Sometimes I want to shed a tear, but no emotions from a king.
-Joey Fatts

• Shots •

Marcel
Long Beach, CA.

Who would've thought me of all people would have 4 damn kids before I was even 30? Crazy, right?

I look at Maurice just staring at him. The older he gets the more he looks like his Momma. I never thought I would see the day I would have sole custody over him and he would live with me again, but he requested it.

Char is married to Dominic and they live out in L.A. I mind my business when it comes to her life unless it has to do with our son. All I know is she has multiple clothing stores and styles celebrities. Sometimes she acts a fool when it comes to Maurice, other times we're on good terms. As long as she's happy, I don't give a damn what's going on with her. Me and Dominic are cool. As long as my son was in a safe, loving environment while visiting his mother, I was fine.

Char and I went through so much shit we didn't have to go through. It's a shame I lost my friend because of it. At the end of the day, I kept my promise to my best friend, Jabari, by looking out for her and Chip. Everything else that happened was drama I didn't expect. I didn't expect for Chip to die, for Char to catch feelings for me, for us to have sex or for her to get pregnant then not tell me. I damn sure didn't expect for her to be the baby mother from hell. All we can do is move forward from here.

I really couldn't tell you why he wanted to live with me. Did he like my house more because it's bigger? Did he like being around his siblings or just my family period? Is there something going on in their household I don't know about? Who knows, but I didn't mind. I would never deny my son coming to live with me. My thing is I always wanted to make him feel equal to his sisters and brother despite him having a different mother.

He's growing into a nice, young man. Smart and funny. I just hope he's nothing like me. The same goes for Phoenix. They're upbringing is completely different from mine, so hopefully that plays a part in how they turn out...

Today we're having a little get together to celebrate the ending of summer and a little party for Lottie's first birthday. Joey and Dyme didn't want to do anything big because she wouldn't remember it anyway. It was just family and food. That's all you need.

I look at Marina and Riva smiling as they sit at the dining room table. Marina and Riva might as well be twins seeing as they're only one year apart. Six and five year old little, mischievous girls. Spoiled too, but that's my fault. I can't say no to Marina's dimples or Riva when she bats those long lashes. I was praying my daughters didn't have an attitude like their mother, but there's just some curses you can't escape. They could be the shadiest little girls I've ever seen.

I walked around the counter looking to see what they were cooking for today. I went up behind Matika looking over her shoulder then shook my head. I leaned in saying, "You know I love you with all my heart, but give it up. For our health, please." I said kissing her cheek rushing off before she could hit me or something.

I go over to the dining room table sitting across from Maurice and Poppy..

"Where'd y'all get these cupcakes?" I ask pointing.

"Granny gave them to us," Maurice says taking the wrapper off of it taking a bite from it getting icing on his nose. I was tryna figure out where the Power Rangers plates came from, but I left it alone.

I might not be the happiest I want to be, but I will say my career is going good. I had a feature on the new Power Rangers soundtrack, my songs were on tv shows, I had sponsorships and endorsement deals with big companies, my restaurant with Joey was doing well and my charity for Long Beach underprivileged kids is excelling.

I may be mentally and emotionally all over the place, but my money isn't. I know money doesn't solve everything, but at least I wasn't broke AND going insane. I was rich and going crazy, but isn't that expected? All rich people go crazy and that's why I know money is the root of all evil. Look at Michael Jackson, Amy Winehouse, etc. I knew one thing though, medication wasn't going to solve my problems. The suicidal thoughts, voices and paranoia was a mental thing. An inner issue that needed to be resolved with myself, not by pills.

I get up from the table then walk down the hall when my phone starts ringing. I pull it out of my pocket seeing it is Joey so I answer. "What's up? Where you at?" I ask because they're always late. How are you late and you live a block away?

"Outside. Come help me bring this stuff in," he says.

"You ever heard of a doorbell?" I ask hanging up on him. I slide my phone back into my pocket as I walk to the front door. I go out to see his car parked towards the end of my circular driveway. I walk up to his Porsche Truck as he got out then saw Dyamond get out next from the passengers side. I watch as he opened the backseat then a couple of seconds later, Jodie, hops out running to me.

