retribution: punishment inflicted on someone as vengeance for a wrong or criminal act

word count: 10510

(A/N: hello... i'm finally back from exams :D now i just hope i passed them all oof)

(this is a (very long) story that takes place about sixty moons after the end of mottledsap's chapter. at this time of this story, rushpaw, having been given the name rushtalon a half-moon after the last chapter's end, was killed in a fight with a feral dog. although he made it to starclan, there are some who still believe that he shouldn't be there, and they are not limited to starclan cats...)

❦❦❦

rushtalon opened his eyes to the grayish-white landscape. everything was silent, not like the scene he had just been amidst. he could no longer feel the dog's savage bite in his belly and his shoulder... which meant... rushtalon's eyes flew open, and he leapt to his paws, looking around. all he could see was paleness... pale grass, pale sky, pale trees...

wait... my-

rushtalon could see wider than he was used to. which meant... the tom closed his right eye and opened it again. part of the world went blank as he closed it. his eye had been... healed? that should've been impossible... but it only confirmed that rushtalon already knew.

he was dead.

rushtalon clawed at the ground. a sharp spike of agitation pierced through him, as if his soul was tearing itself apart as punishment for death. he'd lost a battle. he'd died. surely, he would've thought just moments ago, that his long-honed skills would've been enough to take on any opponent. he was supposed to be the strongest...!

a glimpse of vibrant light speckled from where rushtalon had slashed the dust. from below his very feet, he saw... cats... living ones. dolphinriver, the deputy, standing with their chest puffed out in a silent challenge as the giant dog cowed with its tail between its legs. there were withermist and pebblerain, palmfrond and nutmegriver... and rushtalon's own sister, petrelcall. nutmegriver had sustained a bite to the shoulder and was leaning against his brother; besides nutmegriver and withermist, who had a dripping patch of crimson on her belly- dripping blood!- everyone had made it through the fight with just a few non-serious injuries.

where was rushtalon's body? rushtalon's gaze swept around until he found it, a discarded heap of fur at the base of the dog's filthy off-white paws. a mess of matted crimson marred the previously striking white fur, and the same ugly red fluid drizzled around the crow-black shoulder fur.

rushtalon heard a vicious rumbling noise erupt from somewhere, and it was only after a few seconds of glaring around that he realized it was his own growl. he was angry at himself for letting himself die, for letting an opponent beat him in a fight. his pride was ruined. how dare he let himself lose!

shaking his head, rushtalon killed the growl in his throat, though he wasn't entirely sure why. no use spending the afterlife whining, i suppose. the black and white tom curled his lip and turned, scuffing the earth with a hind paw as if he could simply cover up his own death like a piece of dirt. if only he could.

"so you managed to crawl your way here."

rushtalon almost jumped at the meow; distraught like he was, he didn't even notice that he wasn't alone. he half-turned and tipped his head across his shoulder to glimpse at a stranger: a white-furred cat whose pelt was dotted with vibrant patches of black and thinly sliced-through amber, and a ginger and a black ear with tips that just fell short of reaching rushtalon's shoulder blades.

"well, i'm sure driftwater will be happy to know that they were right." the calico cat rolled her eyes. "again."

"um." rushtalon faced the newcomer and looked her up and down. the scent coming from her told him that this was a she-cat, and yet, her voice could have been either a molly's or a tom's. the meow was resonant, yet the voice that it carried was blurred and vaguely raspy. just like mottledsap's when she first found her tongue. rushtalon couldn't help but twist his features into a look of contempt. perhaps this cat had cowed the same way as mottledsap had.

the calico cat narrowed her eyes, and a second later she mirrored rushtalon's expression. "i am nothing like your mottledsap," she growled, beginning to slink towards rushtalon, "but even then, you shouldn't dare show such disgust for others just because you wrongly thought them weak."

the growl returned to rushtalon's throat, this time directed at the strange she-cat. "i have no reason to take advice from the likes of you. a long-dead she-cat with no influence on the world- or whatever you are."

the she-cat scoffed in rushtalon's face, her green eyes burning so that they looked as if a jaguar's spirit had donned her body. turning away, she hissed, "i am the same as your mothdazzle. call me a she-cat if you wish, but then, if you never speak or think of me again, it will be too soon." she gave an impatient jerk of her head without turning to look at rushtalon. "come on. we don't have all day. driftwater needs to see you, and then... and then what? you can decide where you want to go." the she-cat's meow was edged with a sour laugh.

"look, who even is this driftwater? who are you?" rushtalon had to lope to catch up with her. "i would have thought that flowerjump or slatedusk would meet me here. what about jaguarflame; where is he?"

"where is jaguarflame, you ask?" the she-cat paused. "not in our sight. wherever he is, i thought you would go, too."

rushtalon opened his mouth to ask a question, but she continued on, ignoring him. "as for your parents- well, they are safe, but let us simply say that they know you. they fear our verdict, and they don't know what you will choose."

"choose? choose what? i-"

"you, rushtalon, are a diabolical, power-hungry cat, and i don't trust you." the calico she-cat cocked her dappled head. "and neither does flowerjump, it seems; she has known you since kithood and remembers all your antics from the moment you opened your eyes." she flicked her ginger ear- that was the left one- in rushtalon's direction and raised her chin. "seems your 'playfulness' and 'rambunctiousness' morphed from endearing to menacing real fast."

rushtalon couldn't help but feel a rush of anger. his own mother, not trust him? maybe it was true, the way some thought that blood didn't mean family. of course it wasn't true, otherwise petrelcall would never have left his side for mottledsap. and after all he had done for her, she still turned a savage tongue like claws onto him and whisked herself away in favour of new company. new weaker, gullible, sentimental company.

it wasn't true. all the cats who had been with him were... betraying him? and rushtalon still didn't know what had happened to jaguarflame. not in a starclan cat's sight? what did that even mean?

"we have arrived." the call broke through rushtalon's dark thoughts, and he blinked quickly. they were on the riverbank now, the same one as the one in deltaclan territory; the only difference in starclan's river that rushtalon could see was the cloudy, powdery blue froth and the bright aquamarine water in comparison to the dyed navy water of the living. other than that, it was the same: every curve of the river's body, every tree on the opposite banks, even the speed of the river's flow. rushtalon was willing to bet that if he turned around, he would see the cliff's stone face exactly seven fox-lengths and two tail-lengths away from the water's edge. the black and white tom's mind reeled. it felt the same...

the calico she-cat gazed at rushtalon, and sympathy flickered through her cold expression for the tiniest split second. "most of the newly deceased miss the living world, and the dream river is no substitute for it. but this place mirrors our longing for the world we loved in life."

rushtalon blinked at the river. what memories did this she-cat expect him to have of it? he couldn't help but feel as though she expected him to be... sentimental.

but emotional vulnerability was still vulnerability. and all vulnerability was weakness, something that rushtalon wouldn't let himself feel... wouldn't let himself suffer from. what did he stand to gain from feeling weak- from being weak?

