a catch up

••••••••••

Wow... it's been so long.. almost a year...

a lot has fucking happened

and I really mean it.

I CANT BELIEVE I LEFT OFF BEFORE THE LAST SOCIAL I WAS SO UNBELIEVABLY UNAWARE THAT ID NEVER BE ABLE TO GO OUT EVER AGAIN.

that's beside the point. check yourself lucy it's more important than that. to say i don't miss going out to clubs, or school, or just meeting people in general, well I'd be lying, and so would everybody else. but obviously the most important thing to do to stop spreading the virus to vulnerable people is to not go out. people's lives are more important than a bit of fun.

anyways, I suppose I'll start from where I left off;

the last social was absolutely shit. the security was a lot tighter and basically kicked everyone out, Q even did ket right in front of security and got kicked out which was fucking hilarious. i don't even remember much from that night; me, Grace, and MC just went to maccies then went home. pretty boring.

after I failed my mocks I decided now was the time to crack down and sort out my life, since A-levels were coming up and the only option for my future was to go to university. The most important thing for me was to make sure I got into a good university. All I have to benefit myself in the future is good grades, since I don't really do any extracurricular activities, or have a part time job, so getting a real one after my exams would be hard and, well, terrifying.

so as Grace (who is in the year above and took a gap year) pestered and pestered me to go to clubs with her on school nights or weekends I declined, saying I needed to study, and that it was alright for her because she'd already done her exams. I went to revision sessions every day after school, worked in all my frees, even started revising at home too.

and then it all went to shit on March 18th, when Boris Johnson announced on live television that the UK was going to go into lockdown, and that exams in May & June were cancelled.

and so we went into lockdown; my last day was rushed, and i miss the good old days too much, but everyone did what had to be done. since my exams were cancelled, there was no need for me to do anymore work, and so my grades were left to be decided by a computer, and my brain was left to deteriorate as I sat at home for months doing nothing.

I have to admit I am one of the very fortunate ones, and sometimes in my own selfishness I do take it for granted. I am beyond thankful that everyone I am close to is safe, healthy, and covid free, and that I haven't had to experience the death of a loved one. I am thankful for where I live, since it's a house in the country away from lots of people with a big garden and things to do. I am thankful that i have a loving family who could keep me company if I was bored.

I only really came to realise these things recently, after certain life experiences that I've been lucky to encounter, but more on that when I continue.

I met up with a friend or two again in May, when we would meet to go on long walks through fields just to keep ourselves sane. I have to admit no one saw this coming, and we all thought everything would be fine by the time we were supposed to go to uni - since, we were all going to uni. right? the government wasn't going to fuck us over, and our futures wouldn't be ruined. right?

again, I was one of the extremely fortunate ones. How I managed to get where I am I have no clue, since there we're definitely more deserving people who should be at uni right now. I got into Leeds, my first choice, with grades BBB. Those were the grades the computer gave me, and for some reason the University of Leeds thought it was good enough to let me study Medical Sciences there. It may have been a little lower that what I was hoping for, but at the end of the day it didn't matter, because I got into university.

Although one of my best friends - Jess - she was supposed to study Medicine at St. Andrews (a university second only to oxbridge) she was - and still is - a hardworking, straight A student, has a brilliant work ethic, is unbelievably kind and clever, yet the government fucked her over, and didn't give her the grades to get where she needed to go.

I may be somewhat biased because she is my friend, and yes not everyone is successful on results day, but that's because they aim too high, or don't work hard enough. I assure you, there isn't a doubt in my mind that suggests Jess wouldn't be able to get into that university. Every day I sat next to her in chemistry, or at breaks, lunches, free periods. she is so clever, so talented, and she worked so hard for it - also having a part time job on the side - and was unbelievably passionate. she was someone i admired, someone I strived to be like. Yet here I am, sat in my university accommodation writing a wattpad book about how my friend didn't make it to uni, when she deserved it a lot more than I did.

The government eventually realised that they fucked up, and decided to give everyone their teacher predicted grades instead. In our school the teachers were fair, and actually based it off the evidence that we had shown in class. For me, I got an ABB, and that's what my a-level certificates say. However, all across the country, teachers weren't fair, and purposely gave out higher grades to make their schools look better - which makes me feel a little cheated.

Even now, when I write down my A level results in a CV and tell the employer I graduated in 2020, they'll know that those letters written on a piece of paper don't actually mean anything. I didn't work for those grades, they were given to me, while my brain rotted away.

