If the World Were Magic by Myrclipse

I know this is your first story, but I will treat this like any other one because I think there are many ways in which you can improve.

Having the narrator address the reader makes the writing very clunky. It's a common thing that first-time authors do but I would strongly advise against it. The reader gets no new useful information about the main character as the story progresses, and having all of that information slammed down at the beginning isn't very suitable since the reader is only just sinking into the story.

I would start with a reference to the interview as a starting pint and then build the character up from there. Maybe describe her nerves as she waits for the interview and then delve into the back story.

You need asterisks to indicate when you've changed time.

I found the whole writing style a little preachy and essay-like, especially in the first chapter.

Good formation of dialogue. I liked the relationship between Myra and Cassius.

Maybe consider having a glossary at the beginning of the book to explain all of the key terms. This will help the reader out immensely.

More description could have been possible. Describing the place as Myra goes to bed would be a good start. And then maybe describe the man with the mask in a little more detail.

Good ending of the last chapter. I liked the interrupted dialogue - it held a lot of suspense.

Overall, a good start to a first story. I think the plot is moving in a cliché and predictable direction as we can put two and two together that Myra will win the trials of Emilson. Or maybe not... I don't know.

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