"You can't break if you're already broken. But damn, those pieces can still shatter."

~ @Poemsporn / / Twitter

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Alice's P.O.V

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    The guys remain silent, save the twins who peer over my shoulder to take a look at what Henry placed on the table. They furrow their eyebrows, not taking their eyes of the object. "A book?"
    "What is this, some kind of sick joke?" I ask, looking at Henry.
    "No, seriously. The answers are in this book," Henry says, pushing it towards me. "You just have to read it."

    I take a step forward. "If this is some kind of cruel joke-"

    "It isn't. I assure you, it isn't," Henry says, shaking his head. "Trust me, I know how you feel I felt the same way when my mum told me that all the fairytales were true."

    I raise an eyebrow.
    "What reason do we have to believe you?" Jerome asks.

    "Yeah," Hunter agrees, crossing his arms over his chest. "You haven't exactly given us any reason to trust you."

    "Why would I even-" Henry shakes his head, taking a deep breath before looking back towards me. "I swear, I'm not lying to you. What would I have to gain by lying to you? My own mother was taken by that thing, too."

    I glance back at the book.
    Well, it wouldn't hurt to give it a look.

    "Fine," I reply, picking the book up. "I'll humour you for a few minutes."

    My hands appear to have a mind of their own as I find myself flipping through the books' pages as soon as I come into contact with it.

    What exactly am I looking for anyways?
    As if a spell's been cast on me, I stop flipping the pages and rest my hand against a drawing.
    I briefly glance at Henry before giving into the curiosity that threatens to tear me apart. I then slowly remove my hand and stare at the illustration on the page.

    I blink.
    Is that who I think it is?
    I scan the drawing again and gasp. It's a drawing of the Lewis, Will and I having a sleepover and it looks to be around two years ago.
    But I've never seen this place before-
    A wave of emotions flood over me and gone are the cozy walls of the sheriff's house.

    In its place is the interior of a green tent.
    Where am I?
    I look down at myself trying to piece together how I ended up here. I scan my surroundings, spotting a girl sitting in a corner. She's seated on a white cot and there are two teenagers standing in front of her. The one nearest to me is freakishly tall and is dressed in a brown cloak.

    His shaggy blonde hair falls covers some of his eye but it doesn't prevent me from noticing the piercing gaze he has on the girl. Next to him is a rather familiar looking teenager clad entirely in green. The teenager carries himself with an air of arrogance and wears a proud smirk on his face as he approaches his friend.
    "Um, hello?" I begin, uncertain. "Can someone please tell me where I am?"

    The boy with dirty blonde hair ignores me, turning to face the tall boy. "It's alright, Felix, you can leave us now."

    The blonde boy gives his friend a curt nod before walking out of the text, leaving us alone with him.
    "Hey!" I call out, standing in front of the exit. "I'm talking to you. Are you deaf-"

    The boy then walks through me as if I weren't there.
    I gasp, placing my hand on my chest. "What the hell?"

    "Hello, Alice. I'm so glad I can finally meet you in person.
    My eyes dart towards the boy with the British accent. I feel like I should know him. Everything about the teenager seems familiar to me for some strange reason.

    "How do you know my na-"

    "Is Pan really your name, or is it just a nickname?" the girl asks, interrupting me.
    Excuse me, bish. I asked him a question first.
    But the both of them don't appear to have heard me. Suddenly the reality of the situation hits me like puberty hit Neville Longbottom.

    I'm not actually here. I'm the girl sitting on the cot.
    Is this a dream... Or a memory?
   My attention is drawn back to their conversation when the brunette begins speaking again.

    "Oh, did I forget to introduce myself?" the brunette asks, feigning a shocked look. "I'm Peter. Peter Pan."

    Oh my God.

    The next thing I know the tent fades into smoke and I find myself standing in the middle of a rainforest. I watch as my younger self hikes through the rainforest, using a dagger to cut down the shrubs that get in her way. Peter suddenly appears behind her and snakes his arms around her waist.
    "But rude running away from me, don't you think, love?" he questions.

    My younger self immediately elbows him in the ribs before turning around to face him. She then pushes him against a tree, keeping him in place by holding the dagger to his neck. Peter chuckles at my younger self's attempt to be threatening.
    "You've got fire. I like fire," he states, smirking seductively.
    "Well, little boys who play with fire get their fingers burnt."

   "Where the hell am I?" my younger self demands.
    "Why, you're in Neverland, love," he replies smirking.

    And just like before, the image fades out and another one shortly replaces it. I'm still in a rainforest except not in the same area, and instead of being in the middle of nowhere, I'm at a campsite. The sound of animal life is replaced by the sound of boys chattering. Peter clears his throat before calling the boys to attention. He then gestures towards my younger self and introduces her to the Lost Boys.

