~~~~~Haerin

Naeun Unnie is answering all the questions the doctors are asking. Mi-Hi is just sitting on my lap with her fingers stuffed between her lips. She looks at the strangers with suspicion, and honestly I can't blame her. I feel judged every time they ask why we haven't gotten her treatment started sooner. I feel my body getting hot, as my anger begins to build at their questions.

"Mama?"

Mi-Hi's squirming, and questioning tone, makes me realize I am squeezing her too much. I relax my grip, and softly apologize before planting a kiss on her head. She leans into me and I let myself enjoy the feeling of her cuddles. I have tuned out the annoying doctors at this point, until I hear a question that makes me snap my eyes to them.

"Where is this child's father?"

Unnie looks at me, and I turn to the doctor who asked this.

"He is working and couldn't be here."

I state things simply, but feel my blood boil when the same doctor comments further.

"He couldn't find time to be here for this? Tch... His priorities need to be adjusted I'd say."

My blood races, my body trembles, and my head explodes in pain. The room around me starts to go fuzzy as I fight to control my anger... Black dots float around my vision, and voices become muffled. No no no no... Not again...

~~~~~Naeun

I want to take Haerin out of here, but how would I explain that? I see her anger rising as she fights to keep control of herself. Then it happens... The inconsiderate doctor says something about Jeongguk not having his priorities in the right place, and Haerin loses the battle.

The groan leaves her lips and I pull Mi-Hi into my lap as Haerin/Raven flies her hands to her head. The doctors all look concerned, but I hope they don't make this worse. I speak to Haerin quietly, and try to soothe her, hoping for her to calm down.

"Is she alright Naeun-ssi?"

"She suffers from migraines... Maybe if we could take a small break, she could get some fresh air. This usually soothes her."

They agree and I grab Haerin gently to get her to stand from her seat. We leave the room, and I take her hand, leading her outside. We take a seat on a bench in a garden near the hospital.

"I'm sorry Haerin... I should have told them to mind their own business. I was surprised they were that judgemental."

"It's alright Unnie... Those fuckers don't have a clue what we've gone through to make the money for her treatments.... Assholes..."

I know Haerin is gone, and it makes me nervous. If we go back in there, she'll create a scene, and I don't want that for Mi-Hi, or for Haerin. I wish we had let Jeongguk know about this appointment, but Haerin didn't want to interfere in his life. I should have told him anyway, so he could have helped.

"Why don't you go and get some rest Hae? I can go back and finish up here, and schedule her first therapy."

She fixes me with a cool stare, but nods and stands from the bench. I watch her pull out her phone, and as she walks away, she's making a call. Knowing that Raven is in control, it's likely she's going to Rush. I hug Mi-Hi to me as she watches the figure of her mother leaving. A tear slips from her eye, and she whines out 'mama' while I try to fill the void.

"Let's get back Mi-Hi... Aunty Naeun will make this quick and then we'll get ice cream."

Her beam when I mention her favorite treat makes my heart happy. We walk back inside, and I sit down again to continue the consultation. After another 30 minutes I've answered all their questions, scheduled the first therapy, and explained that the father is actually an idol with a busy schedule. This bit of knowledge shuts them up pretty effectively, and I wished we had just said it to begin with.

Sitting in the ice cream shop with Mi-Hi, I begin to wonder how I'm going to help Haerin next. She seems to continue to be herself with Jeongguk. She even switched out of the Raven persona when he was there in the park. I know he is part of the solution, but will he be able to handle the truth about how she got to be this way? There's only one way to know I guess. Thinking this, I decide to call him.

Just when I think he's not going to answer, he does. He sounds completely out of breath and I feel guilty that I've interrupted him...

"Noona? Are you there?

"Oh... Sorry... Did I interrupt something?"

"I am just at the gym... So nothing that can't wait. What's up?"

"When you're finished what you're doing, I'm hoping we could meet up... I need your help."

"Alright. Where are you now?"

I tell him the name of the ice cream place, but insist he didn't need to leave his workout. He laughs and tells me he's happy to stop because he's just overdoing it, to work off his frustration. 20 minutes later I see him entering, wearing his mask and a bucket hat. He takes a seat and Mi-Hi clambers out of my lap and up onto his thigh. The smile can't be hidden, even by the mask. His eyes are crescents with crinkles at the corners, and he begins bouncing Mi-Hi making her squeal in joy.

I notice a few people are looking at us suspiciously, so I stand and suggest we find a private place to talk. He follows me, carrying Mi-Hi on his shoulders, which makes her beyond excited. Seeing the world from so high up, has her pointing here and there, but giggling non-stop. We enter a park and find a spot that is near a lake and has ducks. There is a cart selling bread crusts, and we buy a bag to let Mi-Hi feed them.

After Mi-Hi has run herself to exhaustion by chasing the birds, she settles on Jeongguk's lap and promptly falls asleep. Her fingers are in her mouth, sucking gently and nuzzling into his chest. I can't help but grin at the sight, and I reach a hand out to caress her head gently.

"Thank you Noona... For being there for Haerin, and the kids, these years... Thank you."

I nod, and feel the lump in my throat grow, stealing my voice for a minute. He is thanking me now, but will be still feel that way when I give him the whole truth? I wasn't able to protect Haerin like I should have, and now she may be beyond help... I'm hoping that isn't the case, and Jeongguk is the key to bringing her back...

"Noona? Are you alright? Why are you crying?"

