The next morning I wake up to someone moving next to me. I crack an eye open and see Lumen trying to get more comfortable.

"You are here," I grunt, staring at her dumbly, my brain trying to catch up. Is it the weekend already? I need a coffee.

"Well yeah, you told me to come to sleep here." She stares back with an equally baffled expression. "Or did I get it wrong?" She starts to sit up, her cheeks getting red and the blush spreads. She's giving me questioning look, waiting for me to- what? Oh!

"No, no you didn't, it's just, usually when I wake up you are already gone."

"And seeing this lovely reaction of yours, you prefer it that way?" she asks, looking utterly confused.

"No, that's not what I'm saying. It's just, I don't know... This is the first time I woke up next to someone. I'm just not used to it."

"Okaaay, so you want me to leave or what?" I catch her arm before she has a chance to move off the bed. 

"Not at all, come here." I tug until she's settled by my side with her head on my chest. "I didn't say I didn't like it now, did I?" I whisper in her hair, playing with it, letting it slip through my fingers. I feel her relax and turn slightly her head to give me a kiss on my neck.

"Good morning," she says quietly and a thought comes to me.

"How about a good morning blowjob? I never had one of those."

Her head shoots up. "Yeah, and with the greeting you gave me, it'll stay that way too!" she responds, resting her head back on my chest, making me huff in annoyance, which makes her look up again. "What?"

I just shrug, If she won't she won't. What can I say about it?

"Don't be like this. You know, I don't have a switch that turns me on anytime you think of sex. And if you can't be nice you could at least choose your words more carefully when you ask me to do things."

My hand in her hair clenches into a fist, I am not nice? I'm plenty nice to her! Actually, I'm nothing but nice to her! But I try to force the anger, waking up in me, down. I don't want to lash out at her, that never helped us with anything. I didn't manage to make my voice less harsh though.

"What do you mean? When I wanna fuck I ask if you wanna fuck. When I want you to suck me off I ask you to suck me off, how else you want me to say it? And what's that shit about me being nice? You think I don't treat you right?"

"No, no that's not what I meant, what I meant was..." She stops to gather her thoughts, playing around my chest with her fingers. "You know what I like about living with you, about being with you?" 

I shrug because no, I don't know since I'm not a mindreader. 

"I like the quiet, I like that I can just be myself. You don't make me do anything I don't want to, and I'm not talking just about the sex here. But there too, I know you said you are used to something else, and I know you are making an effort for me and I love that you do. You don't make me feel bad when I bury myself in books to study for several days either. You let me do my things and you are there when I want company. I feel safe with you. I feel like I have an actual home after really long time. But sometimes, I would like to actually hear something that would make me feel like I matter to you too, you know?"

"You do matter to me. You are mine. I've never had someone I could call mine."

"So tell me."

"Tell you what?"

"Why I matter to you."

"Because... Because you do. If you didn't you wouldn't be here. I wouldn't want you to be here. I don't know what else to tell you." I'm starting to get frustrated with all of this. It must have shown in my tone because she goes quiet for a moment.

"Yeah, you're right, sorry," she whispers in the end, blushing she hides her face in the crook of my neck. She sounds sad though.

"I do like having you here." I try to reassure her but she doesn't say anything back and the room falls silent. I'm not sure what the problem is here. I don't remember saying anything that would make her think she means nothing to me or that I don't want to live with her anymore.

"Tell me I'm beautiful," she suddenly demands.

"You are gorgeous." My answer is immediate because she is.

"Tell me you like spending time with me."

"I love spending time with you. You are about the only person whose presence doesn't piss me off constantly." She doesn't say anything, so I try again. "There is this peace I feel with you around, I wish I could pack it into a box to take it with me when I leave for work, or anywhere actually."

She melts into me after I say that. "You see? Things like this. That's exactly what I want to hear."

Thank God! "Good, you happy now?"

"Yes, very much. Thank you."

"So how about that blowjob?" I push my luck and she huffs but when she looks at me I can see she's grinning. Guess I'm gonna get it.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

"Hey, Darelina! You in there? I asked you a question." Merle punching my arm pulls me out of my thoughts. We are on our break, eating some of the stew Lumen made yesterday. She packed some for the both of us, making Merle very content. He started to talk shit about stealing her from me, so I stopped listening to him awhile ago.

"Huh, what?" I ask with a frown. I'm not in the mood for talking.

"I was telling you about tomorrow night, last big party before everyone starts to study for their damn exams. You gonna pick me up or what?"