    There's a hum of chatter as the boys slowly realize that I'm a girl. The only girl in the camp to be exact. The lost boys begin introducing themselves at Peter's command. My younger self's eyes dart from boy to boy, taking in their features. When every boy has finished introducing themselves Peter pulls my younger self aside and telling her to the mingle with the boys. She rolls her eyes, but proceeds to do as he says.

    The dream -No. It's too detailed to be an dream. The memory disappears as soon as it appeared, leaving me with another unanswered question. Why don't I remember doing any of this?

    The next memory takes place on the same day, just a couple hours later.
    "Catch," Peter says, throwing an apple to my younger self.
    She catches the apple, looking back at him with curious eyes. "What's this for?"
    "It's just a little game I like to play." He reveals a crossbow from behind his back. "I call it target practice."

    "It's simple really," Peter says, moving the crossbow from her face.
    He then walks towards the group of Lost Boys. "Felix."
    The said boy looks up at the sound of his name.
    "Get over 'ere," Peter commands, loading the crossbow.
    My younger self glances at the tall boy warily. "Is his aim good?"
    "Doesn't matter," he replies handing her the bow.

    "You're the one who'll be doing the shooting."
    "But I might hit him," she protests.
    "Then try not to shoot him in the face," Peter replies, unfazed.
    Felix grins at her as he places the apple on top of his head.
    With the apple in position Peter begins cheering my younger self on, the Lost Boys following their leader. "Shoot! Shoot! Shoot! Shoot!"

    My younger self takes a deep breath before raising the cross bow. Peter abruptly raises his hand to the side, stopping the boys from chanting. He cranes his head to the side, not wanting to miss a single thing.
    I hope I didn't kill that boy.
    My heart is in my mouth as my younger self brings her finger to the trigger.

    The arrow flies in the air, impaling the apple dead in the centre. The momentum and force of the arrow causes the apple to fly into a tree and remain there.
   "Well done," Peter says, nodding approvingly. "But I have to say I'm a bit-"
   I thought that my younger self was done, but she then draws a dagger from her belt and hurls it towards him.

    Peter surprises me by catching the dagger by the hilt just before it stabs him.
   "Disappointed," he finishes with a smirk on his face.

   Everything around me goes by in a flash, like how a movie would be if someone pressed a button for it to be fast forward. My younger self in still in the same clearing, only Peter isn't with her this time.

    She looks down, feeling something soft come into contact with her leg. A little boy hesitantly approaches her, making sure that he keeps his head down.
    Is that-? No, it couldn't be.
    I watch as my younger self kneels down to the toddler's height. She flashes him a soft smile.
    "-hello there, little one," she greets. "What's your name?"

    The toddler looks down at his feet before gathering the courage to look her in the eye.
    "Cassie," the toddler answers, his voice no louder than a mere whisper.
    Impossible. That's not how I met Cas-
    "-this is yours," my younger self says, handing the toddler his ball.
    Cassie takes his toy from her, not before mumbling a soft thank you.

    My younger self then stands up and ruffles his hair like how I do now. She looks like she's going to say something but stops when she hears shouting coming from the other end of the field. Cassie clutches his toy to his chest at the noise but my younger self doesn't seem to notice. She cranes her neck towards the direction of the sound, spotting a group of older boys beating up another Lost Boy.

    I watch as my younger self walks over to them, demanding that they stop. The oldest looking boy stops punching the boy on the ground, turning to look at me. I only recognize him when he checks me out.
    It's Andrew.
    "Look boys, the runt's got himself a girlfriend," Andrew says.
    That draws my attention to the boys flanking him. And those two boys are none other than Hunter and Jerome.

    Jerome smirks at Andrew's comment, his blonde hair gleaming with sweat. Hunter wears the same smirk on his face but after knowing him all this while I can tell that it's forced. He doesn't really want to be doing this.
    Why are they even beating up that poor boy in the first place?

    My younger self kneels down beside him, checking to see if he's alright.

    The boy turns his head to the side, spitting out blood. "You shouldn't have done that. Now they'll make your life a living hell."
    "I couldn't care less," my younger self states. "Now, are you going to tell me your name, or do I have to guess what it is?"
    The boy shakes his head as if saying "where are my manners" and holds out his hand for her to shake. "I'm Ray."

    I gasp and the surroundings fade away again. I reappear next to my younger self, following her as she makes her way down a trail towards the beach. I'm assuming that a long time has passed since the last memory as my younger self looks more familiar with her surroundings and her skin has a light tan. I watch as she joins Peter near the seashore.

    They engage in a brief conversation before my younger self shakes her head. "Just get to the point."
   "How 'bout we make it a game?" he asks.
    Wait, what did I miss?
   "What are the rules?" my younger self asks.
   "We both have to act as if we were in love with each other. First one to fall in love first loses. If you win, I'll let you go home."