I pick her up saying, "If it ain't Miss Jodie Jo." I kissed the 6 year olds cheek making her smile. I put her down saying hi to Dyme who is carrying, Lottie. I poke her fat cheek saying, "Hey baby!" She giggles then Dyamond proceeded to keep walking going inside. Stevie was already at our house because he spent the night last night. I go up to Joey dapping him then asking, "What you got?" I ask walking towards the trunk of his car.

"Some alcohol. Some more alcohol and weed for the old folks," he says opening the trunk where there's cases of alcohol like he said.

"And what about the food you were supposed to bring?" I asked raising a brow.

"Was I supposed to bring food?" He asked as I nod my head. "Oh, well, my bad. This should suffice. Ay, you see that old school muscle car across the street," he says nodding his head in the direction. I turn around looking making him say, "Don't look so obvious, dumb ass!"

"My bad!" I say turning back around. "What about it? I've never seen that car before."

"Aight, so they don't live around here. Thought so. I think they're following me. I've seen them a few other places as well."

"Following you?"

"Yeah, I saw that same car on my block the other night."

"You only live a neighborhood away. They could just know some people in the area."

"Naw," he said shaking his head. "They're following me."

"It doesn't look like anybody's in there to me," I say squinting because I don't have my glasses on.

"Tinted windows."

"How about I just go over there and tap on the window. If somebody's in there I'll just ask a question. To see what the person looks like."

"You're a bold mutha fucka, but go ahead."

I left Joey standing by his car looking both ways before I cross the street to the old, silver Mustang. I tap on the window waiting a second. When the window didn't roll down I leaned in shielding my eyes trying to look inside. When the window started to roll down I paused stepping back.

When I saw who it was I froze looking back at Joey. I look back at the man in the car as he smiles saying, "You weren't expecting me, huh?"

I knew I wasn't trippin' when I kept dreaming Pops was out of jail and he came back to kill me...

Dyme

I stand outside in the backyard as the hot, California sun beams down on me. I laugh at Miss Shellie who's doing the blood walk with a red plastic cup in her hand to an old west coast song. I imagine myself in my late 40's being just like her. Still wearing my door knockers, with my long fake nails, a ring on almost every finger and my hair laid like a fly one is supposed to be.

I gotta give it to Joey's mom, she's been through a lot, but she made it through. She survived her husband being killed, her son being killed, her other son getting life in prison, alcoholism and raising three more kids. Joey forgave her and he came out just fine and that's all that matters.

Everyday I'm surrounded by strong women who show me we're more than our situations whether it's Joey's Mom, Marcel's mom, Miss Edna or even Matika. We weather every storm whether it's death, incarceration, a man, abuse, mental illness, drugs, alcohol or motherhood. There's no time to pity our lives when we have to pull up our panties or thongs and woman up.

I think about this as I watch Jodie play patty cake with Marina at the table on the patio. All I wanted to do was show my daughters that I'm strong because of them. Because of them, I found my purpose and my worth. And I only hoped that one day because of me they could say they're strong too. I wanted my daughters to never have to go through what I went through from molestation, rape and abuse. All I can do is give them the tools to be confident, unfuckwittable women.

I go over to Marcel's sister, Monica who's holding Stella..

I kiss her cheek then she tries to feed me the mango in her hand, so I take a bite to appease her saying, "Thank you, Mama." She smiles and I do too. When you have one child you can't even imagine loving someone more or just as much as them. I quickly learned that it's possible when I had Stevie. My heart was now split into three pieces from loving them all. I knew after Lottie I was done having kids though.

"I'm gonna go get her a bottle," I tell Monica. She nods her head then I walk off inside the house.

Poppy runs by me then Stevie does too saying, "Hey, Momma!" as he keeps running. Damn, he hasn't seen me since yesterday and I can't get a real greeting or hug?

"Quit running in this house before you break somethin'!" Matika yells as I walk into the kitchen making me chuckle.

