Another chapter for you guys :) This is essentially part one of two, because I had to split this chapter into two, because I have no self-control when it comes to writing whatever my mind thinks up. Again, this isn't proof-read so there are probably mistakes. Hope you enjoy!!

July 21, 2024

Katya Romanoff-Petrova was a strong woman, but taking care of another person's mental health while her own was hanging in the balance had nothing to do with being strong, but rather with being smart. She was no use to anyone if she couldn't get out of bed herself. No matter how much she hated it, she had to hand over parts of Jordyn's recovery process to others. Natasha was one of those people.

Having a wife who told her to stop when she neared her own limits had saved her from going to sleep burned out and anxious multiple times. Whenever Natasha saw the deep valley between Katya's brows and a zoned-out, worried look in her eyes, she pushed her to do something that engaged her brain in another way; listen to music, watch a show, read, solve a sudoku.

It had been a week since Jordyn joined their household, and it had not been easy. The depressive behavior her mom described came in episodes; episodes of hours or a whole day, mostly where she was unable to do anything except sleep or watch television. She didn't appear to be as bad as Katya was at one point, but her acting was strong, so they couldn't be sure.

The PTSD, on the other hand, was much worse. Jordyn was incredibly scared of the dark and of men.

When she had joined Katya on a stroll around the lake the other day and they ran into their neighbor Scott walking his dog, Jordyn had stiffened completely, hiding behind Katya like a scared animal. She shook like a leaf when they continued on, her heart pounding her in her chest. The only thing Scott had said - to Katya - was hello. He hadn't even looked so much as Jordyn's way.

The day after, the brunette took her to see Eliza, her therapist. She was the other person Katya handed part of Jordyn's recovery process to, to lighten the weight on her own shoulders.

Of course, whatever those two discussed in that office for two hours remained private, but Katya saw on Eliza's face that it wasn't good at all. It only took a brief moment of eye contact between them for her to understand that she needed to bring Jordyn more times a week, something she had counted on beforehand.

In the car home, the girl barely said anything, her eyes red-rimmed and glossed over, lost in bad thoughts. Until Katya started telling her the story of how Maya almost biked into the lake once when she was still learning that skill. It may not have been able to draw a laugh from Jordyn, but it took her mind off whatever it had settled on.

With women, Jordyn was a whole different story. As soon as she was around women only, her brain switched. The tension in her body appeared way less, and her eyes weren't as wide as teacups all the time, afraid. Being in public made her incredibly uncomfortable, her long sleeves and pants acting like a shield from the outside world, but none of that mattered when she was home. There, she was a completely different person.

She loved being around Maya. It got to the part where Katya found them asleep on the couch together more than once, her daughter curled up into her friend's side. She suspected it was Maya's childish innocence which left Jordyn with nothing to fear or be uncomfortable around. Maya was the breath of fresh air, the quiet in the noise, the white between the static. And with her constant rambling and ploys to drag Jordyn into the stuff she was doing, the blonde had no time to think about anything else either.

Around the two Russians, Jordyn was a bit more nervous, but Katya suspected that had more to do with her feeling like an intruder in this household. They had made a cooking and cleaning schedule to calm her down, but she still jumped at every opportunity to help out. They once found their whole pantry organized. No joke. Other than that, she was quiet, so Katya made an effort to ask her things and pull her into their dumb dinner conversations about what bird was the ugliest.

Yes, they were a weird bunch, but Jordyn loved being there. She no longer had to make up excuses, or apologize for her behavior, or tiptoe around anyone. Hell, she could even ask for help, and they'd listen and try to understand! These people had to be fake, or angels sent from above. She had a hard time believing it was all real every morning.

However much she loved them though, this morning, she had hoped to slip away unnoticed. Her shift at work started incredibly early and she needed to take the bus at six to make it in time. She'd never gotten ready for work quieter, even avoiding the kettle because it made such a loud noise. But as she ate her cereal at the kitchen island in the eerie silence of the twilight, scrolling through her phone absentmindedly, the stairs creaked behind her.

A wave of self-aimed disappointment washed over her. She hadn't been quiet enough, interrupting her housemates in their sleep. Their appearances did not make Jordyn feel any better either. Katya wiped the sleep from her puffy and red eyes, and no matter how tightly Natasha had braided her hair last night, half of it had escaped and fell around her head in an unruly mess. But what had slipped her mind was that they could have easily ignored the noises downstairs and went to sleep again.

''Good morning,'' she greeted them in a hushed tone that belonged to the early hours of the day, politely putting her phone down. Natasha muttered the same back, smoothing her hair down as she quietly rummaged through a drawer, but Katya only smiled and pulled the fridge door open, pushing some things aside.

Jordyn focused back on her breakfast, absentmindedly pushing her spoon through the cereal and watching how the milk swirled around. Until suddenly, a cupcake got placed by her bowl, a single birthday candle in it with a small flame dancing on top. The movement of it captured her mind for a moment, until things finally clicked, and she managed to drag her eyes away.

Baffled, she looked up to find the two Russians grinning at her, Natasha putting the lighter back in the drawer.

''Happy birthday,'' Katya said, waiting for her response with sparkling eyes while Natasha was way too desperate for her morning coffee and turned around to make it.

Jordyn breathed out a surprised laugh, looking from the cupcake to the brunette and back. ''How did you know?'' She asked. It was no coincidence she hadn't mentioned her birthday. If she had, it meant that people had gone out of their way to do stuff for her, made too much effort, and she didn't want them to go through the trouble for her. So, she had two-sided feelings right now.

''We're spies, we know all,'' Katya teased with a sneaky wink, her hips pressing into the kitchen island while her palms rested flatly on top of the cold marble. Shame she wore some faded sweatshirt to cover up instead of one of those rich wife bathrobes made of silk and feathers that cascaded to the floor. Ruined the aesthetic she was going for.

''She stalked your Facebook page.''

Jordyn laughed softly when Katya's face fell into an exasperated expression, her nostrils flaring as she took a very deep breath to contain herself and not let Natasha drive her up the wall.

