[daggers - part one]
[3rd]

Christmas was always a merry event in Hogwarts. Everyone feasted in the festive spirit as the holidays begun. From the outside, Hogwarts looked like a winter wonderland, with the snow lightly frosting the roofs and landing on the grounds. Inside the warm and toasty Great Hall, magical Christmas decorations were put up, making it look nothing like it normally did.

She stood as she always did, on the astronomy tower in the middle of the night. Since the last year, the two had made up a tradition to meet up in the astronomy tower every week, talking, and in more recent colder months, cuddling up for warmth. She loved these quiet meet ups, and simply looked forward to them every week.

It was like the only thing keeping her from teetering over the edge. Her life over the summer had been nothing less than usual, if not more. She had returned to the castle with more bruises than ever, the Potters not even having time for looking out for her after Sirius arrived when he was disowned. The boy somehow hated her, and although she didn't know the reason, she had her suspicions. After all, James, his best friend, had insisted on giving her a lot of unwanted attention when she first started at Hogwarts due to the fact that they already knew each other, and his own brother, Regulus, chose to spend time with her over him, which she also didn't understand. It was no wonder he harboured a resentment for him, although she had nothing against the boy.

She had panic attacks more often now, but at least she could sense it coming on, and was successful in keeping it a secret from Lily who undoubtedly would freak over it. Besides that, sixth year was also not treating her well, and pulling all-nighters to revise was becoming a common occurrence to her. She only began to relax slightly over the last week, giving in to the temptation of the holiday season.

The night sky was as beautiful as ever, calming her down after her last panic attack a few hours ago. It gave her space to think over.

It had already been half a year since her first kiss with Regulus, and it was every bit as magical as people describe first kisses as. She was immensely grateful to him, he stayed, he stayed for her in an uncomfortable environment, even when he couldn't comprehend the pain and anguish she felt, he did everything for her and she loved him for that. But still she didn't know what their relationship was. Sure, they kissed, they loved each other, but they were only going with the flow. It almost seemed like the world was ganging up on the two, forcing them apart. They were like star-crossed lovers, destined to be apart, only reunited in secret every week or so.

He emerged from the staircase after a while. She greeted him with a smile, noticing that he looked a bit different than usual, with a bit more sadness and reluctance than usual.

They sat together, on the floor, in silence, just enjoying each other's company. It was about half an hour later, when she first spoke softly.

"Are you alright?"

He didn't respond at first. After a few more minutes of silence, he sighed, and whispered the words that she knew was coming someday, that she dreaded coming out of his mouth, the words that would change his life- her life- their whole relationship.

"The Dark Lord is rising. My mother is calling me back home."

In all six years of knowing Regulus she had never seen him this distraught, and she knew with dread that this was the end.

"I'm sorry." he didn't meet her eyes.

"You have nothing to be sorry for," she said, and startled, he turned to look at her.

This was the day she had dreaded ever since third year, when she found out about the whole dark-lord-wants-to-conquer-the-world-and-regulus-is-being-forced-to-join thing. She knew, that this would be the last time she saw him like this. The next time she would see him, he would be different. Tougher. Stronger. Harder. Changed.

The next time they saw each other, they would most probably be on opposite sides of the war.

She hugged him, and she could feel him trembling, scared, and she did her best to console him, and when they pulled away she felt her eyes water.

He took something out from under his robes, and placed it in her hand. It felt cool and smooth on her palm. "Here, take this."

She recognized it. How could she not? It was the dagger she had given him all those years ago for his birthday, still in mint condition, sheathed in the black velvet sheath she once owned. She drew the knife out, and the shiny silver gleamed in the moonlight. The leather hilt was still how she remembered it, black and decorated with small diamonds.

She didn't look at him. Instead, she put the dagger back in the sheath, and turned it over in her palm before giving it back to him. "No, you keep it."

She brought out an identical knife, in an identical sheath. "These two knifes are family heirlooms, the only things I have from my mother-" she drifted off, then continued, "when I was small, she told me, that they represent eternal love, that if I ever find a soulmate, I could give them this, as a sign of my love-" she choked on her emotions, then continued, "and every time I look at this I'll think of you, every night-" a small tear slipped down her face, glistening like a diamond, and she felt him pull her into a heartfelt embrace, and she felt the strength to finish, "when you see this dagger, please promise me, you'll remember, that I'm always with you." Her voice was trembling with tears by now, and she whispered, "I love you."

He looked her in the eye, "I love you too," and she leaned against him, and he wrapped his arms around her, whispering in her ear, "and I'll remember, I won't forget you, for forever-" he was cut off by her kissing him, her soft lips touching his lightly, and all she wanted was to stay like that forever, with him, because that was paradise, that was the happiest thing she had ever known, but in her heart she knew it was not meant to be.

It felt like goodbye, and it indeed was goodbye, because the next time they met, things wouldn't be the same, they would be enemies and she would no longer be allowed to find peace in him, and so she savoured the moment.

She didn't know how long they had stayed like that, her leaning on his shoulder with her eyes closed and him with his arms wrapped around her, but it felt way too fast, and she felt him retract his arm, obviously assuming she was asleep, and she heard his footsteps get softer and softer until it was quiet, and she sobbed silently, knowing that this side of him was gone from her life, that he wasn't going to come back, that he was gone.

He was gone.
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