The Shoes Left Behind by @HarleyMidnight4267

You need to skip one more line in between paragraphs. There were times when you did it but more times when you didn't so I would try and keep it consistent throughout.

You need commas to split clauses (sometimes you had unnecessary ones too). I tried to comment on all of these for you so it shouldn't be much of a problem.

The story read more like poetry (whether that was because of the lack of paragraph breaks, I don't know) but whatever your intention was, it worked well.

I loved the symbolism of the rose.

Commas before names.

Overall, a fantastic start. I love the idea - it's really cute. And I see a lot of potential in this.

Remember that this is a critique, NOT a criticism. Please spread the word!

If you would like a critique, please read the guidelines, fill out the form, and complete the payment, all which can be found at the beginning of this book. :)