2412, Strilaxis 16, Kindreth

Xanthy knew better than to say anything until she was alone with June again.

The things he said to her that night two days ago still rang in her head like an incessant Festival drum, repeating over and over until Xanthy was sure she'd go insane.

It's not that she didn't like June. She'd gone farther from that. True, when they first met, he destroyed her house, dragged her in a magical race across the Disfavored region, and called her a hypocrite (although, it was admittedly Xanthy's fault), but after all that happened in the Palace back in Cardina, and after they shared a near-doom event in the tunnels, shouldn't Xanthy be treating him differently than when they first met?

So how come she was having these reservations now?

Xanthy chewed on her lip as they had gone through Elshire after traversing Diven. They were in Alkara now. She barely noticed how the road had sloped downward to a single, cobbled road that sped straight into a walled fortress in the middle of a thick forest. Yesterday, Cyrdel's information about the roads they were going on fluttered out of Xanthy's ears. He said something about a Glass Route? What in Umazure was a Grove Path?

Only one line of thought mattered for the last two days: what would Xanthy do with what June told her that night in Diven?

Xanthy sighed, smiling wanly at a brownie soldier offering her a flower with radial, bright yellow petals. Its small, dark brown disc in the middle seemed to be taunting her and her hesitation. What was June even thinking of saying something like that out of the blue? What had prompted it? She wetted her lips, trying to drive off the chaps that arose from the Elshire humidity. How would she even respond to that?

I like you, Xanthy.

The memory flashed in her mind so vividly that she barely noticed Nyxis pluck the flower from her grasp. "Uvleaf flowers are good for intestinal clogs," the human had said but even that faded in Xanthy's ears as the single line tore once more into her thoughts.

Xanthy glanced past the horde of singing and dancing soldiers dressed in russet, lightweight armor towards Ravalee and Cyrdel who waved and dipped their heads on the soldiers flitting around them. Her eyes zeroed in on the boy's hand twined around her half's fingers like they belonged there.

Like. It was such a vague word that left Xanthy's mind grasping for what it could possibly mean. Was it similar to love? What even was love?

Xanthy, from all her time with the Disfavoreds, had never stood this close to that word. In fact, the only time she even heard the word like was when she was selling her ajilte produce. She doubted what June meant to say that night was because he wanted to plant seeds.

Elshire bore down on her like a lively cloud compared to the doom curtain back in Carleon. For once, Xanthy was thankful for that. From the corner of her eye, Nyxis was seen haggling a soldier for a yard of dust fleece in exchange for two nosa sigra, as the fairies called their different types of versallis. Xanthy watched as he dropped two, square, copper coins into the soldier's hand which made a shrill, tinkling sound that vanished as quickly as it came.

Xanthy's eyes found themselves on Cyrdel and Ravalee yet again. This time, the two brownies headed into one of the circular buildings standing on the flat, grassy expanse of ground in Elshire. Xanthy drove her hair out of her face when the hot air disturbed. Up ahead, leaves crunched and crackled as boots and caravan wheels tramped along the road with them.

Could it be that what Cyrdel and Ravalee have was love? Possible, right?

A frown escaped into Xanthy's lips. But then, what Cyrdel and Ravalee have was based on something deeper, as Xanthy could tell. Something that stemmed from trust, openness, and bond. Would Xanthy be able to pull that off with June?

Xanthy's eyes widened. Suddenly, what she failed to notice a long time ago was a lot clearer now. She knew nothing about June. Where did he come from before dropping into her house in the Disfavoreds? What were his parents like? Who was June?

Xanthy laughed without mirth to herself. She didn't even know his family name or if he has a family left on this island at all.

He did mention bits and pieces, like how his hair had turned white because of a failed healing spell performed by his mother. But...that wasn't nearly enough for Xanthy to trust him completely. She shouldn't even be trusting people she knew nothing about and that went for everyone, including Cyrdel, Ravalee, and Nyxis.

Xanthy crossed her arms and stared dolefully at a larger building with open windows. Inside, serious brownies pored at yellowing maps printed on parchment spread on a table before them. What were they doing? Xanthy shook her head. That wasn't her concern now, right?

