74. the eye of the hurricane

QUINN

      MORNING CAME WAY TOO QUICKLY, the sun already out and shining brightly again. Rick didn't give them much time to wake and got everyone up and moving again, like he did everyone morning. Quinn knew why, the longer they lingered the harder it would be to get moving, but that didn't mean her protesting limbs liked it.

Soon they were on the move again, walking down the asphalt towards a city that felt like it was located at the other side of hell. The Georgian summers were always hell but Quinn couldn't remember the last time it was this bad. Of course the weather decided to screw them the moment they had no means of escaping the blistering heat.

The road made a turn and they followed it without question but once they were around the corner Rick suddenly froze in his movements. Everyone came to a halt and Quinn stood on her toes to see what had stopped him. A frown appeared on her face as he slowly moved forwards, his hand lingering near his weapon. No one questioned him and the entire group turned ready for war within seconds. It was only when they reached whatever it was that had their leader so on edge that Quinn could see what it was.

A pack of water bottles stood in the middle of the road.

It was just standing there, like it had appeared out of thin air. Only, it hadn't, which was exactly the reason her hands were wrapped around the hilt of her dagger.

Rick took another step forwards and picked up a piece of paper that was put on top of the bottles. 'From a friend,' he read, looking up again his eyes were narrowed in suspicion, searching the treelines as if the person responsible could appear any second.

'What else are we gonna do?' Tara was the first one to break the silence.

'Not this,' Rick answered, still looking around. 'We don't know who left it.'

'If that's a trap we already happen to be in it,' Eugene reasoned, eyes fixed on the water in front of him. 'But, I, for one would like to think it is indeed from a friend.'

'What if it isn't?' Carol countered. 'What if they put something in it?'

Quinn saw no reason why anyone would go through the trouble of poisoning them while they could just as easily have killed them all while they slept. And yet she made no move to convince Rick to drink the water. Someone who left water on the road for strangers was either very stupid or really smart. And until they knew which, she wasn't planning on taking a sip, no matter how much her body longed for it.

But clearly Eugene had other plans as he suddenly stepped forwards the took a bottle in his hands. She had never seen anyone open up a bottle that quickly. She didn't even bother trying to stop him. If it was poisoned they had to know and sacrificing someone who lied to get their protection and gave them false hope seemed like a reasonable idea.

'What are you doing dude?' Tara questioned, not seeming willing to sacrifice their fake scientist.

'Quality assurance,' he answered, bringing the bottle to his lips.

WIth one big step Abraham was standing in front of him and hit the bottle right out of his hand, his eyes wide with something Quinn couldn't read. It seemed an awful lot like surprise, as if the soldier hadn't expected himself to still have the desire to protect the man. But it seemed like he had, and it shocked him more than he liked.

'We can't,' Rick simply stated after Abraham had taken a step back from the scientist.

Thunder rumbled through the sky, it wasn't the first time that happened and so Quinn expected in no way to happen what came next. Rain came falling from the sky so suddenly it was almost like someone had turned on a shower. Thick drops rained down on them like a gift from above.

It took a second for everyone to realise what was happening but then people started laughing, getting out their water bottles to catch as much of the rain as they could. Tara and Rosita lay down on the ground, enjoying nature's shower the best they could. Beth and Maggie hugged each other tightly and started dancing around. While Rick ordered for people to get bags and bottles and everything they could to catch the water.

A wide smile formed on her face as she felt the drops of heavenly water fall down her face. Her tank top, jeans and boots were soaked instantly but she hardly cared. Blinking against the drops she wiped her now heavy wet hair out of her face and turned to look at Daryl who stood with his eyes closed and head tilted to the sky. Her heart fluttered in her chest as she watched the rain drops fall down his face. His clothes were stuck to his skin, revealing every muscle and curve. As if he felt her staring he opened his eyes, his blue eyes finding her brown ones and she couldn't help herself. She laughed at him, overjoyed and ridiculously happy. And her smile became only wider when a small smirk appeared on his face, it was barely there, just the corner of his lip lifting up slightly but it was enough.

