fling and silence reigns again.

"These are hunting grounds Biwi sahab," Veer tells her, pressed against him she feels each vibration of his voice. "There are traps everywhere."

"Toh kya?" She glares up at him. "Mar jaaungi? Aap ka kya - aap toh jee lenge! Yahaan sirf mujhse hi toh jiya nahi jaa raha! Achcha hai ke -"

Veer's palm covers her mouth, pressing hard enough to make her swallow those words.

"Buss!" His voice is sharp, serious. "Bohut sunliya humne. Ab buss. Ek aur lafz nahi saha jaata humse."

He bends and picks her up much to Amrit's protest.

"I can walk very well myself!" She huffs.

"Indeed," he says nonchalantly. "You are leaving a trail of blood."
Instead of carrying her back to the remains of their only mode of transport, Veer walks on in past the Jeep.

"Hum kahan jaa rahein?"

"Where I was originally going," his tone is still brisk. "The boathouse."

"Why are you going there?"

"There are some memories that needs to be set on fire."

Veer feels rather than sees the impact of his words on her. Amrit goes very still, immobile. When she speaks her voice is utterly devastated.

"Put me me down Chote hukum."
She always gives back the same hurt that is caused on her. Amrit has always been that lethal with her choice of words.

The boathouse is nowhere in sight when Veer puts her down.

"Chote hukum huh?" He repeats bitterly. "Kitni aasani se samajh jaati ho tum!"

Amrit no longer cares.

"Jala dijiye sab kuch. Har ek yaad ko. Kudh ko. Mujh ko. Woh har ek pal ko. Agar issi mein aap ko kushi miltha hai toh yahi sahi - I don't need your charity - your Highness. Rak lijiye apna compensation. I'm not going abroad on your money. Iss tarah meri pyaar ka keemat toh mat lagaya kijiye."

"Amrit!"

She bunches his collar in her hands and shakes him.

"Mohabbat ki thi Maine, sauda nahi!" Her voice turns shrill. "Bharosa ki thi - izzat ki thi - ki thi ke nahi? Kya kami rehe gayi thi? Kya? Bataiye? Bataiye!"

"Amrit!"

"Don't you Amrit me! Aaj main yahaan se apni Jawaab le kar jaaungi - itni toh haq hai mujhe. Kahi thi Maine, yeh khel mujhse nahi kheli jaati. Ke meri Haan poori zindagi ke liye hai. Mujhse ek aur bewafai bardaash nahi hongi. Toh Phir yeh kya hai? Kya hai yeh? Why are you doing this to me! Why?"

"Kyun ki tumhe kuch hote hue nahi dekh sakta!" Veer's voice rises over her sobs. "Nahi dekh sakta!"

He grips her hands and tears them away from himself.

"Humne ek aisa raasta chuna hai jiss mein sirf barbaadi milti hai. Iss raste mein tumhe humsafar banakar nahi le jaa sakte."

"Toh chalna hi kyun? Jaha sirf barbaadi mile yeh jaante hue chalna hi kyun?"

"Because they killed him - they killed him!"

**
Hmm... this was supposed to be one long chapter that I was slowly writing. The rest of it you will have on Monday.
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Thanks for reading!