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CHAPTER ONE: DEAD GIRL WALKING.

6TH MARCH 2022 - 08:37 AM

Aaliyah is dead.

I mean, of course, Aaliyah is dead. I cried as I held her cold, limp body in my arms. I was there at the funeral. Her body was in a closed casket - now, buried six feet under.

But I'm not sure what's going on here.

"What are you doing?" I ask Aaliyah, who's sitting cross-legged on the floor, slurping on her ramen.

She doesn't look up as she eats, busy reading a magazine next to her. "I'm eating, dumbass."

My heart races. This isn't Aaliyah. "I mean, what are you doing here? In my room? Alive?"

She stops eating and looks up at me. She puts a hand on her chest and dramatically falls flat to the ground, as if I shot her, as if I killed her. "Argh, the pain!" She starts to laugh and gets back up. "Alive? Seriously?" She rolls her eyes. "Look, I'm sorry for ghostin' you all weekend, Yeonjun, but I had shit to deal with back home. Obviously, my presence here is to make it up to you, of course."

I realise the windows are open; the wind flutters my white curtains. Sunlight is streaming in my room, the only source of light in my dark world. The sunlight hits just at the edge of my fish tank, reflecting it onto my ceiling. I furrow my eyes as I notice that my goldfishes are no longer in their tank. As I look back at Aaliyah, I see where my fishes have gone off too. Instead of being below the water, they're swimming above water; the air is now their new tank.

I slide down my door, head in my hands. God, this isn't happening. I'm probably dreaming. This isn't real. None of it is real.

Aaliyah is dead. Aaliyah is dead. Aaliyah is dead. Aaliyah is dead. Aaliyah is dead. Aaliyah is dead. Aaliyah is dead. Aaliyah is dead. Aaliyah is dead. Aaliyah is dead. Aaliyah is dead. Aaliyah is dead. Aaliyah is dead. Aaliyah is dead. Aaliyah is dead. Aaliyah is dead. Aaliyah is dead. Aaliyah is dead. Aaliyah is dead. Aaliyah is dead. Aaliyah is dead. Aaliyah is dead. Aaliyah is dead. Aaliyah is dead. Aaliyah is dead. Aaliyah is dead. Aaliyah is dead. Aaliyah is dead. Aaliyah is dead. Aaliyah is dead. Aaliyah is dead. Aaliyah is dead. Aaliyah is dead. Aaliyah is dead. Aaliyah is dead. Aaliyah is dead. Aaliyah is dead. Aaliyah is dead. Aaliyah is dead. Aaliyah is dead. Aaliyah is dead. Aaliyah is dead. Aaliyah is dead. Aaliyah is dead. Aaliyah is dead. Aaliyah is dead. Aaliyah is dead. Aaliyah is dead. Aaliyah is dead. Aaliyah is -

Aaliyah's touch shocks me back to reality. I nearly jump out of my skin and she's holding me by the shoulder. I have to beg my bones to stop shaking. "Are you okay, Yeonjun?" I look up at her. There's this soft glow on Aaliyah's face from the sunlight. It's as if she's made the sun jealous of her beauty. Her eyes surprise me the most. They're the same ones I remember; catching the light of the sun, they're suddenly like pools of honey. Her hands are warm and gentle on me.

Does she even notice the floating fish behind her? Whatever. She's here. In front of me. Worried. Confused. Alive. I don't say anything and hug her. "Woah, what's wrong? Is something bothering you? Tell me."

I shake my head. "No, nothing is wrong," I whisper. I hug her tighter. "I'm glad you're here." And I mean it. I've missed Aaliyah for so long, that without her, nothing has been the same.

I can't eat. I can't sleep. But when I do sleep, I can't stop thinking about the accident. I can't stop thinking about Aaliyah. Her smile shone brighter than the sun. Her eyes losing the twinkle after everything collided and collapsed, leaving nothing but the world to crumble around us.

"Sooo," Aaliyah coughs. "When are you planning to let go, loverboy?"

"Oh, yeah, sorry," I awkward-laugh and let her go. Though, I didn't want to let her go.

Aaliyah's eyes move everywhere around the room but at me. I must've made this weird for her.

Then she looks at me, grinning from ear to ear. "Wanna do something crazy?" I don't say anything. Aaliyah probably thinks my silence is a sign of hesitation because she adds: "C'mon, Yeonjun, it'll be fun and totally legal. I swear!"

"You're kidding, right?" I ask, all doubt and amusement.

"Who, me? Kid? Are you sure you ain't thinking of someone else?" She laughs. Then she stops. "So, what do you say?"

I've always had a hard time saying no to Aaliyah. The guys always tease me about it.

"Okay, okay," I put my hand out in surrender. "Let's do something crazy."