The thunder echoed through the sky once again, much louder now than it had earlier. Her heart raced and she turned her eyes to the sky, watching as thick black clouds came drifting their way. The wind was picking up and the thunder was painfully loud. It sounded like mountains collapsing, like the earth shaking and she knew in that moment they had to find shelter. And fast.

Judith was crying in her brother's arms but the sound was drowned out by the loud thunderclaps, rattling her bones. The wind was so strong it was bending the trees, breaking their branches. Cold dread settled in her stomach when she realised the truth of their situation.

'Let's keep moving!' Rick screamed, trying to get everyone's attention over the loud forces of nature. The bliss of the rain had turned into another danger within seconds. If they didn't hurry, they'd get caught in the middle of a hurricane.

'There's a barn!' Daryl shouted at him.

'Where?' Rick questioned.

Daryl pointed at the woods and without another word they gathered their stuff and headed towards what could be their salvation. They ran through the forest, Daryl guiding them towards the wooden shed. Soon it appeared between the trees and they wasted no time heading inside. With their weapons up they moved in but after a quick scan it turned out to be empty. They moved their stuff inside and got comfortable, as well as they could on the hard wooden floor. There was some hay on the ground but not enough for everyone and so they made a little bed for Judith and let the others sit on the ground. Daryl tried to get a fire going but the flames didn't get very high.

'Let me try,' Glenn offered.

'Nah,' the redneck replied. 'They're too wet.'

Quinn joined them in the little circle around the fire. Beth and Maggie were laying a few feet away, already fast asleep. Abraham was seated in the corner, drinking away his sorrow with Sasha watching him carefully. Carl was asleep as well, holding his little sister in his arms on the bed of the hay. Quinn noticed Rick watching them and his troubled eyes softened, like they always did when he looked at his children.

'He's gonna be okay,' Carol said, noticing him staring as well. 'He bounces back more than any of us do.'

'I used to feel sorry for kids that have to grow up now, in this,' Rick replied. 'But I think I got it wrong.'

'How so?' Milo questioned, frowning slightly.

'Growing up's getting used to the world,' he explained, his eyes turned towards the small fire. 'This is easier for them.'

'This isn't the world,' Michonne spoke, her voice strong and determined. 'This isn't it.' She sounded so sure of it that Quinn almost wanted to believe her but she couldn't. Not after everything they had seen. Sure, they still had each other but that was because they fought for it, they fought to be here. It wasn't because the world had spared them misery. It was because they were fighters. Quinn no longer believed the world was anything but cruel. It had been cruel to her since her childhood and she hadn't had many reasons to believe otherwise since then. Maybe back at the prison there was a short time she believed it could get better but that dream quickly got destroyed too. And now she knew there was no "better". There was only what they fought to make. Bad and slightly less bad.

'It might be,' she whispered, lifting her eyes to look at her friend. Part of her was jealous for the hope that burned in Michonne's gaze but it was quickly drowned out by her own believe that there simply was no getting better.

'That's giving up,' Michonne told her, that stern scowl on her face that used to make an impression on Quinn.

'No,' Quinn replied, 'it's facing reality.'

'Until we see otherwise, this is what we have to live with,' Rick joined in. He too, had a hard time believing things would get better. 'When I was a kid, I asked my grandpa once if he ever killed any Germans in the war.'

Quinn shifted on the ground, trying to get comfortable. Her arm brushed against Daryl's leg, who immediately tensed at the contact. She ignored him, finding a comfortable position as she listened to Rick.

'He wouldn't answer,' Rick went on, 'he said that was grown up stuff, so...So I asked if the Germans ever tried to kill him but he got real quiet. He said he was dead the minute he stepped into enemy territory. Every day, he woke up and told himself: "Rest in peace, now get up and go to war". And then after a few years of pretending he was dead he made it out alive. And that's the trick of it, I think. We do what we need to do, and then we get to live.'

She nodded slowly. They could wish all they want the situation was different but it simply wasn't. Pretend to be dead to make it out alive...it was exactly what they were doing right now. Hoping against hope that, that was enough to make it.

