Gotta take a break from shit sometimes to see who really real.
-Joey Fatts

• Is it really over? •

~Continued~

Deja
A Week Later
Long Beach, CA

"Deja!" I heard my mom yell as I tried to sleep. I opened one eye then closed it right back trying to ignore her until her voice got closer. "Deja! I'm not gon' call you again! That damn boy is at the door again."

I groaned saying, "Tell him I'm not here. Tell him I'm at work or somethin'," I said turning over.

Next thing you know my Mom was yanking the covers back as the cold air hit me seeing as I only slept in my bra and panties. "No, get your ass up and get rid of him yourself. I'm not lying for you anymore." I could hear her mumble things in Spanish under her breath as I sat upright rubbing my eyes.

I smacked my lips getting up then trudging over to my dresser grabbing a crop top and shorts to put on quickly. I really didn't care so I took my sweet time even going to go brush my teeth and wash my face. Ever since that night I've been ignoring Joey.

Once I finished I walked down the hall as I took my bun out then re-did it neater. Sure enough Joey was at the door banging on it. I rolled my eyes then swung it open, but left the screen door closed. "What the fuck is wrong with you?! Did you forget I live with my Mama?" I asked looking at him sideways.

"Where the hell have you been? I've been calling you and coming by, but it's always no answer or you're not here. What the fuck is going on?"

"I've been busy," I said yawning nonchalantly.

"Are we just gonna talk through the door. Come outside because I know you're Mama don't like me." I sighed opening the screen door then walking outside. We sat in the lawn chairs on the porch.

"What do you want to talk about?"

"Where the fuck have you been? My best friend died and you disappear for days. I needed you."

"Sorry, but I had to handle some things." I said sitting there not looking at him. "How was Lotty's funeral?"

"Fine, it was hard though. Seeing him laid up in that casket. He was only 22 years old. That shit is crazy." I looked over at him to see him shaking his head.

I sighed reaching over and rubbing his back. Even though I was mad because he put me in the situation I was in a couple of nights ago I still felt bad. As long as he never found out what I did, we were good. "I know it was hard, but Lotty wouldn't want you to be sad. You know that. Let's go get something to eat."

"Alright," he said getting up. I got up too then we went to his car then left. After a ten minute drive we pulled up to Roscoe's House of Chicken and Waffles.

After we ordered we sat there awkwardly. Joey's phone was ringing every minute or vibrating from a text. "Yo, who the hell keeps calling you?"

He kept quiet as he took a sip from the straw of his drink. He finally said, "Customers."

"Customers? What kind of customers?" I asked arching a brow.

"Please, don't start asking a million questions. I don't need it. I'm hot right now and I can't hit licks right now. Not after what happened to Lotty."

I leaned in whispering, "So you're selling drugs again?" He said nothing just licking his bottom lip as I leaned back into the seat. "Are you stupid?! I thought you were over that in high school."

"You think I want to do this shit? I need money, Dej. I have bills to pay. Rent, utilities, cable, phone, Internet, food, clothes and lunch money for my siblings. I'm like a damn single father. What the fuck else am I gonna do?"

"Get a regular job like everybody else!"

"I can't do that. Not with my record. Look, I don't need you scolding me like I'm a child. I know what I'm doing."

"Are you so sure about that? The gang banging was one thing, but now you're just asking to get killed or go to jail."

"Can you just stop?!" He said with gritted teeth looking around the restaurant.

"Fine," I said slouching into to the seat.

It was quiet until a light skin, tall guy came over to our table. I watched as he dapped Joey and they exchanged words. He looked over at me saying, "Don't I know you from somewhere?"

I shook my head saying, "Nope. At least I don't know you."

"Is your name Deja?" He asked.

"Yeah," I said looking at him. I had never seen him in my life.

He laughed looking over at Joey saying, "What you doin' with this bitch?"

"Ay, chill the fuck out with that bitch word. That's my girl," Joey said in my defense.

The guy laughed again saying, "Your girl? Seems like she was Spade's girl the other night."

"Spade?" Joey asked with furrowed eyebrows. I felt like I could be sick right now.

"Yeah," the guy said pulling out his phone. I watched trying to see what he was gonna do. "Look." He was showing Joey a video. I already knew about the video because I saw it on Twitter. I knew Joey wouldn't see it because he doesn't have Twitter or any other social media. He says real street dudes should stay off the internet.

"I just didn't want you out here looking stupid cuz of this-" I glared at him as our eyes connected waiting for some disrespectful shit to leave his mouth. He shut his mouth walking away. Once again I couldn't look Joey in the eyes.

"Joey, I can explain."

He was pissed the fuck off. "I really don't wanna hear it." When the waitress came back with our food he didn't even give her a chance to put it on the table before saying, "I need that to go." The lady looked confused, but walked away with the plates. Once she came back with them, he paid then we left.

As we rode in the car I tried to find the words to explain this. "I really can't believe this shit. That was some hoe shit. You fucked a nigga in an alley? Really, bitch?"

"Can you let me explain!"

"What's there to explain, Deja?! There's not a damn thing that could make this better."

"I did that to save my life! The life you put in danger!"

"What the fuck are you talking about?" He asked looking over at me as we drove down the street.

"You killed some niggas brother and they came after me. They wanted to kill me to get back at you. I had to do what I had to do to save my life. Do you ever think about me or your family when you do the shit you do? No! It's all about money. I fucked and sucked a nigga I hardly knew in an alley so I wouldn't get killed. So my Mama and Daddy wouldn't be crying at my funeral!" I yelled as tears fell down my face.

He was quiet and didn't say anything. "You can't do this forever. Is it so damn hard to go get a job like everybody else? It doesn't matter what it is, but this has got to stop. You're record isn't so bad you can't find a job. I work and I go to school because I want something better for myself. You just have to want it. I wasn't about to die because of you're actions. I have too much to live for and you do too."