"there you are."

the deep meow caught rushtalon off guard, and he whipped around, claws already out of their sheaths, fur bristling along his spine. a new cat had seemingly appeared from starclan's misty terrain. this cat had pigeon-gray fur with thin smoky stripes, and their underside and legs were white. on their face, too, was a mask of dove-feather white, a splash of colour on the faded, grizzled pelt, in which sat two reflective orbs the same shade as their dull gray fur.

"hello, petalfog. i see you brought rushtalon with you." the cat nodded at rushtalon. "seems you were being a little too cynical when you said he'd go there."

so your name is petalfog.

"ugh, whatever." petalfog rolled her eyes and lowered her voice to address rushtalon. "driftwater just loves to imply that they're right. they think they're so smart."

rushtalon leered at driftwater. his expression didn't shift from his initial hostility. not knowing what to say, he settled for a growl.

"oh, relax, rushtalon. i'm the one who, ah, endorsed you to be able to come here. if anything, you should be directing your hostility towards petalfog."

"don't waste your breath. he seems hostile to everyone. not really the kind of attitude you'd expect from a warrior ancestor," petalfog added with a pointed glare at rushtalon before facing driftwater. "but he's here now, so we might as well make the best of it."

driftwater allowed themselves a smug grin. "you don't need to admit i was right."

"why did i even agree to meet up with you?" petalfog suddenly gave driftwater a vicious snarl. "i didn't come here to be berated by this sorry excuse for a warrior." petalfog snorted and threw her head to the side away from rushtalon. "but i guess it's my fault for believing that you would be any better than you were in life. cats don't change just because they're dead." petalfog's eyes narrowed as she let the meaning of her words sink in.

"..." driftwater looked taken aback, but soon their expression slipped back into a smirk. "all the better. then i don't have to worry about your consistent and useless attempts to catch up to my talent."

a hiss ripped loose from petalfog, and in the blink of an eye, the calico cat had pounced upon driftwater, her outstretched claws the clear weapons to blame for the new scratches that shone red on driftwater's shoulders. as rushtalon watched, petalfog disabled driftwater with a kick to the hind legs; driftwater moved a mere heartbeat too late to avoid the blow as petalfog's hind paws shot out from under her, and the gray and white cat toppled over. without missing a beat, petalfog turned around again by spinning herself on a forepaw and planted the other one on driftwater's exposed left cheek, talons still shining in the bright sunshine.

"what talent? the only talent you ever had was to push other cats away from you..." petalfog's head rocked from side to side, and her voice took on a sing-song tone. "oh, yeah, and you also enjoyed hiding behind sharp-edged words to defend your non-existent qualities. and that's why you were, and still are, alone in this world." petalfog stepped away from driftwater, but the other warrior did not stand. they dared not defy petalfog... and rightfully so, rushtalon thought.

"even as you lay dying in the medicine den, no one came for you, and you died alone. i stand by what i said. a cat will only change if they want to, not just because they died." the calico cat curled a lip disdainfully, and her green eyes turned to slits. "now what? i'm already better than you. if you disrespect me ever again, i'm not afraid to claw your tail to shreds." petalfog smiled, showing the slightest hint of white fangs, and cocked her head in a playful mock invitation. "or maybe i could even claw out your eyes! that might be fun!"

"what do you say, driftwater?" petalfog's tail swished, and her triumphant ecstasy pulled her maniacal grin even wider. "oh, but if you say a word, know that i'll just attack you again... unless it's 'sorry', you get?"

petalfog gave a light noise of disdain and threw her head. driftwater, taking this as permission to rise, scrambled to their paws; their face was twisted with rage, but they didn't dare say anything- their face, however, seethed with loathing for petalfog, and their malevolent gaze bore into her pelt; it was clear that they would love nothing more than to claw this she-cat to pieces.

but they didn't dare.

a small fire burned in rushtalon's chest. his gaze also followed petalfog, who had now plopped down barely a tail-length away from the dream river and was now grooming herself, her head high with a nonchalant air. it was a new respect for the small calico; respect for petalfog burned in rushtalon, now that he had seen how she fought. how she dominated.

"you were right, petalfog." rushtalon spoke, but petalfog didn't react. "you really aren't anything like mottledsap."

"hmph. and i was right." petalfog turned her head to glare at rushtalon. "you really don't respect anything but strength. physical strength." petalfog glanced at driftwater, and the disgust reappeared on her face. "you're not all that different from rushtalon, then, are you? neither of you know right and wrong. why don't you escort rushtalon to the place of no stars! that'll be a good home for both of you."

"oh, who am i kidding." petalfog stood up and turned her back on both rushtalon and driftwater. "you would be shredded by the ruthless cats who live there. but i'm sure rushtalon can keep your pathetic pelt intact..." petalfog's raspy voice lowered to an eerie whisper. "... if he wants to."

a sliver of ice pierced rushtalon, but he forcefully melted it with a flush of anger. "what are you on about? what's the place of no stars?"

the calico she-cat didn't look back as she answered. "the place of no stars..." there was an ominous undertone- an almost deadly one, even- to petalfog's raspy, yet smooth, whisper. "it is the place where the most violent, most malicious cats reside. they were barbarians within the bounds of the warrior code, the ones who never respected clan ways. they are the ones who rejected us."

driftwater coughed. "basically, she thinks we're rogues." the gray and white cat drew to stand at rushtalon's side. "says the cat who just made two gashes in my shoulder." but driftwater didn't continue after petalfog gave a severe warning growl.

"rushtalon, look, the place of no stars is where petalfog expected you to go," driftwater muttered. "but i told her that you were under the influence of your mentor."

"he was already bad before jaguarflame, i've told you this." petalfog rolled her eyes as she said this, and though neither rushtalon and driftwater could see her face, they heard her impatience in her voice; to rushtalon's secret relief, she longer sounded like she wanted to claw anyone's eyes out.

"all kits are crazy, petalfog; it was jaguarflame who let his bullying tendencies fester!" rushtalon swept his tail back and forth, drawing forwards to reach petalfog's side... but stopping before he reached her. "it was jaguarflame's influence," driftwater insisted.

"seriously, what's your deal with jaguarflame?" rushtalon growled at both of the cats in front of him. "he was my mentor, you fox-hearts, and the str-"

"the strongest cat you ever knew, and the only warrior you truly respected in your warrior life." petalfog finished his sentence with an exaggerated, dragging lilt to her meow. "come on, driftwater, warriors don't just- just select a single cat to respect and dismiss all others as weak." impatience edged petalfog's voice now, and her tail swished around so that it stirred up a miniature sandstorm.

"but he's not technically breaking the code," driftwater mewed. "he belongs here."