Being with someone implied openness. One couldn't just go up and start something with someone without being honest with them. June, every time Xanthy would try to ask him about a sliver of his childhood or about his hometown, would get this dark look on his face before grinning and changing the topic entirely. How come it took Xanthy a month and a confession before she started seeing the pattern? Pathetic.

A sigh blew out of Xanthy's lips. Part of the reason why she was hesitating was that during that night, as they were facing each other in the dark, Xanthy could swear she saw some cracks on June's demeanor. As soon as he uttered those words, or even as he was recounting that silly piece of literature, there was not a drop of darkness on his face.

For the first time since June showed up in Xanthy's life, he was vulnerable. He was honest. He wasn't trying to outrun something.

That was why Xanthy was still inclined to believe that June meant what he said and why she was still considering everything. Of course, there was still the option of not saying anything, or disregarding that night as a mere joke. She had every right to not give him an answer and hope that everything could still be alright between them.

Cyrdel and Ravalee came back from the circular building with reins straddling three riding animals that look a lot like dagrine in their grips. Xanthy knitted her eyebrows. Why would they need to ride when they could just walk?

"It would be faster and less tiring if we ride the rest of the way to Depandes," Cyrdel raised an eyebrow, apparently answering Xanthy's internal question, and passed Xanthy the reins of one of the dagrine. Xanthy nodded and stroked the beast's chestnut brown coat while envying how luscious its golden mane was.

Where did even Cyrdel have the versallis to buy these animals? Surely these cost a fair amount?

Xanthy stared at the dagrine's flank. The animal's golden tail flicked here and there as air puffed from its snout tickled Xanthy's neck.

"What is wrong?" Nyxis dropped beside her, straddling a dagrine with a dark mahogany coat and a burgundy mane. He inclined his head at her.

Xanthy felt her pointed ears redden as blood rushed to her face and turned her skin hotter than the humid Elshire air. "Uh..."

"Let us arrange the rides, shall we?" Cyrdel stepped between Xanthy and Nyxis in one fluid motion. He smiled as he gestured to the other dagrine in Ravalee's hands. "I will go with Rav over there, Nyxis will get his own since he has extra baggage, so you, Xanthy, should go with..."

As if the island suddenly stopped in its tracks, Xanthy slowly whirled to the one person she had resorted to avoiding for the rest of the journey.

"...June," Cyrdel finished with a knowing smile. He signed something to Ravalee who just nodded and signed something back. Xanthy felt like stomping her foot. They have their own communication. How unfair!

Xanthy clenched her jaw, anger slowly building up her throat. Calm down. Ease. She blew out a shaky breath. What was the point of refusing or being petty? They needed to get to Depandes as quickly as possible. Xanthy shouldn't impede on that just because she was bothered by what June said two nights ago. No matter. Ignore everything else.

So, that's how she ended up clasping June's hand as he helped her swing her legs over the dagrine's flank. It was such a thrilling experience—like being on top of the world just for a while—but all of that vanished when she realized she would have to wrap her arms around June so she could stay balanced. She would have to do it as long as she's on the animal's back.

Oh, butter.

Onward, they went. Elshire's vast plains bled away from Xanthy as Cyrdel steered his dagrine northeast, heading somewhere beyond the army fortress. Xanthy resisted the urge to rest her chin against June's shoulder and did everything she could to keep her back straight. But as the journey went on, as Cyrdel and Ravalee showed no signs of stopping, Xanthy's back turned sore by the second that she eventually had to lean her head against June's back.

As awkward as it was between them.

Still, the ride provided enough time for Xanthy to reorder her thoughts. Soaking in June's heat had not only helped her focus on the pressing issue at hand but it also brought about some sort of familiarity that harbored her from dismissing her problem the moment she could. Has June always smelled of snedil wood? Oh, Queen's breeches. Focus.

Xanthy peered at June's side profile as he stared blankly at the haze of trees, roads, and merchants traversing the same road as they did. She pursed her lips and swallowed against the dryness of her throat. June's an able youth. He had the looks. He's sure to have some kind of romance he left back home. She couldn't have been the first girl he said those words to. It's unlikely.

