I realized I made a vital mistake when I awoke to the sun glaring into my eyes. I had left the blinds wide open. Forcing myself to sit up, I quickly grabbed my head when a surge of dizziness hit me. After the dizziness, all that was left was a small headache from the few bottles I had drank last night.

Last night had been a disaster.

First I had to deal with the onset of memories from my past. Then I had to deal with people barging in and thinking they know everything. And finally, that stupid idiot had to mention Adena. He just had to talk bad about her. Just thinking about that guy angered me. And now I was left with a sore hand.

As I reached for the blinds to shut them, I took note of my red knuckles‏. By the looks of it, it wasn’t too bad. But that didn’t help the pain much.

James had knocked on my door and tried to apologize on behalf of his friend multiple times that night.

I hadn’t answered the door once.

He finally got the message and stopped pestering me.

The throbbing in my hand had started as a dull ache. Now it was roaring and I knew I needed something to help with the pain. But first, I needed to ease the swelling.

I remembered the supermarket was across the street from the pizza place. When I thought of that pizza place, I thought of Quinton and I fighting some jerk.

Adena and I had ordered pizza from there a lot after that, we never ate in though. I remembered; we always had to have her favorite type which was... uhmm... Why couldn't I remember?

I quickly became nervous. It wasn't the fact I forgot her favorite pizza that worried me. What worried me was that this hadn't been the first time. Slowly, throughout the years, I had been forgetting detail after detail. At first, they were small.

But now my inability to remember every detail about her was fading faster and faster. I couldn't remember her favorite color, song, the name of her pet, and now this. I pinched the bridge of my nose, unsure if the sudden feeling of nausea was because of my slight hangover or because thinking of forgetting Adena made me sick.

Running a hand through my hair, I took in a deep breath. What if I forgot her completely? What if I forgot how she talked? The way she laughed?

“I can’t keep being tossed around." I froze, hearing Adena's voice ringing in my head. I remembered when she had said that to me; a look of hope in her face as we stood outside the prom in the parking lot.

"You can’t keep leading her on or leading me on or whatever you are doing. I can’t take it any more… Dylan, I… I love you,” Hearing the words made my heart flutter the way it had when she had first said it.

“I love you. I love everything about you. I love the way you crinkle your nose when you laugh… and the way you raise your eyebrows when you don’t understand something. I love how you make me feel, like I’m wanted. You make me feel like maybe, just maybe, I should stick around. You’re the first person I ever even let in, Dylan... I love you.”  Her voice wouldn't stop. I couldn't get the words to stop as the situation replayed over and over in my head. I covered my ears, pacing around the room. I couldn't stop the past from haunting me.

It wouldn't go away.

“Adena...I can’t drop Jackie...I can’t abandon her. She has done so much for me. I can’t live with that guilt.” My heart dropped as I heard my own voice...and shattered.

"Stop!" I screamed in the empty motel room. "Stop please!" I begged as I remembered the look of utter heartbreak on Adena's face.

“She’s prettier, funnier and smarter than I’ll ever be." Adena's broken voice continued, shattering my heart into pieces.

"Please!" I screeched, falling to my knees. Tears filled my eyes, dampening my cheeks as the situation finished playing out.  

"It’s okay Dylan, I would have chosen her too.” As I shut my eyes, I could see her throwing her bracelet at me. I could see her running away. The next thing I felt was the wind against my face as I remembered charging towards Adena’s. I remembered the rush of feelings through my heart. I stood up to Jackie, I told her how I felt.

I remembered getting to her door, waiting for her to throw it open. I remembered being shocked that Quinton was standing there. I remembered begging and pleading with him. I remembered going up the stairs and knocking on her door. I could feel the excitement I felt in that moment. I couldn't wait for her to open the door so I could feel her lips against mine. So I could apologize and hold her in my arms.

Then I remembered opening the door and feeling my heart stop. I remembered the sight. The love of my life on the ground, her wrists cut open and bleeding on the floor. I remembered the feel of the blood, the smell of the room. I remembered the tears blinding my vision as I held her close.

"Stop!" I screamed, jumping off the ground and sending my fist into the nearest wall. This only made my hand hurt more. I clutched it in pain but the scene wouldn't stop.

“I love you, please! Wake up,” I could hear the pain in my voice as she used her last breath to ask me to say it again.

"I love you.." I whispered to her. I pictured the smile she had on her face as her body went still.

I couldn't take it anymore.

I yanked the door open and ran out, not even worrying about shutting it. Someone could steal the junk that I had.

It didn’t matter. I didn't want it.

I wanted her.

