A feeling that as no name

Summery: Yeh chaand ka kya hai,
Aadi uss mein bhi raat hai...
◇◇◇

Amrit adjusts the wick of the ornate lamp, allowing its light to cast Veer in gold. They are going through yet another spell of blackout and the entire Nawab manor baths in gold fire light.

Veer taps the desk rhythmically as he reads through her draft work, keeping time to a tune stuck in his head.

His face is impassive, his pencil keeps twirling between his fingers and Amrit feels an odd sort of anticipation burn at the pit of her stomach. She wants him to like it; she wants it rather desperately.

A long last Veer looks up and finds her fidgeting with books on the opposite shelf, casting periodical glances at him.

Her hair is mused, locks escaping her lose braid to frame her face, in shadows and beams of dancing light her eyes takes a shade of muted gold. They flicker to his and hold, asking thousand questions between one blink and the next.

Veer shuts the folder containing her draft papers and raises to his feet. She leaves the shelf and turns to him questioningly as he approaches. Her hand reaches to rub against the pulse at the base of her throat in that endearingly familiar movement as she looks up at him.

"Ab bata bhi dijiye," she says, when he comes to lean against the shelf.

His frame towers over her that Amrit gives up trying to hold his gaze, yet her eyes refuses to let go and her face tilts upwards.

Veer reaches out to trace an escaped lock of her hair with his index finger, he continues its path along the sharp line of her jaw as he answers her with words of her own, picked up from those papers.

"Banaai yeh raat jisne
Tere aankein ussine banaya honga
Iss dhal thi shaam ko banaya honga
Meri tanhaai ko banaya honga
Usse jab laga ek chaand ki
zaroorat hai raat ko
Tere liye phir ek
Mujhko banaya honga..."

His finger stops at her chin, his eyes deepens.

"Did you like it?" Amrit urges. "Bataiye na!"

Veer smiles rather teasingly and walks off, prompting Amrit to make an impatient noise from the back of her throat as she follows after. He opens the piano, runs a lazy hand through the keys.

"Ussi baat par humein yeh dun yaad aaya -" he plays a few notes with one hand as Amrit lights the candles on the stand.

"Yeh chaand ka kya hai,
Aadi uss mein bhi raat hai
Jaise aankon mein humari
Teri hi toh baat hai..."

He laughs at her impatience, turning her words on the tip of his tongue effortlessly into a different verse.

Amrit both envies and admires that effortless talent of his, while she takes pains to string her words into their seamless form, they flow from his mouth, faultless and smooth. She folded an arm on the piano and rested her chin upon it.

Veer stretches out a hand for her and draws her towards him. Amrit sits on his thigh, her arms snaking around his neck. Veer draws the candle closer making her eyes turn into pools of molten gold.

"Tumhari aankon ki yeh besabri jo hai -" he says his eyes trailing invisible lines along her face.

Amrit blinks and lowers her gaze, lashes brushing against her cheeks.

"Bedard honge hum, humein isse mohabbat jo hai...
Baat do lafzon ki
Bata doon toh chali jaaongi,
Kamoshi maaf karna
Yeh milne ki bahana jo hai... "

"Ab bass kijiye Veer," laughingly she hits him with a fist and knocks her forehead against his shoulder. "Maan gayi main, aap se nahi jeet sakti."

Veer drops a kiss on her hair and remains buried there for a moment longer inhaling that scent of jasmine and sandalwood.

"Arre jeet ne ke liye pyaar kaun karta hai?" He asks and cups her face, bringing her back to meet his eye. His eyes are genuine and warm.

"It is good," he says. "Bohut achchi likhthi ho tum. Sach jitni bhi kadvi kiyun na ho, tumhari bol mithi hoti hai. Jaise humare canvas par utri hui apni hi tasveer se tumhe pyaar hai - tumhari lafzon se banaye hue humare aks se humein bhi lagaav sa hogaya hai." He rests his forehead against hers. "Hum utne achche nahi hai biwi sahab, hum mein kudh ko matt dekha kijiye..."

