"I can't believe you guys," said Chris. His eyes closed and he shook his head. "Maybe I'm glad I didn't go," he added, chuckling.

"It was probably for the best," I agreed, forcing my stiff face into a smile. My hands were gripped together so tightly they were turning bright red. I let go and subtly moved them under my pretzled legs. An ache was building in my temples again.

I had given Chris the watered down version of the tale, ending it just after Danny had escaped through the gate. I was so lost in the memory, I had almost forgotten to stop talking at that part, remembering myself at the last minute.

I kept the memory of the kiss locked tightly in my chest. Danny was gone and there had been a newspaper article several months after our break-in announcing the death of the tiger. I was the last keeper of what had happened that night. If I never told, I wondered, if I kept the memory clutched close, did it still count? Would I have to tell Chris? Did it matter now that that future didn't have the potential to exist?

I buried my face in my hands, trying to force the oncoming tears away. I hated crying.

"Hey," said Chris, softly. "Dash, it's okay." The bed creaked as he moved towards me, sitting back down by my side. Strong arms encircled me, coaxing my head into the crook of his collarbone so my tears could soak into his shirt. I couldn't decide if the arms were comforting or suffocating. Did they keep the secrets out or in? It seemed I was having more and more trouble differentiating as the days went on.

Exhaustion and guilt clouded my head in a noxious fog that almost seemed to be real. Chris was blurring in front of me, though it may have been the steady flow of tears dripping down my cheeks and clinging to my eyelashes. My conscious felt crippled and I had never been angrier at myself.

A part of me yearned to tell Chris, to alleviate some of the weight, so much so I could feel the words pushing against my lips. But another part of me wanted that memory of me and Danny to remain untainted and that was the part that won.

"I miss him too," whispered Chris.

I stayed quiet, afraid to speak and have the words come spilling out, and somewhere in the silence and circle of Chris's arms, I fell asleep.

It was some hours later that I awoke, confused and stiff. Hair, dented and frizzy from falling asleep with it still-damp, was mashed under my cheek and covered my eyes. My head was resting on a breathing pillow. I turned my head to the right and saw Chris blinking awake as well. Crap.

"How long have we been asleep?" I asked groggy. I uncurled from my position and stretched; there were pins and needles in all of my joints.

Chris looked at his watch. "You've been asleep for about three hours; I fell asleep sometime after you."

I groaned and rolled off the bed. Outside the sun was beginning to set under an awning of purple and orange clouds. My nap had been dark and peaceful, but waking brought the day's events surfacing once more and I internally shied away from the repercussions all of my actions and inaction had brought upon me.

I could hear my mother's voice in the depths of my mind telling me to call the counselor so I could talk to someone, but my subconscious beat that idea to a pulp even faster than it had the idea of telling Chris.

A tap on my shoulder startled me and I bumped into the table next to my bed. My phone toppled off the edge and landed on the carpet with a muffled thump.

"Sorry," said Chris.

"That's okay," I said, stooping to grab my phone. "What were you saying?"

"I asked if you wanted to get dinner," repeated Chris, nodding out the window. "My treat."

"Oh um," I said, looking down at my phone to buy myself time. The message from Tyler was open on the screen followed by another one from just a few minutes earlier. I must have accidently opened it with my thumb when I went to pick it up.

I read the first one quickly. "Hey, Dash. I just wanted to make sure you got home all right. I'm really sorry about last night. I probably seemed like a jerk. I didn't mean to blow you off like that."

My gaze skipped to the next one. "I completely understand if you don't want to talk to me, but can you just let me know you got back okay?"

"I'm sorry Chris," I said, looking back up at him. "I have a lot of homework to do and I don't feel great."

"No worries," he said, sliding off the bed. "We can take a rain check."

I gave a noncommittal shrug, knowing he would take anything I said to heart. He pulled on his shoes and coat, giving me a kiss on the cheek before heading for the door.

"Good luck with your work; I'll text you later." I raised my hand in a half-hearted wave and collapsed back on the bed with a groan when the door shut.

Stupid, stupid, stupid, I mentally kicked myself. As much as I felt guilty over what I had done, I didn't want to get back together with Chris. My wrong didn't cancel out his wrong, no matter how badly he felt about it, and more and more I wanted to leave that part of my life behind. We didn't have to be enemies, but I didn't want to be his girlfriend or friend or whatever he was trying to rebuild out of this mess.

I re-read Tyler's messages. He was another mystery, one I wasn't sure I wanted to figure out. But he had helped me out last night, as bizarre as the ending may have been.

I tapped out a quick text to him. "Don't worry about it; I'm back at my room. Thanks for letting me crash last night."

As I set my phone aside to turn my sights on the pile of homework that was beginning to rival Mount Everest, my phone chirped again. It was a reply from Tyler.

"If you ever need to again, you're always welcome. Are you feeling better? I really am sorry about bailing on you; I feel awful."

It seemed I was always caught on the wrong end of Tyler's apology, never knowing what to say. I didn't want his apology, he didn't owe me anything, but I couldn't repay him by ignoring him either. Especially since I would see him in class.

