Wario: Alright, back in business! So when do I get my paycheck?

NintendoJedi: We've already been over this and you don't get a paycheck.

Toad: Aw, but does this mean no more special murder episodes?

NintendoJedi: Not at the present moment.

Mario: I don't know, I think Wario needs to die a few more times.

NintendoJedi: I already told you I'm not good at mysteries, so now it's time for more stupidity.

Toad: Well how about a STUPID mystery?

NintendoJedi: Dang it, Toad, I don't need more ideas.

Mario: I never said it had to be a mystery.

Wario: Well YOUR death won't be a mystery. *pats chainsaw*

Mario: Bring it, I have 64 lives.

Luigi: Mario are you CRAZY?!!?

NintendoJedi: That's a loaded question.

Toad: Woah, somebody call the cops, because Wario's gonna attempt murder!

Luigi: But you said yourself the Mushroom Kingdom doesn't have cops.

Toad: Well I say whatever I need to in order to sound important.

NintendoJedi: Everybody knows that cops in Mario Land are useless. You guys are just starved to run your mouths after last episode, aren't you?

Toad: Oh we are, we really are!

NintendoJedi: Well shut it and let me talk. You have dumb things to be doing. Roll the tape!

And now, the moment you've all been subconsciously waiting for... we finally get to observe boos in their natural habitat!

"Thar she blows!!" Boo B. Hatch shrieked, peeking through a spyglass. "All boos on deck! Time to git us some booty!"
The enormous sea vessel, the S. S. Boollion, parked beside the shoreline of the Forgotten Isle. Yelling and shrieking like a bunch of deranged boonatics, the boo pirate band poured over the deck like an undead army screaming like rabid chipmunks.
"You scallywags follow me! The gin's buried this way!!" Boo B. Hatch raised a tiny broadsword and plunged into the trees. A rain of coconuts showered down on the heads of the crew, burying them in the sand.
"Wait a second," said one of them, getting up. "We're boos! Physical things don't matter to us!"
"Oh yeah! Totally forgot!" Another said, picking himself up. "TO THE BOOZE!"

NintendoJedi: Uh, wrong boos, sorry!! *snaps fingers*

Wario: Aw, what if I was enjoying that??

Mario: Yeah, it had me kind of intrigued.

NintendoJedi: Nope!

*scene change*

One Mushroom Kingdom day, in a random unspecified creepy house, King Boo was sitting down (somehow) doing a little important computer work. (That means shopping online.) He was muttering to himself and getting really into something when suddenly the computer screen went black with a fizzly death sound.
"What the -?!"
"Oh, sorry king," a boo popped up from nowhere. "It appears I accidentally bit through the power line with my razor sharp fangs!" he said in a totally unsuspicious way.
"HOW COULD YOU??! I was just about to finally get my hands on a mint condition limited edition Wonder Woman desk lamp, and you RUINED IT!! MY LIFE IS OVER!!"
"King, your life is already over," another boo said, also popping up from nowhere.
"Thanks for the news flash, Booscaster," King Boo said sarcastically. "Now would anyone care to tell me how the power line was cut when there aren't even any power lines out here in the first place?"
The first boo, Gameboo, looked in every direction but the king's. "Yeah, uh, it got... disintegrated by a psycho nana?"

Blue Toad: Aw man, I gotta remember that excuse for later!

Yellow Toad: Already wrote it down. *thumbs up*

King Boo tapped his chin. "Disintegrated, huh... seems like a logical conclusion. Not!" Beginning to pace back and forth, he demanded, "What do you people want?"
"Nothing, nothing!" Gameboo said. "Aside from the blood of all my worst enemies I'm good!"
"What he said," Booscaster added.
"Alright, don't make me call the creepy fat mustache man," King Boo threatened. "He has a lie detector, you know!"

Wario: For the record, I prefer to be called the creepy hot mustache man.

"Lie detector? Everyone knows that's just a photocopier with a homemade label," Booscaster said.
"Thanks for the news flash, Booscaster," King Boo said sarcastically. "But just tell me what you oobs want, because I can see right through you," he said, staring right through Gameboo's transparent body.
(Oob, for those of you who have not figured out, is boo backwards. It is a common booish insult dating back to the late 16th century, first appearing in plays such as Much Aboo About Nothing and Boomeo and Booliet.)
"Okay, well, we got this intel from a top secret source, that says they're having some badminton at Peach Dome today!" Gameboo said.

