31. what hurts the most

QUINN

     WHILE HITTING THE PANS IN HER HANDS TO CREATE as much noise as possible, she yelled as loudly as she could. The walkers came stumbling towards the noise but luckily for her a fence was keeping them seperated. Together with Maggie and Carl she was luring the walkers away so Glenn and Daryl could place some obstacles in the grass so another car wouldn't be able to drive inside that easily anymore. Michonne was standing next to them, slicing the walkers down that weren't headed for the noise they were making.

Hitting the pan one last time she noticed they were done, jumping into the car and driving towards the gate, which Rick opened for them. Quinn started heading back towards the courtyard with Maggie and Carl behind her. She watched them climb out of the car as she walked up to them.

'They try to drive up to the gate again, maybe some blown tires will stop them,' Glenn explained their plan to Rick.

'That's a good idea,' the man responded.

'It was Michonne's,' Daryl said, his gaze focused on Rick and Quinn slightly frowned when it lingered there. Almost as if he meant to say more by it.

'We don't have to win,' Michonne said, walking up to them making Quinn look away from Daryl. 'We just have to make their getting at us more trouble than it's worth.'

Rick nodded. 'Let's go.' And they headed back towards the cellblock.

Once inside Quinn headed for her own cell. It was empty and dark but it was her home now and she was just gonna have to make the best of it. She took off her jacket and threw it on the chair that stood in the corner. The days were getting colder but here inside it was still warm enough to walk around without a jacket.

'You seen Merle?' A rough voice asked.

She turned around, seeing Daryl stand in the doorway, his crossbow swung around his shoulder as he looked at her. Frowning at him she shook her head. 'Why'd you think I know where he is?'

He gave a small shrug. 'You two seem pretty damn tight.'

A chuckle escaped her lips as she leaned against the wall. 'Merle isn't tight with anyone. Except maybe you.'

His eyes scanned her and she noticed how he had this calculating look on his face, as if trying to figure something out by staring at her. 'He apologise yet?' He finally asked, avoiding her gaze as he did.

She gave a slight shake of her head. 'No.'

Nodding slowly he turned to walk away but didn't and instead added. 'He's sorry.'

'He isn't,' Quinn said, making him turn to look at her again. 'You are,' she added quietly, studying his features and noticing how he was playing with his fingers. As if he was nervous to talk to her.

It was the truth though, what she was telling him. Merle didn't seem to mind what he did concerning others. No matter what you told him, he would always do what he wanted and never feel sorry for it.

Daryl was different. She had noticed that from the very beginning when the two of them had been captured trying to safe their friends in Woodbury. She wondered how the brothers could be so different in their actions and how yet they seemed to be similar in the way they guarded themselves. Both men had a steel wall around themselves and she was curious to find out what was hidden underneath it.

Daryl gave a curt nod before walking away but she followed him to the door. 'Daryl?' He stopped but didn't turn back to her. 'I lied,' she said slowly.

That did make him turn around, but only half as if he was readying himself to walk away anyway. His eyes narrowed at her as he nibbled on his lip.

'I did know you were Merle's brother,' she spoke. 'From the moment I saw you I knew. I just-' She took a deep breath, watching Daryl stand still as a statue as he listened to her. 'I thought Merle didn't deserve to be reunited with you after all he'd done.'

Still the man didn't react and she crossed her arms over chest while shuffeling uncomfortable on her feet. 'I was wrong,' she finally said. 'He needs you.'

Daryl stared at her, his blue eyes were piercing hers and she found herself having a hard time holding his gaze. Finally he nodded and she could tell it was a simple way of expressing something way too complicated to put in words. Then he turned around and walked away, she watched him until he was out of sight as her thoughts raced through her mind, wondering what could have ever happened to the brothers to put up such high walls.

'Michonne?' She called out, walking down the stairs of the cell block and into the courtyard. 'Mich?' She yelled again, panic settling in her stomach as she looked around and failed to find her friend.

'You okay?' Rick's voice cut through her thoughts.

She turned to look at the direction of his voice, seeing Rick and Daryl standing a few feet away from her. Shaking her head she walked up to them. 'I can't find Michonne anywhere.'

'I haven't seen Merle around either,' Rick sighed as if the two were connected.

'Come on,' Daryl said before turning around and running towards the generator room. Frowning Quinn and Rick made their way after him. The room was completely empty when they entered it. 'He was in here, said he was looking for drugs,' Daryl explained, looking around. 'Said a lot of things actually.'

'Like what?' Rick asked as they started walking around the room to search for any clues of where he might've gone.

'That you were gonna change your mind,' Daryl mumbled, making Quinn look at the man with a frown on her face but she didn't get a chance to find out what he meant as he kneeled down and picked a piece of cloth off the ground. 'Yeah they were here.'

'What does Merle want with Michonne?' Quinn asked slowly, staring at piece of cloth on the ground.

Neither of the men replied as they shared an uncomfortable glare, making Quinn her stomach turn around. 'What does he want with Michonne?' She repeated, her voice sharp as panic waved through her veins.

