C H A P T E R  2 0

❛ reflections ❜

MILO

     THEY'D BEEN WALKING WITH a steady pace for a few hours now, struggling beneath the heat of the Georgia summer sun. The Saviors' hands were still bound as they walked, surrounded by the Hilltop soldiers. All of them had cooperated willingly, glad they were still alive. A car drove at the front of the line. They'd loaded it up with all the useful equipment and supplies they could find at the satellite station. Tara was seated in the trunk, her eyes narrowed with distrust at the Saviors.

Milo hadn't been able to keep his eyes away from her, worried that she might do something stupid after all. So far, it hadn't happened but they hadn't reached the Hilltop yet...

"Can I ask you something?" Lucas spoke up from where he walked beside him.

Milo tore his gaze away from Tara. "Of course, but I can't promise I'll answer."

His reply didn't deter the teenager in the slightest, of course it didn't. "Do you think she'll spare us?" Lucas tried his hardest not to sound afraid but he couldn't completely hide the tremor in his voice. "The widow I mean?"

"The widow?" Milo repeated somewhat bitterly. "That's what he calls her?" He shook his head, feeling his heart sting at the insult, knowing full well that was Negan's intention. Finally he turned to look at Lucas, holding his gaze to show his sincerity. "Yes, she will."

"Why?"

He took a breath, trying to think of a way to explain his trust in Maggie's decision. They'd been through so much together it felt like he'd known her all his life. It was hard to put such a connection into words. "Because Maggie's a great leader. And great leaders know the right decision isn't always the easiest one."

"Your friend doesn't think so," Lucas muttered, his eyes drifting to Tara.

"No, she doesn't but she's wrong."

"How so?"

He thought of the reason they had chosen to fight in the first place. The reason he had always been fighting. For a better, hopeful, future. And such a future had no place for malice and cruelty. When thinking of who they were, the answer wasn't all that difficult.

"It's true that we kill, have killed and probably will continue to kill," he began, choosing every word carefully. "But we do so in a fight, when we need to. We don't execute people, we never have. There's a difference. And it's that difference that makes the fight worth it. We're fighting for a better future. Maggie most of all."

With a frown on his face, Lucas looked away. The words seemed to have given him something to think about. And for a moment Milo wondered if he even knew the difference. Or if the Saviors had always operated without mercy, always going for the kill...

He wasn't given time to ask about it though.

In the distance the walls of the Hilltop became visible between the trees. The late afternoon sun painted the wooden walls orange. The roof of Barrington House was just visible above the walls, illuminated like a beacon of hope for all those in need.

"We're here."

"Damn." The teenager looked seriously impressed.

"Damn indeed," Milo grinned before his expression turned serious again. "I mean it kid, everything's gonna be fine."

Lucas nodded and after one last reassuring smile, Milo marched to the front of the group. He came to a halt in front of the gates, standing right beside Jesus, who casted a nervous glance his way. Milo simply nodded. There was no going back now. They made this call together and they would see it through together.

Tara jumped down from the truck and walked up to them, eyes like steel.

He inhaled deeply, bracing himself for what would come next. He trusted Maggie with his life and with the lives of the men and women they'd taken prisoner. Yet some small part of him was torn apart by doubt. Something within Maggie was broken, understandably so. Still, he worried that side of her, clouded by grief and thirsting for revenge, would overshadow the kindness and charity he so admired about her.

Slowly the gates of wood and steel were opened, tearing him from his thoughts. Waiting on the other side were Maggie, Enid and...

"What the hell is he doing here?" Tara questioned through gritted teeth.

Gregory tried to smile but it looked more like a terrified grimace.

"I could ask you the same thing," Maggie said as she scanned the captured saviors with distrust clearly visible on her features.

"It wasn't my idea," Tara sneered as her gaze went to Milo and Jesus.

Maggie raised a brow, silently asking for an explanation.

"They surrendered," Jesus said pointedly.

"No way! We are not letting them in!" Gregory started yelling. "With what they did? With what they do? They are monsters!"

"Gregory!" Jesus interrupted firmly, his voice sharp. It came the closest to anger Milo had ever heard from him.

"No!" Gregory continued yelling. "This is not a sanctuary for killers. We'll be putting the safety of everyone in jeopardy!"

