Chapter 7 Daddy issues

Two years into culinary school... Las Vegas.

Meri stood across the kitchen over her crepe griddle, troweling the batter over the barely buttered surface. Hazel eyes met sky-blue ones in challenge, and Meri winked at Steven then smooched her lips, blowing him a kiss. Steven's eyes darkened slightly. They were the only two still cooking in the perfect crepe challenge for who would get top honors in the last challenge of the semester. Meri heard him swear as she plated number forty-two.

While Meri spread another crepe to cook, Liza and Phil giggled. They were two of her three best school buddies.

"He's done," Don's deep voice rumbled softly, he was her third.

Meri didn't have to look up to know he was smirking. Steven and Don were both the younger sons of Vegas business moguls and hated each other with the barely contained violence. Don's dad was a rancher turned steakhouse restaurateur. Steven's grandfather was rumored to be an Irish mafia bootlegger, but that was never verified. Meri plated number forty-three as Chef Marie sauntered over. She inspected each one of Meri's crepes, nodding happily.

"You are well trained, Meredith," she murmured so softly only her table could hear her. Loudly she said, "We have a winner, congratulations to Meredith. You have won the semester's final challenge."

"Thank you, chef," Meri smiled in relief. Steven walked over with his arrogant swagger while Liza rolled her eyes, but Meri taunted him in a flirty tone. "Sorry Stevie, guess I won't be needing that cocktail dress after all." They shook hands.

His eyes glittered at her challenging playful tone, but he answered, half-smiling, "One of these days, Meredith, one of these days... maybe when you get back from Paris." He walked out followed by his entourage of devoted co-eds.

"That man is a dog," Liza huffed, rolling her darkly lined eyes while twisting her studded collar.

"Dogs have souls, don't insult them," Don drawled with his deep southern twang, and they burst out laughing at him.

"Come on, we have a class to teach at the community center," Phil reminded. He was older and all about the clock and time management. Part of his scholarship required community service, and they were glad to help him with it. He would never be able to afford culinary school without the scholarship, and it would have been a waste of an amazing talent.

As they packed up for the end of semester, Meri eyed Phil with his George Clooney hair, then sighed, 'If he didn't have a devoted husband of two decades, I would date him just for his cooking.' It seemed since coming to Vegas, she was only interested in the attached and married men. The older than her father ones. 'I have daddy issues,' she shuddered as she thought it, but she just hadn't met anyone her age that she felt a connection with or attraction to.

~~~~

Four months later... Paris.

"Is it too late for coffee?" Claude's amused voice echoed across the roof; in his hand, he held a cup from her favorite café. "This is amazing, you are lucky to get to sit up here and study."

"Never, and yes I am." Meri was kind of happy to see him. He was sweet, older, always attentive, but seemed to be struggling to respect her choice to just be friends until the end of the semester because he was her instructor. Charmingly, the gentleman just wouldn't take no for an answer.

"This view was the thing I missed second most from my time as a student here. What are you reading?" He glanced at the book Charlene helped Meri steal from the Richmonds' library.

"A book I stole in my misbegotten youth."

"Seriously, you stole this?" Claude chuckled in disbelief as he handed her the drink.

Meri nodded, "Oui, with help from my sister," she admitted with a grin then added, "But is it really stealing if the books had sat untouched for years and they still don't know they are missing?"

"Well, maybe you could return them some day and then it would just be borrowing?" He asked with a handsome smirk.

"No."

"No?"

"Possession is nine-tenths of the law in my country. This book and all its shelf-mates are mine forever," Meri said as she looked up at him. "How does it feel to want to date a criminal?"

"So, what makes this book so special you would steal it and carry it all the way to France?" His deep tone and Parisian accent made her shiver, but she scooted herself up in the chair to hide the movement. The effects of his voice and steely gray eyes and salt-and-pepper hair on her, made her giddy inside. 'Yep, I definitely have a Daddy kink.'

He listened to Meri reading two-hundred-year-old pastry recipes. The evening sky began to paint itself in a dozen colors of rose and lava. They sat on the roof watching the lights of the city twinkle on under the darkening sky beyond the reconstruction of Notre Dame. Claude put his arms around Meri from behind and hugged her to his side. It felt very good and his shirt was very soft, it probably cost more than Meri paid in rent a month.

"I never thought I would find the city beautiful," Meri confessed. "The first day I was here it just seemed so crowded and busy but at night, it sparkles."

"It is called 'The City of Lights' for a reason, mon cherie." Claude laughed softly into her hair, putting his cheek on top of her head. "You belong here, Meredith. You belong in this city," Claude murmured as his breath warmed her brow in the cooling night. She shivered then looked up at him. He stole a kiss again and she let him. He sighed so softly, whispering against her lips, "Be Mon amoureuse, Meredith. I am tired of longing for you."

Meri was so lonely, but did she like him that much? They had a smoldering chemistry and she wouldn't mind being able to love and be loved in return, but was she falling in love with him? Her thoughts danced in a circle like the horses of a carousel. She needed to know something. "Girlfriend? Hmmm, tempting... But why me?"

Laughing, he smiled like he was expecting that answer from. "I never knew I would find the woman of my dreams in a culinary course I took just to help me run my family's restaurants."

"You weren't chef instructor before?" This surprised Meri.

"Oui, I was, but also, I am invested in a half-dozen restaurants. I only teach the sommelier course in the spring. Never in the fall, until I saw you on campus. So confident, so beautiful, so pure and hopeful. I took the fall class you were in just to be close to you. You glow with this youthful joy and love of life that I miss. Meredith, I can't tell you how much I want to be with you. I will give you anything you want. Just ask." His voice was so sincere, and his eyes made promises to hers.

Meri pressed her lips back against his. The kiss was intoxicating and against her better judgement, she found herself contemplating letting him into her apartment that night, but if she opened that door, the very next door would be to her bedroom. He made her panties want to fall off. For almost a semester they did this dance. He wanted more but she worried about getting hurt, especially since he was so much more experienced than she was.

Her mind forgot to repeat the mantra she held to since Jr. High, 'School first, boys later'. She barely remembered it to save herself from impetuously dragging him downstairs. Her mind reminded her heart, 'This isn't one of my romance novels. Stay professional.'

Tipping her head back and smiling up at him, she teased, "I believe we have never had a proper dinner date. Would you like to have dinner with me sometime?"

He chuckled again, knowing she was flirting. Smirking handsomely, he demanded, "When is sometime?"

"Whenever I am no longer your student... Thanks for the coffee. See you in the morning, Professor Sommelier Claude."

"Soon, Chef Meri. I am going to win you over very soon," She heard him say as the door closed behind her.

