A/N to my Indonesian wattpad readers, I post my original story @suhaa_alhasnah it's all in Indonesian. Please read and follow me.

Fifth year. The year when you need to be prepared for everything or everything goes to shit. You need to be prepared for anything. You need it all planned in your head.

Luckily, you do.

You have it all planned in your head. You're going to get straight O's like you always do, you're going to get all 12 O.W.L.s and you're going to work at the Ministry. By all means necessary. You can't afford to fail if you want a chance to be out of this shithole.

"Percy! Honey, come down."

You hear your mum call you by your deadname, the deadname you loathe the most. But sure, what the hell. It's time to go shopping at Diagon Alley. You take off the breast form bra your best friend bought for you (well, technically you bought it with your own money, your friend just so happens to live near 'On the Spectrum,' a place to buy transgender essentials). You wear your robes and leave the room, heading downstairs to your mother who you see is waiting for you along with your father and siblings.

"What took you so long, Perce?" You hear your younger brother, Fred asked. If only he knew what you were doing, what you have to do to get accepted in that family of yours. But you can't let them know, you just can't. You can't risk everything you've built.

You take a handful of floo powder and enunciate 'Diagon Alley!' before dropping the powder to the ground, transporting you to Diagon Alley where you meet the oh-so-elegant Lucius Malfoy all alone. He was wearing a wig, probably hiding his blond hair. What he always wears to get your attention and to hide his identity.

"Cundrie Weasley, later than expected," Lucius Malfoy said. "Why?"

"My mum won't let me out of her hair, I have my siblings with me," you fearfully answered, watching how your siblings appeared behind him and staring at the encounter from afar, whispering among themselves who the brunet may be.

"You can live with me and you won't be late again," Lucius suggested. "But yet again, a pretty face like yours shouldn't be hidden away."

"Our relationship shouldn't be hidden," You laughed. "Why can't I be honest and say you're dating me?"

"I'm married, I'm a father to a wonderful boy, and you're just a side whore of mine," He answered so easily. "I can bring you up the stairs and fasten your career at the ministry, if you follow me."

"And I'll always follow you."

"If I punish you, maybe you won't be late for the next encounter."

"Yes, sir," you answered fearfully. His punishments are dear. "Just not too bad."

"Don't you look cute when you're scared! Don't worry, I'll take care of you-" Lucius pats your shoulder as he takes you away, and this may seem stupid but you follow him. You do want something better for yourself and following him may just give you a better life, somehow.

You are working for a better life, even if it means hell.

You ARE living in hell and this might be your escape.

He brings you to an inn nearby and brings you to a room, where he takes off your trousers. He then takes off your pants and shirt. "Not wearing the bra, I see."

"I can't risk my family knowing."

"Yet you can risk me knowing, such a bad girl," Lucius smirked. "But yet again, this wouldn't happen if I hadn't known, it's a blessing."

It is a blessing. A blessing in disguise. You wouldn't fuck him on a daily basis and be in love with him. Somehow you imagine your secret lover leaving his wife and son behind and run away with you.

"Drink this." Lucius dropped a vial to the table. You nodded as you took a swig, drinking it. Merlin, the taste is so vile. So disgusting.

You feel Lucius kissing your neck roughly. Guess this is your punishment, rougher sex than usual.

OoO

You left the inn, having done your punishment. Wouldn't it be ironic that you would disappoint your father? Not only because you're a whore, but because you're a whore to his enemy? Should you tell your father? You have half the mind to do so but to do so, you must out yourself as pansexual bigender to him, and you're not ready to do so. Merlin knows you're not ready to do so.

But his reaction can't be that bad, can it?

You walk back to your family, where they've all been waiting for you.

"Percy?" You hear your little sister say. "Who was that?"

"Who was who?"

"That brunet who approached you!" Ron continued, "who is he?"

"Umm, my friend," you answered, even though you had half the mind to say the truth right then and there. But what would be their reaction? Would they help him out of this mess? "Just nobody."

