Being Vanessa Jane by honeyyysweeet

This book was extremely cliche for my liking. It's set in a school, Vanessa talks to this guy, nothing much happens. Perhaps you could consider planning out a neat plot - one that's more of a hook rather than 'Hey, I'm 17... ladidadidah'. If you could incorporate details about Vanessa into the plot and into descriptions of her, it would make this a more enticing read.

Many spelling errors (like 'tuff' instead of 'tough') but I've marked the majority of them up for you, so please correct them if you have the time.

You mention that it's Vanessa's first day at high school but then later on in the chapter she magically has friends like Mercedes and Kayla. Where did they suddenly pop up from? Perhaps you could write a scene where they all meet, or are they friends from the start? If so, please indicate this earlier on in the chapter.

This reads more like a play than prose. I think it would better to have speech marks and dialogue tags because then you could add little details about the characters instead of having just a block of text for what they're meant to say.

Also, contractions like 'they're' and 'you're' were used incorrectly. 

They're=they are

You're=you are

Your= belonging to you

There were LOADS of abbreviations (fr, tbh, etc). I think if you were to spread this out to a wider audience, you'd have to get rid of these as not all people understand text speak. Same thing with the emojis. Just a thing to bear in mind.

I found the character of Mike very sweet, but he was made out of cardboard, as were Mercedes and, ultimately, Vanessa. None of your characters had any 'oomph' to them. There was nothing special that I would remember, and nothing that made me care about them. 

It's better to use description instead of pictures. I get that it saves you the effort of describing everyone's outfit, let's say, but it really, really does enhance your writing and you WILL improve drastically the more description you write.

I know this is your first book attempt, and everyone has to start somewhere. Please take these comments and work on your story. You can only go up!

Remember that this is a critique, NOT a criticism. Please spread the word!

If you would like a critique, please read the guidelines, fill out the form, and complete the payment, all which can be found at the beginning of this book.