"Oh yeah, whatever." I go back to my musing. I can't even concentrate on what he's saying anymore. Today is the worse yet in last few weeks. As long as Lumen is around I'm good, the moment I step out of the door, I start to measure everyone I pass. In this moment I think about the asshole with the Impala I screwed back together. I would love to wipe that stupid smile off of his face. But the prick just had to ask for me personally. It's like a bad joke, every time I find a perfect person lately there is a way to easily connect them to me. And with the Anthony thing, I really try to be smart about this, but I just know I'm gonna crack! I just hav- Another punch.

"Hey asshole, stop punching me!" I shout at him, punching him back.

"Fuck!" Merle says rubbing the place my fist landed. "What am I supposed to do to get you to listen? What's up with you? I thought you were good, with Lumen and all."

"Everything is okay with Lumen." I snap.

"Okay, so what's-." He stops seeing my glare, he finally gets it. He's eying me for a moment but not saying anything else. I don't understand why he always seems to be so surprised.

"I know that it's hard for you to understand this, but fucking doesn't solve everything."

We finish our lunch in silence. And just as we are about to go back inside I see that cheery asshole strolling to the garage. He spots us before I have time to disappear inside and starts waving at us, well at me.

"Hey, Daryl! Wait up!" Fuck! I can't just tell him to fuck off either, Joe would have my ass for treating his customers like that, and there would go my bonus. Merle for once doesn't snicker or chuckle or anything, he looks more worried than anything else. He doesn't move to go inside either. "Hi." The boy says when he catches up. "So what was the problem?"

Is he stupid or what? "Didn't Joe tell you on the phone?" I snap at him.

"He said something about screws, I didn't get it." Is he for fucking real?

"Someone unscrewed everything he could in her, so rent a garage or something."

"What?" He makes a horrified face. But it's weird, something's really off about this guy.

"Just what I said. I have to go back to work." I open the door but here he goes again.

"Hey, could you maybe tell me more about it later?"

I point to the office. "Go talk to Joe! He's the manager here, he tells you whatever you wanna know." Not leaving him any space to say anything else, I go inside, Merle right behind me.

"What the hell was that? He a fag or something?" he says, while putting his working gloves on.

"How the fuck would I know? I don't care one way or another."

I've never been happier than that day to come home.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

The next day wasn't much better, I wanted to just take the jack and smash the damn car. And there was the stupid party in the evening. I don't really wanna go but I already told Merle I would. if I don't show up he'll just come to my house and drags me out anyway. Maybe he wants a backup in case he'll piss someone off and that someone would be stupid enough to start a fight, I don't know. In any case, I decided to get Lumen to go with us. If nothing else she'll keep me calm enough, hopefully. She goes to the college, it's her party anyway. So here we are, in the middle of it.

"I'm not much of a party girl anyway. Why can't you go alone?"

"Because I'd rather you to come with us. I saw you on one before."

"Yeah, well that wasn't my idea. I just got dragged there."

"So, what you are saying is, that I shouldn't ask and just drag you with me?"

"No! I'm saying that I don't want to go and that the last person dragging me there was an asshole for doing it. Because if you search your memory you'll remember I ended up sitting alone."

"Why would I ask you to come and then leave you. Come on! I'm gonna be bored to death! Merle just disappears on me to fuck somebody and leave me to watch all the assholes there and to drink alone. Come with me, we can stay on the bed of the truck."

"So you want to go to a party to sit with me on the bed of your truck? What's the point in going there? We can sit on the bed of your truck in front of the house just as easily."

"Yeah, we could, but I promised Merle I'll pick him up and take him there."

"Why? If you don't wanna be there?"

"Because... That's just what we do." I shrug helplessly. It's actually pretty hard to convince someone to go somewhere I, myself don't want to go.

But she sighs and nods. "Okay then. Hey, we could pack some snacks and make a date out of it." She smiles at me. I can't tell if she's serious or if she's teasing.

"We could?" I'm not sure if I'm confirming the idea or asking either.

"Sure we can. Just wait, I'll get something." Alright, looks like I have a date tonight. She's moving around the kitchen counter packing some things in her bag, and after few minutes she turns to me with a big smile on her face. "Should I get a bottle of wine too?"

"If you want. I'm gonna drink beer though. It's in the truck already."

"Screw the wine then. I'll have a beer too." She looks inside her bag to check the content again and walks to me. "Okay, we can go now." And so we do.

The ride is quiet, that is until we pick up Merle.

"Oh hey, sweetheart!" He smiles at Lumen when he sees her in the truck. "I didn't know you were coming. Wanna introduce me to some of your girlfriends? It would make my night much easier." His grin gets impossibly big and he sounds like he started to party awhile ago.