Toad: Actually that intel came from a flashing billboard down the road.

"So?" King Boo asked. "Those goons are always playing sports when they're not kidnapping each other and getting stuck in washing machines."

Wario: HOW DO YOU KNOW ABOUT THAT?!!

Blue Toad: Don't you just love living here sometimes?

"So... why don't you come with us?" Gameboo asked, batting his best baby blues. (Except... you know, baby blacks.)
"Come with you? Excuse me, evil supergenius kings do not play badminton."

Bowser: I'm just gonna forget I heard that!

"Well can't you at least come try it?? Please?" Gameboo asked.
"No."
"Please? Please? Please? Please? Please? Please? Please? Please? Please? Please? Please? Please? Please? Please? Please? Please? Please? Please? Plea-
King Boo turned on him and shot laser beams from his eyes, disintegrating him.

NintendoJedi: Thank you. You have no idea how annoying it was typing the same thing over and over.

King Boo: *casual salute*

A second later Gameboo reappeared.

King Boo: If there is one lesson I want stressed in all of this, it is that death is no escape from stupidity. Death is never an escape, guys.

Wario: Well it was last episode.

King Boo: Shut your piehole, creepy weirdo.

"So king, will you come play badminton with us?" Gameboo asked.
King Boo stared directly through him. And he tried to hide his face in his nubs.
Except they didn't actually reach that well.

Meanwhile, on the other side of the metaphorical world (which was approximately 2.4 miles away), Mario got a sinister gleam in his eye. Both eyes, actually.
"Alrighty birdie, prepare to meet your demise!" Mario announced, grabbing his weapon of choice. Raising his arm, he prepared to strike.

Toad: WAIT STOP!! THATS ANIMAL ABUSE!!

Mario swung violently, knocking the birdie into tomorrow.

Toad: NOOOO HOW COULD YOU??! YOU JUST MURDERED A BABY BIRD!!

Daisy: Um, Toad, do you know what badminton is?

Toad: Of course I do!

Daisy: ...

Toad: Remember what I said earlier about saying whatever I need to in order to look good?

As Toad had not figured out, it was a lovely day in Toad Town and everyone was playing a bit of badminton down at the old Peach Dome. Badminton is basically like tennis except that you play with birdies, which is about as exciting as it sounds.
"Come ON, you stupid pigeon! Gimme my racket!" Wario told the bird on the ground who was currently trying to eat his racket. "Give it!" he kicked the pigeon and it exploded in a burst of feathers. (No fictional animals were harmed in the production of this episode.)
"Hey Wario, quit fooling around and serve already!" Mario called from the opposite side of the net. "I'm growing stubble just standing here!"
"Don't get your mustache in a knot, I'm going!!" Wario hollered back, picking up the birdie. (In case there are any extremely confused people out there, a birdie is what you whack around in badminton. It looks like a tiny teepee made of... bird netting.)
Wario threw the birdie in the air and swung at it, sending it hurling across the court at about 500 kilometers per hour.

Blue Toad: That's... a lot of miles per hour!

NintendoJedi: Thank you Blue Toad. Your comments are so helpful.