Maggie turned to look at him, her voice like ice. "Get out of here."

"I know what they are. I have stared in the face of-"

"Gregory! Go."

The warning in Maggie's voice finally got the man to shut up and slowly he made his retreat. Though not without some angry glares over his shoulder every now and then. It was probably for the better that he left though because Milo was pretty sure Tara would've hit the man if he'd continued his pathetic act much longer.

"He actually came back after all that," Jesus said.

"And I actually let him in," Maggie sighed.

Tara crossed her arms over her chest. "No offense, guys, but I kinda agree with that prick."

Milo tried his hardest to contain his frustration and keep his voice calm. "Killing them wouldn't have been out of self-defense but revenge. That is not the future we are fighting for." He looked between Maggie and Tara, feeling his heart sink when they didn't reply. "At least that was what I hoped."

"There are families here," Maggie said. "Children."

"There's two empty trailers out back," Jesus pleaded their case. "We could lock them up in there with 'round-the-clock guards until this whole thing is over. And go from there."

But Maggie was relentless. "You know what they've done to us, what they've taken from us."

Milo's voice was soft but firm when he spoke. "They didn't take anything, Maggie. Negan did." He gestured at the captured Saviors behind them. "All they did was try to survive and now they surrendered."

A sigh escaped Maggie's lips, her eyes flickering between them and their prisoners. It was an impossible decision, he wasn't going to deny that. Despite that, or maybe because of that, Milo knew she would make the right choice. Because it was the choice Glenn would have made for his unborn child.

"We can't let them go and we can't kill them," Jesus weighed in. "We can't."

Her eyes observed the Saviors once again, then she finally nodded. "We keep them outside the gates for now. You can set up your 'round-the-clock guards until we decide what to do with them." Her features were stern when she added; "Until I decide."

It wasn't the decision he hoped for but for now, it was enough. He nodded at her then, ignoring Tara's pointed glare, he walked back towards the Hilltop soldiers behind him. After a quick discussion they decided on working shifts of a few hours. The Saviors were all told to sit on the ground, back against the wall. Some looked relieved, others still couldn't shake their suspicion. Milo couldn't blame them. This wasn't over yet...

He volunteered for the first watch with Jesus and five others. He didn't feel like he had much of a choice. This was his responsibility now. If something were to go wrong, both him and Jesus would be held accountable. Which he was fine with because he had faith that this would work out. Time and time again his belief that people always came together in times of need had been proven right. He wasn't about to give that up now. Even if that would make fighting this war much more difficult.

Slowly the sun went down, painting the sky in beautiful colors of pink and gold before finally darkness fell completely. A summer breeze cooled his skin, announcing the approach of autumn. Though the crickets still sang their song like summer would never end.

With a crack. the gate was opened. It was time for the change of guard. Dianne was among those with the new shift. She came walking up right towards him, holding out her hands to take his gun.

Milo handed her the weapon. "Hopefully you're not too mad at me," he jested.

A small grin tugged at her lips. "I was but not anymore." She looked at the Saviors, her features far less hardened than they were earlier today. "You were right, you and Jesus. This is the right thing to do."

He patted her shoulder with a grateful smile. Then he turned around and made his way towards where the truck was parked at the beginning of the road leading up to the gate. He wanted to take his rest but stay outside as well, knowing he would be unable to rest until Maggie would make her decision.

He had barely settled in the trunk of the vehicle when he noticed Jesus had followed him. With a sigh the man leaned against the car. For a moment they simply sat there in silence, observing the stars and those awake beneath them.

"I have to admit that for a moment I feared Maggie would decide to execute them," Jesus spoke softly, breaking the silence.

Milo inhaled sharply. "You know, for a moment I feared the same." He pulled up his leg and rested his arm on his knee. "But I know her. She'll do the right thing."

"I know," Jesus said, smiling softly. Though his features soon changed into a curious frown. "Back at the satellite station, when you were with that kid," he started, somewhat hesitantly. "Where did you learn to fight like that?"

His heart skipped a startled beat in his chest. All of a sudden it felt as though his stomach had been replaced with a heavy rock. He cleared his throat. "The world turned to shit, didn't you get the memo?"

It was meant as a joke but Jesus easily seemed to see through his facade. "Oh, I did," he replied, his smile growing. "Still, that doesn't mean everyone turns into capable fighters."