"a-and what? that's the only factor?" petalfog's voice spiked in disbelief, and she rose to face driftwater, her green eyes glittering with a hundred different shades. "what about jaguarflame's brother? he didn't break the code either." petalfog's meow dripped with sarcasm. "have you considered that one of the reasons you defend rushtalon is because you're like him?" petalfog pushed her face into driftwater's, and the latter leaned away.

"...rushtalon only ever treated one cat so badly. just one."

"so did their mother magpiefire! and look, he's not very different from her; magpiefire and jaguarflame, and rushtalon and mottledsap... come on, driftwater!"

"but rushtalon stopped once mottledsap became a warrior. besides, rushtalon already acknowledged mottledsap as a strong warrior, after her warrior ceremony, don't you remember?" driftwater took in a deep breath. "rushtalon was too young to know better, and jaguarflame did nothing to stop him." driftwater's voice had grown steadier. "he was merely uneducated as a kit, and his... tendencies... consequently stuck with him as a warrior."

i'm right here, you mouse-brains. "can we stop talking about me as if i'm not-" rushtalon tried to shove away driftwater, but just as he did, a sharp pain tore into his skull. rushtalon hissed reflexively, tensing up and shaking his head slowly, trying to banish the sudden pain.

"rushtalon..."

"what?" rushtalon hissed aloud. before him, petalfog and driftwater glanced at him, then at each other.

"you do not belong with the fools of starclan... follow me... let's test how strong you really are!"

"ahh..." the stabbing in rushtalon's head stopped, but his own name rang in his ears, in the voice of that scratchy hiss. rushtalon...

"wh... what did you do to him?"

"excuse me?" driftwater whipped towards him. "you're making no sense."

"i heard... his voice..." rushtalon's eyes glazed over. "... jaguarflame's."

driftwater glanced sharply at petalfog. "but... that shouldn't be possible."

"..." rushtalon raised his head and angled his ears around. rushtalon...

"i have to find him. wherever you banished him-"

"we didn't banish him, fool!" now it was petalfog's turn to speak. "if he's not with us, it will be for good reason! jaguarflame rejected us, don't you understand? he's in there because he doesn't deserve to be here!"

"and you two are such prime examples of noble and peaceful warrior ancestors, aren't you?" rushtalon snapped. "all you two have done is bicker, goad and fight! and you're criticizing me? who do you think you are?" rushtalon turned and ran, ran away from the riverbank; he had no directions, but he was trusting his intuition to know where to go... to find jaguarflame, somehow.

"i'm going to find him... !"

***

"pretty cold of you, brother. but i like it."

jaguarflame slowly opened his eyes. a bright golden ring shone around the black void of his pupils as his eyes tried to absorb what little light there was in the eerie forest. the smoked tom was crouching on the mulchy forest floor while his brother simply watched as he psychically called out to his former apprentice in starclan.

"wanting to call him was your idea. if he hasn't changed, then he's mine, alright?" jaguarflame huffed and sat up to glare at his brother squarely in the face. "besides, how is that cold? we both know that he belongs here." jaguarflame's lip curled. "even if i would rather never see that creature again."

"you know that rushtalon would make a great addition to the place of no stars. the cat you personally trained..." rainadder tilted his head, his eyes wide with mock wonder. "he knows all your battle tactics, and all your deceptive ways... and all your weaknesses." rainadder's eyes flashed in the gloom. "might you be scared of him? you know how strong he is."

jaguarflame snorted. "scared of him? not unless fear is the same as disgust." the smoked tom pushed past his brother, stalking away, his plumy shaded tail waving high. "i'm not a deceptive cat. you're just the snake-heart who was dumb enough to believe i'd bowed to your will. you were arrogant."

"i still am arrogant, and proud to admit it." rainadder followed jaguarflame, his gaze piercing jaguarflame's pelt until the latter shook himself out.

"let me put things into perspective." jaguarflame turned around to face the smaller, leaner tom. "you think i've got weaknesses that are so exploitable? but i'm the same cat who killed you. if i'm so easily defeated, how weak must you be?"

rainadder narrowed his eyes. "oh, very clever. and you say you aren't cunning- well, i beg to differ!"

"it's not my fault your brain is infested with maggots." jaguarflame stole a glance behind him. "i swear, if this doesn't work, i'm heading back."

rainadder pricked his ears and tipped his head sideways, his blue eyes round with mock innocence. "... aww, or maybe it's just your wishful thinking. why not invite him here for good? do you just wish to run away from him? you're scared because of his resemblance to magpiefire-"

"and look what happened to her!" jaguarflame swiped at rainadder, but the skinny mottled gray tom simply ducked under his massive paw. "i killed her, you know; i have no doubt that you were among those who watched. you saw me erase her pitiful existence from the world!"

rainadder's eyes glinted slyly, and he pulled himself into a seemingly surrendering crouch, with his tail curled up passively at his side, his white belly an obscure, pale shadow beneath him. "it's true, i was there," the shorter tom purred, "and i remember how she managed to control you with her words..." rainadder's tongue swiped across his lips. "i remember tasting your fear... once you heard that word, you were useless! what she called you- an outca-"

jaguarflame stiffened and took a sharp breath. on instinct, not immediate rage, he lashed out, sweeping a gigantic black paw at his brother. rainadder easily dodged the blow, pushing against the ground with his forepaws and rearing up, but jaguarflame launched himself forward with his three grounded paws in the same moment. jaguarflame's head connected with rainadder's chest, and rainadder stumbled. in a flash, jaguarflame's forepaws pushed rainadder down, and the force caused rainadder to tense. the tom winced, but quickly disguised it as a snarl.

"i should've known that you would try to pull off something as dirty as that." jaguarflame stood on top of rainadder, both forepaws planted on rainadder's chest between his ribs, both sets of claws extended fully and digging into rainadder's pelt. but rainadder didn't react. instead, his stormy, cold blue eyes were fixated on jaguarflame. jaguarflame's one true vulnerability... it was that word... the word outcast. upon its sound, jaguarflame became frazzled, panicked; even after all the moons that'd passed, the word still held its power. magpiefire's influence had not faded with her death.

and it still held true: the normally unbeatable jaguarflame, a mass of muscle, was now quivering in fear of a phantom of a storm. his narrowed eyes hid the tightness that encapsulated them, and his limbs looked stiff. his breathing was rapid and shallow, each breath rattling in his chest.

jaguarflame pushed harder, and rainadder braced his chest against the force; even in this state, jaguarflame possessed much more physical prowess than he did. "but i should've known. you're just like magpiefire, you know- weak and scraggly physically, and only able to claw at other cats with honed words instead of fighting with their claws and teeth!" jaguarflame drew a halting breath. "... funny how you can still call yourself a cat... you're more like a cricket, really, if your only strength is making noise."

