"I want to swim away but don't know how
Sometimes it feels just like I'm falling in the ocean
Let the waves up and take me down
Let the hurricane set in motion
Let the rain of what I feel right now come down
Let the rain come down"

One month later

His hand was getting colder by the day. He had always been cold from his poor circulation, but it continued to drop in temperature.

Hoseok and Yoongi visited every day. Jin and Namjoon came every few days, when they had time away from work to spare. Jimin even showed up the first week to make aure I was okay.

I wasn't.

I was filled with guilt. Regret. I was envious of Jungkook for not having any sense of time in his coma.

His possibly irreversible coma.

My God, I miss him.

I wasn't ready to tell him how much I cared about him, how much I loved him. It's hard for me to believe in love after such a short amount of time. It took me years to come to terms with my relationship with Jimin.

In all honesty, I was terrified. I didn't want to admit that I loved him because then if he does end up not making it, it would hurt more. I was scared of the pain saying those three words could cause me to feel.

If only I knew that not saying it would hurt more.

He could die without knowin that I loved him.

That's the worst feeling in the world.

•••••
Dr. Grey is becoming less optimistic as time goes on. She hasn't found a match for his heart and lungs. His blood is only circulating and his heart only beating because of the machines. If we unplug him, he's dead. Gone.

Also, he still hasn't woken up.

His brain hasn't shown much brain activity in the, now two months, since the incident.

I can't remember the last time that I slept for more then three or four hours. I'm barely eating, and that's only because everyone practically shoves it down my throat. I would be lying if I claimed to have never snuck off to the bathroom to throw all of the food back up after. I could see my appearance worsening. Feel it too, of course. Did I care? Only if my Jungkookie wakes up will I start making an effort to live.

I was out of tears to shed.

I don't know how I could go on living without Jungkook. It's been two months and I feel like I am slowly dying off, my flesh rotting away, my organs failing gradually, one by one.

"Fuck, Jungkook, please wake up." I kissed the back of his hand for what felt like the thousandth time today. My hands were shaking in his, but nobody was around to notice. "I should've told you I love you when you told me. I should've never gone to help Jimin. Maybe that panic attack led you closer to this. God, it's my fault. I am an awful boyfriend. I promised to protect you and I failed you so much, Kookie."

"You didn't fail him." Hoseok's voice appeared behind me, making me turn to face him with blurry eyes.

"Of course I did."

Hoseok shook his head, taking my hands in his as he kneeled in front of me. He stared intensely into my eyes. "Taehyung. Jungkook would come into work every day and rave about you, even before you two went on a date. If you didn't show up that morning, I would hear about it. He loves you so so much, I know it. He knew this could happen, and he tried to push you away so you wouldn't get hurt. If you failed him in any way at all, it was letting him push you away. Your love is the thing that will bring him back to us."

"Damn, my boyfriend says some amazing things, don't you think, Tae?" Yoongi pecked Hoseok on the cheek, causing him to blush.

I couldn't help but release a chuckle as I nodded. "Thanks you two."

A soft knock on the door caused us to turn our heads, watching Dr. Grey enter the room, a little more confidence in her step. "How are you all doing today?"

"I won't be okay until he wakes up." I squeezed his hand, hoping that he was conscious enough to feel it, even though deep down I knew he couldn't.

"Well, that's what I am here to talk about. The coma, as you know, could be partially caused due to the lack of proper circulation to the brain." We all hummed in response. "The way to help with that, obviously, is to get the heart and lung transplant."

Yoongi audibly gasped, his hands covering his mouth as his eyes went wide. Hoseok caught on, clutching onto Yoongi's arm tight.

I was still confused, however. "Yes, we know all of this. Why are you mentioning all of this again?"

Dr. Grey smiled before kneeling down in front of me so we were about eye-level. "Taehyung," she squeezed my spare hand. "We found him a pair of lungs and a heart. He's getting a transplant in a few hours."

•••••
I figured out how this book will end and y'all might not be happy with me😏