This is the song that John was listening to. The lyrics represent how Alex was feeling during the first scene. I was making an animatic to accompany it, but its shit, so no.
The music is "no words" by Dodie Clark (aka, Doddleoddle)
And you will understand what i mean when i say that almost everything in this chapter is angst, no words, and fucking TV.
ANGSTTTTTTT
Alex
He had failed.
Everything he attempted had failed.
There was nothing more he could do.
He had tried his hardest, and John was still closed off.
He did everything possible.
He wrote notes, he wrote letters, he attempted to talk to him during class.
Yet John still found a way to avoid him in the most subtle way possible.
Alex thought that going to the beach with the others would have broken through him.
John had at once even showed a glimmer of pulling though the void he had fallen into,
He would try so hard and strained himself as much as he could to plaster a tinted smile.
And yet, he was still confounded against a solid wall that John had built to seperate all.
He slipped back into the void.
There was no way he could help John, it was impossible.
But he couldn't stand listening to John's sobs through the door one more time.
Alex froze, his body stiffening tightly as he held himself against John's door. He could hear faint sobbing crawling from the other side and sliding underneath the door crack. Alex sighed. This was getting too much. The same routine was stuck into Alex's brain; John would fly through the door, mutter a quick greeting to Alex, who was typing furiously at his desk, then retreat to his bedroom before Alexander could react. John would start to cry after around twenty minutes, causing alex to draw to the outside of John's room, not even daring to knock or erupt the weeping teen. He'd stay crouched at his door, breathing in all of John's sorrows, not knowing how to approach it, not knowing what words to use.
Such excuse Alex now pitied, wondering why he had never tried to console John. Straightening up, Alex gently knocked at the door with a hitched breath. "John?"
The strained sobs stopped abruptly. "Y-yeah?" John's voice cracked with a attempt of keeping control of it.
"Please let me in." Alex pleaded with an unprepared guilt lingering in his tone. After a dealing silence of around thirty seconds, Alex picked up a shaky exhale flooding from inside the room. The door handle twisted with a jolt and the door finally flew open. John stood limply in the doorway with bags weighing down his lifeless and sorrowful eyes, bigger than golf balls and darker than the naked night. The bruising purple colour of his bags were mixed with a pale but rosy colour that also swept from his eyes through his cheeks. John's hair seemed to have kept itself surprisingly neat, with a bunch of curly springs of hair sticking out unevenly. He turned away from Alex and sat back down on his bed as if he was invisible.
Alex sighed and sat down next to John hesitantly, twiddling his thumbs and unsure of what to say.
"John, i..." words that tumbled out of Alex's mouth became even more fainter as he watched tears silently flow out of John's eyes, trickling onto his his lap where his hands sat lifelessly. For once in Alex's life, he had no words. He was at a loss.
Finally composing himself after a brief session of silence, he straightened up again. "John, please talk to me. What's wrong?"
John snapped his head from his downwards, longing fixed stare and gazed at Alex with desperate, broken eyes. Alex noticed that the once shamrock colour around his expanded pupils had been replaced with a dark sage, dull and uneasy.
Finally, a whimper slipped through John's gritted teeth at Alex's words, and failed to choke back a strained sob. Curling into a small ball on the edge of the bed and bringing his knees up to his soaked face, his racking sobs that had turned into routine for every day sounded so casual, yet excruciating to listen to, spilled out of his chest.
Alex stared at John with utter pity and shock, completely distraught and confused. Johns sobs filled the air heavily as Alexander watched John pour out his heart out helplessly. Each tear that John let slip down his freckled face tugged at Alex's heartstrings dreadfully, finally snapping him back into reality.
He gently lifted John's crippled chin from his knees to snatch his attention, then moved towards him with a rush of emotions and wrapped his arms tightly around John's waist and smoothed his hand up the teen's crinkled jacket. John gasped slightly with surprise, then started to wail into Alex's shoulder after a few seconds. Alex shushed him lightly and rocked him back and forth quietly, feeling John's frail, suppressed body pressed limply against his own.
Alex realised suddenly that he had no words to say. All he could do was be there for him and comfort him. Silence overpowered John's sobs and filed through the room like sunlight pouring in a room on a sunny Saturday morning. All that he could hear was his wracking sobs and a slightly muffled voice singing through John's earbuds.
Feeling a warm tear slip down his worn out face, he grasped away from John and faced him. "John, I know you won't tell me what's wrong, but please, please know that I will always be there and help you, okay? You don't have to hide from me."
John nodded hesitantly, looking away from Alex with abashment glowing from his eyes. "I-I'm sorry."
Alex knew that John was holding back from telling something more, but he decided not to push it, as he was proud with the progress that he had made. "It's fine, its okay! Now, how about we go and watch some Disney movies?"