"i was just teasing, jaguarflame, relax." rainadder reached a forepaw up and slid jaguarflame's right paw off of his chest, ignoring the sting that his claws seared on his skin. slowly, rainadder pushed himself to his feet and shook his long coat out.

"... no, i don't think you were." jaguarflame's gaze was unfocused, and the smoked tom stared past rainadder. "you're just a fox-heart, but i already knew that, so it's fine. you did come to this place without an apprenticeship or anything, so i know. i know your nature is evil." jaguarflame was rambling, his words pouring out too quickly, shifting too clumsily from one syllable to another; the effects of the sound of that word had clearly not gone away yet.

"get a grip already." rainadder flicked his tail. "just imagine if the others saw you like this-" rainadder paused, frowning. he pricked up his ears... "oh, aren't you the lucky one. it seems that your biggest fan has found you..." rainadder switched to a teasing tone.

jaguarflame blinked. his golden eyes looked in focus again. "..." his eyes narrowed, and irritation spilled across his face. "great. now i have to deal with him. but at least he's a lot more useful than you are."

"ha! if you didn't want me around, you would've killed me by now!"

a tinny yowl rang through the trees, belonging neither to rainadder nor jaguarflame.

"what are you talking about?" jaguarflame's head whirled around to glare at rainadder, his luminous gaze almost sharpened to a point.

"you can beat me in a serious fight, i'll admit that much... if only to make my point. so why haven't you killed me yet? you've had plenty of chances." rainadder's blue gaze glittered with triumph. "has your cold, cynical heart taken a liking to me?"

the sound of running paws started and stopped in the distance. then a wordless yowl; it sounded closer than before.

"... don't get your hopes up. you're just so desperate for someone to actually care about you, that you think that i do too... " jaguarflame sat on his haunches and licked his left forepaw. "no one likes you; i told you as such when i killed you... of course, if this is a challenge to kill you now, then i will accept. after all, i don't need you for company."

"you don't," rainadder agreed, "and yet i'm still here." the mottled gray tom smiled, knowing he was winning, and thrust his muzzle up to stare his brother in the eyes. "you don't fear the other cats here... so if you're willing to have me by your side, it must mean you actually care. wow, i didn't know that a cat like you caring for anyone was possible!"

"speak for yourself, fish-brain. you're one to talk." a scowl shadowed jaguarflame's face, but it did nothing to deter rainadder.

"jaguarflame!"

jaguarflame buried a hiss. "there he comes."

rainadder slipped into the shade of the trees, following the echo of the call. even if he didn't know what rushtalon looked or sounded like... well, what other cat would be wandering around the dark forest calling for jaguarflame?

rainadder didn't have to look very far. before long, he came face to face with a black and gray tom- or at least he looked that way from the dim forest light, though he was probably black and white in reality. two twin scars glinted on his right cheek, probably a signature marking on the tom.

"wh- oh, shove off! you're not who i'm looking for, i'm just going to find jaguarflame and get out-"

"what is it, are you scared of this place?" rainadder's eyes flashed despite the gloom; he saw rushtalon flinch, forcing himself not to back off. the mottled gray tom's eyes looked like what ice might look like in a thunderstorm- the pale grayish-blue, dangerous and striking, looking like that gaze could kill at any moment. perhaps, rainadder thought smugly, that rushtalon was terrified of him more than these murky woods.

"of course not!" rushtalon snapped.

liar.

"tch, of course cats like you would live in a place like this."

"does that also apply to my brother?" rainadder purred, stepping forwards. rushtalon only stared straight ahead into rainadder's eyes, his jaw set tight. "the one you're looking for also lives here, you know... and how must he think, knowing that you insulted his brother like this?"

"... wait. you're-"

"wow, the intruder finally uses his bee-brain to figure out what my words mean!" rainadder grinned and jerked his head. "i can take you to jaguarflame... but watch your tongue. residents of the place of no stars are well-versed in dirty, violent ways... that's why you're here, isn't it?"

without waiting for rushtalon's answer, rainadder turned around, whisking his tail just over the mulchy earth, and prowled on ahead with his head held high- because what's inducting a new member of the dark forest without a little intimidation?

***

rushtalon silently slunk through the smooth-bark labyrinth after the skinny gray and white tom. he could barely see a thing, and the only source of light aside from the clouded moon was the faint glow of the surrounding infestations of mushrooms and toadstools. occasionally, rushtalon would crunch a leaf underfoot, and rainadder would twitch his ear or whiskers every time he heard a noise. what arrogance.

"if you're done moping, show yourself."

it took rushtalon a moment to realize that rainadder wasn't addressing him, and even longer to notice the black shadow that had slipped out from behind rainadder and now loomed in front of him. the fluffy grayish chest was still as sleek as ever, and two twin golden circles gleamed in the dim light, seemingly hovering in the air.

"so you came." jaguarflame's golden gaze pierced rushtalon; although rushtalon was nearly the same height as his former mentor, he felt the inexplicable urge to back away.

"y-yes." rushtalon's gaze shifted around. "why... why reside in this place? what do you stand to gain?"

jaguarflame seemed to ponder the question. "nothing." he tilted his head. "the task i came to complete was finished ages ago, yet i remain."

"... couldn't you have found better company?" with this, rushtalon unmistakably shot a glance at rainadder, who was still at his left; rainadder bared his teeth before sitting down on the peaty ground and cocked his head slightly.

"what? you barely even know me! and besides, you're still insulting your mentor's brother here," rainadder crooned, ever so smilingly.

"... for once, rainadder is right. although i could ask myself the same question," jaguarflame added with a pointed glare at rainadder, "... you have no right to judge him," jaguarflame finished, turning his attention back onto his former apprentice.

rushtalon shifted his paws. "it doesn't matter to me who he is. he's just a sk- a skeletal tom with more condescension than battle skill!"

"not all of us have your heavy build, kit." rainadder licked a forepaw and drew it over his ear, flaunting his nonchalance. "but i'm ages older than you. i don't look as muscular as you, but i could beat you in a fight."

"then let's do it, if you're so sure!" rushtalon's meow was immediately edged with a growl, but a dark mass appeared in front of rushtalon's face as soon as his fierce glare targeted the mottled gray tom. jaguarflame had swiped a massive paw in front of the black and white tom's face.

"... what makes you think you have the right to judge and degrade every cat you meet?" jaguarflame slipped closer to rushtalon, his paws making no sound on the forest floor. "what makes you think you can accurately guess the attributes of a cat through a single look at them? because you can't."

met only with silence, jaguarflame growled. "you haven't changed. it's been moons since i died... how many, rainadder?" jaguarflame took his eyes off of rushtalon for only a moment to glance at his brother. "thirty? forty?"

