I had reached the point where I was going through a lot of shit in life---a lot of my family was incarcerated, I watched my cousin; my best friend for most of my life, die in the hospital then come back to life.
-Vince Staples

• Shit To Lose •

2015.

Marcel.
Long Beach, CA.

I smiled to myself looking at all of the kids playing at Ramona Park during my youth institute program launch. It was just yesterday I posted up with my crew just getting into trouble over here. This was once a high risk area of Long Beach constantly monitored by police. Now it's the place for recreational teams and activities thanks to the city of Long Beach, my backing and my money. This is why I make music...To be able to help others which is exactly what this program does. It's going to assist 20 kids with filmmaking, music production, and product design.

A lady from the Long Beach Press-Telegram came up to me with a recorder asking, "Why is helping your community so important to you?"

"I think the most important thing is opportunities. What I can say is, living here my entire life, I've never had an opportunity given to me from the area. Only examples of how to mess up and what I didn't want to do. I want to be able to be one of the people that reinforces the fact that we matter just as much as the next person."

She nodded her head then I walked off when I spotted Matika. I walked behind her snaking my arm around her waist kissing her cheek. "You're lucky I realized it was you or I would've popped you in the eye."

"You weren't gon do shiiieet!" I said all in her face making her mush me back.

"Aiight, you must forget I'm from Compton. My daddy was a Piru, don't play."

"Ohhh, you done turned hood on me real quick. Thanks for putting this together, by the way."

"No problem," she said as we walked towards the kids. A kid ran by us brushing past Matika causing her to yell, "Excuse you!" He just continued running. "Kids don't have any manners nowadays." I was just glad to back on good terms with her after finding out about my son with Char.

I chuckled when a kid ran up to us. "Wassup, little dude?" I said looking down at him.

"You're the slippery slope guy, right?" I slightly rolled my eyes but said yeah. "Cool!" He said running off. He definitely shouldn't have seen that movie at his age.

"Damn, a nigga don't ever get called by my name since that little ass part in the movie. I might as well not be a rapper. It's clear I'm made to be a star in Hollywood."

Matika laughed saying, "You barely had two sentences. Don't get ahead of yourself."

"Don't doubt me. I'ma be in Fast and Furious 75...Watch!" We laughed continuing to walk.

Joey.

I stood in Ramona Park aka the old stomping grounds; more like the old battle grounds... watching all of the kids run around and play. When my phone started to vibrate I walked somewhere not as noisy in the park then answered. "Hello?" I ask not knowing who the unsaved number was.

"Hello. Is this Marcel's cousin, Joey?" A female voice asks.

"Yes. Who is this?" I question back watching as a young boy pushes a girl about the same age on a swing. That first crush love. It took me back to all the things I would do just to get a girls attention, so she'll like me. It made me smile a little. The true innocence of not knowing heart break.

"This is Char's mother. I don't know if you remember me. I got your number out of her phone because I know you live with Marcel and watch her son sometimes."

"Yeah, I remember you." I was wondering where this was going.

I leaned against a tree when she said, "Well, I've been trying to call Marcel, but he won't answer."

"He's having this little charity like event today. Probably too busy to answer. Is there something going on?" I ask.

"Oh. Well, yeah. Char was an a car accident."

I perk up asking, "I'm sorry to hear that. Is she okay? Is Maurice okay?"

"Char is in hospital. Do you mind letting Marcel know?"

"Yeah, I will. It's no problem."

"Okay, thank you," she says then hangs up. I put my phone into my pocket then make my way over to the crowd that's surrounding the stage as Marcel is on it. I pushed through to get to the front.

I watched as Marcel stood behind the podium as the large check he donated was brought out. He thanked everyone for coming out then moved to the side to let the city officials of Long Beach speak. I stood there listening in the crowd then made my way up there easing myself next to Marcel discreetly.

"I need to tell you something. It's an emergency," I lean in then whisper.

"What's up?" He says back in a whisper too.

"It's Char. She's in the hospital. She got into a real bad car accident."

"What? Was Maurice with her?"

"I don't think so. I didn't hear anything about him. Her Mom just called me letting me know because you weren't picking up."

"Alright, I'll go to the hospital once this is over." He responds as we dap.

I was about to walk away when I noticed there was a loud commotion. I looked out into the crowd when I saw a guy wearing an L.A. Dodgers hat pull out and point a gun towards Marcel. When he started to fire several shots I didn't hesitate to jump in front of Marcel tackling him to the ground guarding over him. All I could hear were people screaming as my body was on top of Marcel's. The surrounding noise began to become muffled as the pain in my body settled in. I tried to move, but it felt like I couldn't.

I could feel Marcel trying to move me, but I was dead wait. I could see my blood pouring onto the ground around me as it all became hazy. My body began to convulse and shake. It was feeling like it was all going to be over. "Call 911!" I heard a female voice yell in the background. That same voice got closer saying, "Oh God!"

I could feel multiple people moving me as I went in and out of consciousness. They grabbed me from on top of Marcel then started to do CPR on me. Everything around me became white noise. They put me onto a stretcher and took me away. Right when my life is getting back on track this happens...