"I would love to Merle, but as you know, I don't have any, so..."

"Oh, come on! You have to know some people there, you go to school with them."

"Yeah, well." She's quiet for a moment but suddenly her head snaps up and she has a big smile on her face. "You know what, I do know someone just for you, her name is Emma. We'll see if she's there. I know she's gonna love you," she finishes with a wink, making me snort. I almost hope the bitch will be there and drunk enough to let him fuck her. She looked slutty enough.

When we get to a quarry it looks like the party is going for some hours and there are people everywhere. Some pretty drunk already. Just the right time. I park the truck on the side, not wanting to be in the middle of them all. Merle's out before I cut the engine off and is dragging Lumen behind him. I look where he's taking her and see him pulling him on the bed. I follow to see what he's doing. I find them talking, both looking through the sea of people.

"Come on sweetheart, look again."

"I'm looking, I don't see her. But Merle, this place is full of people, I'm sure you'll find someone else."

"I am too. This way it'd just be easier. Go on. Look harder."

"Merle, I was kidding, that girl is a bitch. I don't even like her."

"So? You won't mind when I don't call her tomorrow then. I see only ups here. Keep looking!"

"Oh, God. You know what Merle? No, I'm not gonna do it. I'm not helping you to find the girl, so you could get her drunk only to fuck her after, no matter the state she's in. It's not right, even though I don't like her."

"Ugh, you are no fun." Merle gets a beer from the cooler and hops down from the truck. "I'll just go and find someone by myself. And just so you know, after finding out what Dixon charm is, no girl has regrets," he says wiggling his eyebrows at her before turning away and shouting, "I didn't hear you complaining about my baby brother there one bit."

"Shut the fuck up!" I shout after him. I can't see Lumen's face in this light, but her embarrassment is very clear. I get up with her and lead her to the back, to sit down. "What did I say? Just ignore him."

"I know, I know. I'm good, he was actually alright tonight."

"Yeah, he was looking forward to this night."

Lumen looks around the drunken people. "Yeah, I can see why," she says dryly.

"Fuck them, show me what you brought for us to eat," I tell her while pulling two beers out of the cooler for us.

After a few hours of sitting there and watching people around, I found out that Lumen actually knows plenty of people here, she just doesn't like them. Apparently, her ex was dragging her around a lot, and she, being in love, let him and tried to get along with his 'friends', which aren't that much of friends after all the stories I hear during the night. A bunch of assholes, that's all that I got to say about it. Well, no surprise there. Most people are assholes. I'm an asshole, my brother is... But they are a different kind of assholes. The disloyal ones and for guys like me or Merle, loyalty is everything. Without it, you'll end up in jail, or dead.

We are looking for another asshole with another asshole story behind him when I see Merle approaching with a girl swaying on her feet by his side. Her face is hidden in his chest and she's clinging to him for support. When they get closer I can see a triumphant grin on his face.

"Hey sweetheart, look who I found!" Lumen turns to look at him and studies the girl under his arm. Well, the parts visible.

"Wha- Merle!" She cries out and stands up once the girl turns her head and we see Emma the bitch. I can't help it, I burst out laughing. "Daryl! This is not funny!" She tries to scold me but I shook my head, and point to Merle, not able to talk. This is not my shit to clean up. She turns back to the two of them. But before she even opens her mouth again, Merle's talking.

"Sooo, It took me awhile but eventually, I found this young lady, and guess what? She has a car here and she's in no condition to drive. So I generously offered my services," he's explaining, grinning like a cat that ate the canary. The girl, on the other hand, doesn't even talk, she's so out of it. "So you two have a nice evening, I got things to do, people, to do." He turns and walks away, chuckling.

Lumen just stares after him for a moment then turns to me. "But Daryl, we can't let him just-"

"-Calm down, he won't do anything to her. He just wants to mess with you." I tug at her hand to make her sit back down.

"It's just, she didn't even talk, how can he tell if she wants to or not?"

I sigh. "Don't worry about them, she had to talk to him at some point if he knows she has a car here. I'm telling you, he just got her more drunk to mess with you."

"But, I mean, he won't leave her to die in some ditch, right? It's just, that... that woman we saw at his place the other day looked shaken up, and she does it for a living! So I'm just wondering..." she trails off. Yeah, well, it's a good thing she didn't see the state hookers usually leave my place. She looks really worried though, so I try to ease her mind.

