August 13 2016

Dear diary....
How is you? How is mummy? How is daddy? And how is everyone at home? And why am I being stupid?
Anyways.... I've been wondering. Why can't I just mind my own business ehn? Did I have to go to Kakan Hafsat's house and act like a heroine? But I must admit... I'm quite a heroine **smirk smirk**.  Now the girl's father doesn't want the girl to be friends with me. Someone I've known since primary one. Just imagine that man ohh.  I know he's an elderly person and he's her father but just imagine him ohh.  After saving his daughter from that disaster he's now saying I don't have kunya and tarbiya. That's what I get for saving his daughter. When he's meant to sing praises. He should not vex me ohh. Lemme not even call him ungrateful. Ungrateful man! Pretend I didn't call him that. I'm going to tear this page later. Because if Hafsat opens you by mistake I. Will. Be. So. Dead. !
And I don't wanna die young. I still have my countdown to finish. And I have to get married to Aminu and give birth to cute kids. By the way.... I think I'm going to make a great mom because I know how to make children stop crying. Just bribe them with candy or chocolate and you're good to go.

Bye for now. I need to look for something to do today. But I must admit.... What happened the day before yesterday was indeed an adventure. Me I killed and enjoyed it. Hafsat  did not enjoy it but she benefitted from it. Bye sha.

See you later!
Or should I say open and fill you with juicy gulma (gossip) later
Hah!
Bye!..

🐼
You won't believe what I'm about to say. Kaaka called me this morning and said she wanted to see me. I told her we have no driver at home and Maama is not around so she sent my uncle to get me. I was just wondering what she wanted to talk about. Someone that hates me.

You hate her too.
I don't hate her. I just dislike her. Well as long as she hates me I hate her too.

Don't mind my inner voices. They can be stupid when they want to. Back to Kaaka's talk. I got ready after hanging up because she said my uncle was going to come in thirty minutes. Now I don't know what's with her and rushing people.

"Hauwa, there's someone at the door. He's asking for you" Nafisa informed me when I was just about to bless my snapchat friends with some pictures

"Oh. That must be Uncle Bash. Kice mishi ina zuwa- tell him I'm coming." 

This boy.  He had to come now. Mtsewwwwwww. I must take my selfies. Let him wait. I thought.

🐼
"Kaaka ina wuni- good afternoon" don't think I greeted her from my mind ohh. I just had to.

"You must be wondering why I called you here today" she didn't even answer the greeting. I just wasted my energy "Well I heard what happened the day before yesterday. Or should I say what you did the day before yesterday at Hajia Adama's house"

Wait! I don't remember sharing what happened the day before yesterday with anyone. But how did this woman know? There's only one answer to that. She's a WITCH! 

"You must be wondering how I found out"  she says after seeing the confused look on my face. isn't it obvious? "Well the world we live in is a small world. So some things cannot be kept secret" wait... She's smirking.  And my sense is telling me that this woman has a spy in Hafsat's grandmother's house. Why am I even surprised? She's a scheming old woman.

"Wow. So why exactly have you called me here?" I ask with a questioning look.

"Well I think you deserve a reward" she says smiling. And is she smiling at me?? OMG!! Tashin balagan tsuntsaye!

"Reward?"

"Yes" she reaches for a purse, opens it and counts some money "here, take this" she said putting the money on the stool beside the chair she's sitting on.  Wait that's 2k. Seriously?? After all the counting? And is this why she called me from my house. I could be doing something else right now. Something fun. But in here. For 2k?!! Something is wrong with her. This is bribe or charity

"What are you waiting for? Carry the money and leave!" She commands shaking me out of my thoughts

"I'm sorry.  But I can't accept this money. I don't know what charity means but I think this is charity. I won't take it. And don't you think I deserve more than 2k?"

"You're arrogant. And proud" she scoffs "just like your mother"

Tell me something that makes sense "you're so funny oh Kaaka. No offence. But I don't see how not collecting your charity makes me proud. Do you have any idea how much energy I lost yesterday? Do you know how pressuring it was? Talking like that to more than ten people old enough to be my parents and grandparents? And you're calling me proud. You should say something like 'I'm proud of you. You don't find brave kids like you these days' something like that" I think 'no offence' has become my favourite statement

"You mannerless girl!"

"I learnt from the best"

"Get out of my house. Just get out!"

🐼
Great! I did it again. I was meant to repent. Now this woman will tell Daddy what happened today and Daddy will scold me and seize my phone after the scolding. Poor me. How will I talk to my Aminu? I'm in deep shit!
I think I know what to do. I won't pick Daddy's call for two days. I'm sure he will forget by then. Yes! That's a great plan. If I tell you I'm in the car right now waiting for Uncle Bash would you believe me? You better believe because that's what's up. I'm so going to kill him for making me wait.

After all the rashin kunya? You want to start murdering people now?
Sharrap! He's here

"Hey niece" Uncle Bash says after sitting on the driver's seat.

"Bash! You're dead"

"Bash? Is that how respectful you are?"

"Please keep quiet. The fact that you were born in January and I was born in August doesn't make you older. 18 is 18"

"You is a funny shild "

"Tell me something I don't know" I roll my eyes

"By the way.... Mama doesn't hate you. She actually loves you. You're just the only person who doesn't do whatever she says. That's why she's hard on you"

"What a nice way to show her love for me. And you're her son. So you're bound to support her"

🐼
Uncle Bash is so boring. Do you know I've been trying to make the atmosphere lively but he keeps saying "I don't want to die young. I don't want to die young" what is there? Is it not just to talk small and laugh? And that is how we've been driving in silence for the past 5 minutes. And I cannot start talking and laughing to myself. People will think I'm paagal (crazy).
Forget it. Let's look at the brighter side of things. Are you seeing what I'm seeing right now? What a stupid question! HATLAB PLACE! Yay!!

"Uncle Bash love"

"What do you want now? I know whenever you call me Uncle you want something" vaah (wow) he knows me so well. I'm proud of him

"Ice cream" I say pointing to Hatlab place "you see... The thing is...."

"I know I know. You forgot your bag and your purse and your everything that has money at home. So you want me to buy for you with my money" he really knows me. I was planning to say just that

"Yes... You know you're the B. U. F right?"

"What is B. U. F again?"

"Best Uncle Forever. Duhh!"

"This girl. You won't kill me with your stupidity wallahi"

"As long as you're buying ice cream for me. You can call me anything you want. I'll gladly take it as a compliment"

"Argh!"

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You got broads in Atlanta? I got my bae up in Jannah 🐼🐼
Krrrrrrrrrrrrr

Hope you enjoy this chapter. I didn't really proofread it.

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