When I walk into the kitchen I see Matika in there as well getting something from the pantry. We both give a hey as I open the refrigerator getting the bottle I put in there when I got here. I shake it up engaging in small talk with Matika when I hear a loud pop. We both freeze and that's when two more pops follow making us realize it's gun shots.

I can hear screams for people to get down as people duck behind things in the house. There's a loud crash and the window in the kitchen breaks. Unlike everyone else who was ducking I rush into the living room to my purse. "What are you doing?" I hear Matika say from behind me as she follows me. There's more gunshots as I grab my gun rushing towards the door. "You can't go out there," Matika says trying to stop me. I ignore her taking the safety off of my gun opening the front door.

I run out seeing a car in front of the house. It's the same car that's been following me. With no hesitation I aim at the car beginning to pull the trigger. I didn't care who it was or why they were shooting. Shoot first, ask questions later. It could've been a cop for all I cared. All I knew was they were shooting at my husband and Marcel. I was in protection mode.

I shoot aiming at the person in the backseat who's shooting as well. When I see I hit him I aim at the person in the drivers seat next. I squint my eyes aiming at him and that's when I realize it's my ex, Pops. A part of me freezes as I just stare at him. For some reason I couldn't pull the trigger as everything around me moved slow.

The car finally speeds off with tires screeching making smoke appear leaving tire marks on the road. I run down the driveway aiming at the back of the car shooting the back window then I aim at the left tire making it pop as the car speeds away. "Fuck!" I groan lowering the gun.

"Marcel!" I hear a blood curdling scream that pierces my ears and my heart. I turn around seeing Matika run towards Marcel's body that's laying in the grass surrounded by blood. She drops to her knees next to his body as I stare in shock. I look around for Joey as people come out of their houses staring at us. Everyone from our house is gathered at the door looking on in fear.

"Don't just fucking stare! Call 911!" I yell to no one in particular. It was mainly aimed at the white people who wanted to be nosy. "Joey? Joey?" I yell scanning my eyes back and forth for him.

When I see the front drivers side door of our car is open a little with a foot sticking out I run towards the car. I open the door seeing Joey laying across the front seats with the glove box open. He was trying to get his gun. "Joey, Joey," I say in panic shaking him, but he wasn't responding or moving. I didn't see any blood anywhere, so I was confused. It was like he was unconscious. The first thing that came to mind was to yell for Monica.

She rushes over then I tell her, "He's not moving, but there's no blood."

She goes over to the passenger side opening the door because that's the end his head is on. She checks for a pulse saying, "He has a pulse. I think he's unconscious. He might've fainted or went into shock due to his health problems. Maybe something to do with his diabetes and this just triggered it. We're gonna have to wait until 911 gets here." I look around just wishing they would hurry up.

People are still staring and I can see Miss Shellie and Miss Edna trying to get the kids back in the house. I look at Matika who's still holding Marcel's body as she sits in the grass crying. There were gunshots all throughout his body. "No, no!" I hear a little boy yell then I see Maurice get from Miss Edna's grip running to his Dad. He grabs onto Marcel's body as Miss Shellie and Uncle Randy try to pull him off.

All I could hear was "Noooooo!" echo in my ears as they carried him back into the house. I look down biting my lip as tears drop from my eyes. Why now? Who? A million questions raced through my mind..

When the ambulance finally gets here I watch as EMT's go to Matika with Marcel then some come over to me. They tell me to step back then they get Joey out of the car laying him on the ground checking him. "This woman said he has diabetes, correct?" They ask me.

"Yes," I say with urgency stepping up.

"We think he might be in insulin shock. We're going to give him an injection of glucagon." I nod my head watching what they're doing. After they give him the shot I wait as they flash a flashlight in his eye. "Sir?" When I finally see he's coming out of being unconscious I stop holding my breath. They sit him up then help him stand up. "He needs to eat something immediately," the EMT says.

Before I can even go over to Joey and check on him I hear a loud scream. I look in that direction to see them covering Marcel's body with a white sheet. There were now several police cars in front of the house as their red and blue lights flashed. Everything seemed unreal to me in this moment. My hands were shaking and my heart was pounding slowly. I look at Matika who's weak at the knees crying as Uncle Gary tries to guide her away from Marcel's body.