"Look, it's not the same thing to have a hooker over and to find a girl during a party. He won't leave her lying in some ditch, he'll leave her with some people, or at her place, or she'll leave his place in the morning." Not gonna mention the girl he left in my truck, nope. "You know who Merle likes the most? Merle likes Merle, so he's careful too. It's not like he's going around spreading disease or getting girls pregnant." 

I watch her reaction and it does seem to be working because she looks calmer. I lean closer to give her a kiss, sliding my hand up her leg. "She'll be okay. And if not? It's not on you! It's not your job to guard drunk people from doing shit. What did I say? Drunk people make stupid decisions-"

"-And stupid decisions make the best stories." She cuts in.

"See? You get it! That's my girl, that's the spirit." Keeping my hand on her, I move it to her inner thighs. "What about us? Wanna go home or stay here some more?" I grunt against her lips. I'm thinking about her moaning under me since the asshole number three.

She deepens the kiss, then breathes out, "Home."

We barely made it home. I'm glad I didn't crash the car because we couldn't get our hands off each other during the whole ride home. I close the door behind us with my foot and sit her on the cabinet by them, knocking down most of the things on it in the process. I can't stop kissing her, it feels so good. 

She buried her hands in my hair, after a moment I feel them move to my shoulders, then on my chest and go back to my hair like she couldn't decide where to touch me. 

I move straps of her shirt and bra down, exposing her chest to me, my hands linger to play with her breast for a moment before moving south to push her skirt up, all while still kissing her. I grab her panties wanting to rip them off, but I change my mind, so I break the kiss and look at her, tugging on them.

She gets the message right away and pulls her hands from me, to use them to lift herself up from the cabinet a little, just enough for me to strip them off of her. 

I slide my hands up her legs, my eyes following them. Reaching her pussy I touch her to check how ready she is. And God is she ready, she's soaking. My eyes flick to her face and I see her lick her lips. 

She quickly reaches for me and tugs on my shirt to pull it off, I move between her legs to kiss her some more. 

Her hands start working on my belt and the buttons on my pants. 

As soon as I'm free of them I grab her ass and push all the way inside her, making her gasp. 

She grasps my shoulders and holds on for dear life once I start with the hard pace. Then moves her legs around my waist and I reach for one holding it up by the back of her knee, my other hand stays on her ass to hold her in place.

It feels amazing, she feels amazing. I want all of her, I want to own her. My mouth travels down to her throat, I suck on it and can feel her pulse. I slow down my pace and whisper in her ear. "I wanna do something. I wanna try something with you."

"What?" she breathes out. He hands move from my shoulders down onto my arms once the pace decreased.

I continue thrusting slow and deep into her while sliding my hand over her belly and her chest up to her neck and I close my fingers around it, squeezing slightly, then little harder. "This" She grasps my wrist quickly but doesn't try to move it away. I feel more than hear her take in a deep breath, then she moves her head back, slowly as if she was trying if I let her. I do, but I let my hand resting where it is.

She's silently searching my eyes for a moment, then asks, "How-" I feel her swallow under my fingers. "How would you-? What would you do?"

I smile at her, curiosity is better than plain no. I let go of her neck, grab her by her ass with both of my hands, pushing her against me. Then lift her up and move to the couch. I put her down and pull her by her legs to the edge where I kneel on the ground between them. I move over her pushing my cock inside her again, causing her to make a small breathless noise. 

I start with the small slow thrusts, caressing her sides, then her breasts. I rest one hand on the couch beside her head, keeping myself up and with the other one I caress her down to grab her by her hip to hold her in place. I move to kiss her on the side of her neck and start to explain quietly.

"I would fuck you, like I do right now," I whisper, keeping a steady pace. "I'd get hold of you like this." I Grasp her throat again, not adding any pressure, just making small circles with my fingertips on either side where I can feel her pulse, it's racing, hopefully from excitement. I keep talking. "And I'd squeeze until you'd be not able to breathe." I feel heartbeat to speed up even more, but she still doesn't voice any protests. "You'll get light headed, your nerves will go crazy." I thrust a little harder. "Everything will feel stronger." With another hard thrust, I whisper, "And when I'll feel that you are about to come, then I'll let go." I move my hand away. "It will feel incredible!"

Her breathing quickened. "Incredible for who?"

I lean back so I could look into her eyes and I give her what I hope is a reassuring smile. "For the both of us." At least I hope it will. I slow down again, going deep one more time, stopping inside of her. She closes her eyes for a moment, when she opens them again she searches mine and speaks softly.

"Sounds little scary. What if something happens? How do I let you know to stop?"

"I'll know when to stop," I tell her, caressing her cheek with the back of my fingers.

