heart beating rapidly, panic rising up, breaths uneven, and thoughts being unsettled.

jaehyun was waiting outside of the room, patiently but couldn't seem to compose himself from thinking as to what could possibly happen to taeyong. fortunately for them, the doctor arrived just in time. though, he felt useless as he was just being forced outside as the doctor does the work. he wanted to help but it was suggested for him to first get a grip of himself as it wasn't a great idea to deal with a patient while being in his panic state.

❝jaehyun.❞ and then his mother called him.

looking like a mess with his hair disheveled, eyes puffed red, and lips swollen from being bitten in uneasiness, the said male had turned his head to the side and was met with cold hands cupping his face.

❝jaehyun,❞ she called him out once more, making him look at her straight in the eye. ❝you first need to calm down.❞

❝m-mom, i'm so stupid!❞ he had his voice raised at her. not because he was fuming at how she told him to calm down at a situation like this, but because he was mad at himself. ❝i didn't get to know about his condition and i did all those to him. i didn't get to realize it sooner and i risked his life countless of times! on those dates, on taking him out of the house late at night, i even made him play basketball even with the weak heart he had. mom, i'm—❞

❝do you think taeyong would love seeing you like this?❞ she could see the pain in his eyes and it honestly hurts her, as his mother.

❝b-but i was the one who caused that!❞ moving away, jaehyun had a hand running through his hair with a huff. ❝if only i w-was careful enough with him then this wouldn't have happened.❞

❝jaehyun.❞

❝there were already signs showing, yet, i didn't seem to put much thought in to it!❞ he was blaming himself badly in this situation, wanting to hurt himself for putting someone else's life in danger. ❝how can i be so stupid? if only—❞

❝jung jaehyun!❞

the sight of taeyong panting and looking like he couldn't grasp for air anymore was filling up his head. it kept on repeating and rewinding that it made him blame himself more in what had happened. he shouldn't have put the male's emotions overboard.

was jaehyun that much of a trouble to him?

while trying to organize his thoughts first, his mother now went in front of him and placed both of her hands on his shoulders. her son's eyes were staring out of space and the woman could see how deeply he was thinking to fix this problem. ❝stop blaming yourself, you did not know.❞

❝i would have if i wasn't just too distracted.❞ telling her that, he groaned and buried his face down to the palm of his hands. ❝i was too busy in making him happy that i didn't get to know what harms him!❞

and apparently, too much happiness can kill him.

frowning at how her son is acting, the mother removed her hands from his shoulder. she understands that he was also being pressured and was overwhelmed to know that taeyong had a weak heart condition, but he didn't have a full fault in this. ❝do you think blaming yourself would change anything?❞

her voice was soft, it rang through his ears, and it somehow also composed his senses down. he then closed his eyes and started shaking his head to answer his mother's question.

❝then instead of that,❞ she approached him once more and held his hands that were quivering. ❝how about you start thinking of what's better for him, hm?❞

what's better for him?

opening his mouth, he didn't get to say anything when the door to his room was opened and showed the family doctor that he called just an hour ago. jaehyun was about to rush his way towards the man but his arm was being held back, only to watch taeyong's mother quickly standing up from the ground after crying too much and went to talk to the doctor.

he could see how relieved she looked when the man reassured her that her son is alright and he'll get better soon if he takes his medications daily— not skip them like how he did for the past days just because he prioritized someone else more than his health. the woman then started sobbing even louder while chanting countless of gratitude towards the doctor who came just in time.

this made jaehyun think, would staying be good for his health? ❝mom, is it going to be bad if i still stay with him?❞

🎲

taeyong felt like he has been laying down there for years already— when it has just been hours. though, he couldn't seem to wake himself up from his deep sleep. it was until then he could hear the door creaking open, the moonlight getting inside the room and hitting his skin, and the sound of a quiet thud on the nightstand.

his brows twitched at the sound and that's when he finally slowly opened his eyes to see what was going on. taeyong could feel his body being at its weakest state as he struggled to get up, whimpering quietly and getting the attention of the person who came inside the room.

❝you're finally awake.❞

with his sight already adjusting to the light, taeyong's eyes softened as he saw him. ❝j-jaehyun?❞

he couldn't remember anything but sharing a kiss with him. that was his first time being intimate with someone, and he was more than glad that it was him. they shared a loving kiss with an affectionate atmosphere. but sadly, it has to be ruined by his heart condition that had to react.

the two of them locked gazes before the younger male went back to pouring him a glass of water. ❝why did you skip your medication?❞

taeyong then had his eyes widened, so he already knows? he started to fumble with his fingers and nibbled on to his bottom lip as he tried to keep his emotions intact. how can he explain it to him? he kept on skipping his schedule in taking his pills because he always prefers to be with him. even when johnny keeps on reminding him about it, and it also seems like he hasn't learned his lesson that recent time when he was brought to the hospital.

