My eyes are about to close. I know that if I close it I won't able to open it again. They are the only source that connected with my world. I neither feel nor hear anything. Each body part is stopping in every minute. I was about to enter the obscurity. It's a place where I have been travelling to, hundreds of times. In these long 15 years, I have travelled away from world to that place but could only reach its door. I have knocked at it for thousand times, I have begged in front of it to take the incomplete life of mine and make it lifeless. And when it's about to open its door, when I am about to enter it, my cruel and ruthless world pulls me with utmost power and I am back everytime, to this hell. I hope this time won't be a failure. I will bequeath my body to this earth today, at this very moment. I have been waiting for moment for so many years, but I leave this earth, go to that concealed place , touch it and then again come back to live half dead life. over and over again.
I can say that when our body draws its last breath, there is one thing, rather a part of the body which never dies and make us feel  the whole process of the 'ending'. I have experienced it often. This last adventure of mine which was left undone is going to complete. Many people have adventures but this is different. It gives a little pain while ending and the very next moment it gives an unknown peace. Huh! I felt it many times, the painful relief, the tranquility and soothe. It's coldness full of warmth. It's now or never.
The unknown place is sucking me out from my body. On the other side my hell world pulling me with force. I would tear into pieces if it continued. I could not feel even a little bit of pain. I am happy.
I feel numb, my lips parted,giving a soft smile. My eyes is closing slowly...... silently..... happily..... peacefully.....relief...I quit.
Suddenly, NO! NO!...N-nooooo! Again. No.
I could hear it beat. WHAT? I am hearing it? My heart beats...tears rolling from the closed eyes down the cheeks. My skin could feel it. I don't want to live but my heart says that I want to. The peaceful sensation is fading away. Like every single time I go to sleep and eagerly wait to complete the adventure, everytime I say that it would be a last and forever one, I fail, I fail both in words and actions. I am back again for another time. This time I even saw a light coming from inside the door as it has opened. I couldn't go, I am useless, not even worthy enough to die. I failed again....I am back to hell..again..
I am a sick person and my sickness is uncommon. No one can ever feel my pain. My life is a dead life and I am tired of it. I am trapped in the middle of the battlefield of life and death...