'But no matter what we find in D.C., I know we'll be okay,' he added, his voice soft but his words filled with strength. 'Because this is how we survive. We tell ourselves that we are the walking dead.'

Silence fell over the group, Rick's words settling in slowly and she agreed. There was no other way of making it then pretending you were already gone, only then life would no longer get to you because you were already dead. And only after you made it and you were safe could you start living again.

But Daryl shook his head. 'We ain't them.'

She wished with all of her heart that she could believe him.

'We're not them,' Rick agreed, 'we're not.' His unspoken words filled the air. 'We're not them but we have to pretend to be to make it.'

Daryl stood up, shaking his head again, firmly. 'We ain't them,' he repeated, his voice so strong that it made her shiver. He took his crossbow and walked towards the other side of the barn, the wooden walls taking him out of sight.

For a second she doubted but then stood on her feet and followed him. She found him pacing in front of the doors. They had chained them together to prevent the wind from blowing them open but still they rattled in the cruel gusts of wind.

She stood there, watching him pace back and forth in silence with her arms crossed over her chest. 'We gotta make it,' she said, her voice stopping him as he turned to look at her. 'That's what you said to me. And we will.' And she believed it, truly and knew Rick did too. But until that time they were dead and there was nothing they could do to change that.

Daryl narrowed at her. 'We ain't dead,' he grunted harshly, a shiver running down her spine. She wondered if she'd ever get used to the feeling that he could see right through her. 'After everythin'? Nah, it's us and we ain't dead.'

She took a deep breath, nodding slowly even though his words did everything but calm her. She couldn't be herself to make it. If she'd been herself while killing that man, she would be destroyed. If she'd been herself while killing Dawn, she would no longer be here and maybe, in some way, she wasn't. She wasn't truly here.

Who she was and who she needed to be to survive were two different persons. And the moment they weren't, the moment she let them become one, she'd go crawling back to her past. And that thought scared her more than anything. And so it was probably for the best if she just pretended to be dead, that way neither person would win.

'Ya ain't,' he said, his voice so soft that it startled her out of her thoughts.

They stared at each other and the burning fire in his eyes was asking her, no pleading her to believe she wasn't dead. Breathing suddenly become an impossible task as her eyes teared up. He believed in her, even if she didn't. He was standing there, every inch of his body glowing with the conviction that she was alive, that she deserved to feel alive even after the lives she'd taken and the things she'd gone through.

Something salt touched her lips and it was only then she realised the tears had escaped her eyes. Quickly she wiped them away, taking a deep breath to try and calm herself down. The impact this man had on her scared her to her very core. He was never far from her side, always hovering behind her, like a shadow, afraid she'd disappear if he looked away. It scared her that she was getting used to it. If he wasn't around, not hovering nearby, the space around her felt empty and unsafe. She shouldn't depend on him watching her back so much, but she did, she trusted him with her life. Which was why him believing in her, touched her more than she could ever have imagined.

Movement made her eyes drift to something behind him and her head immediately went to her dagger, pulling the weapon free. 'Duck!' She shouted. And just like she had trusted him in the woods two weeks ago, he now trusted her and knelt down while her blade whizzed through the air and hit the walker at the door right between the eyes.

Daryl jumped back up, turning towards the door. He ran forwards, pulling her dagger free and pushing the walker to the ground. She ran up to him, the two of them looking through the crack in the doors. For a minute, she saw nothing but pitch black sky but the lightning lit up the sky and showed exactly what was in front of her. Her mouth went dry.

Walkers.

Dozens and dozens of walkers.

'Shit!' Daryl shouted and threw himself at the doors.

Quinn didn't hesitate and planted her feet firmly on the ground, pushing her shoulder against the doors. If they got inside, it was over. The moans of the dead were growing closer and chills ran down her spine. She braced herself for the impact she knew was coming, but hoped would stay out forever. The walkers reached the doors, pushing their decayed bodies against it with an inhuman like strength. She grunted as she pushed, her arms burning from the effort it took.