Anyway, the birdie would have beaned Mario in the head and probably sent him to the emergency room had it not hit an invisible wall. Stopping in midair, it bounced to the ground like the cheap plastic toy it probably was.
"AAHHHH!!" The invisible wall screamed. "Watch where you hit that thing!!"
"Well exCUSE me, invisible wall," Wario said.
Then the invisible wall appeared and turned out to be none other than Gameboo.
"Lucky for you, physical things don't bother me," he said.
"Then why did you scream?" Luigi asked, who was standing on Mario's side.
Gameboo shrugged.
"Alright peasants, the King of Bad is in the dome, so hand over a racket!" King Boo announced, appearing from nowhere. I mean, King Boo never appears from somewhere.
Mario screamed an F sharp and jumped into Luigi's arms (you know, like Shaggy and Scooby are always doing). Unfortunately Luigi wasn't really ready for that and they both hit the ground.
Wario snorted. "Excuse me, I'm the King of Bad," he informed King Boo.
"Yeah, you're more like the king of... Michelin tires," Waluigi added, who was also standing there.
Waluigi had no time to object to the solid racket he took to the head before he collapsed to the court in a pile of limbs.
"Ha. I quite like this racket," King Boo said in a very dignified manner. "Perhaps they should call it a wahcket!"
"Or maybe a whackit," Gameboo suggested.
"Yes, that's what I said."
"No it's not, you spelled it differently," Gameboo said.
Everyone else just stood around in boredom.
"Can someone replace my dead partner before he wakes up and goes on a taco rampage?" Wario asked.
"I'm not gonna ask," Luigi said, extracting himself from a pile of Mario, "but if you don't mind I'm gonna sit this one out too."
"Perfect! Me and the king can join!" Gameboo said.
"You want to play?" Mario asked in surprise.
"No, of course not," King Boo said with a snort. "Who do you take me for, mortal? But for an unknown reason I have agreed to come for the weird pleasure of this minion here." He pointed to Gameboo, who was pumping his arms and wiggling his tongue back and forth.
Mario and Wario stared at him weirdly.
King Boo facepalmed as best he could. "That's his... eager face."
"Alright! We finally got the boos at the court! Now this party will really get started!" Blue Toad announced, clapping his hands from the sideline.
Wario jumped. "Booze? Where?!"
He was quickly punched by King Boo, who managed to dislodge Wario's entire set of teeth and then he had to scramble all over the court picking them up. (No, not really.)
"Say one more pun and you will never forget the taste of my wahcket," King Boo warned.
"Yeah! Only boos are allowed to say puns!" Gameboo said.
"Okay... Wario I guess you come to my side," Mario said uncertainly.
"Are you KIDDING me?"
"It's either me or his Royal Undead Highness over there," Mario replied.
Wario groaned like a teenager being forced to take out the trash, then dragged himself to the other side of the court. Booscaster, who was also here now somehow, plopped himself in the overseer chair.
"I proclaim myself official broadcaster guy of this match!" he proclaimed, putting on a small headset with mic.
Just then Bowser and Petey Piranha appeared on the sidelines from out of somewhere. (Because only boos are rad enough to appear out of nowhere.)
"Whoo! Alright!" Bowser cheered over dramatically. "Tear 'em up, King B!"
"Right back at ya," King Boo saluted casually.
"Eeyuh hyuh reeaow!!" Petey called. (Sorry, my Piranhese needs some work.)
"What did she say?" called a random toad sitting in the bleachers.
"Okay, okay, enough!" Wario interrupted. "Time to deal out some pain!"
Grabbing the birdie, he served it up hot. But because nobody else was ready, he pegged Gameboo again right in the head.
"Hey! What the heck was that for??" Gameboo hissed.
"I said it was time to deal out some pain, and I meant it!" Wario said.
"Actually meaning what you say is pretty low for you, Wario," Mario said.
"Please, let's try to keep our eyes open, people," Bowser said loudly like he owned the place.
"Nobody asked you, Bowser!" Mario glared at him.
"The game's off to a smashing start with a hit to the head! 1 point for team... uh... Ario," Booscaster said as if anyone was listening.
"Really? Ario?" Wario asked.
"Well what else am I supposed to call you guys?" Booscaster shot back.
"I'm losing valuable minutes of my online shopping time," King Boo announced in annoyance.
"Oh please. What else do you do all day but loaf around and gawk at your reflection?" Wario asked.
"I could ask you the same thing," King Boo said rigidly. "And as far as it concerns you, I'm working on very genius, very evil master plans that will exact revenge on this whole blasted world one day!! HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!"
An organ blasted a deep note to accompany his evil laughter. Lightning crashed and momentarily swallowed the court in darkness. Everyone stood there looking very unimpressed.
Then it passed and a butterfly came and landed on King Boo's crown.
He sighed in irritation. "Let's just get this over with!"
"Your serve, king," said Gameboo.
King Boo took the birdie and shook it like a baby with a newfound toy. "What on not-earth am I supposed to do with this?"
"Hit it with your, uh, wahcket."
King Boo stared at it for 5.87 seconds, then swung his wahcket. Unfortunately, he let go of the birdie well before swinging, so it hit the ground and he missed.
"D'oh, I missed!" he growled.
"HEY THATS MY LINE!!!" Wario hollered.
"I think I can hit a birdie without you hollering at me!!" King Boo hollered back. Then he picked it up to try again.
But apparently he was wrong, because after about 20 fantastically failed attempts, he still hadn't moved the birdie farther than about two feet. Here's what each attempt was like:

King Boo: *picks up birdie, lets go and swings*

Birdie: *falls to ground*

King Boo: D'oh, I missed.

