No Heartbeat, No Breathing by @NerdyGirl119

When someone is saying a really long piece of dialogue and you what to split it into different paragraphs, you should start each paragraph with a speech mark but omit the end one. Like this:

Linda said: "I am eighteen years old. I like dogs and my preferred sport is netball.

"My parents live.... Blah blah blah... Until you read the end."

You need commas to split clauses. And apostrophes of possession were sometimes not there but I commented on most of these for you.

Comma splits were quite common (the ones where you should replace them with either a semi colon or a dash.)

There seemed to be a great poetic feel to this work which was brilliant. But I would consider really getting the plot moving after this point. I know I've only read 3 parts though!

I really liked the couple of sentences that kept coming back at the end of every chapter. It really gave the whole thing a chilling feel.

Overall, a good attempt. I would have liked to have seen a bit more character development and description.

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