❝i have already arranged you medicine in order downstairs, marked the calendar on which pills you will take during that day. i also had requested for special treatment every saturday and every sunday, you will have your check up.❞ he stated quickly, catching the older off guard. ❝then, as for your school, if i am not able to pick you up, i won't allow you to go home alone. call my personal driver or tell me if everyone is busy for you then i'll make time to handle you.❞

being with him might not be healthy, but it makes him happy. ❝jaehyun, i—❞

❝it's already two in the morning, pretty early, and you have classes to attend later at seven.❞ and he won't say it, but he also didn't get enough sleep as he was busy discussing things with the doctor and even asking for rounds at the hospital to learn more about this illness. ❝but i already excused you for the day, telling them that you need to take a rest.❞

the older's head snapped towards his direction, seeing the taller scrolling through his phone. ❝you didn't tell johnny, did you?❞

his search history was filled with questions about the male's condition and what he asked made him stop reading in the middle of an article that had caught his interest. ❝johnny knows about this?❞

gulping, taeyong felt like shrinking upon having the younger's glare landing on him. ❝h-he was the one who caught me fainting that o-once when i worked for my part time.❞

❝he knows yet he didn't bother telling me or your mother?❞ jaehyun's voice had fury laced on it, he could be seen looking irritated upon knowing this.

❝please don't get mad at him,❞ he begged, shutting his eyes tight as he didn't want to see how disappointed the younger looked. ❝i was the one who told him not to tell anybody—❞

❝but you could have at least told your mother! do you know how fucking worried she is right now?❞

he didn't mean to shout and have his voice raised at the smaller male who looked frightened because of furious he looked right now. stressfully running a hand through his hair, jaehyun had his brows furrowed as he pinched the bridge of his nose and inhaled deeply to collect himself and know that shouting and lashing out won't do no good, especially to the older who's now at his vulnerable state.

❝s-sorry.❞ a sigh was heard from the other as the older male apologized. not having the courage to look at him straight in the eye, taeyong muffled out his sniffles while staring at the opposite direction. ❝where i-is she?❞

❝i put her to sleep in your room. she was the one who took care of you after the doctor went back home. she changed your clothes and even stayed watching out for you until she dozed off.❞ while that being said, the smaller male on the bed just noticed that he was wearing an oversized pajamas that probably belongs to the younger. and not to mention, he was left inside the same room where he passed out, the taller's room. ❝though, you better explain all of this to her when she wakes up later.❞

bending his legs up and hugging it tight, taeyong buried his head down on his knees and held back the urge to cry.

jaehyun saw his actions and heaved another sigh. he then took a pill from the tray that's down the nightstand and the glass of water before walking around the bed and handing it all to the older male. ❝here, drink this.❞

it took taeyong seconds before taking it and gulping the medicine down. jaehyun's eyes was boring holes right through him and he was finding it uncomfortable because even though he won't voice it out, taeyong knows that he was upset that he kept all of this from him.

❝you're really taking your illness lightly.❞ jaehyun told him with his stern voice indicating that he was no where near to joking around. ❝taeyong, you could have lost yourself during those days when you kept this from me! i was bringing you around, exhausting you, and even made used you to to make my ex—❞

❝i wasn't taking this lightly, i know what will happen to me if i go tire myself out.❞

being cut off from his words, jaehyun stood there with his eyes softening at the sight of the older nervously playing with his fingers after putting the glass down the nightstand.

❝but you looked so happy that i didn't want to wipe that smile away.❞ taeyong then said, just gathering the courage to look up and have his glistening eyes darting at the taller male who was taken aback by it. ❝and then, i w-was also happy that i f-finally got to feel this for the first t-time—❞

jaehyun hurriedly sat down on the bed and brought his hands up to wipe the older's tears, hushing him down but didn't do the work as he still kept on sobbing quietly.

❝love had never felt s-so good until i met you. i wanted to m-make the most of it and do everything b-because,❞ taking the male's hands away from his face and wiping the tears on his own, taeyong's bit down his sobs as he stared up at the younger. ❝w-we only live once. i want to e-enjoy life before i die, and—❞

❝sshh, taeyong,❞ closing his eyes and leaning forward just to glue their foreheads together, jaehyun placed a hand on his chest and reminded himself to remain calm especially at times when the older would act like this, he was told to do so. ❝taeyong.❞

his voice was soft, as if he was hearing a whisper coming from the heavens above. with tears still falling down, taeyong made an effort to silence his sobs and push his cries at the back of his throat. he took deep breaths in and out, inhaling deeply and out.

all he wanted was a reassurance. he wanted to know if he's going to last long, or when he'll have to say goodbye to everything.

and jaehyun was there to say it to him. ❝you are not going to die.❞

pulling away, the younger caught a glimpse of taeyong looking at him with those curious sparkling eyes looking at him, swollen lips parted, and cheeks flushed from crying. with a small smile, he lifted his hand up and brushed the hair that was sticking to his forehead.

