A light tap on my shoulder bolts me out of my unplanned sleep.

"A guy is sleeping on our front porch," Daisy whispers, tightening the laces of her running shoes. She's dressed in yoga pants and a tank top.

Forcing my drowsy self upright, I squint at her and suddenly realize who would be the guy. I pick up my phone lying on the floor beside me and check the time. It's 6 am, and my parents would wake up any moment now. Daisy's ready for her morning run, and Dad will be joining the cue very soon. Before anyone else sees you, I've to send you off. Now or forever?

"It looks like you both ran through the same shit." Daisy pins me with a questioning look. Her gaze shifts from my face to the half-opened door separating me from you, Augustus. "Do we know him?"

"You don't, but I know him," I say, pulling myself back on my feet and darting around Daisy and out of the house. I turn back to face my puzzled sister. "I'll handle him. Just make sure Dad doesn't know about this, okay."

She gestures to zip up her lips and follows after me.

The first thing that my eyes capture is how peaceful you look with your long eyelashes brushing your sharp cheekbones and light dimples biting your cheeks. Your back against the door, legs spread out, and head leaning against the doorframe- explains you haven't stepped away from the door the whole night.

You wear a gentle smile even when you're sleeping. Your man bun has come undone, and your golden strands fall rebelliously over your face. I kneel beside your sleeping frame, my fingers clutching my dress tightly to avoid the urge to brush that hair off your face. Because I know behind those golden locks is a face that will always be the cause of my heartache.

"Augustus," My voice seems to have lost its soul.

You release a soft groan, shifting in your position and blinking your amber eyes open. As soon as they meet my face, I can see the urgency replacing the drowsiness, and your dimples bite deeper into your cheeks. You finger-comb your hair back and push yourself upright with a loud yawn, still maintaining that heart-melting smile of yours.

"Violet," you mumble, reaching your hand to brush my cheeks the way you used to three years back. For a moment, I feel like chasing back the same feeling I used to, but then the flashbacks of your heartless disapproval and the memory of you letting go- run on repeat. So I pull myself back on my feet and away from your touch, not missing the hurt in your hopeful eyes.

"You've to leave Augustus," I cross my arms across my chest and gesture towards the gate. Your eyes follow my movements, trying to seek the conflict in them. I'm sure there's none. "You shouldn't have stayed here all night."

You push yourself almost instantly and take a step closer to me. If I had any strength to stay away, that crumbles the moment your familiar scent hits my nose, and the need to hug you scratches my heart. I hold my ground and regard you with a firm resolve. You let me go, Augustus. You didn't give us a chance to protect our love, and that hurt still lingers in every corner of my heart. I shake my head and turn around to leave. "Fine, I will leave."

"Wait," you say when I almost dodge Daisy. She watches us by the door with a confused look on her face. "Violet, I need to..." your voice is a little shaky. "I-I need to tell you that..."

I wait to hear what you need to tell me, but you stare at me with a gloomy face.

"I know I shouldn't have ghosted you all these years, but-"

"Great, if you know, then it's settled." I spin around to avoid your pleading eyes. "I don't want you to apologize. Nothing can change the fact that you disappeared on me without a goodbye and cut me out completely."

"I didn't want to." You blow out an exasperated breath, and I can feel the warm exhale on the back of my neck. You're close to me once again, and it only makes my heart more anxious. I turn to face you, and the sadness inked on your lips further destroys me. "I'm just asking for one chance, Violet." Your lashes lower, then rise to hold my heart. "If what we had still matters to you, please let me explain."

I'm weak when it comes to you, Augustus, but I need to think for someone I've promised. I'm tempted to give you his share of chances, but Adrian's ocean blue eyes rattle in a very bright corner of my heart, and I can't lose him. It will break him.

"I can't," I croak out, knowing I can and maybe I should but trying to think otherwise. "It's too late for that."

You reach out to brush away the lone tear trailing down my cheek, and I let you this time. "It's never too late for true love if you're willing to chase it with all your heart."

