The Year Package by Jumping_Jiminys
I was very petty with this. Sorry (or not sorry, depends on which way you look at it). :)
Rephrase some words. (I commented on these.)
I was confused with who said what, especially at the beginning. Include dialogue tags.
Commas splices were a HUGE problem!! You need to make sure that every. Sentence. Is. Separate.
Noun/adjective + gerund = hyphen in between
Dialogue wasn't formatted right. Make sure you make the dialogue tag lower case.
Numbers spelled out in full look more formal.
Commas before names.
It's/its
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