"Chaand ka kya hai," Amrit mutters, her lips brushing against his closed eyes. "Aadi uss mein bhi raat hai."

He basks in her affection, holding her close for a moment. It was in moments like these that Veer found himself greedy and afraid. Amrit had become such a necessity for him, a habit, a certainty that the mere thought of losing her - like many others that he loved - made him shudder.

Loss was a feeling so familiar to him, that it crept up along his spine during moments of silence and peace. To attach that with Amrit and all the hope and possibility she brought along with her - of a long fulfilling life, of a family that would not judge and punish him - of love, to imagine losing it all was hell itself.

"I envy you," he confesses rather timidly. Amrit blinks in surprise. "You gave such a way with words. Anyone who would read them would fall in love with you. I wish - I could say how I feel so easily, I wish I had your way with words."

He sighs, makes her turn towards the piano, and balances her so that he could free both his arms.

"Since I don't - but I want you to know - this is the only way, I could give you a taste into that. Hum aap se itna mohabbat karte hai ke uss ehesaas ka koi naam nahi, koi ek shabd nahi, koi ek roop nahi. Kuch iss tarah ..."

So he begins to play, a tune that begins slow like the thrum of a stirring heartbeat, catching like an inhale - skipping like a pulse, humming- sailing - rising and falling.

A look - a laugh - a brush of fingertips. A caress - a kiss - a missed step in a dance. Amrit holds her breath, holds his gaze, holds her own urge to kiss those lips.

That tune fills her with warmth, yearning, greed and fear. She knows what he meant. It wasn't a feeling that the traditional black letter words would do justice to. It wasn't a feeling for embellishments and expressions - it wasn't a feeling that was to be explained and understood. It was a feeling.

It just had to be felt. Just like the love of a silent man who had learned of the feeling anew and a woman with too many words. Of Veer and his Amrit.

"Does this tune have a name?"

"Does your story have a name?"

They hold each other's gaze, share a breath and a smile. Amrit leans her cheek against Veer's shoulder. He brushes a hand over her hair.

"Biwi sahab," his voice is low.

"Hmm?" She hums rather contentedly, feeling as if he could ask for anything in the world in exchange of this moment and she would give it without a second thought.

"Talk to Uday."

She looks up at him startled.

"Dekhiye, humari toh koi behen hai nahi. But when I think of it, I'm not the kind of man I'd enjoy the idea of getting Rukzaar married to."

Amrit opens her mouth to protest and he places his finger over her lips, stroking her chin with a maddeningly slow movement of his thumb.

"Uday isn't privy to things you and I have been through. This feeling that we struggle to give a name to, it's no wonder that he can't grasp it. He can't understand how a man like me could be deserving of someone like you. Yeh unka pyaar hi toh hai. Humare liye tum apno ko kho do, yeh nahi chahte hum. Apne bhai se aisi naaraz hoti hai koi? Paap lagtha hai biwi sahab."

He adds the last rather jokingly.
Amrit's smile in reply is teary. She tilts her head and her arms tighten around his neck.

"Veer Pratap Singh  - kiss me now," she orders and of cause, for such rare commands from his wife Veer wastes no time in complying.

*

Uday is startled to see her. Amrit feels rather guilty about their equation when she sets her eyes upon him. He had actively reached out to her before and she had responded like a wounded animal. Not knowing exactly what to be said Amrit crosses the distance and hugs him, for the sake of all the times gone by. When they part Uday's eyes are as teary as hers.

An awkward pause passes and Uday places a hand on her head.

"Is everything prepared for the journey?" He asks.

They will depart for Daulatabadh in an hour or so and the servants were bringing out luggage to be loaded into the car. Rani sahiba had sent Shravan Singh to pick them and since they are going from one home to the other Veer and Amrit had decided to travel lightly. That left nothing much to be done.

"We'll be back for the nikah," Amrit tries to smile. "I won't miss it for anything."

