Failures by @shewasborn

There was a great start with some really good main character development.

After you start a bit of dialogue, the dialogue tag needs to be in lower case.

There was a lot of colloquial language. It didn't really fit with the style and kind of detracted from the whole reading experience, honestly.

You need commas before names.

The plot was relatively cliché but the writing style was fine and made up for it. And I understand that you only have two chapters up.

Try to keep your story in the past tense.

You also had some wrong forming of verbs in the past tense. I corrected these for you though.

Some minor grammar errors but, again, these were corrected.

Overall, an intriguing start. I liked the main character of Leonie. I would also highly recommend you proofread before you upload a chapter because then you can prevent small, silly mistakes.

Remember that this is a critique, NOT a criticism. Please spread the word!

If you would like a critique, please read the guidelines, fill out the form, and complete the payment, all which can be found at the beginning of this book. See you there. :)