''I did not stalk anything, I just looked at it,'' she corrected her wife calmly, refusing to turn around.

But Natasha hummed in that annoying, skeptical tone which made Katya want to turn to murder. No one should want to murder their wife at five-thirty in the morning while she cutely stood on her tippy toes to put the pot with coffee beans back on the shelf. But that's the talent Natasha had.

Katya sighed tiredly, shaking her head and sharing a comprehensive look with Jordyn, who smiled compassionately. This had already completely turned away from her birthday celebrations. ''If you were wondering, no we didn't get you anything beside that two-dollar cupcake from the bakery down the road.''

The relief that flashed across Jordyn's face should not have been this big, but Katya knew she had guessed right by choosing not to make a big deal out of this birthday. She knew people. And if she'd bought presents, Jordyn would have felt even more burdened.

''Okay, good.'' She smiled, a deep exhale relaxing her shoulders. Her fingers carefully wrapped around the cupcake to pull it closer, as if she had been too tense to do so earlier. ''You have already given me too much.''

''Regret?'' Katya joked, nodding to the oblivious woman behind her who she loved with all her heart but could be a huge pain. And although Jordyn laughed, she shook her head. The two Russians could bicker all they want; she'd still be eternally grateful.

''Kindness.''

Now, it was Katya's turn to blush, unsure how to handle this gratitude. Her weight shifted from one leg to the other as she gestured to the cupcake. "Make a wish."

Unsure, Jordyn looked down at the chocolate sauce-covered goodness, the small flame on top inviting her to blow it out. But it felt awkward to do so under Katya's watchful eye, the whole wish-thing being more for kids who still believed in miracles.

Intrigued by the silence, Natasha glanced over her shoulder, spotting her hesitation. "Don't fight it, she's superstitious." A smirk curled on her lips when Katya clenched her jaw and dangerously slowly turned in her spot.

"Yes, and you know what my crystal ball says? That you're in some serious trouble if you don't quit pestering me at five in the morning," she threatened calmly, eyes narrowed.

Now, Natasha may have privileges when it came to annoying her, but she wasn't stupid. Another wrong move and Katya would force her to sleep on the couch tonight. Yes, that couch, the uncomfortable one.

Forcing down an amused smirk, she turned away. "Yes, ma'am." If people still thought Natasha was the boss at home, they should really think again.

Jordyn had respectfully averted her eyes when they bickered and took that opportunity of distraction to mutter a wish to herself and blow out that lonely candle. It felt strangely good to do it, pouring hope into something that had a ninety-nine percent chance of being utter bullshit. It felt... childish, but she may have been needing that.

With a happy smile, one she had not been expecting to wear today, she carefully pulled the candle out and peeled the paper back to take a bite from that cupcake. And it tasted as good as it looked. The rest of it, she put in her lunchbox for work, trying to save this feeling for as long as it lasted.

"How is it?" Katya interrupted her daydreaming, her hands now wrapped around a cup of tea her wife had made to kiss ass.

"Fucking amazing." She grinned, earning a laugh for her cussing and brutal honesty.

"Damn, should have gotten myself one."

"Jo." Natasha grabbed her attention, holding an empty mug up. The nickname Maya had given her, had stuck around. "Tea, coffee?"

She had eased into this conversation enough to not blush furiously at the sudden question. "No, thank you. Hot drink and cold breakfast doesn't go well together for me." She smiled sheepishly, eating another spoonful of cereal.

"Got it." Natasha nodded, only pouring herself some freshly brewed coffee, the smell of it blowing through the entire house. There was nothing better than this; the morning sun painting the kitchen orange, clanking of spoons against bowls, tired yawns and puffy eyes, and the smell of freshly made breakfast.

Katya took a slow sip of her tea, nearly burning her tongue. "What time are you out again?"

"Four."

Before Katya could answer, there was more thumping on the stairs. Very slow thumping, like someone's grandma with a bad knee came downstairs and not a vital young girl. Maya could handle early wakeup times, but this was too early even for her.

Katya waited for the grumpy sight of her with a grin, ready to tease her, until her heart jumped at a sudden loud stumble, followed by a shriek. "You okay?" She called out, amusement laced through her voice. Though she also worried; they couldn't use a broken leg a week before their summer holiday.

"Fine!" Maya called back, although they heard grunts and grumbles coming from the hallway.

Katya was about to check up on her when she walked into the kitchen, her red hair one exploded bird's nest on her head and her cheeks just as red from embarrassment. She looked so excited though, her eyes twinkling and her present hidden behind her back.

''Happy birthday!" Jordyn thanked her, turning her whole body on the barstool to give Maya her full attention. The girl walked up to her and then abruptly shoved the present into her hands. "You said you liked the stars and planets, so I drew you this.''

Slowly, Jordyn turned the thick paper the right side around, her eyes softening at the unmistakable portrait of the milky way. Very casually, she had mentioned her affection for the night sky and fascination of the planets in their solar system. And that Maya had remembered that made her quite emotional, her eyes burning.

"You drew stars," she started, in a very familiar tune. Maya caught on immediately, her face lighting up.

"Around my scars."

"And now I'm bleeding."

A huge smile lay on Maya's lips. "You know it."

"It's one of my favorites." Jordyn smiled softly, still trying to contain her raging emotions by staring strictly at the drawing. Maya had made the planets out of proportion on purpose so it looked more artsy, giving them colors and surrounding them by dozens of stars. But in the end, it wasn't about how good it was, but the idea that she spent hours making this just for her. "This is really beautiful. Thanks, M&M, it means a lot that you drew this for me.''

Maya blushed shyly, busying herself with taming her hair. ''You're welcome." She climbed on a stool as well, swinging one leg back and forth to deal with the uneasiness in her body. "You also get to choose what we're having for dinner tonight, and if you don't pick McDonalds, I will take it back.''

