Kay was a terrible liar. Jess and her family both called her out on this on many occasions. The twins got away with murder while she couldn't sneak a cookie without looking guilty. It was why she dreaded an evening alone with her family to begin with; there was no way she could vaguely hint at her work without talking herself into a conversational corner. Why she thought she could pass off a mysterious malfunctioning elevator, she must have had a momentary lapse of sanity. That is what the Deluxe Gold Diva did to her, shoved all reason completely out of her skull.

If it was Shaffer who found her, Kay knew she'd be out on her ass in two shakes, or worse. But by some twist of good fortune, Stanley was so distracted he failed to notice her abysmal fibbing. She was on her second cup of hot cocoa, casually dumping it into the wilted potted plant Stanley kept by his desk. She almost felt sorry for the sugar saturated vegetation as her superior paced in front of her. He was so distracted she forgot all about asking for his advice in fibbing to her family.

"And that's how I ended up in the basement," said Kay, faking another sip. Why did her mug smell like copper?

"Yes, that's unfortunate. I'm glad your safe," Stanley mumbled as he made another pass around the office, his mind on anything but her safety. It was such a short space she wondered how he hadn't worn a path into the concrete floor.

Kay set down her mug. "Stanley, what's wrong? Aside from the obvious," she said. According to her fellow caretaker, the gnomes had been particularly difficult to route out this time. Clusters kept evading capture and knocking down temporary barriers to let the horde flood back in. The elves had to be relocated to keep their population from being decimated, currently bunking with the nymphs which presented a whole new headache of paperwork and issues as wood nymphs bred like bunnies. Kay thought the elves wouldn't necessarily mind shacking up with lusty nymphs but Stanley said more than a couple had dropped from exhaustion.

He stopped pacing and rubbed his jaw. "Uh, hmmm, I-how do I put this?"

"If you say it's above my pay-grade, I'll kick you in the shins," said Kay.

A small smile upturned the corner of his mouth. "No, it's not like that. It's what you said about the elevator. It's not the first...malfunction I've seen the last couple days. I have an idea as to the source, but I rather hope I'm wrong."

Kay frowned. At the time, aside from the general shrieking and plummeting, she thought the whole elevator setup felt like more than a malfunction. It was a set trap, though after her conversation with Goldie, she knew it wasn't necessarily a trap for her. A bad feeling inflated in her stomach, she was grateful she hadn't actually drank any of the awful hot cocoa since it would probably come flying up if she had.

"Maybe you should take the day off," said Kay.

"Unfortunately, I can't do that," said Stanley, his voice soft. He absently shuffled the scattered paperwork on his desk. "I need to file a report about this. Let me escort you out."

Kay opened her mouth to protest and found herself hovering at the edge of a conversational corner. She wanted to ask Stanley if he suspected Serena, but that would reveal more than a few violated rules and she couldn't count on his current distracted demeanor. She gnawed on her the inside of her lip as Stanley led her up the hidden stairs into the empty lobby.

Kay caught the back of his coveralls as he turned to go. "Stanley," she said, worry warring with her sense of self preservation. Stanley wasn't a bad guy, but she also didn't need the proverbial ax dangling over her head. "Be careful," she finished. The bad feeling congealed into a cold mass of shame, heavy as lead.

"Of course. I'll call you as soon as I get the green light to bring you back in," he said.

Well, that just made her guilt worse. She nearly changed her mind when her cell phone rumbled in her pocket. Kay winced and hustled for the door. She didn't dare answer it around so many security cameras, though she wondered why the damn thing kept going off. She wasn't that popular. Her mind started imagining all sorts of extremes concerning the few people that mattered in her life when she finally pulled her cell out of her pocket once she had cleared the still empty security booth.

The screen was blank.

"What the hell?" Kay frowned as she swiped past the lock screen and checked her message history, but her last text was from Jess a couple days ago asking if they needed milk at the house. Maybe it was malfunctioning. The android was an older model, well beyond time for an upgrade. Kay sighed as she tucked it back into her pocket, internally groaning at another expense she couldn't afford. She pushed it from her mind, regretting her lost opportunity to ask Stanley for advice as she spent the bus ride home attempting to piece together a cover story. It was times like this, she desperately wished she could loop Jess in on everything. Her roommate was a master yarn-spinner and had talked her way out of many speeding tickets and misdemeanors. But she couldn't tell Jess for the same reasons she couldn't tell her family, since the knowledge would put them in mortal danger and what not.

She was still mulling over a feasible lie when she finally made it back to the Cave. She tossed her cell on the coffee table and flopped back on the couch with a groan. How the heck was she going to get through this without a full blown kerfuffle? Maybe she could ask Jess to come with her, something that could potentially help mend fences and offer up a distraction from her own life.