The sound of the walkers banging against the door drew the attention of the others. Maggie and Beth were awake and didn't waste any time jumping to their feet and sprinting towards them, placing themselves against the right door while Daryl and Quinn struggled with the door on the left. Sasha came running up next, placing herself directly besides Quinn, back pressed against the door. The thunder rumbled and the lightning lit up the room, all while the snarls of the herd outside were hurting her ears.

She dug her boots deeper into the mud, hoping to stand strong against the door. They had to hold it, there was no other option. There were too many walkers to fight, and the group was far from their strongest. They would never win. The only option was keeping the doors closed.

Finally the others came running to help. Everyone threw themselves against the doors, cursing loudly as they tried to hold of the walkers. Her arms were burning and she turned around, pressing her back against the door instead. Nails were digging into the shoulder but she ignored the pain, screaming from the effort it took to keep the doors closed.

Sweat fell down her forehead and into her eyes. She blinked, ignoring the burning sensation the best the could. She couldn't let go, not even for a second. Her eyes drifted to Daryl. His mouth was pulled into a thin line, concentration on his face as he struggled against the doors.

The wind was picking up, howling loudly and besides the thunder she could hear branches breaking and wood cracking and above it all was the never ending snarls and moans of the walkers. The group was growing tired but the corpses never would. Someone cursed loudly, probably Abraham, while someone else screamed. Silent tears were streaming down Beth's face but she never stopped pushing against the doors.

Thunder crashed and the barn shook on its foundations. Fear pumped through her veins and for one awful second she believed the roof would be ripped off by the howling wind. But the barn stood strong while the hurricane raged on outside. The wind was reaching its highest point, tearing at the building while howling so loudly it was hurting her head. The many sounds were mixing themselves in her mind, a headache setting in. Her body was burning, her head aching and a stream of curses left her lips. Her bones rattled by the wind and then a terribly loud crack came from outside. Her eyes widened as she realised what it was. She held her breath, her eyes finding Daryl's eyes and she knew he realised it too. The wind was taking down the trees. She could hear Gabriel praying for salvation and she wished that whatever god was out there, would hear him and make sure the trees wouldn't come crashing down on the barn.

As suddenly as the wind had picked up, it stopped again and the sudden lack of pressure on the opposite side of the door caused the group to stumble. Slowly they all took a step back, breathing too heavily to ask what had happened, though everyone was thinking it.

'W-what happened?' Beth was finally the first one to stutter.

Rick took a small step forwards, taking a look outside. 'It's too dark,' he mumbled. Then turned back towards the group. 'I want someone watching that door, the rest of you get some sleep.'

Everyone slowly walked away, retreating to their corners of the barn in the hopes to get some sleep, everyone but Daryl, who sat down on the ground with his face turned towards the doors, eyes narrowed. As if he expected the walkers to come back any second. Without a word she sat down next to him, and as always she ignored the way he tensed when her leg brushed against his. She wondered if he would ever get used to having people close. If he'd ever be relax enough around her for her to be able to touch him without feeling like he didn't want her here.

The point was she knew he did want her here. He just didn't say it and most certainly didn't show it but the fact that he had showed unwavering believe in her just an hour ago told her all she needed to know. The fact that he was protecting her and everyone else day after day showed her more than any words could have. Sometimes she did wonder why, out of all everyone still walking this earth, she felt drawn to a man who had trouble showing even the smallest signs of affection. But then she realised that maybe that was the reason.

He had just as many walls around his heart as she did and he didn't have any one that could see through them. She had Milo but Daryl had lost Merle. She wanted to be the person that could see through his walls, because for most part, she already did. She wanted to give him the same amount of support he'd given her by saying that one sentence. She wasn't dead, he wouldn't let her believe it. And so she would do the one thing she could think of; show the same amount of unwavering believe in who he was.

Because the truth was, without him she would never have gotten this far. He saved her life over and over again and all she could do was hope that one day, she'd be strong enough to do the same for him.