~~~~

The Christmas season in France was glorious. Everything decorated. So many holiday festivals. Since the culinary school owned the building she lived in, most of Meri's flat mates left for the holiday, leaving her alone in the city of lights. No one but her remained on her floor. Meri wandered the city or museums or galleries. She had not seen Claude in nearly a week and wondered if he would call her or if this was his way of brushing her off after she insisted on waiting until the semester was over. Through the crowd she thought she saw him with a blonde about her age. She was shocked to see him kiss the other woman on both cheeks and then the forehead and put her in a cab. The tall, blonde looked like a runway model, or Swiss ski instructor, and as opposite from Meri's petite stature and curves as a woman could look. It made her suddenly feel insecure and self-conscious of her scars.

Distressed that Claude found someone else already, Meri went into a cheese shop, just as he turned and noticed her. Pretending not to see him or hear her name, she bought the first thing she saw then went out the opposite door as he came into the crowded shop. Hurrying down the street, she looked at her purchase. It was a chunk of very expensive parmesan. If she was going to cook with it, she would need brandy. She ducked around the corner as Claude called her name again.

Digging her earbuds out of her pocket, she tucked them into her ears under her stocking cap, so if he caught her she would have a reason to have ignored him. She sprinted across the street and into a wine and spirits shop. She bought some brandy and a bottle of Riesling then left out the back of the shop. A glance across the street revealed that Claude was waiting to cross. He was looking down at his phone when she looked at him, so he didn't see her make her escape. Her phone rang and she ignored it to limp as quickly as she could to the bus queue and got in one just as her text messages chimed.

Claude sent: Are you at the market?

Swallowing, she sent back the truth: I am on a bus. The cold is bothering my knee too much to walk a lot.

Looking at the number and the route map she realized she was going the opposite way from her flat, so she added the lie.

Heading to meet friends. What are you doing? Meri responded.

He answered: Just sending my daughter to her mother's for the holiday. And looking forward to a relaxing evening at home. I was hoping you would join me for dinner.

Meri felt so foolish but not wanting to seem desperate or pathetic for lying by admitting the ruse because she thought he was seeing someone else, she simply replied with a not-quite lie: I have to change busses soon. Have a good evening.

You as well, mon ami.