"how should i know?" rainadder smirked. "time doesn't pass here, you know this," rainadder chided, returning quickly to his grooming.

jaguarflame scoffed. "the point," he snapped, rounding on rushtalon, who lurched backwards, "is that you, rushtalon, are incapable of learning. i know how petalfog wanted you to come here, and i know precisely why... and not just because she knows how black your heart is. so i challenge you. you wanted rainadder to fight you? let's see how you fare against me. let's see..." jaguarflame's fangs flashed behind his lips, then disappeared. "let's see if training you was a waste of my time after all."

the trees seemed to enclose the three toms into the confined space. rushtalon could sense rainadder's piercing gaze settle upon him, and his spine fur pricked up with discomfort. jaguarflame didn't even blink, but his stare seemed so intense... rushtalon knew, with a sinking feeling in his stomach, that he couldn't refuse. with a direct challenge from the one cat he respected, and a witness... if rushtalon backed down, he'd be a coward.

"fine, then." rushtalon lowered himself into a prowl, and jaguarflame mirrored him. rainadder stepped back, radiating anticipation.

the battle didn't take long to begin, with jaguarflame launching himself at rushtalon, a huge dark mass of shadow. rushtalon raised his forelegs in defense, and as jaguarflame's paws touched rushtalon's, rushtalon thrust them down, using jaguarflame's momentum to send him cascading onto the floor. rushtalon's haunches strained with the effort of keeping himself from flying... but jaguarflame's strength was the whole reason rushtalon had always looked up to him.

had jaguarflame been any less skilled, he'd have crashed onto the ground stunned, but instead the smoky black tom jabbed his front feet at the ground before his muzzle could collide with the earth, steering himself to face rushtalon with his left forepaw before his hind paws even touched the ground.

"do you know the real reason i led you here?" jaguarflame's face was stone-cold, expressionless. "it's because i know you belong here. this is where the worst cats go when they die..." jaguarflame's voice changed into an ominous whisper. "instead of using your warrior status to fight for justice, you abused poor mottledsap ever since she was a kit, based on your own judgement alone, for an arbitrary reason. truly, you deserve to be here more than i do." jaguarflame's gaze flitted to the side, but it returned to rushtalon so quickly that the movement could've been imagined. "well, you are better than rainadder." jaguarflame's expression morphed into one of contempt. "but that doesn't make you good."

rushtalon held back a snarl as the meaning of jaguarflame's words dawned on him. his own mentor, telling him he belonged in this dank place- but seeing as he was a resident himself, was that so much of an insult? instead, rushtalon asked the more important question, "why do you think i should be here?" his meow was still angry, and his hackles brushed up with aggression. "i just- i just tried to make mottledsap stronger; it's not my fault she refused my offers!"

"so your defense is that you only attacked her because she didn't consent to your bullying?" jaguarflame's lip curled into the beginnings of a snarl.

"you-" jaguarflame bundled up his haunches, his snarl deepening,

"never-" his weight shifted from his forepaws to his hind paws,

"understood-" jaguarflame pushed off the ground with his back legs, the creases in his muzzle now looking like lines of undiluted nightmares,

"those-" jaguarflame was flying through the air, his forepaws outstretched,

"on-" time slowed down, and rushtalon... froze up.

"the-"

"other-"

"end!"

jaguarflame landed directly on rushtalon's back, and rushtalon's legs gave out from under him. time resumed its normal flow, and suddenly, jaguarflame's hind paws were bashing repeatedly on rushtalon's spine, the tom pinning his former apprentice onto the ground using his weight, jumping and jabbing his hind legs down, ignoring rushtalon's yowls.

"don't you even know how much your victim is affected by your abuse!?" the screech almost deafened rushtalon, and new fury and frustration made him churn his paws on the ground in agitation. rushtalon had muscle, and he was very strong physically; against most warriors, he could get by with brute force, but he'd met his match with jaguarflame.

"you spent your days torturing this poor cat, a cat who would grow up thinking that it was her fault- but it wasn't. it was your fault, and yours alone!" jaguarflame dug his claws into rushtalon's shoulders. "you subjected her to lies she'd tell herself because you thought she wasn't good enough- in fact, had mottledsap had a whisker less willpower, she'd have broken under your torment!" jaguarflame's hot breath encased rushtalon's right ear. an idea struck the younger tom, and as jaguarflame's hindquarters rose into the air again, rushtalon quickly kicked his hind paws against the ground. as jaguarflame's paws shot downwards, so did rushtalon's, and the shock that must've shot up his legs stunned jaguarflame's legs for a moment; the smoked tom tensed as his hind legs were temporarily immobilized. in that split second, rushtalon rolled. his back and jaguarflame pressed against the ground, and rushtalon felt a fleeting flush of triumph.

then a sharp blow connected with rushtalon's lower spine. rushtalon felt jaguarflame's fangs bite through his scruff, and his claws slashed through rushtalon's back fur. releasing a yowl of outrage, rushtalon gathered all his muscle and curled up... then he kicked out into the air, and felt jaguarflame's teeth slide looser from his scruff. spinning his body sideways, rushtalon twisted his hindquarters, hoping that his paws would land on the ground- and they did. rushtalon's hind paws thudded onto the ground, and as the tom's forepaws landed, he dug his claws into the earth and pushed off his hind paws. rushtalon flipped over with jaguarflame still barely hanging onto his neck fur. then gravity took over and rushtalon's back slammed onto the ground, crushing jaguarflame in the process.

jaguarflame's jaws unlocked, and rushtalon was free.

rushtalon quickly turned on jaguarflame, who lay on one side, winded, planting his hind paws on either side on jaguarflame's hindquarters and both of his forepaws on jaguarflame's shoulder.

the battle stood still for a few seconds. rushtalon was panting hard. his shoulders were hunched up. below him, jaguarflame was wordless, but his gaze studied rushtalon. meanwhile, rainadder only stared at the two combatants, looking bewildered, as if he had not expected rushtalon to...

to win?

... rainadder shared a small grin with himself. he could tell that his brother was cleverer than he would admit. he could've turned the tides... but for some reason, he didn't strike.

"well? are you happy now?" the question was forceful, a half-wail into the silent trees.

"did you just need me to prove that i belong in the home of the most violent, heartless warriors?" rushtalon was visibly shaking now- outright trembling as he demanded jaguarflame's answer. but jaguarflame remained silent- possibly because he was winded from being slammed into the ground twice, possibly because he simply didn't feel the need to answer.

"..." eternities dragged past before rushtalon heard jaguarflame whisper his response. "did you really expect everyone to behave and think like you? did you think you could breed it out of them?"