So, I made it into university. After results day we decided to take my grandma back to Spain, and have a small holiday whilst we did so. The planes were empty - rows and rows of empty seats (which definitely puts your mind at ease)

We spent a week in Spain and then returned home. I had also been accepted into my accommodation of choice - Central Village. It was all very exciting; I get to go explore a new city, live in a new place, get a newfound sense of freedom, and since covid was at an all time low I'd be able to enjoy myself, meet new people and get the true university experience.

Except, that wasn't really the case. Well, my first night here was incredible. But then, the weeks that followed weren't so great. I made a private twitter account, and turned it into my little diary.

(for the photos)
cw // anxiety , not eating , stress ,

I had a strong anxious feeling, of being alone, of having no one to depend on. I felt sick, my heart wouldn't relax, I couldn't even go to sleep or watch YouTube without going into what felt like a panic attack. For 18 and a half years I lived being solely dependent on my parents, and I suddenly had to do everything by myself. It was scary.

Since we're at a new place, I'll do new codes for new names. First, my flatmates: I live with 5 other people, 3 boys and 2 girls:

Room 1: blue. he/him. really kind, gym lad, funny, messy, studies geography,
Room 2: dark green. she/her. a nice person, vegetarian, very "natural" person, legit only eats vegetables, not my vibe but nothing against her, studies french,
Room 3: me! 😁
Room 4: yellow. she/her. easy to get along with, talkative, feels like a popular person at school (but a nice one), studies geography,
Room 5: red. he/him. has a northern accent that almost impossible to understand, long distance runner, also nice but not my vibe, studies geography,
Room 6: light green. he/him. a really close friend of mine, vegetarian, trans, studies sport & exercise science,

So this goes on for about a week or two, until everything becomes fine. I find friends, I get used to life, I start my lessons, and I relax.

There was a huge scare with yellow, since she went to a flat party, and someone at the party tested positive for covid. she isolated herself for days in her tiny room, got a test, tested negative, but still had to isolate for 10 days so she went home.

Then red told us a few days later that he wasn't feeling well, and that he was at the same party. We told him to get a test, and we all isolated. light green and red both lost their sense of taste, and so both booked tests (I went too since I'd spent a lot of time with light green) I tested negative, but red and light green tested positive.

So the whole flat had to isolate for 14 days (only 10 for the people who were positive) so as a collective we decided that instead of staying apart for 14 days we should take this time to get to know each other better and just enjoy ourselves.

so we isolated for two weeks, and partied as a flat of 5, until our time was eventually up and we went out to a bar as a flat (which was legal at the time, before you say anything)

The thing about living in the city when a virus such as covid exists, is that it's very hard to get away from. I live in a 20 story high rise building, that only had 1 working lift at the time, meaning everyone in that block, covid or not, has touched the same buttons and breathed the same small enclosed air. Our rooms are small, and the window doesn't open properly to let enough air circulate. We don't have any outdoor space, so we couldn't just stay inside for the rest of our lives (2 weeks without daylight was more than enough)

Luckily for us we're all young, healthy, able bodied people with no underlying health conditions, so catching covid wasn't a huge problem for us - it was actually quite funny watching red take a shot of vodka and bite into his block of cheese just to make himself taste something. it was also funny watching as light green handed me a "lime" that had been left out for about a month and asked me to smell it, before I quickly realised it was actually a lemon, and it had rotted away so much that it STANK.

But it's not as easy for some people. some people are stuck in these conditions - and much MUCH worse - who can't just afford to catch it, since it puts either themselves or their loved ones in danger. My loved ones were safe in the countryside with lots to do in their big garden, which is why I've come to be thankful for everything I've been given.

On another note, after doing fuck all in terms of work for 6 months from April-September my work ethic has PLUMMETED to the floor. I really struggled to pick up a routine whilst being at uni, and more often than not missed lectures since they were all online and pre recorded. but then I never caught up on the lectures, and actually managed to not just pass, but do well in my exams after only studying about half the course.

that last tweet? yeah I didn't do that.

I had a blast before Christmas, came home and got to see my family again at Christmas, and now I'm back ready to start learning again.

PS- Q goes to the same uni as me, and he studies geography. Luckily he's not in my accommodation, but he is in (or near anyway) the accommodation of our new little interest, who I'm going to call orange.

I have only met orange one time, but it was just 2 days ago where a group of us had an amazing time, got very drunk, and orange and I might have even kissed if it weren't for the stupid warden coming in and shutting us down.

I'll leave it at that for now~

thank you for reading😌😌

- lubylu111