DAMNATION.

chapter forty-one, the weight she carries.
[ season nine, episode two ]

DESPITE HAVING A LIFE in Alexandria, Odessa tries to stay out of the community as much as possible. She spends as much time as she can with her sister and Brielle, but knowing Negan is so close to her and her family... it hurts her stomach, it hurts her heart.

It's day thirty-five of the rest of their lives.

All of the communities have come together to start construction on the bridge. Odessa has been assigned the job of making sure all is well at the camp. She's here to make sure no one does something stupid; like start a fight, or another war for that matter.

More of her family is here.

But Odessa has been hovering near the infirmary tent, picking up on what Enid is being taught by Siddiq. Of course, he's noticed this. So Siddiq is now teaching Odessa about medical things as well.

Currently, Odessa stands behind Enid as she stitches Theo's hand. She stares her adopted brother with blank eyes.

"You're an idiot, you know that right?" Is how she starts their conversation. Theo's eyes turn to her with a glare. "You're damn lucky you didn't get an infection, Theo. Next time, don't be stupid. Come here right away."

"I know, Des," Theo rolls his eyes. "But you know I'm not good with knives like you are. Guns are my thing. It's just embarrassing and dumb that I cut myself with a knife while cutting a piece of rope."

"Yeah, well, it's an ever dumber way to get gangrene," Enid tells him firmly.

"How's the star student doing," Rick's voice hits her ears. Odessa's eyes immediately turn to her father. "And Odessa." He says in confusion.

"Ready to take on anything. Oh, and Des is just picking up everything I put down." Siddiq informs him.

"Good. She's gonna get her chance. I'd like you to head back home. There's a bug goin' around." Rick says.

"Okay. I'll head out with the next escort," Siddiq states.

"Wait, he's leaving?" Enid panics, turning sharply to face Rick.

At this, she tugs on the stitches. "Ow! Damnit, Enid!" Theo hisses.

"Sorry," she quickly apologizes. "It's fine. I—I've got this."

"Yeah, I know." Rick smiles. "Des, you stayin' around camp or you gone go ahead and head out to the bridge?"

"Probably the bridge. If we have any problems, that's where they'll be," she says.

"What happened to you?" He then asks Theo.

"I don't wanna talk about it, Dad." Theo shakes his head. He cheeks turn pink in embarrassment as he thinks of how he got the cut on his palm.

Rick nods. He then smiles at his children before he and Eugene start to walk away.

"You're a dumbass," Odessa says to Theo. "If you wanna learn how to handle melee weapons, all you gotta do is ask me."

"Maybe you should ask me to teach you how to shoot better," Theo smirks.

"I learned how to shoot when I wasn't even ten, thanks very much. You only learned two years ago," Odessa cocks her head to the side. She turns on her heel, knowing she's won.

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Odessa stands at the edge of the bridge, her arms crossed over her chest. She keeps watch for walkers, making sure no one gets snuck up on. But she also keeps a close eye on the Saviors. When they were told they hard to provide most of the labor on the bridge, they hadn't been happy. But they had to get over it.

Henry walks around with a large container of water and a metal cup, giving out water to everyone that works hard under the hot Virginia sun. Brielle asked if she could come but Odessa told her no. Odessa told her that she's still too young to be outside the walls. Brielle understood. She knows Odessa can't watch her every move outside the walls of Alexandria. Out here, Odessa has more responsibilities.

Henry approaches a Savior with long hair, Justin is his name. She turns her head away from the scene, eyes scanning the woods around her.

When she hears something thud against the wood, her head turns back to the bridge. Henry lays on his back and Justin holds the container of water. Odessa starts to walk over to them but Henry stands quickly. He uses his stick to swipe Justin's legs out from under him.

"Back off," Henry hisses as he snatches the water container back from him.

Another Savior approaches Justin, who lays on his back. He laughs, "hey, man, it's cool. I got my ass handed to me by a kid once, too. Of course, I was six."

Justin stands and starts to walk after Henry.

A protectiveness swells in Odessa's chest. She remembers Benjamin dying on that table in Carol's cabin. She remembers the promise she made to the dying boy. She'll protect his brother like he's her own. So that's what she's going to do.

"Hey!" Odessa shouts. She grabs his arm. He yanks his arm away from her and spins around. "He's doin' his damn job. Leave him be."

"I don't need you people tellin' me what to do. You ain't my babysitter, girl." He snarls.