She fist pumps the air and starts jumping around the room. "Whoo-hoo! Time to be stupid." I can feel the excitement oozing off Aaliyah, and I feel myself smile. It's been so long since I last smiled. "Go find the keys. I'll grab some stuff and meet you at the car, m'kay?"

I live alone in my cosy, little apartment complex. Before moving in, I was still living in my parents' house. As soon as I turned 18, I packed up and left without hesitation. Though, it's not like I'm ever lonely living alone - the guys and Aaliyah come around all the damn time, leaving the place messy as fuck. But after the accident -

I shake my head. There was no accident. I mean, Aaliyah is here. I rummage around the kitchen cabinets and drawers to find the keys. It's so weird. I mean, I put the keys in one spot and don't touch it, then when I come back for it, it's disappeared. Aaliyah jokes that there's a ghost living here too.

I stop rummaging the drawers and close it shut. Wait a minute - I go back to the cabinets, where all the glasses are, and put my hand at the top of it, searching. I cough as dust falls on top of me, but I've found the keys. Only Aaliyah would put them there.

I smile and get out of my apartment. I run down the stairs, feeling the wind kiss my cheek gently. The sun is high today, and I have to shield my eyes as soon as I come running to the car park.

Grinning from ear to ear, I unlock the doors. Aaliyah dumps a big duffle bag at the back and slides in the passenger seat. I sit in the driver seat and start the ignition. "You ready?" I ask.

"Heck yeah, I am! Let's get this show on the road!"

My breathing slows. I reverse the car out of the car park, and peace finds me all over again. I've been using this car since my 17th birthday, given to me by my dad after I told him I got accepted into Busan University. It was unusual to see him so happy and gifting me a brand-new car just a little before my birthday. But I thought it was a good change in my life, so I never brought it up to him about his sudden shift in his mood. Fearing it may change with a click of a finger. I've been using this car to go on long drives with the guys and Aaliyah. But never on my own. There was no fun in that.

I'm 19 now, soon going into 20, and it's been seven months since I last used this car. It was rotting in the car park all this time. A sense of calmness washes over me that I haven't felt in a long time. I'm driving again, with Aaliyah beside me. Her presence alone is enough to calm my nerves and make me forget all the bad things in my life.

Oh, how I missed this.

I start to drive with no destination in mind. Aaliyah rolls down the windows to get some air in the car and messes about with the radio playing any song that comes on. "Best Day Of My Life" by American Authors starts playing, and Aaliyah cranks the music up.

I look at her, smiling. She smiles back. Dear God, I hope nothing messes this up. Not us, not anything. Let us live this moment forever and always.

We start singing along with the lyrics, bopping our heads on the beat, then the chorus comes along, we sing louder than before. "This is gonna be the best day of my life, my life," we stretch the word life at the end. When the song ends, a lady is talking about the weather reports of Busan for the day. Slowly after, it fades into "I'm On Top Of The World" by Imagine Dragon.

I certainly felt on top of the world myself, knowing that Aaliyah was beside me; I had the sudden urge to look at her. There was a look of serenity on Aaliyah's face as I watched her, eyes closed, the wind in her hair. A flash of orange catches my eye. I look at the rolled down windows and spot a large goldfish swimming in the air. I'm in awe and disbelief, but I then smile. This is okay. This is a sign. Everything is alright. I continue to focus on my driving.

Aaliyah taps my shoulder, grabbing my attention. "Take a right here."

"There's no road there, though," I say as I scan over the area.

"Just listen to me," she laughs.

I shrug and make a right turn. We were driving over gravel and tampered brown grass; a trail left there for us to follow. "Ocean Drive" by Duke Dumont starts playing. Aaliyah was tapping on the dashboard along with the beat of the song. I hum along with it too. Ah, the nostalgia.

But then the car started to make noise. I slowed the car until it stopped, panicking. "What the -" I never finished my sentence because the car gave out one more loud sputter before it stopped. There was steam coming from the car hood.

"No, no, no, no, no," I say as I slap the steering wheel.

"What just happened?" Aaliyah asks.

I shake my head. "Lemme check." I got out of the car and came to the front of it, opening the hood. More steam floats across my face, and I cough, blowing it away. I touch the cables around the battery. I sigh, figuring out the problem. I get back in the car and start the ignition again, trying to jump-start it. Nothing. I try again, and the car groans; but then dies completely. "Crap."

"Excuse me, what does that mean?" Aaliyah points to the tendrils of smoke.

I massage my head, annoyed. "Can't you see? The car has broken down, and the engine is dead."

DENIAL. (noun)
•  during this stage, we refuse
to believe the loss is real.
• the brain protects itself from
difficult news (a defence mechanism). 
• this is because denying will help ease
anxiety and any fearful thoughts.

published! FEBRUARY 10TH, 2022