2412 Iclis 09, Kindreth

Xanthy woke up with pins and needles on her arm. She groaned and sat up, cradling her throbbing limb. There's no one with her in the room with the mattress they laid on were empty except for her. Her stomach clenched. They didn't leave without her, did they?

The door to her left swung open and June's head poked through. He looked fresh, having replaced his clothes with a new set. He didn't have his cloak on. Understandable. They were indoors. He looked different without it, though. More...open, if Xanthy could say freely.

He smiled when their gazes locked. "Hey," he whispered. "Mind if I come in? I didn't want to wake you earlier."

Xanthy scooted over to give June some room. He grunted as he settled beside her. The scent of forest breeze heavy in his hair wafted in the air and filled Xanthy's nose. Gods, that smelled so good.

Then, Xanthy's eyes widened. She just woke up. Her hair was probably worse than a cleret's nest with her breath comparable to Pidmena's realm. Blood rushed to her face. June's smile widened when he noticed her distress. "Someone's having a bad morning," he chuckled.

Xanthy crossed her arms. "It's just the nerves," she waved her hand in front of her face. Her eyes flew to her supplies satchel where her skin of water sat. "I'm just thinking about our trek to Edgerift later on."

"Come here," June said. With just those words, magical strings pulled at Xanthy's limbs and drew her closer to June. He didn't stop smiling as he shoved his fingers into her hair. Xanthy pursed her lips, the memory of when he first did that in Carleon vivid in her mind.

June slid his fingers down and up again, combing her hair into a decent flow. Xanthy resisted humming to herself like a flower child. The city beyond the window had long ago woken up with their daily bustling. Silence reigned in the room, though, with the wind blowing through the open window in their room their only companion.

Finally, June produced a twine from his trouser pocket and gathered her hair in a bunch. "You know," he secured her hair in a low ponytail. "You're not a very good liar."

One of us definitely is. Xanthy bit back that retort. That's not going to help their case. Instead, she snorted and leaned into him. "Yeah?" she stared at the taupe wall to avoid June's eyes. "How can you be so sure?"

June's arm snaked around her waist, steadying her against him. "Your nose wrinkles up and your lips purse when you're uncomfortable," he leaned his cheek against her scalp. "And you lie when you're uncomfortable."

Xanthy exhaled. What did June look like whenever he lies? How come June seemed to know even the small things about her while she hardly knew anything about him? She shook her head and massaged her temples. It's the same paranoia she had yesterday. Whether she liked it or not, it's bound to destroy what little they had.

"I feel cheated, that's all," Xanthy blurted after a minute of silence.

"What?"

Xanthy sighed, burying her face into his neck. "Yesterday," she began. "I'm sorry for the way I acted yesterday. It's completely out of line."

June's arms wrapped around her shoulders. His tone was tender yet tinged with confusion. "Hey, I thought we're over that."

"No, we're not," she took his hand and played with it. "It's time we sorted this mess between us. If we want to move further in this relationship, you'd have to tear down your wall as I've torn down mine."

June snorted. "Wow, I never thought you could say things like that."

"Stop changing the subject," Xanthy threw his hand down against his stomach. She drew away and met his dark eyes. "Who are you, June?"

If he was surprised, he didn't show it. In fact, he didn't show Xanthy anything at all. He just blinked at Xanthy. His mouth parted. "I'm..."

"I-I'm..." he cursed as he cradled his head. "I can't do this," he muttered.

Xanthy took his hands in hers. They were shaking. "What can't you do?" she leaned closer with knitted eyebrows. This wasn't like June at all. Usually, he would just joke around this conversation until Xanthy gave up. What's gotten into him?

"Why can't you tell me who you are?" she asked again. She knew June would probably snap at her to mind her own business.

Instead, June raised his head, tears brimming in his eyes. Xanthy blinked. "I don't want to lose you," his voice was thick. "I don't want to harm you with my mistakes."

What mistakes? "I'm not supposed to be here," June continued. "I'm not supposed to love you."

Xanthy's eyes widened. That's...

What was she supposed to feel? Happy? Angry? This was making less and less sense. Xanthy inhaled. "Why is that?"

June withdrew his hands from her grip and wiped his eyes with the back of his hand. "It's complicated," he sniffed. "My life is a complicated mess."

"That problem at home," Xanthy sidled closer to him and bumped him on the shoulder. Who knows how this question might backfire later on. "Is it connected to this?"

June took a deep breath. "No..." he shook his head. A curse flew out of his lips. "I don't know. I don't know what to do anymore."

June seemed out of his element today. He still won't tell her anything substantial but this time Xanthy could understand why. Fear. He's afraid—he said so himself. There's something about his past that he didn't want Xanthy to know because she might hate him for it.

Xanthy's heart wrenched. She reached out and grasped his cheeks. This time, she let his head rest on her shoulder. He didn't protest as her arms wrapped around his neck. She buried her fingers into his hair, white strands against light brown skin.

"It's okay, June," Xanthy pursed her lips, trying to sort her own feelings into neat rows like loom-threads. "We don't always know what will happen in the future and how our deeds will affect it. Your past is already written. The future isn't."

"It's okay if..." Xanthy bit her lip as she stifled her shaking voice. "It's fine if you can't tell me anything for now. I'm sorry for the way I acted. I don't mean to push you into talking about things you can't. I'm too curious sometimes," she laughed shakily. "But that's what love is like," she played with his hair with slow strokes. "It's a cliff with a promise of paradise at the bottom. There's no details given before you embark on the journey. You won't really know what's waiting for you at the end until you've leaped, heart and soul."

Xanthy raised June's head from her shoulder and placed her hand on his cheek. His skin was warm against her palm. "That's what loving you is like. Still, I'd rather hear everything from you," she nodded. "You're afraid of what might happen to us if you tell the truth. I am, too. I'm scared that this dangerous exercise will end up turning us against each other. I'm scared that you will choose to stay away from me rather than let me accept you."

She smiled despite the heaviness in her heart. "Whatever your past is, I promise I'll understand," she ran slow circles with her thumb against his cheek. He wasn't moving. His face remained blank. "No matter how twisted it is, no matter how crazy it is, I'll believe you. You don't need to lie to me. You won't lose me. Not ever."

Tears slid off of June's eyes. Xanthy wiped them away with her thumb. She spouted bold words but she wasn't strong enough to fulfill those until the end. No. She was saying this to get him to say something—anything.

"Just remember this day," Xanthy glanced at the ceiling to emphasize her point before looking straight at June's eyes once more. "It's the day I will tell you that the past doesn't matter to me as long as you don't let it affect you. Focus on the future. Focus on us. Whatever road you take, whatever choice you make, I will always understand you, June."

She let her hands fall from his face. A smile crept up to her lips. "That's a promise."

He wiped his eyes then smiled, the sparkle in his eyes returning. "Who knows you could say things like that?" he chuckled. "You never cease to amaze me, Xanthy."

Xanthy scooted closer and pressed her forehead to his. "Tell you what?" she whispered. "I can be poetic too."

June closed his eyes and inhaled. "Then I can call you Emory too?" he whispered back.

Xanthy laughed. "Not a chance, Emory."

June kissed her.