I feel myself agitated with something. An urge to move, to change, to make a difference.

Yet I don't see myself standing up and doing anything.

I've been constantly checking social medias and random websites, wondering what else I should write, who else I should chat, when I know that it's not what matters at the moment. I feel itchy to upload, then tell myself to wait until the latest posts gain some recognition first. Then I struggle with working on things I should have a long time ago.

I don't feel forced, but something like frustration and anger is pending up. Maybe it's my subconsciousness telling me it's high time to actually have some discipline to deal with my life.

But at the same time I realize I have no idea how to. No understanding of what I'm doing. No faith in myself and my abilities.

What am I even doing with my life, other than daydreaming, pondering and shifting in trepidation, only anticipating a looming consequence of my own lack of actions at present? I get self-conscious, then I point out my irresponsibility and tell myself to change, then... What?

I keep whiling away my day, my youth, my life, with longing and waiting for something that even I don't know. I keep wasting my time with random projects that do little help and improve few skills. I keep running my mouth about my "promise" and "decision" to change, all the while not even doing anything to achieve that goal.

I don't know who I am, what I like, how much I worth. I don't know if I'm even going to be fine at this point, with this pace.

Seriously, what have I been doing with my life?