I went to turn the lights on now that the sun was setting in earnest and the room was nearly dark. Even though I had just slept for three hours, all I wanted to do was crawl back into bed and sleep until class on Monday.

"Seriously, you don't have to apologize. I'll see you in class on Tuesday."

I turned my phone off and placed it in my bedside table drawer lest he try to apologize again. With a reluctant sigh and a grimace, I turned to face the haphazard pile of textbooks and printouts perched on my desk. It was going to be a long night.
___________________________________________________________

Tuesday morning dawned bright and chilly with a hint of fall in the air. The trees that lined the pathways on my walk to class were beginning to vein with color and the sun hung just a little bit lower in the sky.

I was dragging my feet against the bricks, my aversion to attending Philosophy waning with every step. Ever since that first class, I got a bad taste in my mouth whenever I was faced with going. We had moved past assisted-suicide to talking about souls and the afterlife, which albeit better than the first topic, still centered on death.

It was too late in the semester to switch classes now and despite the half-hearted effort I put into my papers, I didn't want to withdraw from the class only to have to take it again later. At least it was the only one in my schedule that really and truly sucked. The others, required generalized history and English, as well as self-selected psychology and graphic design classes were interesting enough.

I was just about to climb the stairs outside Crake Hall when someone called my name. I turned to see Tyler drawing level with me. A black backpack was slung over one shoulder, the zipper not quite closed at the top where a couple of last-minute papers had been shoved unceremoniously in. His hands were stuffed into the front pocket of the gray hoodie he was wearing and white headphones dangled from his left ear. There were circles under his eyes even darker than mine.

"Hey, Dash," he said, stopping in front of me. He pulled out his headphones and tucked them into his pocket. I was briefly, and absurdly, curious about what he had been listening to.

"Hi," I returned politely.

Three, two, one, I thought.

"Listen, about Saturday night. I shouldn't have done what I did. It wasn't fair to you—I shouldn't have walked away like that," he said.

I offered him a small smile, hoping it would help ease whatever unnecessary guilt he was harboring. "No worries. I get it, I'd be weirded out too if I let someone stay the night and they woke up screaming about a nightmare."

I had meant it as a joke to lighten the mood, but it only seemed to have the effect of making Tyler more apologetic.

"No, you don't understand I wasn't weirded out," he said, tripping over the words. What is it about this that he is taking so hard? I wondered. I shifted the straps of my bag that had begun to dig into my shoulders. Tyler took a deep breath and tried again more calmly. "It's just that I know what it is like to go through what you're going through and—"

"You do?" I interrupted. I wasn't expecting that. "Did you, did you have a friend die?" I asked.

The sun behind him made it hard to see his features. I stepped down off the stair I was standing on so we were on level ground. Tyler was a good four inches taller than I was and cast enough of a shadow for me to read his face. He looked uneasy though I had a strange feeling it was about something else; most of all, he looked tired.

"I'm sorry," I said, realizing what had just come out of my mouth. I put a hand to my forehead. "That was rude, I shouldn't have asked that."

"Don't be sorry," countered Tyler. "Yes, I had a—a good friend who died a few years ago. It was—well—a really hard time for me. I might not understand everything about what you're going through, but I can relate."

Both of us stepped backwards to let a few last-minute stragglers run up the stairs into Crake Hall. They sported the half-awake, pajama-clad look of students who had hit the snooze button one too many times. Those who had resorted to being late in favor of staying awake during class had Dunkin Donuts cups in their hands.

I looked towards the Clocktower across the way and saw that class had begun five minutes ago. My desire to attend had dwindled to nearly non-existent.

Tyler seemed to be thinking along the same lines.

"Do you wanna skip?" he asked.

"You read my mind," I said, and this time I gave him a real smile. It felt good, natural.

He studied his feet for a minute and then glanced back at me. His eyes were a lighter gray today, but it may have been because this was the first time I had really seen him in a natural setting.

"I know we don't know each other well, but I know a place we can go for a walk if you want. Fresh air always helped me in the early days after—well it helped clear my head."

I thought back to the night in question when I had woken up screaming only to have Tyler shy away. In a way, it made sense that he wouldn't want to come near someone else's pain when it so closely resembled his own. Pain was poisonous and like an illness, it didn't abide by physical boundaries.

So could I blame him for closing himself off? No, not really. Especially since I had a suspicion I would've done the same thing though I didn't want to admit it. But a lingering sense of confusion and something close to abandonment made me wary of opening up to him; despite his claim that he was familiar with the aftermath of death.

What do you have to lose?

"Yeah," I said out loud. "I'd like that."

_________________________________________________________________

Hi everyone!  I've managed to update within a relatively short amount of time, hooray! However, that is mostly because I realized this chapter was going to be too long and I had to chop it in half. So this one is more of a filler chapter, sorry about that! But as always I would love to know what you think--any and all thoughts are welcome :) Predictions? Likes? Dislikes? Throw 'em at me.

Also, I added a Author Note update to the very end of the previous chapter (Chapter 8) so if you have time/feel so inclined it'd be cool if you checked that out and let me know your thoughts on the song choice!

This chapter is dedicated to ljthomas for her continuously wonderful feedback :)