This was karma for killing Matika's brother and whoever else I killed and for setting up my own cousin, Marcel. That's why I protected him the way I did. I rather die than him because I know he has a purpose. I just see him doing some big shit in life. If I couldn't be right by his side, I'd rather be looking over him. Who am I kidding? My ass would not be in the skies of heaven. God would probably laugh in my face saying, "Now nigga you know good and well..." before turning me away at the gates.

Dyme.
Laguna Beach, CA.

"This condo overlooks the water. The beach is literally walking distance away, so you can put your baby in the stroller and take a walk to the beach for some sun," the person who works for the condo building says as we stand on the balcony of a potential place for me to move. I had been looking at places from Los Angeles to Orange County and now Laguna Beach. I was tired and just ready to call it a day at this point. I'm at the point where I'll take what I can get.

I readjust Jodie in my arms when my phone starts to ring. I rummage through my purse then find it and pull it out. I see it's Marcel calling me, so I hit answer. "What's up, Sell?" I say into the receiver as the lady giving me the tour walks away to give me privacy.

"This is Matika," I hear a female voice say instead. "Joey was shot." My mouth drops as a millions things race through my mind. I sit down because I was two seconds from dropping Jodie I was in that much shock. "They're taking him to the hospital right now. Long Beach medical center."

"Alright, I'm coming," I say getting up. I find the lady and approach her saying, "I have an emergency, so I have to go. I do like this place, so I'll be back." She nods then I leave out quickly.

Once I get to the hospital in Long Beach I sit in the waiting room with Joey's mother, Miss Edna, Marcel, Matika and his siblings, Kaine and Kamiya just waiting. It felt like we had been waiting for centuries. I had a million things rushing though my mind. I can't lose Joey. He's all I have if I'm being real with myself.

I sway and pat Jodie to get her to calm down because she was just crying. She wasn't crying for any particular reason. She didn't need to be changed and she wasn't hungry. It was like she knew something bad had happened. They say babies can always sense stuff like that.

Finally a doctor approached saying, "Is this the family of Joey Vercher?" He looks at a clipboard then back at us as I basically hold my breath. I wiped my face as Miss Edna tells the doctor yes so he starts talking. "Joey was shot in the chest multiple times and the arm. The ones we were most worried about were the chest shots. Luckily the bullets didn't go past the chest wall."

I take a sigh even though my nerves aren't completely eased. The doctor goes on to say, "He just got out of his first surgery. We were able to stop the bleeding and dislodge the bullets out. We're still going to monitor him, but right now he's looking decent. Not a 100% in the clear, but he's breathing with the help of a machine."

I relax a little as the doctor walks away. A couple of minutes later the police come over talking to Marcel. I watch Jodie as she tries to fight her sleep dozing in and out. I chuckle because she's really trying to stay awake. When she finally drifts to sleep I just stare at her. It's quiet and no one is really talking as a tv plays the local news.

"If I tell you something can you make me a promise..." I hear Matika whisper to Marcel. I wasn't trying to eavesdrop, but my ears did perk up to listen. They are right next to me.

"What?" I hear Marcel say. He's laying in her lap while she's sitting one seat over from me.

"I think I know who it was who shot Joey..." I hear her say as I look at the tv pretending to watch it.

"Who?" Marcel says in response.

"This dude named Pop. He was in the 60's with Izaiah. He was like his best friend," I hear her say making me really pay attention.

"Why wait nearly two years to get back at me? He could've been popped my ass," Marcel says back. My exact thoughts. It's been two years since Izaiah was killed. It was no secret Marcel and Joey did it. Why would Pop wait so long to retaliate? And at a public event at that? He could've been handled it if he really wanted to.

"Who knows. Maybe they just got word you and Joey had something to do with it. Marcel, you gotta promise you won't try to get back at him though."

"But what if he tries to get at me again, Teek?" Marcel says.

I think about that day I went to breakfast with Pop. I did do it just to make Joey mad, but I also got an apology out of it from Pop. Pop was making his little comments about Joey, but it wasn't anything new. They've always had beef because Pop abused me and Joey defended me. They got into physical altercations on several occasions. Pop never had any problems with Marcel because Marcel was the type not to involve himself in people's relationships. Marcel's beef was with Izaiah because of Matika. Essentially, Izaiah's beef became Pop's. Avenge the dead homie.

It wouldn't be a surprise if Pop really is the one who did this. Isaiah was his best friend, like his brother. They've known each other as long as I could remember. Pop wouldn't just let the niggas who killed his brother keep walking the streets if he knew who did it. Knowing Pop he's going to keep coming until both Marcel and Joey are dead.

"Get security. Promise me," I hear Matika tell Marcel. At that point I stop listening to their conversation. I need to do something. Even if that means talking to Pop myself. I know exactly how to get to him too...

After a couple of more hours in the waiting room they finally let us into Joey's hospital room to see him. I walk in lurking behind Joey's Mom and Marcel who are in front of me.
I see Joey laid up in the hospital bed hooked to a breathing machine, wires and a whole bunch of other machines. It was hard seeing him like this. Yeah, we used to be in a gang and in the streets, but he had never been shot. Stabbed, yeah, but that's nothing compared to this.