John sniffed and rubbed his eyes with carefreeness, making them even more redder than before. Turning back to Alex, he nodded. "Thanks."
Alex exhaled heavily as John and himself lied comfortably on the modern gray couch, his eyes glued on the screen that was currently screening Tarzan, after previously watching "Beauty and the Beast", and "Mulan". Although Alex's eyes were fixed on the tv screen, his mind was fixed on John's earlier fragile and somewhat deeply broken expression. Alex couldn't bear to think of it more, but the details was engraved into his head, as if his brain studied it in a flash and kept it as a momento.
Looking down at John's delicates crafted face, the puffy outskirts of his eyes had died down, but his face still wore and unreadable expression, as if mixed with tranquility, guilt and despondency. His eyelids started to slump, giving way to Alex as a notification that John was about to fall asleep.
After a brief moment, tiny snores admitted out of John's peach coloured lips, allowing Alex to stare at his angel-like face with no interruption. Alexander slipped his hand under John's waist and entwined himself around John's body. His warm skin brush silently through Alex's, making his stomach do a summer sault and burry his face closer into John.

John
Closing the door lightly and stepping foot into his dorm, John walked through the living room and made his way towards the kitchen, putting his bag down containing his folders from classes. "Alex?"
"Peggy."
Peggy sat on the kitchen bench, swinging her legs up and down and facing the study, chowing down on a crimson plump apple. Alex popped his head out from the left side of the study and simpered and John. "Hey, John! How's Medical Class?"
"Great." John nodded simply, giving a weak smile to Alex.
Over the past few days, after john had his "breakdown", he felt that he had been quite overly attached to Alexander; keeping close to him, tugging on his arm like a child, hiding behind him, buzzing like an irritating fly. His self conscious got the better of him every time that they were abreast.
Why should I be? I'm just friends with him, so there shouldn't be any problem.
As such, whenever John and Alex were snuggled on the couch, it took him all his might not to burst into lovestruck giggles. He had to constantly remind himself that they were just friends.
Alex swung from his chair and shuffled into the kitchen and opened the pantry.
"So, whatcha doing here, pegs? N-not that I don't want you here, t-that's not it!"
Peggy laughed simultaneously over John's stutters. "Relax, John! Theo and I were stopping by to watch a bit of "Stranger Things"! Theo's TV is malfunctioning and Eliza and Angie are hogging the tv in my dorm."
John nodded in understanding, then shrugged. "Okay, then. Ive never watched it, though. I think."
EDIT- if you did in fact see my comment on stranger things, I'm truly sorry if I might have offended someone. They were the wrong words to use, in fact.
"Oh," Peggy squinted her eyes in thought, "you should really watch it with us!"
John glanced over to Alex, who nodded eagerly with agreement.
'Okay, then." John smiled, then crept into his dorm as Alex and Peggy eloped in a conversation.

After binge watching more than 15 episodes of stranger things, John suddently feel into another void of silence, buried in a whole of his own thoughts. He mentally groaned out of frustration- he would have these blank outs occasionally, just not with Alex around him (thankfully). All of a sudden the world around him just stopped, became cold, as john swam pitifully through his sea of thoughts, before drowning everlastingly. He would try and cover them up, he didn't want Alex worrying about him, he wasn't going back to his old ways.
I'm not doing it again.
I'm not putting him through this again.
He's got better things to worry about.
He's got Eliza.
Eliza.
ELIZA-!
As tears built up in his eyes threateningly, John felt a light weight on his shoulder, and a brush of hair tickle his face. Looking down, Alex had dozed off, not fully asleep as it looked, but well enough to fall asleep there. John quietly panicked to himself. Not wanting to move him but forcing himself to, as the unecessary guilt plunged in his stomach, he nudged Alexander awkwardly. "A-Alex. You're falling asleep. Wake up."
Alex groaned and plucked an eye open, then sat up quickly. "Oh, huh. Sorry."
John turned back to the tv screen and glued his eyes. From the corner of his now tear clinging eye, he could see Alexander shake his head and turn to the tv screen.
Just  friends. Just friends. Just friends-
Theo suddenly stood up and yawed. "Hey, my dudes. I might head back to my dorm now, I'm gettin' tired. Pegs, you comin'?"
Peggy dragged her eyes from the screen and looked at Theo momentarily before switching back to the tv. "Uh huh, I'm coming."
Theo tapped her foot impatiently and held her hands on her hips as she waited for Peggy, then ending up peeling her from the couch and dragging her to the door after waving a quick thank you and goodbye. 
Alex chuckled softly and turned to John with an amused face. "Haha, she's such a couch potato, Theo had to peel her off the couch!"