"i- i thought... it started off as me trying to help, okay?" the words almost choked rushtalon as he forced them out, but he kept going- though why he did, no one was really sure. "you don't need to demonize me just because i pushed her! you didn't stop me, no one did!"

rushtalon blinked as the realization hit him like a blow to the stomach: this was the first time he'd ever raised his voice or argued with jaguarflame. it felt strange, against nature, even...

but he didn't hesitate to continue with his lament. "i wanted to make her strong." rushtalon lowered his voice to a growl. "but she wouldn't listen. i thought she was weak until she finally stood up to me." rushtalon's head suddenly jolted to the side, brandishing the twin scars embedded forever into his face. "when you go to starclan, you get to choose which injuries to keep and which to lose. well, i kept these ones; do you know why? it's because she earned my respect at long last. she finally used her potential, and i pulled it out of her."

"you forced it out of her by making her snap," jaguarflame corrected darkly. "her strength- or so you call it- was birthed from you pressuring her too much. if you had good intentions, you would never have risked breaking her spirit."

"look," rushtalon exclaimed, "why do you even care? you're a- a dark forest resident..." the words felt dirty in rushtalon's mouth, but they were true; had rushtalon not ventured away from starclan's grounds to find jaguarflame in this stinking, festering forest? he had no reason to come by choice- rushtalon's gaze flicked to rainadder. rushtalon had never known or heard of a rainadder in life, so rainadder must've died first. was it possible that...?

"..." jaguarflame studied rushtalon. "... you're wrong, i didn't come for him. i hated him along with willowdance and petalfog- the sisters who were only a moon younger than us and therefore were subject to rainadder's abuse during their apprenticeship." jaguarflame blinked. "see, i know you recognize one of those names. there's a reason i still know them. both of them died so long ago."

it seemed so long ago that rushtalon had arrived in starclan's grounds. he remembered hazily the she-cat... or rather, the demigendered cat, as she'd identified herself as- petalfog. mild confusion, then apprehension set in as he tried to remember how much time had passed, but as much as he strained his memories, couldn't seem to remember: had it been minutes or moons, or days or seconds? half-moons or quarter-moons? heartbeats?

"get off of me, fish-brain," jaguarflame hissed through gritted teeth, "or i'll throw you to the other end of the forest."

rushtalon scrambled backwards, and jaguarflame got up with a grunt. "you want to know why i despise your kind above all others?"

my kind? perplexed as he was, rushtalon merely nodded. jaguarflame stood only a whisker-length away from him, his golden eyes boring holes into rushtalon's skull.

"you really want to know?"

feeling a twinge of annoyance this time, rushtalon nodded again.

for a short moment, the two stared. then jaguarflame clouted rushtalon over the head. "impertinence," he muttered.

"but what do i care?"

rushtalon's ears twitched as jaguarflame sat down, his chin raised already in a challenging gesture. "you ask me why i'm here, why i should care about your evil if i had mine. but you have no idea what my life was like."

"i was never strictly evil, like rainadder." jaguarflame rolled his eyes as he said his brother's name. "rainadder was born just like our mother- power-hungry, abusive. blind except to his own dark pursuits."

the way jaguarflame spat out the word mother... rushtalon couldn't help but wonder, if she was so bad at mothering, if she was hated by her own son, did she also end up here?

"i'm flattered." rainadder marched forwards until he was shoulder to shoulder with jaguarflame- or they would've been shoulder to shoulder if not for the height disparity; rainadder was average in size, maybe a bit larger than average, but jaguarflame was huge.

"magpiefire was just a simple pain in the tail," meowed rainadder, thrusting his muzzle into rushtalon's, "so jaguarflame killed her, the end."

"rainadder, shut up!" jaguarflame turned on rainadder with a snarl. rainadder dropped by a hair, but soon returned jaguarflame's snarl with a cheeky grin.

"... why do i keep you around?" jaguarflame groaned and looked towards the sky in a silent mock plea for help. jaguarflame was silent for a count of three before he faced rushtalon again.

"i have no desire to remember magpiefire," jaguarflame muttered, "so you can simply use your own imagination. she had your worst qualities, too; she was evil incarnate- discrimination from her own biased judgement, seeing fit upon herself to inflict punishment for things i had no control over. being abusive." jaguarflame leered pointedly at rushtalon.

punishment... for things i had no control over. rushtalon made a silent note in his head about jaguarflame's choice of wording.

"i know the effects of your abuse because i watched it happen firsthand with magpiefire. toxic words were only the barest of them all- she had all the signs of an abuser. except-" jaguarflame curled his lip, and his tail lashed in fury. "no one noticed. no one could see her for what she truly was, not even hornetstar, or even her own mate- no one, that is, except for me."

"what about peonylinger?" rainadder asked innocently.

"... i suppose she did realize later. but neither you nor her cared; it never hurt the both of you to be loved, did it?" jaguarflame's voice was dangerously quiet, and for once, rainadder did not retaliate with a snarky retort- whether that was because he couldn't think of one or because he had the good sense not to provoke jaguarflame was unclear.

"but for the entirely of our kithood and apprenticeship, no one else knew." jaguarflame's meow was weirdly flat. "it wasn't until nearly four moons after i became a warrior that drizzleburst found out- was told, i suspect, by peonylinger." jaguarflame looked away, his expression one of suppressed anger and bitterness. "at least that tom had the decency to abandon his mate after he discovered her abuse of her own k- her own clanmate."

"just one cat," jaguarflame growled, slitting his gaze into black blades encircled with gold, "but the damage was irreversible."

"every moment wondering if any and all mishaps were his fault, every second wasted on trying to prove magpiefire wrong, but she was never impressed- 'you're trying so hard to be a real clan cat! too bad you were born a failure.'" jaguarflame bared his teeth; rushtalon wasn't entirely sure of the gesture was directed at him, or at jaguarflame's memories... or, rushtalon prayed it wasn't jaguarflame directing anger at himself.

because although he refused to say it, rushtalon had already guessed that the cat who magpiefire had destroyed was standing right in front of him.

"every day," jaguarflame continued, "believing that everything was his fault, his problem, his mistake. because he was raised thinking he was a mistake!" jaguarflame pushed his muzzle into rushtalon's face; the two faces were but a half of a whisker-length apart. "a cat like her didn't deserve to exist. i plotted vengeance. i wanted that filthy she-cat dead- but is it so evil to erase a cat who had brought so much pain onto an innocent kit?"

"is this the sort of cat you wanted to be? a poisonous creature who brought misery and pain to whoever they chose to flay?" jaguarflame snarled, and rushtalon backed away, almost bumping into a tree with his haste.

jaguarflame...

... i couldn't have known.

"..." jaguarflame stared downwards and pawed at the shady ground. clumps of moist dirt came off the forest floor. "that's when i was first visited by raintooth."

raintooth?

"when i finally mustered the will to retaliate to that tyrant... raintooth visited my dreams for the first time." jaguarflame gave a bitter laugh. "he came from this place, the place of no stars- but i had no way of knowing, and no reason to care. by then i had grown cold as a defense against-" jaguarflame paused. "..." the black smoke tom shook his head. "... i had made myself cold in case i weakened at the thought of killing a cat. i was vindictive, and that was a great strength."