"You did this before?"

"Not exactly... in a way... but I know what I'm doing, trust me."

"Are you drunk?" she asks out of nowhere, but then it occurs to me, that maybe she's scared I'm too drunk to notice if something was wrong.

"No. Are you?"

She shakes her head no.

"Can I then?"

Her eyes stay glued to mine, searching for something. I don't know what it was, but she obviously found it, because eventually, she nods.

My eyes never leave her face, as I start with my movements inside her again, slow, but deep. I close my hand around her throat once more. 

Her pupils are so big I barely see the color around them, her eyes are wide in anticipation but amazingly, I can't see the fear in them. 

It's an entirely new experience for me too because I do not want to hurt her. I know the feeling of choking someone to death, I lived for that feeling. But here, I feel something completely different. My hand doesn't even twitch this time. I'm in complete control here. The same control I usually feel in the woods. I revel in the power I have over her in this moment but at the same time, I enjoy seeing the trust in her eyes as she's looking up to my face. 

Her hands on my arms hold onto me a little too tightly, but that's it. I guess it's only natural to be nervous about this.

I squeeze a bit more and watch her eyes closely for any sign she's not okay while I keep on fucking her. I see her pointlessly trying to breathe in, her fingers start to dig into my skin even more and after few moments her body starts to spasm spontaneously around me. I pick up the pace, making the thrusts rougher and after few more moments, I let go of her throat, getting a hold on her shoulder to still her some so I can fuck her hard through her orgasm. 

She instantly begins to take in deep breaths and the air is leaving her body in the form of small giggles. She's high on the blood and air rushing to her head, she's still spasming around me and I can feel my own orgasm approaching. 

I close my eyes then and just feel her as I ram my dick into her. At last, I utterly bury myself in her, my head drops on her shoulder as my body collapses, pinning her under me. I realize my mistake quickly and lazily turn to look at her taking some of the weight off her in the process, letting her breath more easily. I find her eyes shining and she's smiling at me.

"Wow, that was- Just- wow!"

I feel the corners of my mouth lift up and I grin back at her. "Told you." I move some of the damp hair off of her face. "Wanna do it again?"

Her eyes go wide. "What, now?"

I laugh at that. "No, not now." I lean in to kiss her. "I was talking about some other time. Would you let me do it again?"

"Yes."

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

It's Saturday afternoon and I'm still in bed. I decided I don't want to see anyone but Lumen today. Last night was great and for the first time in a very long time, I feel thoughtfully satisfied and relaxed. I wish I could just block the outside world forever and stay here. I wasn't so sure if she'll actually like what I did, but it turned out to be quite a rush for her. 

She loved it. I loved it. 

I still can't believe she let me choke her. That she'll let me do it again. If I had a heart I could love this girl. I don't think I really have one though. I wonder how often I can do this without actually hurting her. Not every night I guess. 

A sound of a car approaching pulls me out of my thoughts. It should be Lumen. She went for some groceries, something about a special dinner. But the car goes rather fast and in the and I hear tires screeching as it stops abruptly in front of the house. What the- I only managed to pull my pants on when I hear her bursting inside, yelling.

"It was him! It's him, he's here! He's in town!" She sounds hysterical.

"What are you talking about?"

She doesn't say anything, she just jumps in my arms, crying. She doesn't breathe right either, she is hysterical. I sit with her in my lap, down on the bed.

"Come on, calm down. Try to breathe with me. In, and hold it, and slowly out, good girl, now again. In, hold it, and slowly out." She's taking shaky breaths, she's trying, she really is, but it takes awhile before she finally calms down a bit, the tears don't stop though, I try asking again anyway.

"Who are you talking about, who did you see?" She starts to shake more again.

"The guy, the one who cut me open! He's here! It's been over 5 years, how did he find me here?"

"Are you absolutely sure? Couldn't you just see someone who looks like him?"

"Oh yeah, I'm sure. Believe me, you won't forget the face of the monster who literally gutted you." She's talking so fast I have really hard time to understand what she's saying, she's right though, you won't forget the face of someone who tortured you, I would know. "And if it wasn't only his face it would be that stupid car of his. He's driving around in that black Impala of his, he likes the car more than actual people."

It takes me a moment but then the alarms go on in my brain, my body stiffens.

"Lumen? Do you know the guy's name?"

"Yeah, Paul Torres. Why?"

Fuck my life!

"We need to go to Merle's, now! The fucker was at my work."

 I hope you enjoy the story. If you do, feel welcome to push that little star to let me know, or better yet, leave me a comment ;)