A beat of annoyance drummed inside Lucy who couldn't help but sneer as she asked, "Women? Your addiction is women? Didn't Donna say you have a girlfriend?"

Holden shrugged. "I didn't say I'm proud of it."

"Really? Because it sounds like you are."

Holden smirked. "Get your mind out of the trash. I'm talking about dead women. My current case has only had female victims. Should I have said I'm addicted to dead bodies? That probably sounds worse."

Lucy's breath hitched in her throat. She leaned closer to Holden and lowered her voice. "This is for the murderer they call O?"

Holden shook his head in disappointment.  "Look at you being so interested in murders. It's weird."

"No, it's not."

"I don't know a lot of women who love to hear about murder."

"There are literally tons of podcasts run by women who talk about nothing but murder. Women love true crime stories. So, do you have any leads?"

"That's not something I would share with you."

"But we made cupcakes together," Lucy said mockingly.

"Too bad."

Lucy stood up to leave the meeting which was already ending. "Well, it was interesting seeing you here but I have to go."

"You're going to just leave me here alone?" Holden asked, looking around.

Lucy laughed. "Somehow, I think you'll be okay. Besides, I have to catch the bus."

"I can give you a ride home," Holden offered.

Lucy thought it strange that he'd become so friendly all of a sudden.  "Listen, I don't mean to be rude but I have a boyfriend."

Holden's eyes widened and he couldn't help but grin. "Thank you for the update but I'm not trying to hit on you."

Lucy's cheeks flushed. "I didn't mean it that way. I just...well I do have a boyfriend and it would be awkward for me to get a ride home from you."

"Why is that?" Holden smiled. "Is it because I'm a man? Because I'm handsome? I know. It must be because I'm a handsome man."

Lucy couldn't help but scowl at his lame joke. "I hope you have health insurance Detective Lahr, because I think you're suffering from a bad case of narcissism."

Holden laughed and asked, "Are you sure I can't give you a ride? I promise it's not to hit on you. I want to ask you some questions about the people who attend these meetings."

Lucy thought it over, pursing her lips. "Why did you compare your addiction to a beast inside you?"

Holden's brows rose in surprise. "Just now?"

Lucy nodded.

"I don't know. I figured that most people with addictions feel that they have an uncontrollable beast living in them. Don't you?"

"Don't I what?"

"Feel like you have a beast inside you? Maybe not now but in the past?"

"I never really thought about it that way," Lucy admitted. She didn't consider her alcoholism a beast but one of maby flaws she possessed.

"I once had to interview a Meth-head. He couldn't get off the stuff. He said there was something inside him he couldn't shake--that it controlled him."

"Sounds scary," Lucy mumbled.

"Nah, he was a liar. He tested positive for Meth on a drug test we gave him. When I asked him about it, he said it was because he took some new supplements from his local vitamin shop."

"Really?"

"Yeah." Holden sighed. "I had to break the news to him that legal stores doesn't sell Meth. He finally admitted he had relapsed."

Lucy laughed. "Did he actually think you would fall for his story?"

"Addicts lie when they feel they've been caught."

Lucy frowned at his statement and took a step back. She looked down at her phone.

Seeing her response, Holden cursed and said, "Aw crap. I'm sorry, Lucy. I didn't mean anything by it."

"It's fine. Whatever. I did lie when I was drinking." Lucy started to walk off, leaving Holden behind. She remembered too well lying to Jake about her drinking habits.

She used to pour beer into a coffee tumbler and drank that in the morning. When she worked part-time as a waitress at a bar, she would sometimes finish off the drinks of customers. Then, she lost her job but it wasn't a big deal since Jake made good money.

She was almost out the door when Holden grabbed her arm.

"Hey, I'm sorry. I wasn't thinking. I always put my foot in my mouth."

Lucy gently pulled her arm out of his grasp. "It's okay. After people found out I lied, they didn't trust me either."

Holden placed his hands in his pockets. "I'll tell you what...how about I tell you the truth?"

"The truth?"

They both walked outside. Lucy inhaled the crisp night air. She loved the rare cool nights in Hilltop.

"Yes, the truth. I only came to this meeting because I wanted to find out information about a woman named Deidra Hamilton. Did you know her?"

Lucy thought for a moment. "Deidra? It doesn't really ring a bell for me."

Holden cursed under his breath. "I was hoping she attended these meetings."

"Well you might want to ask more people but I always attend and I've never heard of her. Dillon would probably know. He knows everyone."

"Yeah? Too bad he doesn't seem too keen on spending time with me. Is he secretly stealing cars or something? Why is he so afraid of the police?"

It was supposed to be a joke but Lucy realized Holden could not tell a joke. She rolled her eyes. "I thought you were a homicide detective but the answer is no. He's not like that. He's been through a lot. I wouldn't blame him not to trust a cop."

"You want to tell me what he's been through?"

"No."

Holden nodded. "I can respect that."