"Stop!" I screamed in my head. I came to a halt as I stood there, breathing heavily. The rage in my heart hadn't faded away. It was still there, blocking out the sorrow.

"Dylan!" A voice called. I didn't move, didn't even look towards the noise. I could hear footsteps approaching me. I turned to the person, seeing James. "Hey! Are you okay? I tried to stop by last night, but I guess you weren't home."

"What do you want James?" I snapped. He was shocked by my sudden outburst and stepped back.

"I just wanted to say I'm sorry about last night...." I couldn't find any patience inside. I was so angry, I let James have it.

"I couldn't give a crap! Can't you leave me alone? I'm busy! I'm only here for a few days and I can't even use this time to relax at all because I have you bothering me every ten seconds! Go. Away." James looked hurt as I stormed off and away from the motel.

Why did James always have to ruin my moments? I thought, stomping down the street. Anger boiled inside. Anger mixed with pain. I just wanted everything to go away. All the pain and anger. I just want to be with Adena.

A piece of paper crunched under my foot. I stopped to pick it up. Wiping my nose on my sleeve, I peered at the paper. It was a flyer about a memorial happening at the school for Adena and other girls that I didn't know. I paused and glanced up, wondering where it came from. The school loomed in front of me. Barmount High. The same place I first knew Adena and the last place I had a full conversation with her.

I let the paper fall back against the pavement as I stepped towards the locked gate. I could see it, the exact spot I had been in when Adena and I talked for the first time in the parking lot.

I remembered seeing her and feeling so guilty I had said her name wrong. I remembered talking to her, I remembered finding her nervousness adorable as she stumbled over her words and kept getting lost in thought.

I also remembered standing in that parking lot, watching her run out of my life. I was terrified the memory from prom night would play again. Taking a step backwards and away from the school, something crashed into my side.  I was thrown a few steps to the left. As I realized what had hit me had been a person, I panicked.

"I'm so sorry!" I immediately apologized, not wanting to hurt another person. The person mumbled something under there breath before pushing themselves off the ground. They looked at me, their eyes opening wide.

"Dylan?" I stared blankly at the person in front of me for a moment. Then, it clicked.

"Jackie?" I examined her for a moment. She seemed almost the same; almost. Her curly blonde hair was gone. Now in it's place were straight coco brown locks. Her hair was in a high bun and her body glistened with sweat. She was in a black undershirt, which revealed the tattoo of a butterfly that sat on the back of her shoulder. She removed her headphones, observing me from head to toe.

"Dylan Henderson. You look... well, quite honestly, you look like crap."

"Jackie, always a charmer." I replied with a sarcastic smile. Jackie returned the smile, seeming annoyed by my presence.

"And I see you still haven't learned any manners either... not even going to ask how I've been?" I rolled my eyes.

"How have you been?" I asked in a monotone and uninterested voice.

"Great! After you so rudely dumped me at the prom for it..." She paused. "I started talking to Chris Johnson. You remember him? Super hot football player? Anyway, we got together and he took the football scholarship you wasted and now we’re talking about marriage. Isn't it wonderful?" I nodded, holding back any harsh comments.

I was already starting to feel guilty about what I had done to James. Jackie went to stomp her foot against the ground when she heard a crumble. Looking down, she picked up the flyer I had been looking at earlier. She uncrumpled it and looked at it with such annoyance.

"So this is why you're in town... Wasting your time. I don't understand why they keep doing stuff like this, doing things to remember the dead. They're dead, meant to be forgotten. Besides you, no one even liked that freak, Adena."

"Shut up." The words escaped my lips so quickly, it took me a moment to realize what I had said. Jackie was shocked, her eyes practically popping out of her sockets.

"What?" She questioned, setting her hand on her hip.

“You heard me... Shut up! You have no right to even say Adena's name." I yelled at her. She wasn't expecting a response from me. "She never did anything to you! And you were so low and selfish that you treated her and anyone around you like trash! And now, she's gone, and you dare continue to bully her!"

I was angry. She was always talking crap about her. I don't know how I ever put up with it.

"You know what I think? You were jealous. You wanted to be like Adena. Adena was perfect. She was beautiful, nice, kind, caring, and funny. You were just rude and awful. Stop talking crap about her and everyone else and get a life!" I yelled, her mouth gaping open. I breathed deeply, pushing past her and stalking off. Looking over my shoulder, I saw her face my direction, frozen and astonished.

Walking off, I couldn't help but smile for the first time. A real, genuine, heartfelt smile. That one had been for Adena. If only she had been there, holding my hand, to hear how I had set her straight.