"You want my honest opinion? I think you're overthinking things," said Vanessa, methodically spreading mustard over the piece of bread in her hand. "Like usual," she added, though not unkindly.

"She killed herself, Van. If I'm going to over think anything, it might as well be this," I replied. I took a sip of my water, chewing on the ice as I started layering paper thin slices of tomato on the mustard-bread she set down.

We were sitting in her tiny apartment kitchen, making lunch and talking on opposite sides of the bar countertop. I was sitting on the edge of my stool, most of my weight still borne by my feet as I put together my sandwich, so that the wicker seat wouldn't imprint its pattern on my legs.

"You're using it as an excuse to distance yourself," Vanessa said matter-of-factly. "And I don't think it has anything to do with Mia, I think it has to do with Danny—you're doing it again."

I looked up from where I was moving a piece of tomato back into line with the others. Vanessa always made fun of me for having sandwich OCD. She said I put together sandwiches like I was building a pyramid, everything in perfect alignment and equal layers.

"Sorry—where does Danny fit into this?"

Vanessa sighed like it was obvious and started shredding lettuce into a bowl for a salad. "You think that being with Tyler is cheating on what you and Danny had together. You're looking for the type of relationship you had with him, but it doesn't exist."

The bottle of mayo I was shaking upside down over my bread paused mid-shake. My eyes clicked up to find Vanessa had suspended her sandwich making as well.

"You know, don't you?" I asked quietly. She nodded, but there was no judgment in her expression or her words. Instead, she offered me a small, easy smile.

"You guys hid it pretty well, but if you looked closely enough you could see it."

"See what?"

Vanessa shrugged. "There was just something about the way you guys reacted to each other—like if you moved, he would too—how he knew you were getting upset before you did. It was like you guys were drawing off each other's energies."

"Don't go all horoscopic on me again," I said, pointing my finger at her.

Vanessa had gone through a phase in high school where she would consult her horoscope before making any decision, not matter how small or seemingly insignificant. Will Brian ask her to prom? Consult the horoscope. What cereal should she eat this morning? Consult the horoscope. She took them to their word, always finding something that connected back to them no matter how many times I tried to point out that they were intentionally vague for that reason. And she would reference them in an annoyingly superior voice whenever I complained to her about something. Eventually, thankfully, she grew out of it.

Vanessa laughed and held up her hands. "I'm not," she said. "It's not something you would have noticed anyway."

"I'm still missing the point."

"All I'm saying is, you need to give yourself a fresh start. Tyler told you about Mia so you wouldn't be blindsided when it came up because eventually it would have. He seems like he's in a good place, as much as someone can be when something like that happens. He's clearly interested, so why not give it a shot?"

I picked up my completed sandwich, but didn't bite into it. Vanessa was right, as usual. A prickling feeling of guilt made its way through my limbs as I thought about how I had been avoiding Tyler the last few days. I had been feigning sickness to get out of seeing him at the library, but he must have known I was lying from how little I had been texting him. He had told me it was okay if I needed some time to think things over, but the truth was I had avoided thinking about it at all until I blurted the whole thing out to Vanessa on the way back from the gym.

"You've already gone out with him, haven't you?" she asked. Her mouth was full of food so it came out as "Youf althready gunnot wif him, hafent you?"

"Yeah," I admitted, still trying to shake off the guilt and mulling over Van's words.

"And you weren't exactly being a good Christian at Kevin's party," she said, throwing a potato chip at me. It bounced off the sandwich onto my plate. I picked it up and popped it into my mouth. The salt soaked into my tongue and made my mouth water.

"You're not exactly one to lecture about dance floor morals," I said, laughing.

The chip seemed to finally awaken my appetite and I dug into my lunch, relishing the explosion of fresh tomato and mustard on my taste buds. Ever since my conversation with Tyler on the roof, it seemed like everything in my body had been on mute while my brain worked overtime to process his words. But now it was like waking up from a deep sleep or seeing the sun after a week of rain, everything was clear and shiny and fresh.

"I'm just saying you were about one layer of clothing away from doing the dirty deed," she said, suggestively sliding a chip into her mouth and raising her eyebrows.

I dunked my fingers in my glass and flicked water at her. "You would know."

Vanessa screwed up her nose as it splattered across her face. "Hey!" she laughed. She grabbed a towel and dabbed the water off. "So are you going to do it or what?"

"I'll have to check my whore-oscope."

We both cracked up laughing, Vanessa using the counter as leverage to keep herself up. The sound echoed in the tiny space, making it seem like there were four of us laughing instead of two.

"That was lame," said Vanessa, throwing another chip at me and wiping tears from the corner of her eyes. Her face was flushed, rosy and happy. It felt good to laugh with her again.

"Well at least I'm not pursuing a degree in comedy," I said, shrugging and taking another bit of my sandwich. "Speaking of degrees, how are your labs going?"

Van pulled a face and pushed away from the counter. She was studying to be a nurse and consequently was always stuck in labs or going to labs or coming back from labs. Tying back her hair, she began putting dishes in the sink, raising her voice over the running water.

"Organic chemistry is sucking the life out of me. It's a wonder I don't have permanent goggle marks on my face."

"I've heard that's the class that separates the men from the boys—or women from girls," I amended. "Just think, when you've passed with flying colors, you'll know you've made it."

"Yeah, well they named it wrong. They should've called it 'Or-go fuck yourself.' I can't wait to burn all of my lab notes."

I snorted, inhaling half my water up my nose. "You brought this upon yourself," I pointed out.

Vanessa eyed me as she finished drying the dishes. "I'll remember you said that when you're my patient someday."

We doubled up laughing again, my ribs and stomach aching in a pleasant way.

"There's always the circus," I offered, when I caught my breath.

Van wrinkled her nose. "And shovel elephant shit? No thanks. If I'm dropping out, it's to be a stripper." She turned around and shook her butt in my direction. I threw another chip at her, but missed.

"Well at least your dance floor experience would come in handy," I joked.

Feigning offense, Van snapped the dish towel at me. "At least I have dance moves."

I rolled my eyes. "If you can call that dancing."

I caught the dish towel as it came sailing harmlessly in my direction.

"Make sure you're packed," she said over her shoulder as she sauntered out of the room. "We leave for home in half an hour."

___________________________________________________________

Isn't it nice to see Dash laughing again? What do you think of Vanessa's take on things?

Do you think this chapter makes light of what happened to Mia in a negative way? 

Suicide is a very serious issue and as with all heavy issues in this book I want it to be portrayed correctly. It will come up again later, but it was obviously a big reveal in the last chapter.  Please let me know what you think!  

Thanks as always for reading :)