❝what is it?❞ because the older male looked like he had a question to ask.

puckering his lips, tears can't seem to stop streaming down from his face. ❝i'm just waiting.❞

jaehyun had a brow raised with a chuckle escaping from his mouth. ❝what are you waiting for?❞

❝for you to leave me.❞

that statement caused for jaehyun to stay still on his place, his hand still playing with the older's soft locks while his eyes stared right through his sad ones. after having it processed inside his head, he couldn't help but furrow his brows as if he was scolding him for saying that. ❝taeyong.❞

❝w-what? i'm n-not wrong though.❞ he stuttered, not knowing how he should explain this. ❝why would you still be with me? it'll just be like babysitting and i don't want to burden you with that. i want you to be with someone whom you can travel with, you can laugh with, you can bring to places with. only someone stupid will still stay with me.❞

and this is where jaehyun understood clearly. the reason why he had so many firsts, why he was so clueless about love, why he is so innocent— it made him chuckle a slight bit at how proud he was with himself for talking almost all his first. no man can ever, only him. even if it risked his life, taeyong still went on to fulfill his firsts, and it is such an honor for jaehyun that he's the luckiest guy to ever do that.

❝then i guess,❞ bringing his hand down, jaehyun laced their fingers together. ❝i'm someone stupid.❞

no doubt, it made his heart flutter, but his negativity is not letting him live. ❝you're going to regret this, i swear. it's better if you pursue back with ten, you'll have a brighter future with him.❞

❝seriously? i already moved on, for god's sake.❞ groaning, the younger male had his eyes rolled at how he was stubborn. ❝and plus, he has johnny already.❞

❝then how about this,❞ taeyong moved closer to him as he had a suggestion in mind. ❝we can act like a couple again and see if someone gets jealous. and if that happens, we can get that person to be your—❞

❝can't you trust me?❞ he cuts him off with a question that made him silent. ❝i'm in love with you, taeyong, and not even your weak condition can change that. i love you not because of what you have, but because of what you are.❞

he hated how his words were enough to make him change his mind and risk it all for him again. just when he finally decided to focus with his health, jaehyun's existence just has to be so important to him. but at the same time, taeyong felt relieved and also mad at himself for even doubting him from the start. after all, him leaving was the reason as to why he kept this a secret.

seeing that he was still unsure of it, jaehyun suddenly had a shameless plan— and that is to act cute.

with eyes now on the older's chest, he put out a pout while tilting his head to the side. ❝bubu, you don't trust me?❞

taeyong couldn't help but coo at him, mentally cursing at how adorable he looked even though it was obvious that he was disgusted on the inside. ❝bubu said you're not a number, that's why you can't be counted on!❞

playfully clicking his tongue, jaehyun huffed at him. ❝it's not my fault why i'm not born as ten.❞

❝are you saying that i should be with ten instead?❞ the older said with a gasp.

❝no! definitely no.❞ whining on his place, the older was taken by surprise when jaehyun leaned closer to him that their faces where now inches apart. ❝trust me, i'll take good care of you.❞

❝that would mean i'll just be your patient.❞ and taeyong hated if he is treated that way. sometimes, johnny would even forget that he's his friend and would act as if he's some person in need, doing everything and anything for him to the point that taeyong wouldn't be able to move a muscle for the day.

clicking his tongue once more, the younger male cussed at how he was so knowledgeable with comebacks. ❝then, i will love you and your bubu.❞

since taeyomg was enjoying playing with him, he had a wide grin on his face. ❝there are different forms of love. you can love me as a family, or as a friend, or maybe as a—❞

❝as someone who'll be my present, and future.❞ jaehyun told him, not breaking eye contact. ❝i'll love you like that.❞

❝if that's the case, then,❞ taeyong had also leaned forward that there was little space in between them already. ❝i'll give you permission to take care of me and my bubu.❞

the younger's eyes glistened in happiness as he was given a chance for this, and he surely won't waste it. as he was in the middle of doing a victory dance inside his head, he was taken by surprise when a soft pair of lips came in contact with his parted ones.

it only lasted for a short second but it was already enough to drive jaehyun to heaven.

❝i-i'm sorry,❞ taeyong looked away while rubbing his nape. ❝i still won't be able to give you adult kisses.❞

the last time he did try to give him adult kisses it resulted to him almost losing his life.

holding back the urge to have a wide smile, to prevent from looking crazy, he motioned his finger at the older. ❝come closer.❞

having no idea as to what he was planning, taeyong leaned forward and let out a shriek when the younger male had captured his lips but at the same time— he also bit his bottom lip softly. ❝ah!❞

❝that's for not telling me about your condition.❞ he said with eyes squinted, but that didn't last long as he now had a warm smile plastered on his face. booing their noses together, he mumbled. ❝i love you, wifey.❞

wrapping his hands around the male's neck, taeyong went to pamper him with kisses everywhere. on the cheeks, on the tip of hos nose, and on his forehead. he purposely missed his lips as he didn't want to have his bubu go wild with it. ❝i love you too, hubby.❞

and they may now kiss their groom— unfortunately, their moment had to be disrupted by a knock on the door, along with a voice that taeyong found familiar.

"taeyong, honey, are you awake? i need to talk to you."

it was his mother and she must have woken up out of being worried. staring at the door for a couple of seconds, he put his attention back at jaehyun and got a smile of assurance coming from him. after that, he felt warm a warm hand holding his own very tight. ❝come on, i'll be with you.❞

⚊ t b c ⚊