However hard it may sound, some pain needs burial overnight, forcing your heart to toughen up for tomorrow. So that, you don't miss the possibility of moving on without falling vulnerable under the hands of those who can only cause more pain to your soul.

Falling in love is simple. Letting go of the same is not so. To let go is to say goodbye to the very feeling that pushed you towards a welcoming hello. And somehow, it feels like falling in love all over again. Only the intensity is much stronger. You try sleeping it off or crying a river of what-ifs, but no amount of tossing and turning in bed can erase the memories. The storm only gets fiercer with time as your dimpled smile, the fiery brushes of your fingertips, and the sweet melody of your deep voice are the only dreams that inhabit my sleep.

Letting you go is the most unaccomplished task of my life, but I wonder if it is the only way to heal.

***

There are days of pure bliss when I don't feel the need to listen to any motivational podcast and further drain my mind into believing that it's not in peace. The dull ache of losing a vital part of my growth process is always there. Like when my friends talk about their prospective dates or love interests, I'm dragged to my good old high school days when I was as miserable in my love life as I am now. These are the particular worst days of my life.

On such days I keep myself busy with University assignments or my work at the cafe. Both of them are an integral part of my life. ISU(Iowa State University) will lead me to my dream job, and the work at the coffee house will keep my bank account from drying out.

Work is always a great distraction from the unsettled thoughts that keep plunging me ten feet deeper into the ocean of my memories. Thoughts, my mind is always buzzing with them at odd times like now as I look up intently into his amber eyes. It's been a long time, but still, every time someone with eyes of pure resemblance to yours comes into view, my head explodes with images of the most beautiful yet most painful moments of my life.

Maybe, I'm just homesick but going back to the town makes it worse. In the last three years, a lot has changed in Winsbay, including the fact that it's missing you too. No one knows where you went, not that I wish to know. But on a few lonely nights, I dream about visiting home on my mini cooper and bumping into you. The dream ends on your charming face with those dimpled smiles and golden hair of yours, an unwelcome pain seeping through the cracks of my heart.

These dreams are becoming less frequent but haven't stopped altogether.

Days like today are somewhat bearable as I sit at one of the empty tables in the cafeteria trying to solve some calculus. It's never going to be easy for me. No matter how much I practice, there's always a chance of me messing it up during the exams. The half-eaten sandwich is begging to finish for the last twenty minutes, but I am stuck with this particular integral since this morning. As I keep tapping the pen on my unsolved problem, occasionally groaning out curses at myself for choosing math, my moment is interrupted by one of the guys from the soccer team.

I stop tapping my pen and look up to collide with his amber eyes, the same texture, no difference, not a single tone. This charming boy I have seen many times before but never up close, never close enough to notice the exact color of his eyes. It can be a good thing because now, as I look into his eyes, all the band-aids I had applied over the years are ripped open.

"Are you coming to the party at my place tomorrow night?" Liam repeats, breaking my train of thoughts. They resurface due to the painful similarities he has to someone I can never get rid of in my mind. He shifts restlessly, leaning against my table and running his well-defined hands through his chocolate brown messy hair.

Not golden like yours.

As he pulls out the empty chair beside me, I notice the sheen of sweat dripping from his forehead and the sharp edges of his cheekbones. His sports jersey sticks to his noticeable defined body, and the running shorts admits his arrival straight from the game. He doesn't give me enough breath to reply and drops his soccer bag to the floor as he settles down.

I try to give him my full attention, but I can feel a set of fiery green eyes boring into me. I don't need to look up to tell whose eyes are those. The entire soccer team has arrived at the cafeteria, and along with them is their captain, Adrian. While others are grinning at Liam's bold move towards me, Adrian chooses simply to glare at me.

I let my gaze move into those amber eyes. The moment a sly grin appears on Liam's face, my daze breaks. He sips the water from the disposable bottle in his right hand and accesses my face for a response. His confident eyes give me a quick once over before they settle on my face.