    My younger self raises an eyebrow. "What's the catch?"
   Peter chuckles. "Clever girl."
   "What's the catch?" she repeats, annoyance obvious in her voice.
   "If I win, you have to stay here. Forever."
   My younger self thinks about it for a second before grinning. "Game on."
    Peter laughs at my eagerness.

    "Let's play," he replies, flashing me his signature smirk.

   I'm flooded with the many memories and raw emotions that I had felt during Pan's Game. All the confusion, annoyance and uncertainty hits me all at once but most memorable ones are when Peter is nice to me. More... human. And my heart melts whenever I see his soft side, almost making me forget about his dark side. Almost.

    The next thing I know I'm in the rainforest shouting at Peter. Again.
   "Did you not hear what I just said?!" My younger self yells at him.

    "You've been cheating the whole time and I still managed to beat you," she continues.
   Peter pinches the bridge of his nose, exasperated. "Could you possibly shut up for one second?"
   "Make me," she stupidly challenges him.

    "What happened to cheaters never-"
   She's cut off by Peter pressing his lips against hers. He kisses my younger self gently, but the kiss eventually gets heated when she begins to kiss back with just as much passion. It's painfully obvious that I was falling for him. And knowing myself, I could tell that I was falling hard. The inner battles I had with myself on daily basis would've been comical if it weren't stressful as heck.

    Just when I think things can't get any more complicated and strange, I find myself slowly falling for Ray, too. But everything goes downhill when I find the poor boy nursing his bleeding injuries in an empty cave. My younger self freaks out, repeatedly asking him if he's alright. Ray then flashes her a forced smiled, assuring her that it isn't as painful as it looks. But I know him well enough to know that he's lying for my sake.

    Even back then Ray couldn't bare to see me in pain, be it emotional or physical. I'm jarred from my thoughts when Ray leans forward to kiss my younger self. Her whole posture immediately changes and she becomes stiff. Panic flares in Ray's eyes when he realizes that she isn't going to kiss back, but my younger self surprises him but doing to exact opposite of that.

    The look on Ray's face when my younger self pulls back is one of pure happiness. He looks like someone who's just met his favourite celebrity. Or that his crush fancies him back in this case. But his spirits are crushed when my younger self speaks up.
    "Oh, Ray," she breaths. "Peter's going to kill you."

    I don't even get a second to register what I'm feeling as I'm immediately shown another memory. The fog finally clears and I find myself witnessing another emotional scene. My younger self stands in front of Peter, her hands balled up into fists.
    "Do you even feel anything?" she asks him. "Hate? Lust? Ambivalence? Frustration? Libido? Confusion? Anything?"

    Her eyes soon cloud with tears as she turn around. I watch as my younger self beings to leave but stops when she hears Peter speak up.
    "What was that?" she asks, turning to face him.
    "Everything," he repeats. "I feel everything when you're around. I feel more focused when you're around, and more compassionate."

    "I'm like a dark, cold sky and you light me up like fireworks, you reflect my darkness as if it's your light. You're the calm to my raging storms. You gave me colour to my once grey life. I used to think that love was weakness, but you prove that theory is wrong. I'll come clean now and say that I'm tired of pretending that I'm not falling for you."

    "Do you," she pauses, clearing her throat. "Do you love me?"

    "Yes."

****

    "I-I thought you loved me."
   "I loved you."

    The image fades once more and my mind is in a frenzy as it tries to process all the emotions going on in my head in both the past and present. Needless to say, it's all giving me a headache and I can't believe I managed to survive all of that without going crazy. Granted, I'm not completely sane but I kinda see how I became like this.

    The fog clears and I find myself overhearing a conversation I had with Will. My younger self lets out a noise that sounds like a cross between a tired groan and an exasperated sigh.    "I don't know what to feel anymore," she admits, sitting down on a bed. "I love Peter, but he's done so many unforgivable things to us and I feel selfish for even considering staying with him and putting all your hard work to waste."

    "Alice, you're my best friend," Will begins, taking her hands in his. "I know you love both Ray and Peter, and I respect that. But please, keep in mind that my brother's heart is very fragile. And if you really love and care for him as much as you say you do, I implore you, please, don't break his heart."

    "I won't."

    "Promise me."
    "I promise, Will."

    The memory speeds up again, showing me how I unsuccessfully tired to fall asleep. My younger self soon gives up on the methods that normally work and resorts to falling into the deep abyss that is her mind. The sound of something hitting the window pane jolts her out of her pity party, and she decides that role-playing as play Sherlock Holmes is the best thing to do instead of running out of the room like any sane person would do.