She groaned at the endearment for my friend, he usually used mon amour meaning my love. She signaled for the next stop, then, as she got off, she asked the driver about the bus that would take her to the right part of Paris as her flat. He told her completely wrong information and when the second bus she boarded crossed the Seine River going the wrong way, she got off and hailed a cab. It was expensive but her knee was hurting, and she had wasted three hours of her day running away from Claude for no reason. She felt like a fool as she limped into her building and began the arduous climb to the second floor. To her surprise, Claude was sitting in the hall on the sofa in the landing reading a book.

He looked up at her and gave her the handsome smile that melted her inside. "You are back early. Did you have fun?"

"Fun? Oh, I... uhm... sure. It was just a short thing for the holidays." She unlocked her door. "Would you like to come in? I was just going to make some dinner." She decided to offer to cook for him, rather than spend another evening alone. The Polynesian short ribs in the crockpot, a taste of home, had cooked since morning, and should be almost ready. It wasn't the most romantic meal, but, at least, it wouldn't be a lonely one.

Meri let him into her flat. He opened the bottle of wine she bought. She made the pasta and salad while he made the parmesan and brandy sauce. The key was the temperature. Only the heat of the burning alcohol warmed the cheese shavings until the steaming noodles were added. It paired surprisingly well with the sweet and spicy flavor of the Polynesian short ribs and cabbage salad.

"This reminds me of my childhood," Meri murmured as she ate happily.

"Really? You ate this as a child?"

She giggled at his look. "Well, it's the same meal concept. Crockpot pork or beef ribs with mac and cheese and a side of coleslaw. It is a very after church kind of meal."

Raising an eyebrow, he cocked his head at her, asking, "Are you very religious?"

"Yes... No... I mean, I spent my whole life in the same church, but... the people..." The timer on the baking torte saved her from fumbling for an answer. She went to get the dessert out of the oven, mulling over his question. 'Do I even still believe after the things that happened to my sister and cousin and friends? Those people all looked the other way and gossiped about everything but did nothing to make things right. They boast about their faith but the only thing they care about is themselves.' She thought about her virtue vow and wondered if it even mattered. She didn't know what she believed anymore.

"Meredith?" Claude looked at her with concern as she stood in front of the oven holding the torte.

Shaking her head, she closed the oven door. "Sorry, Claude." Removing the baking ring, she put the hot torte on a wire rack to cool. "I went to church every week growing up. Then a man came to our community and hurt my sister, my cousin, and several other girls. He pretended to be gay and chaperoned a mother and daughter trip to one of his company's resort properties. I had an ear infection and couldn't go. No one figured out what he did but the moms all slept through him molesting the girls. They came home like nothing happened but when it came out... The adults let him get away with it and flee because he brought so much money into the community. We didn't need him, all the families in Veil Falls are multi-millionaires."

When he rested his hands on her shoulders, she turned to look at him. "I don't know what I am doing with you. I'm sure you're used to a very different kind of woman than me. I never even dated in high school. I kept my virtue vow, but now I'm like, what was the point?"

"Are you saying you've never?" He looked shocked as Meri blushed red.

She turned away to fan the tart so it would cool faster. He took the cloth from her hand, "Don't it will crack... Come and sit with me. Talk to me, mon cheri. Tell me what you want from life."

They talked for hours. Finishing the bottle of Reisling before starting on the brandy and going to bed together. When Meri woke in the morning, she languished in the afterglow. Claude was very gentle and very skilled. She sat up wondering where he was then the flat door unlocked and open. Slipping on her robe, she found him making a French breakfast.

He smiled broadly and looked boyish for a moment. "Mon amoureuse," he murmured then he kissed her again. Setting the tray on the dining table, he led her to the window. "Look."

Outside, Paris was covered in a light dusting of snow. Flakes swirled down the pristine streets and fell onto Notre Dame. She gasped at the beauty.

"My city is almost as beautiful as you this morning, mon amoureuse."