"Nobody, ehh? Or is he your boyfriend?" Fred teased. You rolled your eyes.

"Stop it!" You barked. "No, you will not do this to me!"

"Do what?" Arthur asked. "But really, who is he?"

"Just a friend," you gave the exact lie you gave your brother.

"He seemed oddly old to be your friend."

"And how do you know he's old?"

"Percy, be honest. Who is that man?"

"I can't tell you." You sighed, shaking your head. "You're right. He's not my friend. But I can't tell you who he is."

"Did he hurt you?"

"No!" You shook your head vigorously. "No, he did NOT hurt me! He didn't do anything!"

What a lie that was.

"You heard him. Let's go shopping!"

OoO

"Percy, be honest with me. Who was that man?"

Your father and mother entered your room, closing the door behind them. You only swallowed hard, not knowing what to say. "I- I don't know."

"Don't lie to me." You looked away, knowing your father is a legilimens and could easily whip his wand and read your mind. "If he's dangerous to you, you know I can easily read your mind."

"No Dad, he's not dangerous."

OoO

You watch as your siblings play quidditch together through your window, feeling an ounce of jealousy. You wish you could be as carefree as them. But no, you can't.

You widen your eyes as you feel the next bile coming up and you run to the bathroom, vomiting your stomach contents out. You can hear your mum rushing to the bathroom, soothing you by rubbing the back of your neck.

A gesture you both miss and hate.

You miss being loved by your mother, but you hate the implication it leaves. You hate who made you like this. You don't know what to do.

OoO

You know something's wrong with you, but you can't exactly have it checked out in your house.

So you went to your friend's house where he greeted you with a bear hug. He's always friendly like that. He brought you to his room, where he said to you, "you can wear your bra here, it's safe and no one will come to my room anyway."

"I need to go to a nearby drugstore," you said. When Oliver raised his brow, you continued, "I think I might be pregnant."

"What?!" Oliver said, shocked. He sat on the bed. "Cundrie, are you serious? Who?"

"A guy, my dad's enemy, found out that I'm trans. He threatened to out me if I don't do as he said," you answered. "One day, I was late to our meeting. And boy, was he angry. He gave me a potion to drink and now I'm sick all the time."

"But you just travelled via floo!" Oliver said. "Aren't pregnant people supposed to not use the floo?"

"I know it's dangerous but it's not like I have a choice," you shook your head. "My family is going to eye me weirdly for suddenly using the Knight Bus to your place."

"Isn't your dad's enemy Lucius Malfoy?" He asked. You nodded. "I'll kill him! He's a grown arse man touching a child!"

"No, you can't-" you shook your hand. "Please, don't. Just help me get the test."

"Well, there is a spell to know-"

"We can't do magic outside school." You shook your head. "We need the potion."

"I can ask my mum-"

"We are going to do the potion," you insisted. "No adults, no parents."

"What are you going to do if it's positive?" Your friend asked. "You need to tell your parents."

"No parents, no." You shook your head.

"Maybe lose it?"

"I can't," you shook your head. "I can't do it."

"Send it to adoption?"

"I'm going to keep it," you said. "I'm going to keep it."

"Are you sure? How?"

"This might be the last time we meet."

OoO

You walk into the drugstore near Oliver's house, Oliver right behind you like the true best friend he is. You wonder if you can get away from all this but you figured you're too late. Oliver knows already.

So you bought the test, it's cheap. Cheaper than your breast form and breast form bra. Why do you have a feeling that it's going to be more expensive? You need to find a job soon. Why do you have a feeling that you're going to be responsible for another life?

Your friend holds the vial as you prick your finger and let a drop of blood fall down the vial. As the blood touched the liquid, the liquid turned colour from blue to red, confirming your suspicions. You wished it stayed blue but no it had to turn red.

"What will you do?" Your friend asked. "Will you tell your parents?"

"No," you shook your head, sighing. "I really hate to say this but last year was my last year in Hogwarts."