Blood heated up her cheeks once again. She shouldn't even be thinking about that. She should be readying herself to meet her race at last. Should she have learned their etiquette? Their norms? How do they do things in their city?

Those were the things she should be thinking about and not...other things. Focus. She needed focus. Never mind that the ride with June felt not the least uncomfortable but actually...nice.

That was her life until they entered Percester. Her train of thought scattered and threw itself out through her ears the moment she laid her eyes upon the grand structures that were a far cry from the plain, circular buildings in Elshire and Diven. These estates matched the grandeur in the Nobility region in Cardina except for the fact that most of the buildings were of strange shapes.

Sempervivum flowers waved at her from their neatly arranged plots as their steeds masqueraded by them. Queen's breeches. They actually farm sempervivum here? These flowers are treated as pests in Cardina!

The sun had long faded from the sky, with five moons with their various-colored rays shining upon them. Xanthy wrinkled her nose. She would love to learn what the names of these moons were apart from the biggest moon, Crozal.

In speaking of Crozal, would the Crimson Mother ever tell Xanthy to make up her mind about the things that bothered her? Probably not. Xanthy snorted. What would even having a mother feel like?

Their dagrines' hooves slapped the cobbled road in a series of clip-clops that amazingly soothed Xanthy. They sounded like control. Like strength. Like certainty that the next one would come as soon as the last one ended.

Then, their party ended up in the middle of the city where a single statue stood. It was of a small man with a chisel and hammer, poised as if he was about to strike something. His face was frozen in a huge, tooth-filled grin.

"Pintlury the Carver," Cyrdel explained from his and Ravalee's dagrine. Their mount neighed and wagged its mane. Cyrdel craned his neck up at the statue whose gold cast gleamed against the moonslight. "Legend has it that he has spent his lifetime carving a mountain in the honor of the Rewan Cava."

Xanthy raised her head from having rested it on June's shoulder. "Rewan Cava?"

Ravalee signed something to Cyrdel and the boy nodded before turning to Xanthy. "A mythological creature known to raze cities to the ground if not pleased."

Xanthy's stomach churned at the mere thought of mighty monsters acting on childish whims. It's a good thing she never learned any myths or legends when she was young. She had less to fear.

Cyrdel shrugged. "Of course, this statue's maker decided not to include the mountain Pintlury was carving to allude to the allegorical intent of the legend's author to explain the feeling of working for something that did not matter in the end," he waved his free hand at the air in rolling motions. "It is satire, at the end of it all."

Xanthy glanced back at the statue before facing forward again. Maybe Pintlury spent his life doing something that didn't matter but maybe he loved carving mountains for the Rewan Cava? Perhaps, when doing something one loved, it's worth would be the last thing one would think of.

Just maybe.

More estates with various menageries (with live, exotic animals in cages!), gardens with various, colorful flowers and trees, and landscaped yards scrolled through Xanthy's eyes as their dagrines steered them to somewhere northeast.

"Hey, Cyrdel," Xanthy called the brownie and June was sensitive enough to steer their ride to catch up. "Who lives in these estates?"

Cyrdel looked around him like he was seeing the properties for the first time. His frown was noticeable even in the dim light the night gave the cobbled roads. Hey, why weren't these roads glowing blue?

"Officials," Cyrdel answered shortly. Xanthy took in the colors around her and noted that not one of them were brown or any shade near it, unlike in the past cities she visited where brown was all the color that painted the landscape. "Some of them are the advisers of the Royal household, summing up the Court of Varis," Cyrdel was saying with a clipped tone. "Some are currently serving in the Seelie Court as the High Queen's advisers."

Oh. Rich people, then.

Cyrdel must have seen her expression because he chuckled. "It's not what you think," he said, dropping his Ylanenla to switch to Keijula. "We pay people based on their work being done."

Xanthy scratched her head. "How come these people can afford these estates then?" She inclined her head at a building shaped like a glass of ale in a local tavern, complete with an arc that made up what's supposed to be the ear. "Structures like these don't look like they're built in a day."