Despite her amused laugh, Jordyn had an apologetic gleam in her eye which Katya spotted immediately. ''Uhm, actually," her hands fiddled with the drawing nervously, and Maya's face fell, "a friend from school texted me last night, suggesting we go out to dinner tonight. I haven't met up with her for a while, because..., so I was thinking of saying yes?'' She was so afraid of hurting anyone in this household that she had trouble saying it out loud, but Natasha once again felt the importance of that conversation she had with her that first night.

''That sounds really nice." The redhead smiled genuinely, the honesty and kindness in her voice making it easier for Jordyn to look at her. "We're not gatekeeping your life, so definitely say yes. Good friends are important.'' You never know when you may need one to figure out time travel for you.

"Have you known her long?" Katya asked from behind her mug. She was really glad Jordyn seemed to have a friend, who not only remembered her birthday, but also suggested they celebrate in a low-key manner that considered her situation.

"About a year. I thought she had given up on me by now," she joked sheepishly, although the others weren't laughing. "But apparently not."

"There are some rare, good ones out there," Natasha reminded her, but that wasn't easy to accept as someone whose trust in people had completely been destroyed. Jordyn stayed quiet and put her drawing far to the side for safekeeping, tapping on her phone to see if she had gotten any notifications. Her background was a simple cityscape at night, one anyone could download from the internet. No family picture, and no friends.

Maya tilted her head, studying the blonde intently like she was trying to figure something out. ''Is it... like a date?''

Katya slowly shook her head. ''Maya, not everything is a date,'' she said dryly, although she hoped Jordyn didn't feel embarrassed if it indeed was a date.

''But you said everyone is a bit gay, so now I can't stop seeing it everywhere!''

Jordyn laughed, spotting Natasha on the brink of letting out a laugh as well. The things that sometimes came out of the girl's mouth... ''I did kiss a girl once, when I was very drunk. Spin the bottle, you know?" She backed up Maya, though she shrugged shortly after. "It's not for me, though. No offense.''

''Oh, absolutely none taken." Katya shrugged in fake nonchalance, her eyebrows rising high on her forehead as she studied her tea and nails. "I guess soft skin, and nice thighs, and long, shiny hair, and-" she gestured to her chest, "and softness, and long eyelashes-''

''Kat.''

-''is not for everyone," she finished pettily, taking a loud sip of her tea. She really needed that silk robe.

And while Natasha shook her head at the fact that her wife was a theatrical idiot, Jordyn laughed again, surprisingly freely.

''You may have just convinced me to try another time. It was five years ago,'' she joked, seeing Katya's eyes flood with amusement too. ''But no, it's not a date. She has had a boyfriend for three years now.''

Before Katya could respond, there was a tap on her shoulder. She froze, and with her mug in hand, slowly turned around, meeting the unimpressed, raised eyebrow of her wife.

"Did you seriously just point at your boobs instead of saying "boobs"?"

"There are children present," she argued calmly, raising her eyebrow in a similar fashion. But also, talking about boobs felt weird in front of Jordyn.

"Mom, I'm not five," Maya complained. "I won't laugh or cringe at that anymore."

Jordyn was so smart as to interrupt everyone by standing up and purposely letting the stool make a scraping noise. "While I love this odd conversation, I have to go or I'll be late," she said with a chuckle, shoving her phone in the back pocket of her loose-fit jeans and placing her bowl and spoon in the dishwasher. She knew this family a bit by now, and knew of their tendency to spiral into silly, innocent arguments. If there was a chance to prevent finding herself in the middle of it, she'd take it.

"Will you come home first?" Katya asked, her expression back into its usual interested one. "Or is your friend picking you up from work?"

"No, I'll be home first." Jordyn brought her small backpack from the floor to the stool and stuffed her lunchbox into it, then retrieved her lightweight jacket from the hallway, pulling it on over her maroon-colored work shirt. "Do you mind putting that on my desk for safekeeping? I don't want it to get dirty here," she said to Maya, referring to the drawing.

"Sure!" The girl beamed, excited her friend loved it so much.

Katya walked with her to the front door, watching her slip into her black sneakers before unlocking all the dozen locks that kept strangers from coming into their house unannounced.

Outside, it was even more peaceful than inside, with the silence lying over the suburbs like a thick blanket, only occasionally interrupted by an eager singing bird. The world was still asleep, the kids making the most of the summer break, and it somehow felt like the end of the world was near.

"Thank you for the cupcake." Jordyn had stepped outside but turned around on the porch, her hands in the pockets of her jacket. She looked insecure again, her cheeks pink.

A soft smile curled on Katya's lips. "You're welcome. Have a good day at work."

"Thank you." She smiled back, taking a step towards the yard. "I'll see you later."

Katya watched her go, plugging her earphones in her ears and disappearing down the driveway. The gravel grinded underneath her shoes, her blonde ponytail waving in the wind. And then she was gone, catching the bus that left for the city.

A shiver ran down Katya's spine when a cool gust of wind hit her bare legs, and she was quick to shuffle back into the house and shut the front door. It may be July, but the nights were still chilly.

"Where's Maya?" She asked when she came into the kitchen and didn't see a sign of her daughter. Only Natasha, who seriously already made a second cup of coffee.

"Said she was going to sleep again."

Katya laughed, but also saw an opportunity. With silent steps, she snuck up on her wife and wrapped her arms around her from the back, resting her chin on her shoulder and nuzzling her face into her neck.

Natasha smelled like... Natasha. When the perfume of lotions, bodywash, and shampoo had worn off, only her own natural scent remained, and it was the most comforting smell in Katya's dictionary. It suited her perfectly; not sweet or too heavy, but like the smell of fresh rain on the pavement combined with the cozy feeling of sitting snugly by the fireplace on a dark autumn day as the raindrops ticked against the window.

A happy little smile rose on Natasha's lips when Katya's warm breath fanned over her skin and the brunette tugged her closer, almost needily so. Her hands stilled and she allowed herself to relax in her hold, sneaking a kiss onto her temple. Then, she rested her head atop Katya's, enjoying a moment of stillness.

''I think I'm going for a run while it's still cool outside," Katya mumbled. "Join me?''

