A Tale of Blood & Bone by @translucidity

Descriptions were amazing. Couldn't have been better.

When you have a noun or an adjective followed by a gerund, they need to hyphenated. Like:

Delicious-looking, Diamond-studded, etc

Comma splices were everywhere. This is when you have two sentences that make perfect sense on their own but you've put a comma in between them. Change the comma to either a full stop, semi colon, or a dash. Look at this:

Linda likes dogs, they are adorable.

THIS IS WRONG ^^

With a full stop:
Linda likes dogs. They are adorable.

With a semi colon:
Linda likes dogs; they are adorable.
Only use this one when the sentences are related ^^

With a dash:
Linda likes dogs - they are adorable

Your work was littered with the wrong one so I would go through and change this.

Likewise, you had so many commas everywhere! All your mistakes were very consistent so once you change this, you're good to go.

You need a comma before the dialogue tag. So:

"I like dogs," said Linda. "I think they're adorable."

Use this as an example ^^

Characters were nicely presented and developed.

A lot of emotion was conveyed which was amazing.

Overall, a fantastic way to start. Carry on! (Just pay a little more attention to grammar).

Remember that this is a critique, NOT a criticism. Please spread the word!

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