It's been so long since anyone has invited me to their private parties. The ones my roommate hosts in our place are the only exception. On those occasions, the usual crowd is always someone I can hardly interact with or form any connection with anyone. The soccer guys never look my way because of their captain. That thing changes today. Adrian can't decide who is good for me, who is not even more when he has hardly spoken two words since our sophomore year.

Just say yes to this once.

"Okay." A single word is all I can make of looking at his face. I fail to avoid the chills erupting at the back of my neck due to the stare Adrian gives me. A shrill scraping sound rings through the room as he pulls back the empty chair across me and settles, looking straight at my heated face. I keep my poker face on and give a half-assed smile to the charming boy sitting beside me.

"Here, can you punch in your number?" He hands me his cellphone, tapping his fingers on the table as I save my number on his phone.

"Cool," Liam says with a wink, getting up almost as fast as he settled. "I promise you won't regret it. My place tomorrow then. I will be waiting for you, V."

I hear a loud thud as Adrian places the smoothie in his hand on the table. His knuckles are red due to the pressure with which he is holding the glass. I can never get his deal. One moment he avoids my existence, and another moment he behaves all possessively about me. It wasn't always like this, and I'm confused with this change.

"See you at the party," I arrange my mouth in a smile, giving a glance at the scowling boy across from me.

Liam secures his bag over his shoulder and walks backward with his hands in his pockets. "I'm happy to have your attention, finally. It took me three years, but I'm not stepping back."

"He wants to get in your pants." Adrian clips sharply as soon as Liam and the guys exit the cafeteria. I wonder why Adrian is still here. More importantly, his words ignite a dormant rage that I have been hiding for almost a year.

"And you are getting on my nerves." I shift uncomfortably and pin him with a scoff. I notice the slight shift in his jaw as he clenches his teeth and gulps down his anger. I don't know what made him so worked up. I have to admit the charms that radiate through the boy sitting across from me, is hard to brush off.

Over the years, he has grown so much and is nothing less than a character straight from the romance novel, the type you swoon. Girls from all years fancy him since the day he set his foot in college, and he never even has to work to get their attention. But then that tends to happen everywhere he goes. He has the body of an athlete, a chiseled jawline, and sea-green eyes, which are too difficult to ignore. For me, though, he is still the boy I have known all my life.

"Every set of amber eyes doesn't belong to your goldy locks," Adrian grits out, running his hand aggressively through his tousled dark brown hair. "Also, next time someone calls you V, I'm ripping their tongue out. I mean it. No one calls you V except me."

Okay, that's enough.

"What's your deal Adri?" I release a shocked laugh. "If someone likes to call me V, they will. It's not your problem."

"Don't do something stupid that's all I wanted to tell you. You can choose anyone to date or rebound but be thoughtful about who you choose. Liam isn't a prey, he is a predator, and you sure as hell won't be his prey. Not on my watch." His scowl deepens, and I gulp at the sparks that zip up my spine. It's a new feeling, and his constant eye contact isn't helping.

"Stop behaving like my brother," I remark to him, clenching my fingers tightly underneath the table.

At lightning speed, he walks out of his seat and stands behind me. Suddenly, the proximity is a thing as he breathes against my ear. The heat of his body transfers to mine. "Don't you think, after what happened last year, calling me your brother is a bit inappropriate?"

His words leave me speechless. A silent tremor erupts in my belly as I remember the incident he is talking about, and I can't help the blush that creeps up my cheeks. Oh God, he still remembers it. Not that I have forgotten it, but the memory only confuses me further.

"Drink it," he says in a thick voice, placing the glass of blueberry smoothie beside my half-eaten sandwich. The last time I drank a smoothie was with you, Augustus. But somehow, for the first time in years, I think I want to drink this one. "And for fucks sake, be a little careful with Liam. I mean it, V."

He steps away, and when I gather myself to turn back, he is already out of the cafeteria.

My heart is a mess with a tangled past and a twisted new fate.