Surprised, Natasha glanced at the woman on her shoulder, an eyebrow raised. ''Since when do you run again?'' That was true. Katya liked training with weights, building muscles, whereas Natasha did more cardio and swore on her daily run.

''Since today," Katya answered confidently, prodding her bottom lip when Natasha stared at her skeptically. "Come on, we haven't worked out together in ages.''

Natasha studied her for a bit longer before giving in, still not convinced. ''Okay then, but I'm not going easy on you," she warned.

''It stings that you think I want that," Katya countered, narrowing her eyes playfully. She knew damn well she wasn't going to be able to keep up.

''Okay, but don't complain when I run too fast.''

She ended up complaining.

Her stamina wasn't the worst, but after the accident - and compared to someone who ran almost every day - she simply couldn't keep up. Her lungs couldn't suck in enough oxygen, and her legs would not go faster. All the while, Natasha was as merciless as she said she'd be, jogging around the lake in a steady but quick pace which didn't falter once, not even when Katya's breathing started to sound like that of someone who smoked a package of cigarettes a day.

But there came a point in time, around two-thirds of the way through - when Katya paused with her hands on her knees, heaving dramatically - that she realized running behind Natasha had its own... benefits. The poor redhead could not figure out why she had suddenly gone quiet and ran the rest of the route without complaining once. But she had her ass and leg muscles in those tight running shorts to thank for that one.

They hit the shower together afterwards, washing the sheen of sweat off their bodies and choosing something more comfortable to get dressed in. Katya sat on the edge of the bed in her underwear and an oversized shirt, rubbing the towel at her wet hair while watching Natasha move around the room.

In a way that was as effortless and elegant as she'd always been, Natasha tidied up while braiding her hair down the back of her head. It was a movement she needed no concentration for, her muscle memory helping her out so she could multitask smoothly. One hand held the braid while the other pulled her phone charger out of the socket, grabbed dirty socks from the floor, and smoothed out the bedcovers.

Katya felt a fond smile grow on her lips, her hands slowing down without meaning to. She could have sat there for hours, watching her wife do these 'normal' things, completely oblivious to the staring. It was one of her favorite things to do. With Natasha's parted lips, her slightly tense eyebrows, and the distant look in her eyes as she talked to herself in her head, it made the cutest expression ever. And she could not handle it.

''I'll make us something to eat.'' The redhead leaned down for a quick kiss, her hands still in her hair.

Katya's answer died on her lips as she could only stare, captivated, until Natasha had left the room and softly closed the door. A drop of water fell on her arm, and another, trickling from the ends of her short hair downwards, but it took the sound of a loud bird outside her window to shake her from her trance.

When she pulled a pair of jogging shorts up her legs, the clock reminded her exactly of how early it still was on a holiday morning. Okay, granted, it could be a lot worse than seven AM, but anxiety had ruined her rest again lately, and she really could have used another two hours. However, there was no way she would fall asleep again after that refreshing run.

Her heart swelled in her chest when she came into the living room and heard Natasha's soft humming as she made breakfast. It sounded like a song, but Katya couldn't place the slow tune and she decided not to ask. She did take a peek into the kitchen to find a small stack of pancakes already on the counter, and wondered how long she'd been upstairs getting dressed.

Liho barely batted an eye when she plopped onto the couch, the lounge chair full of black hair ever since the animal had made it her permanent sleeping spot. They had stopped brushing it off every day and just accepted the cat hairs on their butts if they decided to sit there, which nobody ever did.

Natasha had already turned the TV on, leaving the channel on some reality show rerun Katya had the full intention of zapping away. But as all these shows did, they sucked a person in with dramatic voice-overs and good editing. So, for a good fifteen minutes, she sat frozen, TV remote still in hand, intently following the show. She didn't notice Natasha's humming had stopped and the redhead smiled amusedly at her.

Still completely captivated - maybe she could blame the lack of sleep for this fuzzy brain - Katya finally got more comfortable on the couch and blindly kicked her feet up on the coffee table. Thereby, she accidentally knocked the laptop on top of that table, out of sleeping mode. The screen automatically drew her focus, but she did a second take at the website that was opened.

Slowly, she put the TV remote down and pulled the laptop onto her lap. Her eyebrows shot up in surprise as she scrolled down, much further than she thought she would be able to go. The TV had completely lost her interest now.

''Baby... What is this?''

Natasha tried to appear unbothered as she joined her on the couch, two plates of cut-up pancakes in her hands, but her cheeks were slightly pink. ''Oh, that.''

''You made a Pinterest board with inspiration for the wedding?" Katya's voice had turned high-pitched, as if she looked at the cutest baby animal. "Gosh, that's adorable! Baby.''

Natasha's blush darkened as she handed Katya her plate. ''I'm just slowly putting some ideas together. Everything I like, I throw in there.'' She shrugged, but getting caught being so eager and romantic clearly made her feel some type of embarrassment.

''It's a mood board," Katya realized with a coo. She threw her free arm around Natasha's neck and yanked her closer, squishing their cheeks together. "Aw, you're so soft. I'm melting.''

''Stop it.'' The redhead scowled, pushing her wife off her. But the amused glimmer in her eyes had Katya smiling goofily.

''Talk me through it.''

Natasha raised an eyebrow. ''Are you open to suggestions then?'' She asked, remembering how Katya had demanded a couple things - including the main color - the day she asked her in that flower field.

Katya shrugged with a smirk, stabbing her fork into a piece of blueberry pancake. ''Some things can be negotiated on. Except the person you're marrying.'' Natasha's eyes started to shine, her mouth opening to give a snarky comment, but Katya was quick to cover her mouth. ''Shh, don't ruin it.''

Natasha chuckled, quickly shoving a bite of her breakfast into her mouth before placing the fork on the plate and using her hand to scroll through the Pinterest board. ''I don't know, I guess I like this more earthy, bohemian type stuff? Kind of subtle– well, it's not subtle, but greenery in a not-flower type way?'' She explained the pictures she'd pinned, her expression fallen into a more serious one.