"Well, some of these are owned by the Royal household and only lent to whoever was serving in government if they need it," Cyrdel flicked his dagrine's reins when the animal began slowing. "Some are built by brownies whose wealth dates back to a long, long time. Some lineages are stronger than others and in turn, they have accumulated more wealth over the centuries."

Xanthy hummed. Yeah, that makes sense.

Brownies dressed in russet coats donning black helmets strode along the streets, dipping their heads when Xanthy passed by. Cyrdel shrugged and explained that they were private contractors hired by the estate owners to guard their properties. Why were they acknowledging her, then? Did they know she was the Virtakios?

Other brownies dressed in thick cloaks, simple tunics and trousers, and boots of various heights milled about along with the russet-coated guards. They hurried along without glancing at anyone. Gods, that focus. Xanthy needed that.

Up ahead, the sky rumbled with the knowing signs of rain. Xanthy even saw flashes of lightning fighting with the moons' rays. Oh, they needed to seek shelter soon.

As if hearing her thoughts, Cyrdel pointed to a nearby building that looked sadder than the rest of the estates they just passed by. It was a simple cubical building three stories high with window-riddled walls, beige paint, and an outdoor stable to house the riding animals in.

"Alright," Cyrdel dismounted and Ravalee followed suit. "We will be staying here for the night. You can leave your mounts with us. If you want to explore the city, you can."

June was out of the dagrine before Xanthy could even say "Percester". She glanced to her right to find Nyxis already tying his steed into the stable's wooden poles posing as fences. The animal immediately lost interest in them; a pile of fresh straw earned it.

"I am just going to explore the traders' squares," Nyxis tousled his hair and grinned. His green eyes flashed against the moonslight. "See what I could find that could prove useful for my satchel."

He patted his satchel and Cyrdel nodded. "Be back in two hours," to which Nyxis whistled his agreement to.

"June, you coming?" the human invited.

"You bet," the half-blood said, helping Xanthy get off from the dagrine's back. "Xanthy?"

"I'll pass," Xanthy smiled at him as her feet hit the cobblestones. The sky rumbled once more. "I'm fine," she stared up at June who looked at her with worry flashing in his inky eyes. "Enjoy the city. I'll stay here."

June nodded, uncertainty dancing in his features. Xanthy grinned and jerked her chin at Nyxis's eager figure loitering a few feet from the stables.

Xanthy watched as June caught up to Nyxis and together, they vanished into the horizon until they were mere black and beige dots. A sigh disappeared out her lips as she led her mount inside the stable. Cyrdel and Ravalee followed suit.

As soon as the animal was secured on the pole and engaged in a plate of straw, Xanthy plopped down on a spare stool meant for stable people. She raked her eyes to the sky and tried counting the stars before her chaotic thoughts invaded her head again.

Got something in your boots? Let me see. Ravalee's voice speared through Xanthy's head, making her flinch.

Xanthy's head snapped up. She spotted Ravalee gesturing to Cyrdel a few paces outside the stables. There was a lot of arm-waving and eyebrows-raising. How could Ravalee even manage having two conversations at once?

Gods, don't scare me like that. Xanthy replied with her ming, massaging her chest and looking around. There were even fewer brownies lurking around as the night deepened. You should do something before speaking. I get jumpy every time your voice pops into my head.

Ravalee's voice sounded confused and amused at the same time. What? Like tickling your brain or something?

Yeah, tickle my brain, Xanthy nodded, then added, Or something.

A bolt of sharp pain seared into her head. She yelped and then braced her temples. Her eyes blurred for a second. Ravalee!

I said, 'tickle' Xanthy snapped.

Sorry. Still haven't gotten those mind signals under control. Ravalee chuckled nervously. Then, her tone turned inquisitive. Seriously, what's wrong with you? Ravalee asked.

Wrong? Nothing's wrong. Everything's sailing smoothly. Nothing's wrong.

Ravalee poked Xanthy's mind, gentler, this time. At least Xanthy's vision was still intact. You keep zoning out on me. Her half prodded. Are you okay?

