Strange Love by UnintentionalFlexin

I found the description for this book a little confusing. The point of a blurb is to hook the reader in - there needs to be a carrot on a stick that will lure them in. I found that this didn't do it for me - no stakes were laid out, the format was slightly confusing, and generally it seemed quite muddled. Try clearing up the blurb - I found some sites that might help. After all, the description is one of the first things your reader sees. It's the game-changer.

https://blog.reedsy.com/write-blurb-novel/

https://www.bookprintinguk.com/blog/post/how-to-write-a-blurb

Another thing I found was dialogue. There were sometimes occasions when there was a space between the first speech mark and the first letter. Also, you used a capital letter for the dialogue tag, which isn't how it works. Look at this example:

"I like meat," said Linda.

Notice how there's no space between " and I? And that 'said' is with a lower case? Try to remember this and incorporate it into your writing.

There also needs to be commas before names, and do NOT use semi colons as commas!! :) 

Also, using italics to indicate a train of thought could have been used more. There were occasional flashback scenes where I think italics would have looked nicer than bold, and also places were Elsa is thinking, but there's no clear indication that that is the case.

Tense jumps - the story was in past tense but you often jumped to present, especially when Elsa described what she likes/does.

However, I really did like the first paragraph. I thought it really worked, and I loved the way you described the rain on the plants. Generally, there was good sentence formation, which really keeps the reader intrigued. Loved the fifth chapter too (personally, I think Vincent's POV was done a lot better than Elsa's)!

Overall, a good start to a good story. Great plot twist around chapter 3, by the way!

Remember that this is a critique, NOT a criticism. Please spread the word!

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