It was much harder to explain the pictures than understand what Natasha was going for by simply looking at them. They were filled with white and cream colors - white flowers, white table covers, white wooden chairs - but everything blended in with nature. Soft, earthy-toned, minimalist. There were fairy lights, vines wrapped around chairs, small lanterns, everything a person would not expect Natasha to like. It was beyond romantic.

The amount of love and affection in Katya's body had risen to that point where it became uncontrollable, where she felt the need to squeeze Natasha to death in a hug. It took every ounce of self-control to contain herself and respond in a way that would not embarrass her wife further. Because truth be told, Natasha did look shy, as if she expected to be made fun of.

''I love this," Katya said honestly, studying the pictures intently. But in the corner of her vision, she saw Natasha straighten up in surprise.

''You do?''

''Yeah." Her eyes narrowed hesitantly as she used her fork to point at a particular picture. "Isn't that from that horrible vampire movie series Maya made us watch?''

Natasha nodded timidly, chewing on her bottom lip. ''It is.'' She hadn't realized until after she'd pinned it, and fully expected Katya to make fun of her, but instead, the brunette nodded slowly.

''I really liked that ambiance too." She scrolled down, pointing at another pin. ''And this, with the fairy lights overhead. So romantic.''

Slowly, Natasha started to get more confident, now that she wasn't made fun of. Her plate ended up on the couch next to her, the laptop on her lap, and she took her job of explaining her ideas very seriously.

''We can put down wooden floorboards on the grass and create a dance floor under those fairy lights,'' she continued, pointing at the respective pictures as Katya listened intently. ''I'm thinking either white chairs or a light wooden color, and we put the altar on the dock.''

''That sounds really good– Wait, so a front yard wedding?'' Katya turned to look at her in surprise, realizing she meant their dock, her safe space.

Natasha had a hard time reading her tone, not sure if it was a good or bad thing. Her eyes lowered to the keyboard, cowering back just that tiny bit. ''I don't know, I just thought– it's where we're both most comfortable, and there's enough space. We could pop up some big white tents for dinner? Put the tables in there?''

A fond, soft smile rose on Katya's lips, and she reached out to squeeze Natasha's knee reassuringly. "You're totally right. It would make the most sense." It felt the calmest, most intimate that way, yet she hadn't thought about it herself at all.

Natasha smiled back, shaking the dumb embarrassment that clung to her, off. ''These were just some other things I thought were interesting," she continued, turning back to her mood board. "A pizza and fries table, an ice cream bar, food from a lot of different cultures, and these games to keep people busy after dinner. A photobooth where they can take endless silly pictures. And I've heard that they have wedding painters nowadays, where an artist live-paints your ceremony? That's nice to hang somewhere in the house.''

As she spoke, she got lost in it, explaining everything passionately. Katya didn't want her to stop, so she asked a question to keep her going.

''What color should the guests wear?''

''Something toned down," the redhead said immediately. "I like the idea of having everything in white, maybe some very light rose pink somewhere. So the guests should come in pastel colors too. No black suits, only very light grey or beige or whatever. And then pastel yellow, purple, blue, green, orange, et cetera. We're not giving them a dress code, they should wear whatever they feel comfortable in, but the colors aren't negotiable.''

''Why pastels and whites?'' Katya furrowed her brows curiously. But even that, Natasha had thought through.

''Because you and I aren't loud people. We're both very down-to-earth and calm, so I think a brighter color wouldn't suit us.''

A quiet, disbelieving breath escaped Katya's lungs at once. She was beyond surprised and amazed at the things Natasha had already completely figured out. Her wide, blue eyes stared at her face in wonder.

''Honey... how much time did you spend thinking about all this?'' She asked softly, although they both knew the answer.

A blush rose on Natasha's pink cheeks, her eyes turning vulnerable. ''It means more to me than I admit.''

''I can see that," Katya muttered, teasing only slightly. She found this so, so cute. Soft, vulnerable Natasha was her absolute favorite being on this Earth.

The redhead shifted in her seat, her eyes glazing over as she was pulled into a memory. ''First time I ever saw a wedding was in one of those English movies they forced us to watch." Katya cringed, doing her very best to push those memories away. "I can't even recall the title, and I must have been younger than eleven because it was before I met you, but I remember thinking I wanted that too, and then I cried. Not because it was so romantic, but because I knew I would never have it.'' She stopped, painting a smile that didn't reach her eyes. ''I got punished for crying, of course, but I spent the following nights imagining my own wedding. Then the world made me hard and I put it out of my head, labeling it as wasted time. Even when I found you, I never saw it actually happening. It felt too far away for people like me." She blinked, falling back into the present. The smile on her face morphed into a real one, filled with love. "But then you asked me, and it was the second-best thing that had ever happened to me - the first having met you. That little girl inside of me who always dreamed of a big wedding like in the movies, is screaming that we are finally having it. I am going crazy with excitement every time you bring it up.''

Katya slowly put her plate down, folding her legs underneath her body and turning it towards the woman next to her. In reality, she needed that time to control the tears burning in her eyes. ''Baby, that's so sweet. I don't know what to say... I had a feeling that deep down you had that little girl, but gosh, it only makes me love you more.'' One of her hands slipped into Natasha's, squeezing it softly. ''I hope you know you don't have to be embarrassed to let her out. I like teasing you with it, but it's the cutest thing when you get all excited over this stuff. Honestly, you've already convinced me of everything you just said.'' She chuckled.

Despite her pink cheeks, Natasha got a mischievous twinkle in her eyes, her green irises flickering down to the brunette's lips. ''So, we can get the pizza table?'' She asked in a low voice, to which Katya hummed. ''And the photobooth?'' Another hum, their heads nearing each other. ''And the pastel dress code?''

''Whatever you want,'' Katya whispered with her own smile, feeling Natasha's fingers wrap around her chin.

''That was easy,'' the redhead breathed, pressing her smiling lips against Katya's.