"he fostered my rancor for magpiefire, and he encouraged me to kill her- after i had some practice."

rainadder grinned. "he didn't wanna screw up magpiefire's murder, so can you guess who he killed first?"

jaguarflame ignored rainadder, only twitching an ear in his direction. "i don't regret it. but yes, rainadder: the son of the tyrant, the one who'd inherited all of her worst qualities, the one i chose to kill first."

"i underestimated him." rainadder's eyes glimmered darkly, and his fur started to bristle. his grin was thin and somehow piercing. "i thought i'd bent every other cat our age to obey me."

"rainadder was stuck in the medicine den, and i pretended to serve him a shrew." jaguarflame closed his eyes, almost relishing the memory. "but inside of the animal were two deadly deathberries, and rainadder unknowingly ate them both. rainadder was a fool to think i'd bow to his will."

"however, raintooth still didn't think i was ready. i had exhibited the craft of lying and deception-"

"see, i told you that you were a deceptive cat!" rainadder gave jaguarflame a huff and walked away from his brother in mock anger, tail waving like a leaf in the breeze.

"-but not my skills of battling and killing with my own power. magpiefire was a tiny thing, smaller than rainadder is now-" jaguarflame nodded towards rainadder, "-so raintooth decided i should practice the kill on a cat who was about her size- that meant the warriors of average size who were apprenticed alongside myself and my siblings. he gave me the choice of killing willowdance or petalfog. can you guess who i chose?"

rushtalon didn't respond. now he understood petalfog's spite: the apprentice of her murderer, here in starclan? was that why driftwater thought her cynical? of course petalfog thought that he'd been taught jaguarflame's worst traits... but it would have been jaguarflame's influence, not rushtalon's nature, if that were the case. and yet...

a chill went down rushtalon's spine as he realized that petalfog's cynicism was also the reason that he'd even entered starclan in the first place- out of spite, driftwater must've defended him purely because petalfog didn't want him there. those two seemed to hate each other so much... they had mentioned, after all, that magpiefire- the same one jaguarflame was now slandering- had gone to the place of no stars as well. and if jaguarflame thought that rushtalon himself was like this magpiefire...

"i lured petalfog, the more unpleasant of the two, out into the forest one night. i took her to the gorge." jaguarflame's gaze clouded over. "we were right next to the drop of the cliff. she was a good fighter, but i was unmatched. she was dead before moonhigh even came."

jaguarflame blinked slowly, replaying the scene in his mind. "i threw her body into the river," he remembered. "i watched her body be washed away by the torrent. the next day, i told everyone she'd been killed by a fox and that i had discovered its crime only after she'd died. i told them that it took her body, and that i didn't follow because i was too exhausted from the battle and feared for my own life. they believed me because i looked strong and muscular enough to take on a fox single-pawed, and because i still bore the scars from the battle."

"... " rushtalon saw jaguarflame's claws extend; despite himself, he wondered what must've happened next.

"but just a moon and a half after petalfog's death, magpiefire was afflicted with a sickness that aspenrise and peonylinger couldn't cure." a low growl rumbled in jaguarflame's throat. "i was forced to watch her waste away in the den under the watchful eye of two medicine cats, slowly dying where i couldn't get her. and there she died." jaguarflame's lips twisted into a malicious, yet bitter smile, and his voice changed to a choking laugh. "can you imagine how it felt to have spent my nights fighting and slinking around in this dank place, to have wasted two lives, all for the sake of nothing?"

"he doesn't regret killing me." rainadder didn't turn around, but rushtalon imagined him puffing out his chest to match the- what was that in his voice? pride? "but i was always meant to be here, unlike this cleanpaw. but killing someone who wasn't a menace to society? had starclan decreed it an action of jaguarflame's own accord, they'd have doomed him here themselves."

"wait, but... i don't get it." a cold pit sat in rushtalon's stomach. "you... if you didn't want to- to k- i mean, you're not evil, so then... why did you still end up here? after all, driftwater said that i went to starclan because they thought i was under your influence. so if you were under raintooth's..."

"no, you don't understand." jaguarflame got up and paced around, not looking at either rainadder or rushtalon. "it was a conscious choice."

"after magpiefire's death, i had no purpose. on the outside, i acted the same, or a little more reclusive in order to let the clan believe i was actually sad for magpiefire's death- frustrated, yes, but sad? my mother or not, she was evil." jaguarflame looked up sharply and stopped in his tracks. "that's why i always thought you deserved to be here, ever since i watched you belittle mottledsap. you reminded me too much of her."

"but... is she here?" rushtalon's paws shuffled nervously, and his brown gaze flitted around the trees.

jaguarflame let a smile tug at his face. "no. what did you think i came here for?"

"... what?"

"starclan could've forgiven me for the murder of rainadder, because he was a menace to our clan anyway. they could've overlooked petalfog's death because i was under the influence of a dark forest resident. but what can starclan do when their warrior chooses the place of no stars over them?" jaguarflame's meow was tinged with sourness, and something else that rushtalon couldn't place. "starclan didn't reject me. i rejected them. do you understand?"

"i was never evil. i was only the cat with a thirst for revenge that led beyond the grave. after all, i had unfinished business, and then after that, i didn't care what happened. i was doing a good thing, even if raintooth made me take evil ends for it. magpiefire was the monster."

a frosty breeze picked up and stirred up the leaf litter.

rushtalon was speechless. not because jaguarflame's own mother had berated him, poisoned him with words so that he considered himself worthless. not because of the things jaguarflame had did in preparation to kill her. it was because magpiefire had been dreadfully wrong. she'd taken it upon herself to judge jaguarflame, but she'd been wrong. for the first time, the thought dawned on rushtalon: what if he'd done the same?

he remembered finally admitting mottledsap's strength after the she-cat's warrior vigil. of course, he knew she was strong. he'd known for some time now.

"... i did tell her that i respected her in the end," rushtalon murmured. "she hasn't forgiven me-"

"nor should she. but magpiefire, she refused to admit her faults, not even when she died. you may not be a good cat, rushtalon, but i am willing to admit that you were probably better than magpiefire was. still... have you ever considered what would've happened if mottledsap crumbled under your torment?" jaguarflame tilted his head as he gave rushtalon a questioning look. his eyes made rushtalon shiver. "what would you have done then?"

"would you have kept crushing her, over and over, blissfully unaware of the consequences of your actions?"

rushtalon ripped his gaze away from jaguarflame's. his heart pounded against his chest, a deadly pressuring rhythm dictating his fear. fear, something rushtalon hadn't felt in a long time, so why was it here now, why?

because... rushtalon didn't want to think himself such a despicable creature. yet jaguarflame was tearing away what he thought he knew he was doing, and showing him what could've been the truth.

maybe rushtalon did belong here. maybe he was a monster after all.

rushtalon's fur threatened to shrink into his skin as jaguarflame's piercing yellow gaze traced his form. out of the corner of his eye, rushtalon saw rainadder's paws step beside jaguarflame's once more; he had almost forgotten that the gray and white tom was still there. what did jaguarflame want? what was he waiting for?