    My younger self spins on her heels when she notices movement behind her and gasps when she sees who it is.    "Peter..."
   "You left me. For dead."
   "I didn't want to," she says, tears forming in her eyes. "Please believe me when I say that."
   "Do you still love me?"
   My younger self nods mutely.

    "I want to hear you say it."
   "I love you, and I always will. Not even the deepest quote or love song will be able to explain how much I love you. I never meant to leave you," she continues, her voice breaking. "I didn't know the extent of my love for you and that scared me, so I took the easy way out and left."
   Peter kisses her as soon as she's done with her speech.

    The memory fades and I'm speechless as I watch the following events occur. I didn't think it was possible to switch bodies with another person, let alone take out a human heart like your bare hands without killing the person. Then again, I didn't think any of this was even possible. I can't believe Peter sacrificed so much in order for him to be given a chance to live his happy ending with Cassie and I.

    Peter was so close to having the happy ending he wanted, but as usual, fate was against him and disaster struck when Rumpelstiltskin decided that it was time to fight back. I watched on, helpless, as Rumpelstiltskin stabs Peter in the back with his dagger. My younger self doesn't hesitate for a second and she runs towards Peter as soon as the spell that holds her in place wears off.

    She drops to her knees seeing the blood pooling around him. "No, no, no, no, no."
    "I-It's a-a-alright, love," Peter assures my younger self, his body trembling as he struggles to get the words out. "It i-i-isn't as b-bad as it l-l-looks."
    "I just got you back, you can't leave me again."
    He wipes away her tears with his thumb. "I-I love y-y-you. Don't f-forget m-m-me."
    "Never," she promises.

    "Dada?"
    Peter smiles as Cassie approaches him. "H-Hey, son."
    "Ywo're weaving wus agwain?" Cassie asks, tears in his eyes.
    Peter nods his head ruefully.
    "Dwon't go," the toddler cries.
    "I h-have to. T-Take c-c-care of m-mama w-while I'm g-g-gone, o-okay?"
    Cassie cries even harder but nods.

    Peter then turns his attention to my younger self. "P-Promise m-m-me you'll f-find a way to m-move on."
    "I can't."
    "You h-h-have to. P-Promise m-m-me you will," he says, his hands shaking in hers. "P-Promise me."
    "I promise," she replies shakily.
    Peter squeezes her hand. "I-I love y-y-you."
    "I love you too."

    I don't realize that I'm back in the sheriff's house until I feel someone shaking me by the shoulders.
    "Alice!"
    I open my eyes, recognizing the familiar surroundings. Something to my right moves and I blink as it comes into focus. It takes me a few seconds to realize that it's Ray who is kneeling beside me, the guys surrounding the two of us.

    "Are you alright?" he asks worriedly. "You passed out when you touched the book."
    I blink once more, bringing my hands to my wet face.
    "You were crying," Asa tells me.
    "What did it do to her?" Ray demands, craning his head to face Henry.
    Henry shakes his head, pointing at me. "Why don't you ask her?"

    "Alice, what happened?" Ray asks, helping me to my feet.
    "I remember," I say, looking at Henry.
    "Remember what, Alice?"
    A wave of emotions flood my body as I recall the events that I'd just relived and I take a deep breath, turning my attention back to Ray.

    "Everything."

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Here's the flashback I promised you guys. Hope you didn't cry too much. It took me forever to add all the gifs to this chapter as Wattpad was being annoying af (as usual) and kept deleting the gifs. That and my phone broke and I lost all my data. I srsly wanted to throw my phone across the room at that point (ง’̀-’́)ง

I didn't expect myself to get the feels while writing this but I did. Two things came to my mind (1) holy shit, I've completed writing book and (2) this was not what I wanted. I wanted to give you guys the feels and not hurt myself in the process but nope that wasn't gonna happen

Y'all have no idea how long it took me to write this chapter. I had to go back to Pan's Game to re-read it (which made me cringe when I saw my old works) and I kid you not, the thought of not completing this chapter in time kept me awake at night. Did you guys like the flashbacks? Were they too long? Too short? Or just the right length? Tell me what you think in the comments.

Anyways, thank you for all the supportive comments on my last A/N. You guys never fail to make my day 💖💖💖 I'm am feeling slightly better, thanks for asking. Despite the fact that I've relapsed, I've mostly gotten over that mental breakdown, but I won't be updating again anytime soon. My exams are in two weeks so I'll try to get my shit together by next month.

I recommend reading my baby sister's [OneTrueDivergent] book of headcanons while waiting for me to get back. Oh and feel free to comment below if you want me to check out your book(s). Well, that's all for this A/N. Bye guys.

~ Alice xx

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Which was your favourite scene in this chapter? (I'm running out of questions to ask...)

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Vote, comment, rate, do whatever you want 💗

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