I look back at Joey to see him standing their just staring. He's clenching his jaw and he has a look in his eyes I've never seen before. I go over to him grabbing his hand just looking at him not saying anything. I could see the tears forming in his eyes then they just poured out as I grabbed onto him holding him.

. . .

It was late in the night now and everyone was at Joey and I's house. We had to leave Marcel and Matika's house for our safety and so the police could check the area for evidence. Everybody was spread out in every room of our house just trying to make sense of everything. It didn't feel real. Marcel was pronounced dead on the scene from 8 gunshots. The fatal shot hit him in the skull.

I stand in the kitchen cleaning profusely just trying to keep myself occupied when Joey comes into the kitchen. I give him a faint smile, but I couldn't even fake it. His eyes were puffy and red from crying. He props himself up onto the counter sitting on it looking straight forward into the backyard where the pool can be viewed from the panoramic window. "You hungry?" I finally say as it's quiet.

"Naw, can't eat."

"You gotta eat something. You already went into insulin shock once today."

"Fine," he says as if not wanting to agree. I nod my head going into the refrigerator pulling something out to fix him some food. He shakes his head then says, "It's not safe even here. If they knew where Marcel lives, they know where we live too. They've been following us waiting. We're staying in a hotel tonight. I just don't wanna kick all these people out."

"We just have to tell them it's for safety purposes."

"I know. The police are watching the house, but still...What did you tell them when they questioned you?" He asks.

"The truth...What I knew. It was Pops and someone else in the backseat. I thought I was going crazy. I thought I was seeing things because he's supposed to still be in jail, but they confirmed he escaped from jail a week or so ago."

"I think I saw him last week," Joey says making me look at him.

"Where?"

"The gas station. I was coming out and I bumped into some dude wearing a hoodie. I had just saw Deja and we had a short, awkward conversation. Remember I told you. Now that I think about it, he went straight over to Deja and her son."

"You think they planned this together? The police said he walked right out of the prison with a woman disguising himself as a C.O."

"Why though?" Joey says scratching his head. "Why Marcel?"

"Izaiah?" I question.

"All these years later still wanting revenge for a damn homie? Is it that serious? I was the one who killed Izaiah, Dyme. He couldn't do it. Marcel was changed and wasn't with the street shit anymore. I did it. If that's the case, I should've been the one who died today. Not him. I rather it be me than him," Joey says slamming his fist onto the counter making me jump as I was cutting lettuce.

I close my eyes tightly then open them going over to Joey. I grab his hand saying, "You can't blame yourself. We don't know why Warren did this. We don't know what was going through his sick mind or who his target was. All we can do is get through this. There are kids we have to be there for to protect."

"Yeah," is all he mumbles as it gets quiet. I finish making him a salad and some salmon then I give it to him.

"I'll be back," I say as he just gives me a head nod eating the salad to acknowledge he heard me. I leave the kitchen going down the hall. I turn the knob to my office pushing the door open. I was going to turn the light on, but it was already on. That's when I see Matika sitting on the couch holding onto a pillow just staring blankly. "Teek," I say softly entering the room.

She looks up at me as I sit on the couch next to her. "I just wanted to be away from everyone...alone," she says wiping her nose.

I wrap my arm around her shoulder as she lays her head on my shoulder. "I didn't want Maurice to see that...Any of the kids to see that. If they remember, that's something they'll never forget. How do I explain this to my kids. That their Daddy is gone..."

I didn't even know what to say to that. How do you explain that?

I hold onto Matika as she begins to cry heavily. I rock her back and forth trying to console her, but what do you say at this moment? I can't say it'll be okay because it's not okay. Her husband and the father of her kids was just killed. "I'm pregnant, I'm pregnant," she kept repeating sending me into shock. I stop rocking her not being able to find words.

"What?" I whisper faintly.

"I never even got to tell him. I was gonna tell him today at the party. He wanted 5 kids like his Mom. Three boys, two girls," she said in between sobs. "I can't do this alone and Maurice...His mom is gonna take him back, watch." She wasn't lying. When someone called Char and told her what happened, she immediately came and got Maurice.