Should I view your memories again or are you going to tell me? Ravalee pressed when Xanthy didn't answer.

Xanthy's throat hitched. It's unfair how Ravalee could peruse Xanthy's memories all she wanted but Xanthy couldn't do the same to Ravalee. Xanthy crossed her arms by her chest. Who knows you haven't already? Who's stopping you?

Hesitation clouded Ravalee's next reply. After that stunt you pulled in Lifver, I feel like I should grant you the discretion to allow me to access your memories. I figured it's not ethical just barging in and ruining everything. Although, for the record, it's fun.

Rain began pouring outside, soft drizzles at first and then a strong torrent a few seconds later. So, are you going to tell me or am I allowed to scour your mind? Ravalee asked as she and Cyrdel ran towards the roofed stable for cover.

Xanthy frowned. It sounded embarrassing or just plain trivial. She imagined Ravalee laughing at her when she said what was bothering her. It really was small, anyway. Ravalee glanced expectantly at Xanthy as her half dusted raindrops off her skirts.

Xanthy sighed and rolled her eyes. June confessed his feelings to me two days ago.

The other side was quiet enough for Xanthy to think that Ravalee must have closed the connection again. Xanthy cast a look at her half and saw Ravalee staring into empty space. Cyrdel had to snap his fingers in front of her to get her attention and asked her what was wrong.

Ravalee flinched. Xanthy watched as Ravalee gestured something to Cyrdel before smiling sweetly. He nodded then threw his arm around her shoulders as if that was the most natural thing in the world. A lump formed in Xanthy's throat.

"Xanthy, you coming inside?" Cyrdel stepped through a backdoor of some sort into a large room with yet another counter and a brownie tending to it.

Xanthy smiled and shook her head. "I'll catch up," she said. "Just getting some air."

Cyrdel and Ravalee headed inside the building. Xanthy folded her hands on her lap and remained where she was. She heard the door click shut.

Sorry, Ravalee's voice came back after a while. I'm just surprised.

Should you be? Xanthy replied. She eyed the cobblestones. Wow, they almost look like they're the same sizes. Amazing. You're the one who told me he had something for me in the first place.

I'm not surprised at that, Ravalee's voice was clipped and sarcastic like she's on the verge of laughing out loud. I'm amazed you know what "feelings" and "confessed" meant.

What? Xanthy bristled. Did Ravalee just say that? Really? I know what they meant. I'm not clueless about love, either.

Wasn't implying you are. Ravalee's voice was accusing. I am just wondering—when was the last time you said words like 'I like you' or 'I love you' to a sentient being? Hmm?

Xanthy bit her tongue. Ravalee got her.

I bet you didn't even realize until he said it directly, no? Ravalee's voice was chiding. What girl does that? It makes it harder for them.

June said that to me, too. Xanthy nodded and touched her chin. Was that really the case?

Yes, you dummy! Ravalee groaned which sounded like gears grating in Xanthy's head. You have to read between the lines, girl! What did you say back?

Nothing. Xanthy shook her head and studied her nails. She didn't remember them being this clean. June said I'm not inclined to give him an answer.

Ravalee scoffed. That's just what boys say to not put pressure on you! Come on, Xanthy, he may not have forcefully extracted something out of you, but he's waiting. If he waits too long, he's going to get discouraged.

Does it work that way? Xanthy asked, her head already going in circles. This was more confusing than she expected it to be. What should I do?

What do you feel about him?

Xanthy hesitated. What did she feel about him?

Don't be shy, Ravalee said softly. We're the only ones here. I promise I won't tell.

Okay, Xanthy looked around one last time and took a deep breath. I don't know what I felt about all...this. At first, I was a bit surprised to hear him say it. Then, I assumed he was lying. But I saw his face and realized he was not. Since then, I always find reasons to hate him or to find faults to discredit what he said. Am I making sense?

Usually when in love, people don't. Ravalee hummed.

Wha—I'm not in love! Xanthy defended. Blood rushed to her face once again. Was it just her or did the rain bring even hotter air from the ground? Not even close.

Then what do you feel about him? Ravalee prodded. Not about the situation. About him.