"It's not my story to tell. It's his. You should ask him yourself," Lucy admonished.

"Fine. So did you want that ride?"

Lucy shook her head. "No, thanks. I'd rather take the bus tonight. I have a lot of thinking to do."

Holden watched her walk to the bus stop and looked back to the doors of the community center where the meeting had been held. A woman struggled as she exited. Her legs faltered as she carried several bags of paper plates, napkins, and a gallon of juice.

She almost dropped her bags. Holden stepped forward to say, "I can help you with those, if you like."

The woman looked up, ready to refuse until she saw Holden's crooked smile. She smiled back. "Thank you. I would appreciate it."

Holden grabbed her bags and raised his arm forward. "Lead the way."

She took him to her silver car and opened the trunk "I bring the refreshments for the meetings."

"That's very kind of you. I really enjoyed the juice."

The woman blushed. "My name is Heather."

"Nice to meet you, Heather. My name's Holden."

"I heard you speak tonight. You said you had an addiction. I hope you can get past it."

"Me too. I'm a work in progress. It's hard to find someone to help me work through it," Holden explained.

"Do you not have a sponsor?"

He shook his head. "I'm afraid I don't yet."

"Well I've been sober for five years. If you need me to suggest one, I'll be happy to help. You're only able to have a male sponsor so I can't be yours."

"Really? You'd do that for me?"

"Definitely. Addiction is hard to beat on your own."

"It is."

"Do you have your cell phone with you?" Heather asked.

Holden took it out of his pocket and Heather grabbed it to quickly call her own number.

"Now, you have a friend here."

"You're such a sweetheart, Heather."

She smiled and held out his phone. Holden extended his arm and purposely placed his hand over hers. He moved his thumb gently over skin, almost caressing it.

"I try my best," Heather said softly.

"I was going to get some dinner nearby," Holden whispered as they still held the phone between them. "Did you want to join me?"

Heather released her hand from the phone and nodded. "I'd love to."

After leaving the meeting, Lucy sat in the bus wondering why Holden had offered to give her a ride. She thought he disliked her but today he'd been really friendly. She still wasn't sure why he had compared himself to a beast.

She couldn't imagine him killing anyone but she couldn't think of a better cover for a serial killer. He's a cop investigating O. Wouldn't it be easy for him to cover up his tracks or hide evidence? Lucy thought about the journal entries.

They didn't sound similar to Holden's style of speaking but that didn't mean anything. Maybe he was in a crazed state of mind when he wrote them. She'd read about that before. People would talk, act, even wrote differently when their other personality took over.

Reaching her stop, she stepped off and walked the rest of the way home. On the walk home, she made a decision not to tell Jake about the diary. If she told him, he might dump her for having one too many problems. He'd be upset she'd become obsessed over a murderer.

"I'm not obsessed," she corrected herself. "I'm just very interested."

She wouldn't tell Holden either. She couldn't trust him. If he was O then he might try and kill her. He may be a police officer, but she had watched enough Lifetime movies to know cops could sometimes be the bad guy.

Once home,, she went to the study and pulled out the green journal. She opened it back up to where she left off.

10/21

Salutations, my dear friend. I have found that the beast enjoys scouting. It is very similar to people watching. The intentions behind the task are very dissimilar. In an effort to appease the beast, I went to the park today. A curious thing occurred. I saw a woman sitting peacefully against a tree. She was sketching.

This in itself is not strange. No, not at all. What was strange was the beast's reaction. Usually, he is roaring inside me, wanting to be heard. Wanting to come out and play. When he saw this woman, he seemed to relax. I swear I felt him purring inside me like a cat after being given some cream. I stepped closer to the woman and the purring became stronger, reverberating in every fiber of my being. I could feel it in the depths of my soul that this woman could possibly help me tame the beast.

Is it possible? That such a cure exists?

I attempted to speak with her in vain. She wore headphones and couldn't hear me. I looked at her drawing and it was a picture of a half-man half-beast creature. Is this not fate? I did not want to scare her away. I surmised I must approach her gently.

Perhaps she can help me become normal. The beast makes me special but normalcy is something I often dream of. Not having to take the beast out for a walk would be heavenly. I watched her for two hours and then followed her home. She lives alone.

My dear friend, I truly believe this woman can help me be someone special to me. I shall keep watching her for now. I pray the beast does not become too excited and decides she is someone he wants to play with. For now we both will just watch and wait.

Yours until death, O

Lucy stared at the entry, frustrated. "That's it? You didn't mention anything about the meetings."

She wondered if he stopped going or if he really went at all. She thought of the woman in the park and felt slightly upset about it. It was a feeling she didn't quite understand. She put the journal back into its hiding placed and mulled the last entry over.

"A woman he met in the park?"

There was one park in Hilltop. Lucy smiled t

o herself. She planned to visit the park the next morning. If she was lucky, perhaps she would see a woman sketching while listening to music. It was a slim chance, and an idiotic idea, but perhaps she was still being watched by O.