Unfortunately that plan went splat as the front door slammed open. Jess stormed in, home early and livid, not a good combination. She mule kicked the door shut and bee lined for the fridge. Kay knew when she emerged with three hard ciders something had gone horribly wrong.

"Jess? Are you okay?"

Her roommate held up a finger as she clipped off the first bottle cap on the edge of the counter and downed it in one long chug. She set the empty down on the counter with a hard clack and knocked off the next cap, breathing hard.

"I quit."

Kay shot to her feet. "What?"

Jess gave her a withering glare. "You heard me. I quit. Those miserable cusses can figure out their own damn glitches. I am so done with whiny, ungrateful bitches--"

"But, Jess, what about-," Kay cut herself off. She didn't dare bring up expenses. They'd managed to keep a float with careful budgeting, but as she had yet to see her actual paycheck, she had no idea if her pay could support the household while Jess located another gig. Of course, Jess wasn't encumbered with a black mark on her record. She didn't have any record thanks to some creative file cleansing, and Kay realized it would be kind of awful to throw expenses in her face right now. She bit her lip. "Would you like to come to dinner with my parents tomorrow?"

Jess pursed her lips over the rim of her second drink. "Really? That's how you're going to play this?"

Kay stiffened. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"I know what you were going to say. And don't worry, I have some savings to cover things until I can be the breadwinner again." Jess's smile was a little too mean. Kay looked down at her lap.

Jess sighed and set down her bottles. "I'm sorry. That was totally bitchy."

Kay shrugged. "You're right. I was a lump on your couch for the past couple months."

"But that wasn't your fault," Jess pointed out. "Like really, that black mark was beyond extreme. And you still found a job. I'm just tired and grumpy. I'm sorry." She fiddled with the half full bottle, a troubled expression creasing her brow.

Kay rubbed her face with both hands. "I have the job, now all I need is the paycheck." Which would go right into all her debts. The lump in her stomach robbed her of all appetite. "Think my parents would hate me if I cancelled on them?" They were only driving hours out of their way to see her after all.

"Well, if they chew you out, we can drink away our misery together," said Jess, with a salute of her cider.

"Might need to make a beer run for that," said Kay. She made up her mind. She was officially the worst daughter, but better to face the wrath of Lisa and her dad's disappointment than spend an evening telling bad lies and picking at her food. She reached for her phone and met empty table.

"Hey, have you seen my cell?"

Jess frowned at her over a bottle, mid-swig when her eyes bugged out. Cider spewed as she choked, pointing frantically with her free hand at a spot over Kay's shoulder.

The hair on the back of her neck rose. Her whole body tensed as she slowly rotated to find her cell phone hovering in the air, held aloft by a pair of iridescent wings that would have put Tinkerbell to shame.

Kay went hot and cold all over. She couldn't be sure if the buzzing in her ears was from panicking inner Kay or her fluttering cell phone, but Kay suddenly recalled with complete clarity the reason Tyson confiscated the device every morning at the security point.

The screen tipped down at her as the Android logo blinked across the blank surface. Kay gasped as the tiny eye holes squinted in an unmistakable pissed off expression before it tipped into attack position.

"Oh, shit!" Kay fell back off the couch as her cell phone dived at her head. For a split second, she wondered at the absurdity of fleeing a three pound electronic device when the buzzing intensified. An arc of electricity spat from the charge port and singed the spot she'd been sitting. Kay and Jess screamed together.

Kay froze as the buzzing revved up once more before an empty bottle of cider smacked into the front screen, creating a cluster of  cracks as little x's replaced the eyes. The cell flipped end over end, frantically beating its wings to regain balance. Kay scuttled back across the floor, knocking over the coffee table before Jess seized the back of her shirt and hauled her into the semi sheltered corner behind the kitchen counter.

"What the fuck is that?" Jess whisper screamed at her.

"Uh, uh, you're hallucinating," Kay sputtered. She didn't even register what she actually said to her roommate as inner Kay was in full meltdown. She was beyond screwed. If Serena's half-assed apology was a clue, Kay was royally boned. She was going to strangle that golden jerkface.

Jess slapped the back of her head.

"Ow," Kay yelped.

"I had one drink and you're a shit liar. Try again!"

"Gah! Work followed me home!"

Jess stared at her, jaw slack as a parade of emotions played out before she scrunched up her face. "What!"

A high pitched whine filled the air as the cell rose in a wobbly hover. The Android face now had angry brow lines as it focused on the two of them.

"Uh, little busy right now, explain later!"

"Oh you bet your ass you're explaining this later if I have to beat it out of you with a spatula," Jess snarled as she snagged the very same utensil from the dish strainer. She swatted the cell phone out of the air as it dove at them again, though her efforts did little more than batter it as it winged out of her reach. It tossed another bolt of electricity that pinged off the dirty forks in the sink, crackling and sparking.