"Actually, dumbass, I am." She tilts her head to the side. He scoffs and turns around to follow after Henry. "Hey!" She grabs his arm again.

This time he doesn't just spin around to face her. When he turns to her, his fist swings directly at her face. She quickly dodges it, ducking under his outstretched arm. She swiftly delivers a kick to his stomach. He falls back into a pile of sand.

Hurt him. A voice says deep inside her mind. Slit his throat and be done with it.

Terror.

For the first time since the end of the war, the voice has returned. Why is it back!?

"Des!" In her state of distraction, Daryl's gruff shout hits her ears.

Just as she hears his voice, her eyes sting. She squeezes her eyes shut with a cry of pain. Sand. The son of a bitch threw sand in her eyes.

As Justin stands to charge at her, he's tackled to the side. Daryl sends a punch directly into his jaw. Aaron grabs Odessa's arms and pulls her back. "My fucking eyes!" She hisses.

"I got you," he tells her.

"No," she shrugs him off. "I gotta stop 'em."

She stumbles towards the fight. She blinks heavily to get the sand out of her eyes. "Break it up!" She shouts furiously as she pushes through the people cheering the fight on. "Daryl!"

They don't listen. Daryl and Justin continue to fight. So Odessa does the only thing she can think of. She walks directly into the fight. She drops her hands onto Justin's shoulders in attempt to pull him off of Daryl. But as she does, his arm swings backwards. His fist connects with her face.

When Odessa hits the ground, her head smacks against the wood. She gasps weakly, her vision blurs.

"Odessa!" Someone cries out.

"You son of a bitch!" Daryl shouts furiously, enraged at the fact this man every thought about putting his hands on the Grimes girl.

Someone grabs hold of Odessa's arms. They pull her up, she stands do her feet shakily. It's Aaron again. This time she lets him keep hold of her.

"Hey!" Rick's voice shouts suddenly. "Break it up right now!" He shoves through people watching. He pushes Daryl and Justin apart. "Enough! I said enough." He starts to walk away. He looks back at his daughter. "Des, come with me."

Aaron lets her go. She stumbles towards her father. When she reaches him, his arm wraps around her waist to keep her steady. "Everyone, back to work. Daryl," he nods for Daryl to follow.

Several minutes later, Rick, Daryl, Carol, Theo and Odessa are in a tent together. She sits in a chair with an ice pack pressed against the side of her head.

"So, that asshole gets a free pass?" Daryl gruffly asks. "He coulda killed Des."

"It's just a few more days. I don't like it, either, but we're in a rush to get that work done. He's strong. The Saviors are over half the work force and we've had too many walk off already." Rick says to him.

"Yeah, cause that's who they are. Some of them ain't ever gonna fall in line just cause you say so." Daryl points harshly at Rick.

"He's right. These people have never had to live together," Carol speaks up. "And we can't expect them to just forget what's happened."

"It hasn't been easy, I know," at these words, Rick's eyes flickers over to his daughter. She just stares at the floor. "It won't be, nor for a while, but it's not about forgetting. It's about moving ahead, all of us, together. We keep doin' that, they'll see we're all on the same side."

"Are we, though? Are we on the same side, Rick?" Daryl questions.

"Well, you tell me." Rick narrows his eyes.

"Thing is, man, I've been tryin' to. Des has. You don't seem to wanna hear it." He snarls. He turns and leaves the tent.

"It's complicated. It's been different since Gregory, maybe since before that." Rick says to Carol.

"It's been different since the end of the war, Dad." Odessa speaks up. Both of their eyes flicker over to the nineteen year old. "You saved Negan. You made Daryl go work at the Sanctuary where you know he was tortured. He's pissed for a reason. He has a right to be."

"It's what your brother wanted, Odessa." He tells her.

"You can't pulling that card on me, Dad!" Odessa snaps suddenly. Rick's eyes widen. Carol draws back. "Carl wanted peace and we have that, thank God we do. But we didn't have to keep Negan alive for that! You didn't have to send Daryl to that hell for peace, Dad! You didn't have move us into the house directly above Negan's cell! That isn't what Carl wanted!"

She stands and leaves the tent as well, angry tears blur in her eyes. As she returns to her own tent, she stops.

Cori sits on her cot, concern in her eyes. She stands as soon as sees Odessa. "Hey, I heard about what happened. Cyndie rode out to the Hilltop and told us. Are you okay?"