Imagine having to raise four kids alone...

Joey

As I walk into my man cave I think about earlier. All I remember was trying to get to the front seat of the car to get my gun. I was already dizzy because I forgot to take my medication, so I was stumbling while at the same time trying not to get shot. As I reached for my gun everything went black and that was the last thing I remembered until I woke up. I thought I got shot. I thought I was dead.

One thing I do remember was who was behind that wheel of that car...Pops. It was Pops and someone else in the backseat who unleashed those shots that killed my cousin.

I didn't know how, but I was going to find them and handle it. They couldn't walk this earth when they killed my cousin taking him away from a wife and 4 kids. I couldn't. I owed Marcel that much.

Everyone had finally left our house and I sent Dyme to a hotel with the kids. She thought I was packing my stuff to come too, but I had to handle something first.

I go to my large 5 foot safe putting in the code turning and opening it. In it I had money, jewelry, important papers and guns. I wasn't supposed to have these of course due to my past legal troubles, but we all know I don't listen. They were registered in Dyme's name anyway.

When I hear, "Wassup?" I turn around to see Fade, Thump and SD come into the room. "This shit with Marcel is crazy. We can't let the homie go out like that," Fade says shaking his head.

"Exactly, why I called y'all here." I throw an AK to Fade as he catches it.

"Ooh, guns. This what I'm talkin' 'bout. You gotta rifle?" Thump asks stepping up. I move back, so he can make his pick. I give SD a gun too then grab a Mossberg 500. I take all my ammunition to the table, so we can load the guns up.

After that's done, I grab my black hoodie that's laying across the arm of the couch. I put it over my head saying, "I heard he's staying in Long Beach with my ex, Deja. She has a kid, so we can't just shoot up the house. We have to lure him out."

"That'll be easy," Fade says. When I hear a door shut and footsteps in the distance of our big, quiet house we all get quiet as they look at me.

"Hold on," I say leaving the room. I keep my hand on the gun that's in my waistband of my sweats going down the hall. When I see it's Dyme, I calm down. "I thought you're supposed to be at the hotel," I say.

"I forgot Jodie's blanket and she's freaking out without it refusing to sleep. She's scared from earlier today," Dyme says sighing. "I'm just gonna get it and go. Are you coming with me?"

"Naw, I'll be there a little later."

"Whose car was that in the driveway?" She asks pointing backwards. When I'm quiet she puts a hand on her hip.

"Thump, Fade and SD."

"And why are they here?" She asks crossing her arms over her chest.

"You know why they're here, Dyme," I say about to walk away until she grabs my arm.

"No, Joey. You ain't going out there to do something stupid."

I turn towards her saying, "And let the person who killed my cousin walk around, especially when I know who did it? What kind of nigga would I be? I gotta protect my people because if I don't I'm next, you're next. We don't know who he wants to really kill. It was Marcel because Marcel went up to that car and was right there in his face. It would've been me too if his ass had better aim. I'm not taking any chances."

"The police will handle it. I told them his name, they know what he looks like and he's wanted. They'll find him and he'll go back to jail."

"Since when did we start trusting the police to get the job done? Huh?!" I ask as she blinks.

"We can't do things how we used to. Our lives are different. We don't live in the hood anymore. We have kids, businesses, a brand. You can't do this because if you go to jail or if you get killed, Joey.." she shakes her head as I see tears well up in her eyes.

I clench my jaw thinking about my kids. I think about when my father was killed and how it effected my life, my family. If my Dad wouldn't have been killed maybe our life would've been completely different. Maybe my mom wouldn't have fell into alcoholism neglecting her kids. Maybe my brother wouldn't have turned to the streets getting ending with Jody getting killed and Joel going to jail. Maybe I wouldn't have had to grow up so fast and do things to get money to take care of me and my siblings. Maybe I wouldn't have went to jail ruining my football scholarship. A lot of maybes.

Maybes I didn't want my own kids to go through...

"Fine," I finally say making her hug me. She pulls away from me as I say, "Let me tell them it's off, get my stuff then I'll leave with you."