Somehow, it turned into a slow make-out session, since tasting each other's lips was apparently better than the pancakes Natasha spent half an hour making. It was a miracle the laptop or their breakfast didn't end up crashing to the floor when Katya maneuvered her wife underneath her on the couch, straddling her hips. It had been a while since they'd made out without ulterior motives, so she took every chance to keep it going.

But Natasha laughed when the brunette's knee slipped off the couch and she almost faceplanted right into her chest, her eyes sparkling while Katya grumbled in annoyance and yanked her knee back up. But those grumbles stopped when a pair of warm hands slid underneath her shirt and up her back, gliding over her skin smoothly. Katya thought she had been warm, but a cold shiver ran down her spine and she sunk further into the embrace.

"We need to get a new couch," she mumbled, not allowing for an answer by kissing her grinning partner gently.

This wasn't exactly what they had in mind for Katya's 'break from everything', but hey, kissing released happy hormones and it was relaxing. Besides, only this completely silenced her mind. It was the next best thing from sleeping. And with Natasha's hands smoothing down her back and sides, creating a warm, tingly feeling throughout her whole body, she was sure this was the lightest she'd felt in weeks.

What she found after a good ten minutes or so, when her lips were slightly swollen and she had to sit up because her back started to cramp, was that unwavering smile on Natasha's lips as the redhead lovingly gazed up at her. It made her heart flutter. How did she deserve her?

"What do you think of marriage itself?" Katya asked abruptly. She vaguely knew the answer to that question, but had never directly asked about it. And now seemed a good moment for it.

Natasha cutely furrowed her eyebrows, her grin reducing to a small smile. "What do you mean? Like, what do I think of our marriage?"

"No, I mean like, the concept of it. We kind of had a whirlwind proposal and marriage, so I realize I never asked you before... asking you." She smiled sheepishly. Having a wedding was different from the whole concept of marriage and what it meant to a person.

"Pfft..." Natasha blew out a heavy breath, resting her head back against the armrest and staring up at the ceiling. A question like this took some serious thinking, her eyebrows knitting together in deep thought. "First of all, I think it's for life. 'Til death do us part', you know? People use that vow too loosely nowadays." She briefly glanced at Katya to make sure she was still with her, then returned her eyes to the ceiling. "Marriage is something people talk about too easily anyway. It's something... I wouldn't say holy, but it is supposed to mean something. It's secret, inviolable. Unconditional love, support, everything. And, of course, you can give all that without getting married, that's everyone's own choice, but when you do decide to get married, it's something you fight for, forever. You fight for each other." She paused, chewing on her bottom lip after that rant. "Maybe it's the extreme loyalty we were raised with. I don't know why I feel this strongly about it." She finally looked at Katya only to see her completely still, staring. Worried, she squeezed the brunette's hips. "Kat?"

"I didn't know you took this so seriously," she said in a trance, only for her eyes to widen and for Natasha to raise an amused eyebrow. "I'm sorry, that sounded so terrible. God, I didn't mean it like that."

"I know," the redhead chuckled, squeezing her hips again reassuringly. But Katya drowned in shame and embarrassment.

"Let me rephrase that. I didn't know that the vows you made held so much worth to you," she articulated slowly, thinking that would make it better. But she groaned loudly and buried her face in her hands when she heard her own sentence in her head. "That was even worse."

Natasha laughed and peeled her hands from her face, holding them in her own. "Kat, I'd die fighting for you. You know that. Hell, I think I already did, at some point," she chuckled.

But although she saw the humor in it, Katya didn't laugh with her. Not because it wasn't funny, but because she had a whole other view on that.

"And I'd live for you," she whispered.

Because they both knew that dying was the easy choice, with how it had been normalized in their lives and how it didn't frighten them in the least. No, living was the harder part. For Katya, at least. But for Natasha, she did it.

"Don't make me cry, damn it." Natasha nearly choked on her words, her eyes glazing over.

"You know I'm only here because of you," Katya whispered, not sure if she meant she was still here because of every hard time Natasha had dragged her through, or that the only reason she chose life every day, was her wife.

"That's not true." Natasha shook her head with determination, holding Katya's hands tightly. "Maybe it once was, but not anymore. You've found enough purpose besides me."

Katya wasn't sure when she'd fallen asleep, but it must have been a couple minutes into the insanely tight and warm hug Natasha had held her hostage in. They hadn't said anything more after that conversation at least, not sure what else to say. So, somewhere in that silence, she must have drifted off.

When she woke up, completely disoriented, she looked down to see that a pillow had replaced her wife's body. She pouted angrily, noting how it wasn't as warm or soft as her previous pillow, and threw it on the floor in silent protest. With her hands smoothing over her face, she sat up, wondering just how long she'd been out and where the others were.

A note on the coffee table answered those questions for her.

''Hi sweetheart. I'm sorry you woke up alone, but Maya came downstairs reminding me that today is that birthday party from her classmate... which we completely forgot about... and did not buy a present for. So we're off to the mall and then I'm dropping her off right after. Then I'll race back home. Safely, of course. Love you x.''

Katya smiled fondly, then grabbed the glass of water that stood next to the note and downed it in one go. Despite waking up alone and hating it, her heart felt full. How she hadn't noticed Maya coming downstairs, Natasha moving from under her, and them rummaging around the house, was a mystery. Also, how the hell did they manage to forget about that party? It was on the calendar.

She laid back down and grabbed the laptop - also on the table - without a purpose, balancing it on her stomach. One swipe on the mousepad and the screen flickered on, landing on the Pinterest board they had abandoned mere hours ago. She scrolled through the rest of it before going all the way up again, seeing that the board apparently also had another separate section. However, this one clearly wasn't meant for her.

''Dress inspiration (Kat don't you dare look at this!!!)''

A chuckle fell from her lips, but she didn't click on it. It would have been fun, but also ruin the surprise in two years' time. She decided to create her own section, naming it, ''What Kat likes'', throwing in more pictures with wedding inspiration. Some may also include dresses she thought would look good on Natasha. Giving her a subtle hint, you know?