She approaches Odessa and gently grabs her face. She tilts her head so she can examine the purple bruise on the side of Odessa's face. "Is that where he hit you or where you hit your head?"

"Head," Odessa answers. She shrugs. "It is what it is. Maybe I should go back home. I can't keep fights from happenin' here. Hell, I started this one."

"Or you can come back to the Hilltop with me," Cori grabs her hands. "Get Elle and Koda and come home. Come home with me."

"You know I can't abandon my family, Cori. I wouldn't ask you to leave Flynn and Jesus." Odesa shakes her head.

"I know. I'm sorry," Cori says.

Odessa doesn't say anything. She just leans forward and kisses Cori directly on the lips. Cori grips Odessa's hips, pulling her flush against her.

Odessa lifts her hands to Cori's red hair, gripping it in her grasp. A small breath leaves Cori's lips. A jolt shoots through Odessa's stomach.

Suddenly, Cori pulls back. "Do you want to do this?" She asks with concern in her eyes.

For a moment, Odessa contemplates this. She remembers that horrible, horrible night at the church. She remembers Killian's touch and how much it hurt. She remembers the blood. He caused her so much pain that night.

For a long time, Odessa's believed she would never find love after Beth. But she has. And with a partner, comes something more intimate. She thought about having sex with Beth, they talked about it. They even came close to it a couple times. But it never happened.

And then she was raped. And Beth was murdered.

But she's here with Cori now. Her amazing girlfriend who makes sure she's okay with what's happening. Cori with her gentle touch and soft eyes. Her Cori.

Cori isn't Killian.

She trusts her.

Odessa nods slowly. Their eyes lock. "Yes," she whispers. "I want this."

Cori nods. She's never done this before. Of course she's thought about it. Most teenagers and young adults think about the press of someone else's body against theirs, the tangle of someone's fingers in their hair, pulling gently.

When Cori kisses Odessa, the kiss is much gentler than the one before. Their lips intertwine, sealing their relationship.

Odessa's hands slide up the sides of Cori's neck, stopping on her jaw. Cori's much more calloused hand slip under Odessa's shirt.

Odessa backs Cori up to her cot. Cori slowly lowers herself onto the the cot. Odessa throws her legs over Cori's so that she straddles her. She feels the way Cori's nails dig into the skin of her lower back.

The red haired girl flips them over so that Odessa lays underneath her. For a moment, they just stare at each other. Then Cori asks again, "you're sure?"

Odessa nods.

Cori kisses Odessa's lips gently, then they begin to trail down Odessa's body.

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Despite his injury, Theo helps at the lumber sight. Daryl and Aaron are both here, so he knows he'll be okay.

Tara, Jerry, and Justin are out there right now redirecting one of the herds so it doesn't run directly into this crew. Odessa offered to take Justin's spot but Rick told her no, he didn't want her out there by herself after getting a head injury. So she's benched at camp with Cori who showed up rather quickly after learning of her girlfriend's injury.

Theo doesn't do too much heavy lifting. He cleans up a lot of the smaller branches and stick scattered around so no one hurts themselves on them.

Suddenly, the horses begin to get antsy. He looks up from where he grabs a stick off or the ground. Two walkers approach. "Daryl!" He calls out.

Daryl turns to look at the walkers. He throws his saw on the ground and grabs a broken branch. He approaches the walkers and quickly kills one.

Theo's brows furrow as Daryl looks to his right. He spins back to the others. "A herd's comin'! Bug out now!"

A cry of pain catches Theo's attention. He looks over his shoulder to see Aaron under a log. "Daryl!" Theo screams. He turns to look at them and sees the horror.

"Go!" Aaron screams. "Get outta here!"

"We aren't leavin' you!" Theo grunts as he and the others shove the log off of Aaron's arm. When the log is rolled to the side, Theo stops for a moment. He stares at Aaron's arm. It's mangled all to hell. Theo can see the bone. "Jesus."

He and Daryl get Aaron back to camp as the other quickly rush lumber sight to help take out the herd.

As the three men come rushing into the infirmary tent, Odessa and Cori emerge from Odessa's tent. Daryl's brows furrow at the messiness of Cori's red hair and Odessa's shirt that is definitely on backwards. He shakes his head, not wanting to know what he already does.

Odessa sees the bloody flannel tied around Aaron's arm "Oh, my God."

"Where's Siddiq?" Daryl gruffly asks Enid.