Wario: *heavy breath from nose*

Repeat process.

Bowser and Petey, staring with astounding patience at attempt after attempt, kept their eyes (well, Bowser anyway) glued to the birdie at all times. Think cats staring at a laser pointer.

Bowser: Hey! I do NOT get compared to cats except for when I am one!

Mario: Ha, join the club.

Wario was thoroughly chewing on his racket in frustration.
"And King Boo misses the serve shot for the 23rd time in a row," Booscaster commentated. "Oh, better look out for the time, because Wario must think it's time for lunch!"

Daisy: Yeah, just wanted to give my input here. If you guys want to learn patience, come play badminton with... these people. *shudder*

Mario looked at Wario in disgust. "Do you have to act like that?"
"Yes!" he snapped.
"Why?"
"Have you even read the title of the book lately?!" Wario asked.
Mario pinched his shapely little nose bridge and sighed.
"Alright come on! Let's see some fireworks!!" Wario demanded, on his last rope. "I intended to get home and watch the entire first season of the X-Naut Files!"
"Well excuse ME, Prince Princey-McSnootypants," King Boo replied, swinging at a birdie. "D'oh, I missed."
"COME ON!! WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?!" Wario hollered. "CLEARLY WE NEED TO TRY A DIFFERENT TACTIC BECAUSE THIS ISN'T WORKING!! JUST HIT THE BLASTED BIRDIE ALREADY!!"
"NO ONE RAISES HIS VOICE TO AN IMMORTAL MONARCH!" King Boo roared back, growing to the size of a bloated elephant. "IF IT IS BAD YOU WANT TO PLAY, THEN I'LL GIVE YOU BAD!"
"Psst, uh, it's called badminton, king," Gameboo whispered. But he was like a tiny flea in the corner of the vast ocean of evil.
Everyone stared as King Boo hurled his wahcket across the court, which perfectly beaned Wario in the head and knocked him to the ground. Then King Boo closed his eyes and trembled, like a baby with constipation, except far scarier.
And then suddenly the giant container of birdies nearby busted open, and a wave of a thousand birdies flew upwards in a rainbow of cheap plastic. And then they all made a direct beeline for Wario, pelting him mercilessly until he lay defeated on the field of bad-le.
Calming down, King Boo returned to Gameboo's side. "Ha! I WIN!!"
"Boy, I guess you really are the King of Bad!" a random spectator toad said in awe. A small applause broke out then, and King Boo waved to his fans.
"Ladies and gentlemen, hold everything! Would you believe that save! King Boo wins the game 1000 to 24 with a show stopping tidal wave of destruction!" Booscaster exclaimed.
Mario, who had done nothing but stand there in anticipation the whole time, leaned on his racket. "Well I know it's strange to hear me say it, but this has been an utter and stupid waste of my time."

NintendoJedi: Welcome to your crazy life, Mario. :D

Gameboo, who was also thoroughly shaken up from the whole ordeal, shook his head. "Yeah, uh..."
"That was actually not so bad," King Boo said, bumping him. "Perhaps I ought to come play bad more often."
"It's called badminton," Mario said in irritation, poking Wario with the end of his racket. But Wario wouldn't be waking up until he heard some chimichangas calling his name.
"I think there's a reason the king doesn't usually take part in these sports tournaments," Gameboo mused, scratching his head. Then he face planted on the court.
Bowser and Petey, on the other hand, were elated. "Yeah! Good for you!" Bowser cheered.
Then Waluigi, who had been kind of dead on the ground the whole time without anyone noticing, woke up at all the commotion. Moaning like a lovesick yoshi, he asked, "What did I miss?"
Mario shrugged in annoyance. "The usual."

...

NintendoJedi: Well, that happened.

Wario: Can we go back to the pirate boos now?

NintendoJedi: No!

Hey guys, sorry for the wait! I wanted to try to mix things up by giving the boos an episode... after all, little boos are so cute!! ;D
It was a bit on the short side (for me anyway), but I hope you enjoyed. See if you can't find all the abstract references ;) I've been kinda busy working on some other things including drawing again, but I hope to put a little more attention into this during the holiday season.

We'll see!

(Not) so long,

Daisy