John nodded simply, screaming at himself to laugh.
Alexander physically seemed to notice this and sauntered into the kitchen to clean up the snacks. "So, you enjoyed stranger things?"
John didnt even recognise Alexander's voice, not even noticing that Alex actually spoke.
"John?"
John snapped his head up with agitation pummeling his lungs. "What? Oh yeah, I'm fine."
Alex froze in his spot. "I... John, i didn't ask you if you were okay."
"W-what?"
"I was asking you if you enjoyed stranger things." Alex glared with uncertainty.
John gulped, his shoulders tensing up and uncomfortable with Alex's tone. "Huh? I-I did enjoy it! I-"
"No, my point is you weren't listening. Something is on your mind. You've been acting quiet." Alex shifted back to John and stared at him, placing himself back on the couch.
"I- no. It's nothing." John felt his derealised sensation slip away as he was dragged back into reality.
"No, you're lying! You're always hiding your feelings from me, you're always closed out!" Alex's voice raised louder, causing John to shudder.
"I'm not, i just-"
Alex grew even louder in defense, tears forming in the brim of his eyes. "Why are you always hiding how you feel?! Why do you keep shutting me out, why the fuck do you never talk to me?!"
John shook silently, feeling his heartbeat bang on his chest furiously.
"Why do you always cry, and then never tell me why you do? Why do you not tell me anything?!"
"Why?" 
Alex snapped his head down, taken aback. John had spoke in a icy cold, judgemental, quizzical tone, causing himself to shudder with surprise. Enmity was steaming heavily throughout his body, engulfing his blood and churning his stomach. "I'll ask why. Why do you care?"
Alex's eyes glimmered with shock. "I-"
John stood up. "Why do you care if i cry? What gives you the right to care?" John spat, his voice edging louder and shrill. "Why do you need to know how i feel?!"
"Because you're my friend! That's w-what friends do!" Alex cried in defense, his voice cracking. He stood up to face John, who had his fist bulged and shaking.
"No, i don't need to tell you how i feel! It's none of your business, its none of your fucking business!" John screamed, shock merging through his rage as he realised he had sworn.
"I cant believe you, Alexander! I don't care if you're trying to help! Even if i wanted to tell you how i feel, I don't even understand myself!"
Alex seemed to be bursting with rage, tears already sweeping down his eyes.
"So, why, Alexander?! Why do you care so much that you have to busy yourself into how i feel, instead of just letting me go?! Why?!"
"BECAUSE I FUCKING LOVE YOU, THATS WHY!"
John stopped as the rage flowed out of his fingertips silently as shock filled in. Wiping his eyes to face Alexander; his aggravation had seemed to dim itself and replaced with anguish and dejection. Words flickered through John's mouth, trying to pick the right way to retort to his words.
John couldn't decide on any words. His heart seemed to slow momentarily and halt before starting up again in a rapid pace. "What?"
Alex gasped for air, attempting to catch his breath. "I... I love you, thats why. I just... thought that i could help you. You're so talented and kind, i just... i do. I do love you."
John hitched a breath, his heart immediately stopping. A moment of brief silence occurred, john silently sobbing to himself, trying to slap him back into reality and force him to realise alex was joking.
He realised that it was not a joke.
"No... I... I can't believe you."
Alex's eyes widened with surprise. "Huh?"
"What did i tell you... how could you do this? How dare you?"
Alex opened his mouth in retort, but John cut his action off. "I told you not to break her heart! I told you!"
John stepped up to alex, glaring blazed daggers at him. "Please, tell me you're lying. You have Eliza, you hear me? How can you just break her heart like that?!"
"I..."
"Please, tell me you love her?!"
Alex stood for a brief second before raising his eyes to John, lifeless and abandoned. "No, i don't."
John threw a hand to his mouth, then drew away from alex, to the front door. "No, you lied. You...? Why, I don't... I don't understand!" John cried in painful sobs. His mind flickered from one thought to another.
"Why would you love someone like... How could you... you lied... you lied!"
After a brief moment of staring at alex with confusion, hatred and grief, John swung the door open, then slamming the door behind him after speaking aloud with a broken, soft voice. "I- I have no words for your actions, Alex. I..."
Then he ran.
I hate what i just wrote. It's so badly structured. John seems like a maniac.
Ugh.
Anyways, i managed to slip out of my writers block! Yusss bois
It was really hard because i felt so guilty for not writing, but whatevs. So thanks for the kinds words given to me!
Also, thank you guys so much for 4K! I got 1000 views in 6 days?! Wow!
I also just got 400 views in two days which is fucking crazy.
Again, thank you allllll
Chazz💜💜