His eyes met a pair of bright blue ones looking straight back at him and all of a sudden his words failed him. He hadn't spoken about his past in a long time. There'd been no need to do so. With his newfound friends, his family, he had started over. It wasn't that he was scared of their judgment though. They all had their own sins and flaws and accepted each other despite them. No, he was terrified of facing his own judgment, of staring at his own reflection, of reopening old wounds and finding he hadn't changed that much after all.

He was still fighting, still killing. The world hadn't changed for people like him.

"You probably wouldn't like me very much if I told you," he whispered.

With a small smile tugging at his lips, Jesus took a seat next to him in the trunk. "Try me."

For Paul Rovia, he was indeed willing to try. Nervously he wrung his hands as he gathered his thoughts. The past came alive within his mind like a beast awakening from his sleep. The rock within his stomach seemed to grow in size, weighing down on him with an excruciating weight. Milo was very well aware there was only one way to get rid of it though...

"I wanted to go into politics when he was younger," he started a little hesitant. "Thought I could change the world. I wanted to make laws to protect people, make the world a better place." He took a trembling breath, he couldn't quit now. "I made it through the first two years of college but I needed more and more money. To pay for classes, my room, my sister's dancing lessons. The job I had didn't pay enough. So, I found another way to make money. Much faster and much more."

Slowly, as he went on, the stone in his stomach seemed to dissolve and his voice grew in strength. "But I couldn't keep up with my classes and provide for my sister. I couldn't have both. So I made a choice." He inhaled deeply, preparing himself for any kind of reaction that might follow. "Turns out drug smuggling and street fighting makes pretty good cash. Though I don't think I would've stayed as long as I did if it wasn't for my boyfriend. Pretty soon it wasn't just about protecting Quinn but him as well." He chuckled bitterly. "I felt for so long like protecting people was the only thing I was truly good at. And if I couldn't do it the legal way, well..."

Just as the beast of his past threatened to defeat him once again, Jesus took his hand and the beast stilled. His heart settled, and his fear of his own reflection slowly sunk to the very bottom of his mind. One touch was enough to ground him. To wrap him in a warmth that was both unfamiliar and recognisable at the same time. Milo tangled his fingers through Jesus' and held on tightly.

"Just because we do bad things, does not make us bad people," Jesus said warmly.

During Milo's entire story, his expression hadn't changed once. The entire time the very same warmth and calm understanding had lingered within his blue eyes. Milo couldn't even begin to put into words how thankful he was for that.

A small smile tugged at his lips. "You know the funny thing is, I actually met Rick before the world ended. My partner shot him down and then I was taken in by Rick's partner. After everything we reunited when he and the others sought shelter in the prison I was in."

Jesus chuckled and the sound set off fireworks within his chest. "That is some strange work of fate."

"Very," Milo agreed. He cleared his throat. "So, do you have anything to confess?"

The man beside him grinned mischievously. "Nothing as exciting as joining a street gang."

A laugh fell from his lips as he shook his head. "Can't get rid of the question that easily. Come on, tell me. You told me you grew up in a group home, right?"

Finally, Jesus nodded. "Yeah, but I was never really there, always moving, always running. Got in a lotta trouble for stupid things like shoplifting and pick-pocketing." A wistful smile appeared on his face. "The staff worker of our home finally got me to change paths. Told me to find another way to make my life work. That's when I got into martial arts. Still, even now I-" he took a deep breath. "I always found it hard getting close to anyone. Neighbors, friends, boyfriends."

For a moment they held each other's gaze. It felt like Jesus' touch would leave burn marks on his skin but Milo welcomed the heat. Slowly he rubbed his thumb over his hand.

"You should try it sometime," Milo whispered.

"I'll get there," Jesus promised, squeezing his hand.

He tried to ignore the way his heart cried out. It wasn't enough, so far from enough, but it was a promise he was going to have to live with, at least for now. Desperate to get his mind off his bleeding heart, Milo quickly changed the subject. "One more question." A grin started to form on his face. "Why 'Jesus'?"

"Well," he gestured to his face. "By ignorant western standards it's an accurate likeness."

Milo shook his head. "And here I was hoping for a beautiful, symbolic explanation."

"Sorry to disappoint," Jesus grinned.