I hadn't realized that tears had started to skid down my cheeks, and I wipe them away to only have more escape. I haven't cried in so long because I don't have that luxury. Haerin needs me to be strong for her... for the kids... And here I am wasting time.

"Stupid... I don't have time... Ye-Jun needs to be picked up in an hour... Why didn't I think of that?"

"Hey... Don't worry... I can ask Jimin or Hobi Hyung to collect him. I know they'd love it. Stop stressing... You call the director-nim and I'll call the guys."

I nod and wipe my face taking deep breaths. I hear him talking to who I assume is Jimin, and I place the call to the kindergarten. The director was kind, and says she understood. She asked how Mi-Hi's appointment went, and I told her that it went alright and the first therapy was scheduled for next week. When I'm finished on the call, I'm met with a confused look from Jeongguk.

"What therapy Noona? Is something physically wrong with Mi-Hi?"

I see fear, and pain, in his eyes and I reach a hand out to grab his. I explain the issues that Mi-Hi has, and the therapies she'll need. He is relieved that it's not some disease that could steal her life. We talk for a bit about Mi-Hi, and then he asks what I dread.

"Where's Haerin?"

My heart drums in my chest, and I look down trying to find the words that can soften this. There aren't any...

"I don't know for sure... There was an issue at the appointment with the doctors, and she started to get upset... I ended up taking her outside to give her a break before she lost it..."

"What upset her?"

"They made a not so nice comment about you..."

"What? Why?"

"I solved it after she left, but she was about to burst at them and nothing would have been accomplished."

"But what did they say?"

"That your child was not your priority... I explained it though. They understand now... Don't feel bad."

"Noone told me about the appointment... I would have been there if I'd known."

He kicking his feet at the ground in frustration, and this is only a small thing. How can I tell him all the things that have happened to Haerin? How can I explain about Rush? About RED? About Beom-Seok, and how he died?

"Noona?"

"Sorry... I'm just trying to figure something out..."

"Tell me Noona. I know whatever it is will hurt me. I've seen how she is, and I know something is really wrong with her... Stop hiding it from me. I want to help."

"Alright... Do you know where she works?"

His jaw clenches and I watch the muscles jump. His hands are forming into fists, and his hard stare at the ground could cause flames to erupt. I'll take that as a yes... But how?

"I do know... I told her to stop... I gave her my black card."

"How did you find out? I know Jimin went there to confront her, and that went wrong, but"

My voice fails when I see his shocked and rage filled look. Shit... I thought Jimin must have told him...

"When did he go there? What went wrong?"

"Jeongguk-ah... Maybe we should talk about this when you're not holding Mi-Hi..."

"No... She the only reason I'm not yelling right now... Continue..."

"How did you find out?"

"I went there with Namjoon Hyung a while back. I didn't do anything... I just watched a girl dance... I found out last week that girl I watched, was Haerin... Well, Raven..."

"You went there last week?"

He nods, and looks at his daughter. I can see he feels embarrassed and upset with himself.

"Listen... It's alright that you went there Jeongguk. I'm not going to judge you for that."

"It was the night after I met her in the park and she passed out. I went with Hyung to try and take my mind off all the things that I couldn't control..."

"And what happened?"

"I saw the same girl dancing... with a man this time... His hands were on her in an intimate way... When she turned, I realized it was Haerin..."

A tear escaped his eye, and I felt awful that he found out that way. I give him a minute to calm down because I see he's getting really upset, and there is so much more to go. As I'm about to start again, someone calls to him and he turns to see his members coming to us. Not just Jimin and Hoseok, but the rest of the band... Damn... I suddenly feel really nervous, and completely intimidated.

I realize Ye-Jun is walking with Hoseok, and he runs to me. I hug him and he gives me a sweet kiss on the cheek. We talk about his day, and he is clearly over the moon over being picked up by the idols that surround us.

"Where's Mama, Aunty?"

"She had something to do... I'm sure you'll see her later."

His face falls, and I can see he knows that I'm lying. His mother hasn't been around much lately, and when she is, she's not much fun. But he pastes a smile on, and pats Mi-Hi's head. Jeongguk is speaking quietly with one of his members, and I can see him trying to show them Mi-Hi's face. Every one of them is enamored by both kids, and Jeongguk just smiles proudly.

"Hi! I'm Kim Seokjin. I'm sorry we're so rude to not introduce ourselves."

Looking up into the face of the most beautiful man I think I've ever seen, I feel my cheeks burn. I smile to him and shake my head while telling him it's fine. He spends the next few minutes telling me who everyone is, and I greet them as he goes around the group.

"Noona? Do you think it would be alright if Ye-Jun and Mi-Hi go with the Hyungs to the dorm? That way we could talk better..."

I look around at all their sweet faces, and Jimin looks like he's itching to hold Mi-Hi. I smile and wink at Jimin and agree that it would be best to have them taken care of while we talk. As they collect everything they need, including my phone number, in case there's an issue, Seokjin sits next to me and leans in conspiratorially...

"Jungkookie is so happy these days... Thank you for bringing them back to his life."

I feel the pang of guilt that I didn't do that long ago. I kept waiting for Haerin to do it, thinking it was her decision. It's just one more way I failed her, and the kids. If I'd found a way to contact him back then, even if Haerin would have been upset, she might not have gone through everything... She wouldn't have. I failed her so badly... But I just smile and nod sadly at the man who gave the compliment I don't deserve.

________________________

Thanks for reading!

I think the next chapter is going to hurt for Jeongguk... I hate causing him pain, even in fiction... 😅

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