How could you leave so unexpected

we were waiting, we were waiting.

But you just left us

We needed you, I needed you.

I sat with my brother, looking at a picture of my mother, she had just killed herself by overdosing.

Yo, I don't know what it's like to be addicted to pills

But I do know what it's like to be a witness it kills

My mother's voice echoed in my head, her voice speaking, "I love you turles." My brother lit a cigarette, it made me think of my mother. I can't believe this is real, this made a tear roll down my face. "I'm proud of you Turles."

Mama told me she loved me, I'm thinkin' this isn't real

I think of you when I get a whiff of that cigarette smell, yeah

Welcome to the bottom of hell

They say pain is a prison, let me out of my cell

You say you proud of me, but you don't know me that well

I laid in bed crying, yelling into my pillow. I felt humiliated, she was supposed to show up to see us. I remember her sitting in her chair, talking to us as a woman sat on the other side of the room writing on her note pad. I always seen her take pills, they were like a scar on her that wouldn't go away. I don't understand why she couldn't say no to taking them, I thought we were more important. It still feels like she's here.

Sit in my room, tears running down my face and I yell

Into my pillowcases, say you coming to get us

Then call a minute later just to tell us you not, I'm humiliated

I'm in a room with a parent that I don't barely know

Some lady in the corner watching us, while she's taking notes

I don't get it, mom, don't you want to watch your babies grow?

I guess pills are more important, all you have to say is no

But you won't do it will you?

You gon' keep popping 'til them pills kill you

I know you're gone but I can still feel you

I walked out to her where she was buried, "how could you leave us mom? Why did you have to do this to us?" I asked almost yelling. I was so angry and upset she did this to us.

Why would you leave us?

Why would you leave us here?

How could you leave us here?

How could you leave us?

Why would you leave us?

Oh, hey

When I got back home, I looked at the picture of her that was on my nightstand. I don't understand why I'm so upset, I wasn't that close to her. One thought that came to my mind was when I graduated, she didn't even bother to show up. I was the only kid their without their parents to show up, everyone else had their parents, their mom. She left me there waiting, I remember whispering to myself, "where are you at mom?" As I looked for her in the pouring rain.

I got this picture in my room and it kills me

But I don't need a picture of my mom, I need the real thing

Now a relationship is something we will never have

Why do I feel like I lost something that I never had?

You should've been there when I graduated

Told me you love me and congratulations

Instead you left us at the window waiting

Where you at mom?

We're too young to understand where you at, huh?

I know she had probably taken them pills before and forgot about me. My brother showed up, he had his umbrella, "where's mom?" He just looked down, "she is out of it again." She had done this since we were kids, "it's raining, come on, let's get you home Turles." My older brother told me, taking me home as I grasped my diploma. "Now that you graduated, you can move in with me, I don't want you around mom anymore." I looked at him, "I don't even know if I can really forgive her or say it's okay for what she put us through." He looked at me and stopped, "that's okay, we have the rest of our lives to forgive and say it's okay." I just felt like something bad would happen soon, but I didn't know when. "Why do so many people say it's fun to get high?" I asked him, I didn't understand it. "There are different versions of being high, such as them being it and not having to worry about a thing. Then their is the one where they don't care, they forget you exist and the only thing that matters is that drug." I didn't think it was good to be around her when she was high off drugs. "We were just kids, I don't get why I can't even understand it yet!" He hugged me, "it's gonna take a while to understand."

Yeah, I know them drugs, they got you held captive

I can see it in your eyes, they got your mind captured

Some say it's fun to get the high but I am not laughing

And what you don't realise and what you not grasping

That I was nothing but a kid who couldn't understand it

I ain't gon' say that I forgive you 'cause it hasn't happened

I thought that maybe I feel better as time passes

If you really cared for me, then where you at then?

Why would you leave us?

Why would you leave us here?

How could you leave us here?

How could you leave us?

Why would you leave us?

Oh, hey

I remember my last conversation with mom, I sat with her in the living room. I was getting a career out of music, I had shown her some of my music, instead she said that it wasn't her. That I was blowing it all up about her. I left after she had upset me, she couldn't see how she really was. I went to the music studio to do more recording. A couple weeks later I got a call from my brother, "I need you to come to moms house now! She overdosed!" Tears started rolling down my face as I rushed home. They found her on the bathroom floor, dead. She gave her entire life to those damn pills.

A week had passed and it was the day of her funeral. The person talking about her was pitiful, I wanted to scream and yell because of how she left us. "I wish you were here mama!" I started crying, those pills finally finished her. Everytime I think of her it brings pain, I hate that I remember her like that. I felt as if pain was the only way I could speak to her after her death. "How could you leave us Mom!"

That I was nothing but a kid who couldn't understand it

I ain't gon' say that I forgive you 'cause it hasn't happened

I thought that maybe I feel better as time passes

If you really cared for me, then where you at then?

Why would you leave us?

Why would you leave us here?

How could you leave us here?

How could you leave us?

Why would you leave us?

Oh, hey

Our last conversation. You and I sat in the living room

Talking 'bout my music and I brought you some to listen to

You started crying, telling me, "This isn't you."

Couple weeks later, guess you were singing a different tune

You took them pills for the last time, didn't you?

They took you from us once, I guess they came back to finish you

Crying my eyes out in the studio is difficult

Music is the only place that I can go to speak to you

It took everything inside of me to not scream at your funeral

Sitting in my chair, that person talking was pitiful

I wish you were here, mama, but every time I picture you

All I feel is pain, I hate the way I remember you

They found you on the floor, I could tell you felt hollow

Gave everything you had plus your life to them pill bottles

You gave everything you had plus your life to them pill bottles

Don't know if you hear me or not, but if you're still watching, why..?

Why would you leave us?

Why would you leave us here?

How could you leave us here?

How could you leave us?

Why would you leave us?

Oh, hey