Veer comes around looking for her and sticks his head in, seeing her with Uday he withdraws himself almost immediately, instead going to draw Shravan Singh into conversation.

"Teri fikar kar tha hai," Uday says rather unwillingly, gesturing at Veer with his head. "Shaayad kissi aur ka nahi karta par teri bohut fikar karta hai. I see it now." Amrit smiles, her eyes drawing back to Veer. "Tu kush hai Amru?"

"Bohut," Amrit replies without drawing her eyes back. "Haan, yeh shaayad woh zindagi nahi hai jo main chahti thi. At that time I couldn't have imagined myself here. But now that fate has brought me here, I'm starting to realize maybe all my life was laid out to lead me here only. Yahi meri ghar hai, yahi meri jagah. Bohut sukoon hai yahaan."

Uday nods, he might not yet approve her choices but he seemed to have made peace with them. Amrit could ask for no more.

"Apna kyaal rakna," Uday tells her, cradling one of her cheeks in his palm. "Aur usska bhi," he jerks his head towards Veer. "Those people you two are messing with aren't the nice sort. Agar kabhi bhi zaroorat pade, kabhi bhi - yeh matt bhulna ke teri ek bhai bhi hai."

Shravan Singh looks up and smiles at her pausing in his conversation with Veer as they approach. Uday gives the two men a look, before patting Amrit on the shoulder and walking off. Veer watches him go, before reaching for her hand.

"Well..." he says. "That went well." He shrugs. "I don't think your brother will ever become my biggest fan. Nor am I exceptionally fond of him. There is only one thing that we agree upon," he tucks a strand of her hair behind her ear. "Tum."

"He said something similar," Amrit informs him and pointedly, as if to bring Veer's attention to the fact that they have company she looks at Shravan Singh. "Namaste Kaka."

"Khamma Ghani, Dulhan Rani," he greets her reverently but his eyes softens with warm affection. Veer chuckles shaking his head.

"You can't beat the formality out of him Biwi sahab, inko aadat hai in sab ki," his tone is warm.

"Anyway, Shravan and I have something to give you." He holds out a hand for the older man who places upon his palm a carved wooden box.

There are initials engraved upon it but before Amrit could get a proper look at then Veer opens the box.

"Yeh lijiye," he says.

Inside upon a blue satin casing lies a pistol. Wood of its handle is polished until it gleamed just like the metal of its barrel. Amrit runs an appreciative finger along it and looks up to meet Veer's eye.

"You can dispense with the box. Take it. Leave it. As you find convenient. But this," he takes the gun out and makes her grasp it. "I want you to keep it with you."

"But Kuwar Sahab..."

"You know how to shoot right? Papa sahab told me."

"Haan. But -" she swallows. "I've never had a proper teaching. I might end up seriously injuring someone."

"Yahi toh chahte hai hum," Veer says darkly. Then catching her expression he grimaces. "Fine, if you are not confident enough with what you have learned by snooping around," his lips tug at the idea of Amrit spying upon her father to learn how guns are handled. "We will do some target practice. Still for now- I want you to keep this."

"Rakh lijiye Dulhan Rani," Shravan adds his silent plea.

"Lo kaka bhi bata rahein hai," Veer says pointedly and lowers his voice. "Wahaan katra hai biwi sahab. Mana woh Ghar hai - par wahaan ke log Ghar wale toh nahi rahe. Unse kuch achcha umeed karna bewakoofi hongi. Rakh lijiye, humein sukoon milenga."

**
Some notice to give; I have exams from 6th - 17th Sept, which means next two weeks will be literally hell. So we will only have two updates per week, every Monday and Friday - bear with me, hopefully? *puppy eyes*?
In compensation you might get a brand new Amveer fic, first look released sometime during the coming days and chapter one hopefully on Wednesday 8th Sept. Keep an eye out for that! ;-)
Thank for reading, vote and comment. Wish me luck! :-)