She looked up at him and her heart felt like it would burst. "Oh, Claude... I'm so happy."

~~~~~

Frustrated, Meri woke at dawn and made pain aux raisins pastries, Claude's favorite. She had taken out her evening's frustration of being stood up by laminating dough then slept while it rested. School was ending in a week and the school had offered to let her stay on as a teaching assistant chef while taking specialized classes like cheese making. She wanted to stay and be close to Claude, but he had been slowly drawing himself away from her. Last night, she waited for three hours at the restaurant. She went by his home, but he wasn't there, so she returned to her flat with dozens of unseen text messages lingering on her phone. His location showed he was at home now. Hoping nothing terrible had happened, she packed a plastic to-go box then changed into casual clothes with something lacy underneath.

She regretted that they fought two days earlier and decided to surprise him with his favorite breakfast and maybe a little after breakfast fun. The air in Paris was warm and smelled of cars and early summer. She parked her bike inside the gate and let herself into his home. Her sensitive nose was immediately assaulted with the smell of expensive alcohol and sex as she moved unsteadily through the house. In the kitchen, there was a wine glass marked with a rich red lipstick. Panting through the pain of her breaking heart, Meri stumbled through the house like a fawn just finding its legs. She prayed it was just his daughter visiting, but her mind knew better. Her heart broke to find Claude sprawled across a naked blonde, the one she saw him with before Christmas. This wasn't his daughter. She fled back to the kitchen, with a smothered sob behind her hand. Several mostly empty bottles and glasses sat on the table. In a fit of pique, Meri cleared the surface, smashing them across the floor. Claude rushed into the kitchen, staring at her in surprise. He blinked and looked shocked when he realized who was standing there.

"Meredith ... I..." he started but he didn't even look ashamed to her.

"Save it, Claude. I brought you breakfast in bed after you left me at the restaurant for three hours last night. I didn't know you had company. I won't intrude on your time with your daughter again." She slammed the box down loudly, he cringed.

His lover stood in the door in his shirt, looking as surprised and hurt as Meri felt.

"Here's your mother's locket." Unclasping it from her throat, Meri left it on top of the tupper, turned and walked out with as much dignity as she could manage, vowing she would not let them see her cry.

"Meredith ! Wait! Let me..." he shouted, then a stream of profanity came from inside, as he stepped in the broken glass littering his kitchen floor.

Meri bolted out into the morning sunshine and wrestled her bike out of the gate. Riding through Paris, the beauty of the day was so opposite of the way she felt inside. By the time she got back to her neighborhood, her tears were dry, but her heart still hurt. She stopped at the park to sit and think, wondering what she had ever seen in him. From her vantage in the park, she missed the mountain views. The city suddenly looked old and dingy, quickly losing its historic appeal. Being in love for the first time meant she ignored how homesick she was, even for her hated Veil Falls. She saw Claude 's vintage sports car stop in front of her building. He was limping. Malevolently, Meri hoped his feet hurt as much as her heart. He went inside. In moments, her phone began chiming with text messages, but she blocked him after disabling her location. She had one week of classes left and he wasn't teaching this semester. Getting back on her bike, she rode all day.

For the next week, and the one after, she spent all her spare time going to see all the places she had skipped because he hadn't wanted to see them. She took a bus tour of the wine country to keep herself out of Paris for her last weekend, after shipping all, but four days' worth of clothing back to Pueblo. On Monday morning, she walked out of the school's dormitory building for the last time and Claude was waiting.

"May I drive you to the airport, mon amoureuse?"

"Don't call me that," Meri snapped. "And no, I am waiting on a taxi."

"I sent him away," Claude admitted, then begged, "Please let me explain. I could not bear it if you left hating me."

"You should have thought about that before you lied about your daughter."

"It was you in the marketplace before Christmas." He sighed, following as she walked toward the bus queue. "Please, Meredith. Let me drive you. You don't have to talk, just listen."

Looking at her watch, she knew the bus would take too long. "Fine." She followed him back and got in as he held the door for her. For the entire drive to Charles De Gaulle Airport, he talked about getting older and losing his joy. He admitted Elise was a former student but didn't apologize for the lie to hide her identity from Meri. Elise had left him as Meri was and he couldn't bare to be old and alone in Paris. Meri turned to look at him. Suddenly, seeing past the façade of the handsome professor to the wrinkles and weariness of a man past his prime but clinging to his youth by seducing much younger women.

"I want you to stay, Meri. You make me happy, you remind me of my love of food and the beautiful things of the world," Claude finished as they stopped at the departure gate. She realized he was lying to himself as much as he was lying to her.

Shaking her head, she refused, "You are just asking me to stay so you can say you did. If you meant it, you would have driven me to your house instead of here. How much longer would it have lasted? A month, a season, a year?"

"I am grateful for every day with you. We never know how much time we will..."

Annoyed at his placating, philosophical response and wondering how many women liked her he repeated it to, she interrupted, "Shut up, Claude! My grandmother always says, Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me." Meri opened the door. "Goodbye, Claude. Maybe someday, I won't hate both of us as much as I do now."