The Bad Boy's Reason by @kronixalis

Ellipses should only really be 3 dots.

New speaker=new line

Here's an example of how dialogue should be formatted:

"The weather is wonderful today," said Pedro.

Use this as an example^^

Numbers spelled out look more formal.

Text speak didn't really work. I would type out the whole thing (your work will also be available to more audiences if you do this).

If you have an adjective or a noun followed by a gerund then you need a hyphen in between them. Like this:

Expensive-looking

Etc

Keep the whole story in the past tense since there were times when you slipped into the present.

Overall, a good opening.

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