She got so lost in the endless supply of pins that she didn't realize an hour had passed. When her stomach finally started to grumble, keys rattled in the front door.

Quiet footsteps sounded in the hallway, approaching the living room, and Katya smiled when Natasha carefully peered around the corner, moving extra quietly in case she was still asleep. But her face relaxed and lit up when she saw the brunette wide awake, chewing on a cookie, laptop in her lap.

"Hey."

"Hey, gorgeous," Natasha responded with a wide smile, padding into the kitchen to quickly wash her hands. "Have you been awake long?"

"Little over an hour," Katya shrugged, stealing glances at her wife but trying to make it subtle. The word of affection she had used so casually had the butterflies in her stomach go crazy. Yes, even after two decades together.

Natasha hummed, drying her hands. "Good. You slept so peacefully, I just left you there." She neatly hung the towel back and stretched her arms above her head with a contained groan. "God, that was a shitshow."

Katya chuckled, patting the seat next to her as an invitation. "I completely forgot about that party too. It's been so hectic."

"Of course, we couldn't find anything Maya liked enough as a gift." Her green eyes rolled in loving annoyance. "Ran from store to store and then also got stuck in traffic. But she made it, and I made it. What are you doing?" Right then, she plopped on the couch with a sigh and peeked at the laptop screen. But her eyebrow rose high at the board title. ""What Kat likes"?"

"Yeah, I thought I should add my own ideas, but keep it separate from yours." Katya shrugged casually, adding another pin to the board. But by staring at it so intently, she missed the way Natasha's eyes started to twinkle with mischief.

"I know what you like."

Now that she had used her sultry voice, the brunette finally caught on. The corners of her mouth quivered with a smirk, but Katya played along nicely.

"Oh, yeah?"

"Yeah, I'd say I'm quite an expert at this point." Natasha nodded, using her fingertips to stroke Katya's arm up and down in an obviously flirty manner. They left goosebumps in their wake.

Katya hummed, pushing the laptop off her lap. "I'm intrigued. How did you become an expert?" She tilted her head, allowing her wife to see the sparkle in her own eyes.

"Years and years of practice," Natasha whispered, circling over the back of Katya's hand before trailing her fingers back up. The brunette's insides twisted, but she had to play it cool.

"Oh? Would you be able to show me how?"

Abruptly, Natasha's eyes flickered up to hers, the corner of her mouth curling into a smirk. "Yes, of course. Follow me." She stood from the couch to lead them upstairs, but Katya headed in the direction of the kitchen instead. Her face fell, confused. "Eh, where are you going?"

Katya stopped and turned around with a similar confused expression, jabbing her thumb towards the adjacent room. "The kitchen? You were going to cook my favorite meal."

She may have fooled anyone else with that innocent look, but Natasha burst out laughing once she saw through her act. "Get here you." She snatched Katya's waist and dragged her into the hallway, pushing her up against the wall. What started as giggly kisses, quickly turned into sensual ones down her neck, Katya tilting her head back for more access. "Did you look at the dress inspiration?"

Katya squeezed her eyes shut at a particular good spot Natasha hit, fisting her shirt into her hands. "No."

"Are you lying to me right now?"

"I would never," she breathed compliantly, but her hands itched and whatever Natasha was doing, wasn't enough. She found herself impatient.

"Mhm, good girl," Natasha murmured against her skin, teasingly pulling a piece between her teeth. That usually drove Katya crazy, especially the praising, so surprise shot through her when a chuckle fell from her wife's lips. "Are you making fun of me?" She questioned, pulling back to look at her face.

Another chuckle sounded in the hallway, followed by a shake of Katya's head. "No, but baby, there is about a week's worth of stress and tension built up in my body, and it desperately needs out. So if you think you're doing this whole cocky top thing today, think again."

Control, that's what she needed a bit of right now. Play the harsh top to get rid of some energy. And knowing Natasha, she would not complain.

But the redhead hadn't caught on yet, confusingly studying her. "I thought I was going to show you what you liked?"

A sudden devilish smirk grew on Katya's lips, one which had Natasha nearly shaking. Before she could brace for anything, she found herself thrown against the wall instead, a hand wrapped around her throat. An embarrassingly breathy whimper escaped from her lips, her knees weak from this display of power and the hungry look with which Katya took her in.

She got pressed further into the wall by Katya's hips and hadn't realized the brunette had grabbed one of her thighs until her leg was wrapped around Katya's waist and she found herself having to balance on one very weak leg. If anyone else had her in this position, she'd floor them instantly, but in the caring hands of her wife, her bones and willpower turned into putty.

"This is what I like." Katya smirked, her warm breath fanning over Natasha's skin.

"Fuck, me too," Natasha breathed without meaning to, her cheeks turning a deep shade of red once she realized what she'd said. If only the floor would open up and swallow her whole right there...

But Katya chuckled, no longer full of malice. In fact, she had a soft gleam in her eye. "I love it when you lose all your defenses."

Natasha squeezed her eyes shut and let her head fall back onto the wall, shaking it. "It's embarrassing."

"No, it's hot," Katya insisted, not wanting her to feel embarrassed for being so vulnerable. The smirk returned to her voice. "You know what else I like? The sound you make when I hit this spot." Without having to look, her lips latched onto the right spot on Natasha's neck, sucking at it briefly. A heavenly, whiny whimper escaped her throat. "The way you're panting in my ear when I've barely touched you." Her hand squeezed her thigh and slid up to do the same to her ass. "The shiver that runs down your spine when I whisper in your ear."

Natasha was indeed already panting, so easily turned on. She wanted to grab onto her wife to pull her impossibly closer, but her brain had lost connection to her arms. "Katya, stop playing," she warned weakly.

Amused, Katya pulled her head back to look into her desperate green eyes, smiling that annoying cocky smile which Natasha hated and loved so much. "What do we say when we want something?" She asked, as if asking a child.

The problem with this question? Natasha had to give in, and give up power. She had to let go of her ego to get what she wanted, which was why topping her remained so amusing.