"But you just got accepted as a prefect!" He fought. "Surely, that means you can fight for school and baby?"

"I can't, I have to make a choice." You shook your head. You hugged your friend, feeling tears drop from your eyes. "I'm going to miss you."

"Just watch yourself," your friend advised. "Can't you beg for some money from Lucius, seeing as he's the father?"

"I will try."

OoO

You are at home, midnight it is. You pack your clothes in your trunk and leave your room, looking left and right. Not seeing your siblings you hurriedly leave the stairs, reaching the bottom of the stairs you look around, hoping your parents are asleep too. You can't see your mother but you saw the lights of the shack on, you know your father is tinkering in his shack. You need to leave soon.

You left for the door, and after a few metres away from your house, you had your right hand out. Soon comes the Knight Bus, which you gave the money and entered. You sat at one of the seats available as the bus drove away.

"Malfoy Manor," you said. So they left for the manor. You stared at your childhood home for a split second before watching it away. A decision you wish you never have to make.

The bus stopped in front of Malfoy Manor. You dropped off the bus and you walked in. You know it's not the next meeting yet but you really need his help with the- it. You knocked on the door.

"Hello! How can Dobby help master?" Asked Dobby, opening the door to the manor. You look around, absorbing the familiar sight.

"I'd like to speak with your master," you said. "Lucius Malfoy? Say Cundrie Weasley wishes to speak to him. And it's private."

"Dobby will get Master Malfoy," he left to the manor, and you can't help but enter too. There, in all its glory, is a moving picture of Lucius kissing his wife. You can't help but feel envious, how you wish you could have Lucius for yourself. But no, a rational part of you knows he wouldn't sacrifice all he had for a disgraced pureblood. He has a child, a manor, a business, a seat on the Wizengamot. He has everything, and types of guys like him wouldn't lose it all just for you.

"What do you want?" asked Lucius, walking to the door. Leaning to the door, he whispered further, "I have my wife sleeping in my room."

"Lucius, I'm pregnant," you said, taking out the vial you kept. Lucius stared at your stomach, grabbing the vial. "The potion you gave me, it was the graviditas potion, wasn't it?"

"I said I will punish you for being late."

"Not like this!" You nearly screamed, crying. "Not like this."

"Enter." So you did. You entered the manor, following your lover. Only to be blindfolded.

"Do you trust me, Cundrie?" You nodded, losing your breath. Your head is filled with imaginations on what he'll do to you, fuck you blindfolded. Until you feel your wand in your pocket taken away and you feel yourself brought to a room, a cold room. You hear the door slam behind you and the sound of locking.

You open the blindfold to see you're in a dark small room with nothing else, not even a bed. Only a pillow and a squat toilet.

"Hello?" You ran to the door, banging it. "Hello! Open this door!"

"Lucius! Honey, help me!"

"Mrs Malfoy? Help me!"

"Dobby!"

But no one heard him. Or Dobby did, Lucius probably advised him to stay put. You cried, feeling tears strolling down your face. You just turned fifteen, you barely even started your life. You thought Lucius would be the man to fix your life, but he isn't. He made your life worse.

You pat your stomach, feeling your baby inside. No, you can't exactly feel it yet. You cried more when you realised what this actually meant. You will have to give up your dreams. You want to be let out, you want to see your mum and dad again.

OoO

You hear the metal door open as you see Lucius standing with a plate of rice and chicken. Lucius puts it on the ground, closing the door behind him.

"Incarcerous!" Lucius casted, his wand on you. Chords flew from his wand to you, tying you to the bed.

"Help me!" You cried, wriggling to break free from the ropes. To no avail, you stay tied down. Lucius held your face, shushing you.

"I'll take care of you."

He cuts open your shirt, your trousers, your pants. You feel yourself shivering because of the cold.You widen your eyes as Lucius opens his clothes, revealing his big cock, a sight you're familiar with.

"No!" You screamed. "Lucius, don't touch me! Don't you dare touch me!"