I'm...not exactly sure. Xanthy said cautiously, twiddling her thumbs. If someone saw her out, they might think she's losing it. Well, she might have been already. Ever since he told me he likes me, my heart refuses to calm down whenever he's near me. He even makes my face go red, though by embarrassment or something, I don't know. I'm really honored that he told me the things he did, but it still leaves a question as to what's supposed to happen now.

Then you have to tell him your answer, Ravalee concluded. What that is, I can't dictate for you. Search your heart and eventually you'll arrive at it.

Wow, that's easier said than done. Xanthy knitted her eyebrows and snorted.

As all things, Xanthy, Ravalee replied with a soft tone. Even loving someone is easier said than done.

Ravalee's voice grew silent in her head. Well, that didn't solve anything. Xanthy crossed her arms and leaned her back against the building's wall. She yelped and leaped back out when she found it was dripping with rain water. Oops. Nobody saw that, right?

Her stomach churned. Ravalee's right, though. Sooner or later she would have to answer June. She's not the type to leave people hanging when they need something from her.

But the real question was: What did June really need from her?

That night, they settled inside the three-story building as Cyrdel instructed. He rented a room much like the one they had in Diven. He said they're lucky enough for that opportunity.

Xanthy shooed Nyxis as she took the place beside Ravalee. She just couldn't end up beside June again. Nyxis and Ravalee didn't look like the type to pull off midnight confessions with her.

Cyrdel cleared his throat to catch their attention. "We will take a quick stop in Depandes tomorrow then we will fly to Toreza."

"Why?" Xanthy narrowed her eyes. What in Umazure was a Toreza?

"It is Jered Axilia tomorrow," Cyrdel pushed his hair away from his spectacles. He regarded Xanthy like his answer explained everything. "There is no way I am letting you miss that holiday. Besides, you should see the Temple of Memory!"

Okay. Toreza was a place and another Temple was on it. Why didn't anyone bother to tell her things like this?

"Wait, did we not see that in Diven?" Xanthy massaged her chin, remembering Dina, the pool of water, and the stunning architecture.

Cyrdel shook his head. "There are two brownie Temples. One is in Diven and the other is in Toreza," he held up two fingers to add to his explanation "The one we saw in Diven is just a branch of a bigger and more sophisticated Temple in Toreza. The main temple, or the Temple of Memory, is the largest temple in Umazure and comprises the whole city. So you should definitely see it!"

Xanthy's jaw dropped. "You mean Toreza itself is a temple?"

Cyrdel nodded. "It is a holy city and the priestesses are strict," he glanced at the plain walls surrounding them as if thinking of the perfect shade to replace them with. "Though, I should warn you, when we go there tomorrow, we should maintain a formal attitude throughout our stay."

"Why should we even do that?" Nyxis piped in, checking his reflection in yet another palm-sized mirror. Won't he ever stop doing that? "Can they allow a human in a brownie temple?"

Cyrdel tapped his chin and shrugged. "Why not? Jered Axilia is an island-wide holiday. Everyone celebrates it albeit with different methods. Brownies welcome everyone regardless of race or background so you should be good."

Inwardly, Xanthy wanted to second to Nyxis's sentiments. She thought of not going as well. In her days as a Disfavored, she didn't really get the essence of these holidays. These festivities promise hope and prosperity, which were void terms for most of them. As a silent rule, Disfavoreds never celebrate nor partake in any merriment of any holiday.

Xanthy's stomach twisted. If tomorrow was the seventeenth day of Strilaxis, then she met June exactly a month and two days ago. That added another crease in Xanthy's forehead.

"Best be ready for tomorrow," Cyrdel plopping down beside Ravalee and closed his eyes.

"If we are going to Toreza," Xanthy knitted her eyebrows as she edged to her place and rested her back on the mattress. "Why do we need to go to Depandes?"

Cyrdel cleared his throat. "Uh, I just need to grab something really quick."

He didn't explain further. The room grew quiet, the light died, and the room plunged into darkness.

Xanthy gave a small shrug before closing her eyes. Sleep pulled her in.