"go home, rushtalon."

"wh-"

"go- home."

rushtalon stared at the black smoke tom, dumbfounded. jaguarflame didn't budge, his eyes focused on the ground before him. on jaguarflame's left, rainadder stared at rushtalon, still as stone, staring at rushtalon with his cold gray-blue gaze.

"i've given you the capacity and insight to become less of a scumbag, so you'd better use it." jaguarflame's head snapped up. "otherwise, i will hunt you down. if you still refuse to admit your wrongdoings, i won't spare your life a second time."

rushtalon's paws shifted. hadn't he beaten jaguarflame the first time...? "a second time? but i won- or- or is this you not wanting to fight me again?" rushtalon's voice rose as his thoughts whirled. how can this be? jaguarflame, running from a fight? he was never a coward-

his thoughts cut off on their own. rushtalon waited.

no, i have the proof- he wants me gone, he's-

"i can prove that i could've won if i wanted to." jaguarflame bared his fangs at rushtalon. "you may have been my apprentice, rushtalon, but i had much more training than you did. especially since some of it was here-" jaguarflame looked across the raven-feather treetops, "-and the training here is the most intense you can get."

jaguarflame strode forwards a few steps, a wall of black shadow engulfing the little visible light in its path. he lowered himself to the ground, laying on his right side, and yawned lazily. "get into whatever stance you were in during the fight."

rushtalon obliged.

"... no, your other foot was more forward... forepaws should be closer together."

jaguarflame lay still for a while, but rushtalon knew better than to lower his guard. seconds ticked by... for a few heartbeats, nothing happened. then, jaguarflame kicked one hind foot at each of rushtalon's hind legs. rushtalon's hind legs crumpled, stunned into numbness. jaguarflame's claws found rushtalon's shoulders, and they trapped the black and white tom in their grip as jaguarflame lunged upwards from the ground, twisting his body to face rushtalon as he rose. rushtalon's paws flailed, grazing jaguarflame's thick pelt, but touching nothing underneath it. rushtalon felt himself being forced down, but gravity and jaguarflame's force and weight combined made it so that he couldn't force his way up-

rushtalon's shoulder blades crashed upon the ground, and before he knew it, there was a set of wide jaws aiming their ivory blades at rushtalon's eyes. rushtalon's eyes automatically snapped shut, bracing for the inevitable...

but the blow never came.

rushtalon opened his eyes to see jaguarflame's jaws hovering over his face. rushtalon didn't dare move... jaguarflame pulled away, his expression stony. now rushtalon understood: had jaguarflame wished, rushtalon would be blinded, or worse, and yet... the smoke tom was letting rushtalon go. jaguarflame was stepping away from rushtalon, yet rushtalon still didn't rise until jaguarflame's order came: "get up, rushtalon, you fish-brain."

rushtalon clambered to his paws. what happens next? he asked himself the question, knowing that he had no answer. of course he didn't... it'd be so much easier if rushtalon just knew what to do all the time, wouldn't it? then he wouldn't have gotten into this mess in the first place... wouldn't have pushed mottledsap to her breaking point...

"now i've erased all doubt that my mercy was born from weakness." jaguarflame turned away from rushtalon, deliberately not looking at his former apprentice, when his snake-like glare had wanted the tom torn to shreds just minutes before. "are you happy? or did i underestimate you; do you still believe that only the physically strong from birth should be respected?" jaguarflame's gaze narrowed. "perhaps i did. why else would you have thought that i was becoming soft?"

"because i've never known you to be soft." the whisper just blew past rushtalon's lips, quick as light. "as a mentor, you were never soft on me, or anyone else, for that matter. to see it now..." rushtalon swallowed. "... was unsettling."

jaguarflame eyed rushtalon, looking for any sign of dishonesty, but somehow he found none. "can i trust you to take my warning seriously?" jaguarflame's ear twitched, and his bushy black tail floated slowly left and right and back again. "can i trust you to take my story seriously?"

"... you're not evil." rushtalon averted his gaze to stare at anything else- the black-barked trees with their glossy, deep juniper leaves; the softly glowing mushrooms that radiated an eerie chartreuse light; the peaty, dark ground that ate up every paw that touched it; the aphotic sky with only the dimmest moon to light it- anything but jaguarflame, who he was sure would be furious at his next proposition.

"why can't you leave here? can't you come with me?"

jaguarflame stiffened, and a second later, rushtalon glanced back to see the giant black mass hurling itself at him. rushtalon felt himself crumple to the ground once again under jaguarflame's weight.

"go home! before i change my mind!" white teeth shone in front of rushtalon's eyes; he couldn't really see much else other than jaguarflame's snarling face. rutilant golden eyes met rusty walnut ones, one pair furious and blazing, the other wide and pleading for an answer.

"what? i already told you; i chose this place! what has starclan ever done for me?" bitterness seeped through jaguarflame's hiss. "they didn't care what magpiefire did or said, they didn't tell aspenrise or peonylinger about it. they stood by as the apprentices suffered under rainadder's tyranny. i have none that i love on the other side. what would be the point?"

"they hate me too," rushtalon breathed. "they don't trust me."

"then make them! i gave you that chance- or would you rather stay put in this lightless, preyless forest forever?" jaguarflame snorted. "even if starclan is too stubborn to accept you, you can always come back here. but don't waste your chance to avoid withering away."

jaguarflame's unblinking glare burrowed into rushtalon's soul. "or else i'll flay your ungrateful, fox-hearted pelt off your skin and make a nest for every warrior in this accursed forest."

"..." there's... there's no point in arguing with him.

swallowing a retort, rushtalon turned around. his muscles jerked with every movement, and his head and paws felt frozen. staggering dangerously, the black and white tom moved. moved away from the brothers of the place of no stars, his uneven steps slow at first, then steady, until rushtalon disappeared into the shadows in a quiet daze.

"you didn't intend to release the child." rainadder finally spoke up.

"i didn't." jaguarflame's gaze almost penetrated the sea of black woods. was he wondering if his decision had been the right one? did he know or not, if his instincts had been right?

"but i did anyway."

rainadder and jaguarflame stayed there for some time, somewhere in the forest in the middle of endless black nothingness.

eventually, jaguarflame let out an unconvincing, nonchalant scoff and disappeared into the shadows of the trees, with rainadder following close behind as usual, with only the dimly glowing mushrooms to light their paths.

(A/N: fun fact, this chapter was supposed to be shorter than alexithymia)

(A/N:... sry :P )