"Or what? Tell me, who's being tied down between the two of us?" Lucius laughs and with hardship, flipped you. He inserted his dick in you, a feeling you've recognised yourself with. You cried, you would be fine with it if Oliver would have to sell out the information on your pregnancy in order to find you. Of course, you wouldn't like it but it's a clear choice.

OoO

What will happen now that everyone will most likely know you're trans?

You've never wanted to lose the baby, it comforts you knowing you are pregnant like a real girl can, even if it's not naturally-occurring.

Would your mum cry? Would your dad sigh in sadness as he tried to pull himself together?

Which news would break their heart further, your gender identity or your pregnancy?

Would you tell anyone, had this not occurred?

Maybe this is for the best, that way no one can know and your baby can be supported.

You shivered, hoping for some clothes to magically appear out of thin air for you to wear. But no such luck. You're still very much naked and there is nothing for you to wear. You crawl to the plate and eat the food Lucius presents to you. You don't know why he wouldn't tell Dobby to do it for you instead, but you don't ask. You stopped asking and fighting long ago, succumbing to the whole situation.

OoO

You refused to believe it, at first, but as time progresses on, it's become more real.

You rubbed your swollen stomach as you imagined your family's reactions to finding out.

Would they be happy? Would they be sad? Would they be angry? You imagined your mum crying and your dad's disappointed face.

How will the school react? Will they allow you back? Or would you be sent home? You remember the day you got sent the prefect badge, how proud you were. But no, you can't be prefect.

In your little heart, you longed for it. This is a total plan ruiner.

OoO

You've hit the four-month mark.

You got five months to go but now, you can tell the sex of the baby.

You got a lot to teach the kid, about the difference between gender and sex, about protecting yourself, a lot.

You held your tears as you cried yourself. Would it mean you'd be it's teacher? But you don't know much, you're just a teen student yourself. Someone else would need to teach it.

What if the kid's a squib? You wouldn't know how to handle squibs, your brothers and sister are all magic, you are magic. You don't know anyone who are magic.

Maybe this is what it's like to be a squib, you can't do magic at all in this room of yours. Maybe if the child comes out a squib it would be easy, guess it won't be too hard.

OoO

You look like you're ready to pop if you were to wait any longer. The baby could be here any minute, now. What's taking them so long to find you? It wouldn't take a genius to figure out that your father's enemy is Lucius Malfoy and it would only take Oliver's testimony to know where you are.

Or maybe they know, they just don't care.

Who would care, not you. You gain barely enough food to fatten yourself up, if it weren't for your baby you would be as thin as a stick. Not that you aren't thin already.

You hear the door being banged and you jumped back in shock. You can only hug yourself as you hope they're not some other Death Eaters. You've seen Lucius Malfoy's dark mark, you can only imagine them to be Death Eater friends of Lucius' and you fear for your life. You hug yourself tight, making yourself smaller and smaller with each bang.

The door busted open and you close your eyes. The first thing you hear is, "Here!"

You open your eyes to see people surrounding you, pocketing their wands. A person offered you with a blanket and you accept it, covering yourself instantly. A person came to you and offered you a hand which you accepted, staring yourself at the clothes. You think they're aurors just by looking at how they dress. No, you know they're aurors.

Sly dog, you're still cared after all.

OoO

You were engulfed in a bone-crushing hug.

You don't know whether to hug back or to stay still, but this all is still overwhelming to you. So you just stayed still.

You were let go of the hug to see your mother smiling at you with tears streaming down her eyes. Tears stream down your own eyes. "Mum, It's me, Percy. I'm back."

"Cundrie Eilianna Weasley, we know the truth from your friend Oliver Wood. You don't need to pretend to be someone you're not," your mother said, hugging you again.

"I'm sorry."

"Sorry? Why are you sorry? The only one who should be sorry is Lucius Malfoy," your father hugs you from behind. "I'll kill him."

"No!" Your mother protested. "As much as I hate him, Cundrie doesn't need it. Just us, together. As a family."

"We'll teach the kid the ways of this world."