"How do you kill it?" Jess wielded the spatula like a sword as she followed the cell's progress across the living room.

"No! It's my cell phone! I can't afford another one," said Kay.

"What do you plan to do, keep it in a cage and feed it batteries?" Jess grimaced as the phone smacked screen first into the wall. "I think I dazed it."

"Maybe we can trap it," said Kay.

"With what?" Jess hissed at her. "You got a butterfly net in your back pocket?" There was a slightly glazed over look to her eyes. The cider had caught up with her. She shook the spatula in Kay's face. "What crazy shit have you gotten yourself into this time?"

"This time! You got us arrested. Twice," said Kay, indignant of the accusation as she rifled through the lower cabinets. Jess's organization style left much to be desired. Kay snagged a bright blue rubber colander from between a stack of pie plates that promptly toppled over. The crash failed to drown out Jess's giggle.

"I did," she crowed "But I also talked us out of it, right?"

"Yeah, you did," said Kay. She bit her lip as she peeked passed the counter. Her cell phone was currently batting against the lamp shade like a flustered moth. "Cover me."

"Oh this is gonna be priceless," muttered Jess, but she followed Kay in a crouching walk, the spatula held high.

Kay was convinced her cell would kamikaze dive at her face any second, but the two hits apparently did manage to daze it. She swore one of the Android icon's eyes was bigger than the other as she crept closer.

The cell jerked in midair, the Android icon spazzing out as a horribly familiar ringtone spewed from the speakers. Kay paled as Lisa' s name scrolled across the screen. The call caught her enchanted cell phone off guard. It rolled and spun in a jittery mid air panic. Kay scooped it with the rubber colander and slapped it down on the couch. The ringtone kept going.

She shared a wide eyed glance with Jess. "Crap cakes."

"If you don't answer, she's gonna call over and over until you do," said Jess. Lisa was persistent like that.

Kay groaned. She attempted to sneak her hand under the colander and snatched it back with a yelp as a spark burned her fingertips.

"Wait! I got this," said Jess. Her roommate sprinted back to the kitchen and returned with a pair of thick rubber cleaning gloves. She helped shove one on Kay's hand as the call ended. Her cell phone buzzed in anger, sparking and pinging against the dome of the colander.

"One, two, three," Jess muttered. On cue the call started again.

Kay reached again with her freshly armored hand and froze. "Oh god, what do I tell her?"

Jess grinned. "Put it on speaker."

That grin had gotten them in and out of more trouble than Kay could count. She held her breath as her hand closed on the cell, which almost immediately wrenched out of her grasp, unused to object's new found mobility. Certain her grip was secure, Kay sucked in a breath and held it as she removed the colander and quickly swiped the 'answer' option with her unprotected hand.

"Kay? Are you there, hun?" Lisa's muffled voice came through. "Hello?"

Kay pecked the speaker-phone button and concentrated her efforts on keeping her cell phone from taking flight as Jess leaned in.

"Hey Mama O, it's Jess!"

"Hi baby girl! How you doing!"

"Keeping out of trouble, mostly," said Jess with a rueful look at the disaster of a living room.

Lisa laughed. "I'm sure you are. Where's Kay?"

"Yeah, about that Mama O," said Jess. "Kay's worshiping at the porcelain altar right now. She caught some nasty bug at work and looks like it hit her full blast this afternoon."

"Oh no! We were supposed to take her out for dinner tomorrow!"

"I know. Poor thing hasn't been able to keep anything down all day. I'm worried I might have to take her to the ER for dehydration," said Jess, her voice somber with utterly sincere worry.

"The boys wanted to see her so bad. Should we swing by with supplies?"

"I wouldn't Mama O, wouldn't want to spread this around. Bad enough I'm probably going to take the hit tomorrow," said Jess. "I'll let her know you called and make sure she gets her ass home for Thanksgiving."

"Thank you, sweets. Make sure she doesn't strain herself. I know she's stressed about this job." Her step mother had no idea. "Let her know we love her and miss her."

"Will do. Later Mama O."

Kay hit the 'end call' and yanked her finger back. "Christ, I think it bit me."

Jess stared down at the buzzing cell. "It has teeth?"

"Think she bought it?" Now that the adrenaline of the moment was waning, there was a fresh wave of guilt and worry. The enchanted cell struggled in her grip.

"Of course she bought it," said Jess. She placed the colander back over the cell, allowing Kay to remove her hand. The two of them watched the colander jolt and quiver as the cell phone fought for freedom.

Totally, royally bone. "What do I do now?"

Jess shrugged and snagged her remaining cider from the counter. "Story time. And I would answer every call on speaker."