His arm is in a cast and his chest is bandaged up. "You scared the fuck out of me!" His mother says rushing to his bedside. "What the fuck did you think you were doing jumping in front of a bullet? Niggas usually run from those, not go towards them! This nigga thought he was Batman or Superman," his mom says laughing in between sniffles.

"Y'all told us to always protect each other and he did that," Marcel says. I stand at the head of the hospital bed awkwardly not saying anything. I didn't know what to say.

"I guess I did. I'm just glad he's alive," his mother says rubbing his hand.

"Me too," Marcel says nodding his head. "Boy, this is the quietest I've heard him since EVER! I fuck with this," Marcel says laughing.

"Right, this nigga stays running his mouth. The breathing machine got him quiet. Let's enjoy this peaceful time. Moment of silence everybody," they both lowered their heads as Joey raises his hand to flick them off. "Oop, he mad!" His mom says as they crack up laughing. I'm still quiet just staring.

"We're just playing. We love you bro," Marcel says patting his shoulder.

"I'll be back. I'ma go get ya momma, Marcel, so she can see him." Marcel nods his head as Joey's mother leaves the hospital room.

"Why you not talking?" Marcel asks me. I just shrug.

Marcel sits in the seat next to Joey saying, "Matika told me she thinks some dude that rolled around with her ex, Izaiah did this. I promised her I wouldn't get at him, but I don't know. You think we should? What if I hire somebody to handle it for me?" I sit in the other chair next the hospital bed just letting them talk. More so Marcel talking to Joey.

I see Joey shake his head no. "Alright, I guess I'll listen to you. I'ma let you rest," Marcel says patting Joey's hand. Joey makes eye contact with me, so I just grab his hand intertwining our fingers. He lays his head back then slowly drifts off to sleep.

. . .

It was the next day late in the afternoon. I decided to spend the night in the hospital sleeping in the chair along with his mother who slept on the pull out couch. Miss Edna was kind enough to take Jodie and watch her for me.

"Good afternoon," Marcel says walking into the hospital room. After eating Joey was as good as knocked out. "He's sleep. I guess I'll just chill 'till he wakes up," he says sitting down in a chair.

We sit quietly having random conversations. "So, when do you move?" Marcel asks me after telling him I signed a lease for my new place this morning.

I ended up getting that condo in Laguna Beach. It's only 30 minutes away from Orange County where Marcel and Joey live instead of that hour trip from Long Beach or even L.A. It was close enough for me. I just didn't want to live in Long Beach anymore. I was kind of sad Joey didn't want to move with me, but I accepted it. We can't be attached at the hip all the time. It's time for me to be independent now that I have a daughter.

"In a week. It shouldn't be hard to pack up all my stuff seeing as I don't have much at Joey's moms. I just need to buy furniture," I say sighing. "Oh, look at this picture I found when I started packing." I grab my purse pulling out the Polaroid handing it to Marcel. It was a picture I took with him, Joey, Lil Lotty, Thump, Fade and some other 2N Crip members.

"2012. The good years," he says looking at it. "You know, even though I have money now, I rather it be how it used to be. Just kickin' shit doing stupid stuff. I just miss being regular, not broke though. We had fun. We didn't look at our life negatively how outside people would."

"Yeah. We had struggle in our lives, but we always found a way. Always found a way to push through and be happy. It was like once Lotty died the happiness got sucked away from us. Like everything changed. Ya know? Our friendship wasn't the same. He was that glue that kept us together," I say looking at Joey in the hospital bed.

"Yup, he was.." we both get quiet and he passes the picture back to me. I stare at it a little longer then put it back in my purse.

When the little machine for Joey's heartbeat suddenly stops beeping I look over at him. The line was no longer going up and down, it was straight. Going into the panic mode I jump up from my seat going over to him. I lean into to Joey realizing he's not breathing. "He's not breathing. Call the nurse!"

Marcel jumped up as I push the button over and over again for the nurse. Next thing you know I see Marcel rush out of the room as I ask for a nurse. "Where is he going?" I mumble to myself. "No, no, no! Can they fucking hurry up!" I yell when I see Marcel and a nurse run into the room. I move back giving the nurse enough room, so she can get to Joey as she starts CPR on him.

I stand back watching as she pumps his chest then breaths into his mouth. She calls in more nurses. She continues to do CPR as one of the other nurses says, "We need to get the defibrillator."

"Not yet," the one doing the CPR says as I look at her sideways. I'm thinking the need to do whatever they need to do to keep him alive even if that means shocking him back to life. When I hear the heart monitor start to beep again and a slow line start back up I cover my mouth finally breathing. "Can you give us a minute," the nurse says to me and Marcel.

I just stand there looking at Joey laying there, so Marcel grabs me leading me out of the room. As soon as we get into the hallway I start crying. Marcel rubs my back as we walk to a sitting area. This is too much. "I know Matika and Joey told you to leave it alone, but Pop's can't keep walking the streets. Even if Joey ends up alright. I don't care how you do it," I say wiping my face. "He can't get away with this," I say shaking my head.

Basically chapter 26 & 27 from Ramona Park Legend more in depth.

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