That internal battle played in her head right before Katya's eyes, but she lost to the needy part of her, as she always did. Absolutely hating herself for saying it, Natasha clenched her jaw and threw out, "Katya, please stop playing."

The brunette chuckled affectionately, letting go of her throat and taking her hand, guiding her upstairs. Her cocky act had dropped and been replaced by a sweet one. "Come on, my bottom," she teased, feeling Natasha's glare burning in the back of her head.

"Don't ever call me that again."

But Natasha didn't protest when Katya pushed her on the bed, or when she straddled her hips, or when she took her own shirt off, leaving her in only a bralette. In fact, she lay there mesmerized, her hands beside her head, gaping up at her. The way Katya's ribcage tattoo had stretched when she took her shirt off, how her abs and biceps had flexed, how her shoulder-length brown hair had fallen down; it left her without thoughts or sanity.

"God, baby, you're so beautiful," she whispered, settling her hands on her hips delicately, as if Katya was something precious. Her fingertips lightly caressed the skin right above the waistband of her shorts.

A faint pink hue crept up on Katya's cheeks, but she kept her composure, her hands resting on her thighs, in no rush to hurry this despite the tingles running up her torso. "I'm thinking of getting that tattoo we discussed a while ago."

"The snake one?" Natasha fell further into helpless defeat when she got a confirming nod. Why did Katya do these things to her? "I'll be on my knees."

And naturally, her gaze drifted down towards Katya's chest, imagining the whole thing. How could she not, when it was right in front of her? But therefore, she did miss the smirk rising on Katya's face.

"If you want to be on your knees, we can arrange that," she said suggestively, her blue eyes gleaming.

But Natasha shook her head, ignoring the twisting of her insides. "I'm serious, Kat. I don't think you understand how much I worship you."

This time, Katya didn't have as much self-control. Her whole face reddened, and her arms wrapped around herself to stop feeling so exposed. "Stop," she complained weakly. But again, Natasha shook her head sternly.

"No. You're drop-dead gorgeous and perfect." Gently, she pried Katya's hands from her body and held them in her own, pressing a kiss to their backs. The brunette's flustered state only worsened. "You never have to feel self-conscious with me. I love your body, I love you. And I goddamn love your tattoos."

"I love you, too," Katya muttered shyly, bending forward to leave a kiss on her lips. But Natasha took this opportunity to wrap her in her arms tightly, keeping their chests pressed together, and place a messy kiss on both her cheeks, something that made Katya laugh. "So you won't be opposed to me ruining my boobs with them?"

Natasha raised an eyebrow at her. "You mean 'perfecting your boobs'?"

"That's another way of looking at it." Katya chuckled, but Natasha shook her head.

"That's the only way of looking at it." One of her hands left Katya's waist to trail up her body and gently brush her hair away from her face and behind her ears. It was such a careful touch that her voice lowered with it. "It's your body, darling, but you won't get much use out of me after you do it."

Katya frowned, her blue eyes darting between Natasha's, only inches away. "What do you mean?"

"I'll have too much gay panic around your naked body to function."

A silent laugh shook Katya's body, a wide smile showing on her face. At least she admitted to having gay panic this time around, although it was still unreal to hear her say it. "You're saying that like you don't have that right now."

"No, I function on ten percent around you now, then it'll be zero," Natasha explained, still brushing her hand through those brown locks. It seemed to soothe them both. Or, it kept her from blushing like crazy.

"So, what? You will only be able to sit and stare in a trance when my boobs are out?"

"Yeah."

"Then what use will you be to me in this scenario?" She gestured between them and the bed, obviously hinting to the activity they were about to participate in.

Natasha shook her head again. "None, that's what I meant."

"Hmm." Katya pretended that she was in deep thought, weighing the pros and cons of getting that tattoo. She even sat up, as if creating space between them would allow her to think more clearly. A pair of eyes watched her expectantly, curious. "Yes, that does make it a problem. Maybe not, then."

She had a very hard time keeping a straight face when panic flashed across Natasha's features.

"No! You have to!" The redhead blurted out, only to catch herself and feign a nonchalant shrug. "I mean, not that it's up to me." But her cheeks burned.

"Honey," Katya laughed, shaking her head lovingly. How could someone not find this incredibly cute? An ex-assassin being completely lovestruck. "Gosh, you're so adorably impossible."

Natasha pouted like a child, deciding not to protest. "I don't like how you said that."

"How did I say it?" Katya grinned.

"Like I'm adorable and cute! I'm not! I'm a full-grown woman who knows at least ten different ways to murder people with this." She held up her hand, referring to the hair tie around her wrist.

Katya shook her head again, her heart swelling in her chest. "With that pout, you are adorable and cute." Natasha went to open her mouth, but she silenced her with a finger on her lips. The redhead let out a huff, scowling. "Why don't we push the tattoo discussion to a later time-"

"It's not a discussion."

"-and use the ten percent you're functioning to our advantage?" She smirked.

"That ten percent is when your boobs are out," Natasha pointed out dryly.

Arching an eyebrow, Katya stared at her as she reached behind her back with both hands. Those nearly bored green eyes turned interested awfully fast as she unclipped her bra, letting it dangle between her fingertips before dropping it to the floor. She didn't move after that, letting Natasha see her openly.

"Yep, that will do," she decided, sliding her hands from Katya's thighs, up her stomach, to her chest, a weak breath leaving her lips. Her palms were rough, but the touch so delicate that it sent shivers through Katya's whole body. "God, they'll be perfect."

It didn't leave Katya unaffected, the amount of 'worshipping' her body got - that she got - but this was Natasha, and she indeed had no reason to feel self-conscious. "You know what would make them perfect until I get that tattoo?" She allowed the corner of her mouth to curl up mischievously, knowing her next words would make someone very happy. "Some marks."

Natasha's eyes shot up to hers, visibly darker. When they saw that Katya meant it, they drifted down to their goal again. "Say no more."

~~~~~~~~

A/N: to be continued :) Also, Midnights, what do we think? Favorites?