The quiet night was suddenly disturbed by the sound of a hammer meeting wood. With a frown Milo looked into the direction of the noise. It was coming from inside the walls. Without needing to exchange a single word, both men got to their feet. They walked up to the wall but it was useless. From this side it was impossible to see what they were building.

"What are they building?" A tired voice asked. It was the man who had encouraged the Saviors to surrender.

"I bet you it's a gallow," a voice sneered to his left.

Milo turned and looked at Lucas, seated on the ground with his bound hands resting in his lap. His eyes were spitting fire as he held his gaze.

"I don't believe that," Milo said with conviction.

It was the truth, he didn't believe for one second Maggie would sentence all these Saviors to death. Still he was forced to wait until morning until he would be able to convince anyone else of that fact. All night the sound of hammering and sawing continued. It made the prisoners restless but they didn't have another choice but wait either.

As predicted he was unable to sleep but when the dawn finally came, he didn't feel exhausted in the slightest. Or perhaps his body simply wouldn't allow him to feel it until he had his answers.

The gate was opened and every head turned to look. Enid came walking outside.

"Maggie says to bring them in," she announced.

The guards gestured for the Saviors to get to their feet. One by one they entered the Hilltop community. As soon as Milo set foot inside and saw what they had been working on all night, he felt relief fill his lungs. Built against the left wall of the courtyard was a fence, forming a makeshift prison. She made the right choice.

"Get them in," Maggie said as Milo and Jesus approached.

Jesus opened the fence. "Come on, two at the time."

"Starting now, we will keep the prisoners here," Maggie addressed the community as the Saviors entered the cage. "We'll feed them. We won't mistreat them. But we won't stand for anything less than total cooperation."

"Uh, Margaret, with all due respect," Gregory started speaking and everyone seemed to tense up. "Um, I'm just straight-shooting here. You can't let people we don't trust run inside our walls."

"You're right Gregory," Maggie said and Milo immediately knew what she was planning to do. "In fact, I couldn't stop thinking about what you told me yesterday. You see, I grew up on a farm. I know all about sheep and wolves."

She was barely done speaking when Kal and Eduardo stepped forward. They both grabbed one arm and pushed a stuttering Gregory towards the entrance of the cage. "What are you doing? Let go of me. Wait, this can't- this. You can't! Maggie!"

In his struggle to break free, he stumbled and hit his head against one of the stakes holding up the fence. He sobbed undignified as the two men pulled him up and finally managed to get him inside.

"Hey, thank you," the same Savior as before spoke up.

"Don't make me regret it," Maggie replied. "Or you will."

Slowly the crowd dispersed from around the cage, though the guards on duty stayed to watch the prisoners. Milo forced himself to drag his suddenly exhausted limps to Barrington House. He'd been right before, now that he knew Maggie's decision, sleep was pulling at him. Sadly, he wasn't allowed to rest just yet.

"Milo!"

He turned around and watched as Dianne came walking up to him. She was holding one of the few radios they had in her hand. They only used those to communicate with the other settlements...Dread immediately took a hold on him, shaking all previous thought of sleep from his mind.

"What's going on?"

"Quinn wants to talk to you," Dianne said, handing him the little black radio.

It felt like he was trying to wake himself from a nightmare when he answered. "Quinn? Is everything alright?"

"Hey, good to hear your voice," she spoke, sounding just as tired as he felt.

"Likewise," he replied, smiling despite himself, though the fact that she didn't answer his question didn't go unnoticed by him.

"You need to get here," she continued. "To Alexandria."

"Why?" He frowned.

"I found someone."

His thoughts were trying to catch up but it didn't make sense at all. "What are you talking about? Who did you find?"

His heart was racing in his chest as he listened to the stumbling and cracking sounds coming through the radio. Finally it stopped and only the sound of his beating heart remained. Then a familiar male voice from a distant past greeted him.

"Hey, kiddo."

"Uncle Javier?"

A U T H O R 'S   N O T E

Finally, summer vacation has arrived and I can write again! It feels like literal ages since I last updated this book. Please forgive me guys :)

I'm actually really proud of this chapter! I love the conversation between Milo and Jesus even though it took me a while to get through it. I'd love to hear what you guys think though. So, please don't hesitate to leave some comments with your thoughts.

Hopefully I'll see you again soon!

xx Nelly