'The Governor,' Rick started, sighing deeply, 'he offered me a deal.'

Realisation settled in as she pushed her hair out of her face and exhaled deeply to try and get rid of the sudden lump that had appeared in her throat. 'Let me guess, in exchange for Michonne he would leave the rest of us alone,' she said, looking up at Rick with watering eyes.

He gave her a curt nod, unable to look at her as he did.

A small chuckle escaped her lips as she blinked away her tears. 'Unbelievable, you were actually planning on doing it, weren't you? I mean why else would you tell Merle? Unbelievable.' She took a shaky breath and started pacing up and down the room. 'You know I get it, you want to keep your family safe, I just hoped...' she shook her head, cutting herself off as she stood still again, her gaze turned to the ground.

'Hoped what?' Rick asked quietly.

She looked up at him, all the anger she felt mere seconds ago leaving her body, making way for a flaming pain in her chest. 'I just hoped we'd become a part of that family by now.'

A heavy silence followed as Rick put his head in hand, letting out a deep breath before shaking his head repeately, seeming unable to come up with any sort of answer.

'It's fine, I'll go after them myself,' she said, turning on her heels, heading towards the door.

'Can you track?' Daryl's voice echoed through the room as he called out after her.

'I'll be fine,' she responded. When no response came she sighed deeply and turned back towards the man, seeing them looking at each other, just like she expected. 'No, I can't track,' she admitted, knowing now was not the time to have her pride get in the way. Not when Michonne's life was on the line.

Daryl nodded, standing up from the ground and walking up to her. 'I'll go with ya.'

'Let's go,' Rick added.

'No,' Daryl cut him off. 'When we come back you gotta be ready.' He opened the door, ready to step outside before throwing Rick one last glare. 'Your family too.' Then he nudged Quinn and walked outside. She followed him without even as much as a glare in Rick's direction.

They ran towards the gate, opening and closing it again, running towards the treeline. Daryl's eyes were focused on the ground the entire time and Quinn didn't say a word, not wanting to distract the man. They had to find them as soon as possible, before the Governor could get his hands on Michonne. Or Merle for that matter. Quinn didn't expect to find any of them alive if the Governor found them first.

Her heart was beating loudly in her ears, her stomach tied in knots as she followed Daryl through the woods. Her head was spinning from the thousand possible scenarios that were playing out in her mind. If something happened to Michonne she would never forgive these people, she would never forgive herself...

'I knew ya were lyin',' Daryl suddenly spoke, keeping his eyes focused on the ground while speaking.

Slightly startled she frowned at him, not having expected him to talk to her. 'About what?' She questioned, staring at wings on the back of his vest as he led the way through the forest.

'Back in Woodbury,' he replied. 'Before ya told me, I knew.'

'How?' She asked, coming to a stop.

Finally he turned around to face her. Looking into his blue eyes made her shiver. 'The first time I saw ya,' he fell silent, seeming to choose his words very carefully, 'ya looked at me like ya knew me.'

She bit her tongue and took a deep breath, wondering how it was possible she was perfectly able to hide her emotions from everyone but the redneck standing here before her. 'Why didn't you say so?' She asked quietly. She figured he would've been angry with her. Anger seemed to be the one emotion he had no trouble to express.

'Figured ya had a reason,' he replied, beginning to turn around again, 'and ya did.' Then he continued their path with resolute steps.

Her legs remained glued to her spot until she blinked, shook her head and quickly made her way after him. It was slightly frightning to her that he was able to read her perfectly while she had trouble understanding even the little things he did and at the same time it made her feel safe around him, like she didn't have to hide anything.

They walked on in silence, their pace becoming faster with each step they took. Finally they broke through the treeline, entering a street with big houses on each side. Several dead walkers lay on the ground. Quinn threw Daryl a look and he nodded at her, they were on the right track. They started jogging down the street when suddenly a familiar figure appeared around the corner. Quinn abruptly stopped running, her eyes widening before her feet carried her across the street in a fast sprint. 'Mich!' She called out, making the woman who saved her life turn back to her. She pushed herself to run even faster, reaching her friend and pulled her into a hug. 'Oh thank god,' she breathed into her shoulder, feeling how Michonne put her hand on her back and held her just as closely.

Then the urgency of their situation settled back in and Quinn released her, frowning at the empty space around her. 'Where's Merle?' She asked as Daryl came to a stop next to the two. 

'You kill 'em?' he questioned.

'He let me go,' Michonne said, a deadly scowl on her face because of his accusation.

Quinn looked at her friend, not able to find a single hint of a lie on her face and she almost found herself smiling. It was a weird feeling that Merle had finally managed to proof to her that he was different from the people of her past after all, but it felt good at the same time. She had always known he was capable of more than just doing everyone's dirty work. And finally he seemed to have realised it as well. Then her breath hitched when a much worse realisation settled in. He had let Michonne go, but hadn't come back with her.

'Don't let anyone come after me,' Daryl mumbled, realising the plans of his brother as well and he started jogging down the street.