"It's just me," Enid replies. Her eyes flicker up to the entrance of the tent as Odessa and Cori rush in. "And Dessa."

Daryl and Theo looks over their shoulders at Odessa. "It's just y'all then." Daryl says.

Where Aaron lays on one of the cots, Daryl pulls the flannel off of his arm. Odessa gasps at the sight. Aaron's arm is bloody and ripped to shreds. "We have to amputate." She breathes out. Enid nods swiftly.

"What?" Aaron asks quickly.

"There ain't no other way?" Daryl looks between the two young women.

"The only way to stop the bleeding is to amputate and cauterize the wound. Here." Enid hands Daryl a rope. He starts to tie the rope around Aaron's arm.

"Wait. Wait." Aaron groans in pain

"You got something for pain?" Theo asks.

"It wouldn't kick in fast enough. We have to do this now." Enid tells them.

"I need you three to hold him down for us." Enid tells Cori, Theo, and Daryl. They all obey. Enid readies herself at Aaron's arm. She just stares at the wound.

"I got it." Odessa speaks up. Enid looks back at her. "I can do it."

Enid hands over the knife. Odessa takes her seat. And suddenly, here she is again. Doing the hardest part of everything. Baring it so they don't have to.

Aaron grabs Daryl's hand tightly with his food hand. "You can do it," he tells Odessa. "Do it!"

Odessa nods, she grits her teeth. Then she brings the knife down on Aaron's arm. His screams pierce her ears.

Odessa doesn't cry until after it's done. Aaron lays unconscious on the cot. Her hands are covered in blood but she drops her head into them nonetheless. Sobs slips past her lips. 

Enid watches Odessa the other end of the tent. She turns her eyes away to give her privacy.

Cori and Theo stand outside the tent, watching as Daryl beats the dogshit out of Justin. Theo cocks his head to the side. "I wish I was the one beating him to death." He says to Cori.

Her blue eyes look over at him. She then says something that catches him off guard, "me, too."

As night settles, Rick returns to the infirmary tent. The same one's from before sit around. Rick's eyes fall onto Aaron's arm. He looks over at Enid, "well done."

"I didn't do it," Enid shakes her head. Rick immediately knows what she means. His eyes dart over to his daughter. She sits in a chair beside Daryl. She leans on his arm, her eyes shut. She's finally getting much needed sleep. Daryl doesn't dare budge, too scared of waking her.

"She did it?" Rick asks. Enid nods. "He's gonna be alright?"

"Yeah. If we can keep the wound from getting infected. He's still in a lot of pain though." Enid speaks quietly.

"He's holdin' on though," Theo says.

"Damn right I am," Aaron raspy voice speaks up.

Daryl doesn't move but Rick still comes and kneels in front of Daryl and his daughter. He quietly talks to the injured man.

Behind them, Cori slips from the tent.

Then she meets up with Cyndie.

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word count: 3,114

jesus christ.

so much shit happened in this chapter. like damn. so let's get to talking about it.

first, we'll talk about the big thing of this chapter. odessa and cori. i'm so happy that odessa has found love again, even if she still misses beth and thinks of her everyday. cori is exactly what she needs. she's been there for odessa for a long time and will be until she can't anymore. their relationship is so special to me. and now it's sealed. i don't usually write spicy stuff because i'm not a hundred percent comfortable with it (which is why i didn't write an entire smut scene) but i feel like y'all deserve the bread crumbles i gave y'all in this chapter.

secondly, odessa and rick's relationship is kinda messed up. i'm proud of her for finally sticking up for herself and daryl after wanting to for the entire year and half. she is so brave for that. she loves her father so much but she's done putting up with his bullshit.

third of all, odessa literally carries the weight of everything. she stepped up to amputate aaron's arm when she noticed that it was going to be too heavy enid to carry. just like clarke in the hundred, odessa bares it so her people don't have to. it's heartbreaking and it's poetic. it shows how much odessa loves her people. it also shows that there is a very small amount for things that she wouldn't do for them.

fourth of all, theo called rick dad. HE CALLED HIM DAD!!!!!! he's been calling rick dad and michonne mom for a little while now but this is the first time it's been shown in the actual book. i'm happy that theo found his true family.

anyway, guys, there are three chapters left of damnation. THREE!!!!!! that's so insane to me. i'm going to try to work on the introduction and first chapters of crooked heart because i'm on christmas break and have a lot of time on my hands until early january.