She nods her head saying, "I'm gonna go get Jo's blanket." She walks off going upstairs and I go back to my room.

"Who was it?" Thump asks.

"Dyme. We're not going anymore."

"I knew it," Fade says looking sad. "You know me, I'm riding with whatever. I'm not gonna say you're not built for it anymore, but it's not your life anymore. You've progressed, leveled up. You don't even need to be involved in some shit like this. If I can find someone who can handle it for a little money, I'll let you know," he hands me the gun back and I nod my head.

"Remember 2N will always be family. No one kills family..." he says giving me a dap then pulling me into a hug. I just nod my head. We pull apart then I dap Thump and SD next. I take the guns back from them locking them back in the safe then I show them to the door.

I go upstairs going to our walk in closet packing a small bag really quickly. Once I'm done I leave it on the bed walking down the hall to Jodie's room looking for Dyme. When I don't see her, I yell her name. When I don't get a response I look all throughout upstairs still not finding her. I go downstairs looking in every room then I find Dyme in the laundry room holding some piece of clothing in her hands as she's crying. "Dyme?" I question stepping into the room.

She turns around wiping her face saying, "It's Maurice's shirt." I look at it seeing the blood replaying the scene of him running out of the house grabbing onto Marcel's body. "Matika told me to get rid of it. You know she's pregnant?" In that moment my heart felt like it was being squeezed. All I could do is shake my head. I was getting mad all over again. I wanted to kill someone brutally, long and slow. Make them suffer for everything they're putting Marcel's family through.

"Are you serious?" I finally say.

Dyme nods her head saying, "That baby will never know his father. That's four kids she has to raise by herself. How -how?"

I rub Dyme's back saying, "Matika will have help. Help from us, Miss Edna, the rest of the family. That baby will know who his father is because we'll tell him. It takes a village, right? He might not have Marcel, but he'll have male figures around him. Me, Uncle Gary, Uncle Randy." Dyme nods her head as I kiss her forehead.

"We keep saying he like we know it's a boy," she says chuckling wiping her tears.

I chuckle too saying, "I can feel it's a boy. Let's get out of here. We need sleep."

I grab the bloody shirt from Dyme's hands as she lets go of it. "Let me get my bag and I'll meet you in the car." She walks away from me then I look at the shirt that's in my hand. I throw it in the the trash can leaving the laundry room. As I'm walking down the hall I pause just thinking. I punch the wall sending a hole through it.

Why?

A Couple of Days Later...
North side, Long Beach
Ramona Park

I stand with all the family of Marcel in the front as there's a large crowd. I stare at the people listening to Marcel's mother speak about him. My eyes were low and everything was blurry as I tried to keep my eyes open. I had spent the last couple of days self medicating to make the pain go away. I had spent my whole life watching over and trying to protect my little cousin and I didn't. He was dead.

Tonight we were having a candle light vigil in his memory at Ramona Park. I wasn't surprised so many people showed up. Not only did he have a lot of friends, but even people he didn't know showed up from fans to just people who knew his name. Some might've said Marcel was slept on musically, but I don't think he was. He was just a different type of artist, so he wasn't all in your face. He still got the same opportunities, he just never did it in a flashy way.

He didn't wanna be on the blogs, no flashy lifestyle or bullshit surrounding his name. He wanted to be as regular as possible. He saw himself as just another person, not a rapper or a celebrity. He thought of himself as just another person with a job.

In my eyes, my cousin was the best to do it. His music couldn't be compared to anybody else's. In an era when all music was beginning to sound alike, his didn't. If he had an opinion he was going to say it. I honestly think he was every bodies favorite person in hip hop as far as listening to him talk. People like what he had to say in and outside of the music. Even when his opinion wasn't favorable. Wise beyond his years.

They say the legends die young and this is no different. He was a legend in his own right.

When they begin to play a video of Marcel through a projector I just stare at it in a daze as the clips go by...

[There should be a GIF or video here. Update the app now to see it.]

Marcel once said:
"I'm a muh fuckin' legend..."

And legends never die...

---

Last chapter. There is an epilogue with a question / surprise. It might be up tonight🤔 Comment / Vote💙⚔️