'I'm coming with you!' Quinn called out, making him turn back to her.

'Why?' He asked roughly.

She was already shaking her head as she started running down the street. 'I have my reasons,' she mumbled, watching as he stared at her with his piercing blue eyes. Her words seemed to be enough reason to convince him as he picked up the pace and ran after her. Quinn didn't know what it was but it seemed like Daryl Dixon had decided to place his trust in her. Why, she could not say. All she could do was make sure she would not break it, because trust seemed like something that wasn't easily earned from him.

She held her dagger tightly in her hand as they approached the barn. The same barn where Rick and the Governor had met a few days ago. Where that sick man had offered their leader a deal that would mean the death of one of the people closest to her. She could hardly understand how a sane person could come up with something like that.

She wasn't mad at Rick for considering it, for even wanting to do it. When it came to his loved ones he would anything to safe them, she understood that, she respected it. But it was so hard to shake the feeling of betrayal. She honestly believed he trusted them, that he had been willing to give her and Michonne a chance, but it turned out she was wrong.

They walked around the barn, the chewing noises and snarls of walkers reaching her ears. She and Daryl shared a quick glare before walking closer to the scene. Two walkers were feasting on a few bodies, too busy chewing on someone's insides to even notice Daryl and Quinn.

Swiftly they walked passed them, both of them looking around for any sign of Merle or the Governor but the terrain was awfully quiet. Several bodies lay on the ground, some with their insides all spread out around them. Daryl kneeled down next to one, probably trying to find the cause of its death, or check for useful weapons.

Quinn looked away, walking on with her daggers in both of her hands. Blood was splattered all over the pavement, intestines spread out on the ground and she shivered. The snarls of another walker sounded through the air and she turned her gaze away from the blood, her eyes finding the source of the noise.

It felt like a hand had appeared around her throat, squeezing it shut. Her dagger slipped out of her hand, clattering on the ground as her hand went to her mouth, her eyes wide as she stared at the sight before her.

'D-Daryl,' she called out his name, her voice shaking heavily as she stumbled backwards.

The man looked up from the body he had been staring at, frowning at her shaking body as he stood up and made his way over to her. His eyes trailed to where she was staring at and his entire body froze.

The walker that was seated before them on the ground finally looked up from the flesh it had been chewing on. Its chin was covered in red blood, its eyes held nothing of the familiar teasing spark they had before. Instead they were a cold blue with red edges. The creature swallowed a piece of whatever it was it had been chewing on as it looked up at Daryl and Quinn. A big red spot of fresh blood was visible on the walker its stomach, coloring its white shirt a crimson red, the reason of its death.

Merle.

She shook her head, the world spinning around her as she stared at the walker before her. Never before had she seen someone she cared about turn and she had never expected for it to hurt this much. For it to feel as though someone had reached inside her chest and was squeezing her heart.

Next to her Daryl had started breathing heavily, as if trying to hold back his tears but failing. He barely sobbed, instead his body shook as he cried soundlessly.

Slowly Merle stood up, stumbling over the body he had been eating from as he made his way over to them.

Quinn took a step back, tears rolling down her cheeks as a sob escaped her lips, her chest tightening painfully. She couldn't do it.

Merle headed for Daryl, who stepped backwards as a tear rolled down his cheek. With a pained cry he pushed Merle away but his dead brother kept coming at him.

Her entire body was frozen as she watched it happen, her cries were painful in her chest as she watched Daryl push Merle away once again, crying out as he did, the sound tearing at her heart. He took out his knife, pushing it into Merle's shoulder as he came at him again. He pushed his brother's body on the ground, pulling the knife out of his shoulder and driving the weapon through his skull instead, only to pull it out and push it back in again. He stabbed Merle's head, over and over again as he screamed loudly.

Sobbing she stumbled over to him, pulling at his shoulder. She had expected Daryl to push her away but he seemed to have lost all his fight as he dropped the knife and fell backwards in the grass. His breath came out uneven as he almost choked on his tears. Sitting up he looked at his brother before letting himself fall backwards again, gasping for air as he squinted his eyes closed, as if trying to drown it all out and hoping to wake up to find it had all been a horrible dream.

She sat down in the grass next to him, pulling her legs up to her chest, her eyes focused on Merle's body, nothing but an empty shape of what he used to be. Tears rolled down her cheeks and she barely understood why but had no strength left to figure it out. The man had gotten under her skin, and now he was gone.

A U T H O R 'S  N O T E

This was so hard to write! This was the first time Quinn saw someone she cared about turn into a walker and I really wanted to describe how painful that was for her. I'm still not sure how I feel about this chapter but I hope you guys liked it!

Things have really changed for Quinn now that she has seen someone she cared about being killed by the Governor. If she didn't want to take him down before, she certainly does now. I'm so excited to write the next few chapters. Woah, I've almost writing season three. It's truly insane how fast this is all going.

Anyway, this story is far from over so I hope you guys will stick with it a little longer!

Thanks so much for reading,

xXx

UYM