When we pulled up in front of my house he still said nothing. "I guess it's safe to say it's over. We're just going in two completely different paths in life. I love you, Joey."

He looked over at me saying, "I love you too. I'm sorry."

"I'm sorry too. Stay safe. You know I'ma pray for you everyday," I said kissing his cheek then getting out of the car. I wasted no time rushing inside to my room. I shut the door leaning up against it as I started crying again. I've been with him on and off since I was 15. That's 6 years and it has never felt as done as right now. I never thought it could hurt so bad.

Dyamond

I walked down the street turning into his yard. I went up the pathway going up the porch steps knocking on the door. When the door opened and his younger brother, Kaine was behind it I said, "Hey, Menace to Scoiety. Is Joey here?"

He laughed replying, "Yeah, come in. I'll get him," he said opening the door wider. I walked in behind him as he said, "You cut your hair. You still look good in my eyes, Dyme."

I chuckled saying, "Thank you, Kaine. All that game to be so young."

He smiled then he walked off as I sat on the couch to wait. "Joey!" Kaine yelled down the hallway. "Dyme's here! Come out!" He yelled even louder.

"Well I could've did that, Kaine." I said laughing and shaking my head. He just shrugged his shoulders walking off to the kitchen.

I finally saw Joey come down the hall as he said, "What the fuck I tell you about yelling in my house?!" Joey yelled to Kaine.

"If you're yellin' in mi casa, you must be payin' bills in this house-a!" Kaine yelled back as if annoyed as I laughed.

Joey finally looked at me coming to sit in the seat across from me. I hadn't seen him since Lil Lotty's funeral and even then we didn't speak because Pop was with me. I couldn't even give him a hug when our best friend died. "What are you doing here?" He asked.

"I just came to tell you bye. I leave today."

"Today? Damn, I didn't know it would be so soon."

"Yeah, well my dude has to skate out of town and fast."

"When do you think you'll come back?"

"I don't know. I'm not sure. Probably a couple of months until it rolls over."

"You don't have to go. You know you can always stay here, Dyme."

"We've gone over this before. I wouldn't want to start any problems with you and that thing you call a girlfriend."

"We broke up...today actually," he said seeming sad. Regardless of me not liking her I knew Joey loves her a lot. You would have to love a person a lot the way they put up with each other.

"I'm sorry to hear that." I said genuinely.

"It's all good. Just a lesson learned. So, will you stay here?"

"I can't, Joey and you know that. You know how my boyfriend is. I have to go. Plus, I need a change of scenery. I'm tired of Long Beach." I stood up as he just sat there looking at me. "Can I at least get a hug as a goodbye?"

He smacked his lips saying, "Fine. Even though I don't fuck with you right now for leaving me." He stood up then I rushed to him with my arms parted.

I hugged him tightly saying, "I'm gonna miss you, loc."

"I'ma miss you too, dawg." He said as we pulled apart.

I walked towards the door waving my hand saying, "Bye."

"Naw, see you later. You'll be back and if you don't I'ma hunt that ass down."

"I'll always be back," I said smiling as he did too. I walked out of the door taking in a deep breath. I didn't want to go, but I have to. Somehow and someway I'm going to finally end things for good with Pop.

Joey
Later That Night...

I pulled up to the yellow house on the corner of the neighborhood in Northside Long Beach. It felt like I hadn't been here in forever as the feeling of nostalgia took over as memories flashed through my mind. This was the house that everything went down at. This was the house my brothers created 2N Gangster Crip at. This was the house I got jumped into the gang at. I lost my virginity at this house at 14. Just everything happened here.

I walked up knocking on the door stuffing my hands into my hoodie pocket as I waited. The door swung open and behind it was, Lido. He stood at 6'3" and buff as hell after doing a 5 year bid. He was one of Joel and Jody's best friends and an OG of the gang. He pulled me into a dap letting me into his house where we went out back to his backyard.

As he rolled up I sat there thinking. Even the backyard brought back memories. I looked down at the concrete ground seeing a stain just knowing it was blood. Or how we used to come through his backyard and jump the fence to get in this girls backyard who threw parties all of the time because we didn't wanna pay. A lot of memories made with people no longer here...Either dead or in jail.

"I heard you've been selling weed again," Lido said breaking my thoughts.

"Yeah, I've pretty much sold weed my whole life. I've never really stopped, but I wasn't doing it as heavily as I was before. I've just been thinking though...I just wanna do something different with my life."

"Like what?" He asked.

"I don't even know. Just something that Deja told me really got to me today. For the first time in my life...Maybe I do need to let this street shit go and do something else."

"I can understand that," Lido said blowing out smoke then handing me the blunt. I grabbed it taking a puff then blowing out. I sat there a second just quiet as I thought.

"It's just growing up all I ever wanted to do was gang bang and be just like my big brothers. I still do. I wanna be a kingpin. That's just the dopest shit to me. I don't give a fuck! Most hated by the niggas, most wanted by the police, get all the bitches, you wear the flyest shit. I just think that's the best thing to be. Call me an idiot if you want to, I don't give a fuck!" I said as both me and Lido laughed.

"Everybody has dreams, ambitions and goals. Not my right to shoot em down."

"I just don't know anymore," I said taking another puff from the blunt before passing it to Lido.

"That's how I felt when I got out. Then I just told myself I'm not going back in for anybody or anything. I need to get my shit together, so I started working in the only place that would hire me. I do it with no shame. There's no point in being prideful or boujie now...We've been broke and struggling for too long to stay that way. Do what's best for you, Joey." I took in every word he said as I sat there thinking.

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