"I'm moving on." I walk away, back towards the safe shelter of my home. I shake my head vigorously as my eyes flick in the direction of Adrian's house. "You let me go, and you can't just come back after three years thinking everything will be back like before. Are you even here to stay? What if you didn't meet me yesterday? Would you still seek that chance you're asking for?"

You release a wet-sounding exhale, your eyes turning glassy, and take a slow step towards me. "Violet, I-I'm ready to answer all your questions, but don't walk away from me. Please." You may convince the Violet, who's been waiting for three years but the Violet who wants to reach the moonlight instead of your sunshine revolts.

I take another two steps backward, bumping on Daisy, whose gaze shifts from my face to yours as it hardens. "I think you should leave before Dad wakes up. He doesn't like guys who sleep at our doorsteps without his knowledge, and he's an attorney. Just so, you know."

"That's enough, D," I clip, pinching my eyes. Against her will, I give her elbow a little squeeze and push her inside the house. I swivel around to face you and notice the way you wet your lips, restricting the urge to plead with me once again.

"Please give me some time, Augustus. I..." I say, my voice cracking. "I don't want you here, now."

"Take all the time you want, Violet. I'm not going anywhere. I'll be here forever, waiting for you." You keep walking until you are close enough that our forehead touches, a feather-like contact but enough to turn me to mush. My eyes flutter close as your hand reaches for my hair and tuck it behind my ear. "Once you've made up your mind, please meet me where our hearts unite for the last time before I let you go. Because I sure as hell am not letting you go this time. Not unless you ask me to."

Once upon a time, I would've begged you not to let me go but not now. Not when that's what I want you to do or not. And you hurt me once so deep that I can still feel the ache.

This time you pull away from me first, shoving your hands inside your jean pockets and walking out of my front porch backward. I don't miss the sad, desperate smile on your lips as you slowly turn around and disappear down the sidewalk.

With my heart slamming against my ribcage, I walk back inside my house and then race up the staircase to my room.

Why does love hurt so much in all its forms?

***

I never really let go of you, even when there were plenty of reasons to do so. I did everything to keep your memory intact and kept reliving our moments now and then. It's hard to explain how difficult it is to forget the feelings you've had for someone you barely knew. We were strangers when we met, but we connected in a way I never did with anyone. It was new and worth saving.

Feelings aren't like a letter or a journal. You can't write them off and turn another page- they linger, slowly brewing in the backburner. Maybe, over time you get used to the low hum, you can't seem to shut off, but at a certain point, it chases you back.

Like now, as I try drifting away from your memories, I'm further drawn towards them. I sit on my bed with all the clothes from my closet and the box I keep filling with all our moments, the ones I spent with you and also the ones I lived without you.

My old Id card, the first tie of our connection, your brown bomber jacket with the warmth of your embrace. The pile of napkins with the numbers of different town girls who visited Smoothie Shack for you. You gave me those to trash them, but I kept them anyway.

The mixtape you made for me with your songs looks at me desperately. I remember listening to them on repeat for months until the longing became too unbearable, and I had to put it away in this box. And lastly, the blue and violet journals, the one I put away. I kept them on my bedside table until Adrian started showing up on those pages.

I pick up the journal that belongs only to you and lightly finger the spine. The blue-colored journal holds so much of us that the moment I flip it open, your voice echoes from all those years back as if I'm living it over again.

"You deserve so much better than me, Violet. I would be the most selfish guy if I bound you with me. In a few months, you will go to a new place, start a new life and live your dreams. While I will still be here in Winsbay, working on multiple jobs, paying my father's debt, and all the other things that are holding me to this town." You squeezed your eyes for a second, and when you opened them, they were red.

"I don't care about anything, Augustus. All this doesn't stop you from having feelings for someone." I said, tightening my hold on your hand.

You released a deep sigh, brushing my cheek with your thumb, a gesture that I loved only from you.

"I do have feelings for you, Violet. I feel so alive when I am with you that I want to be everything you deserve. And I will, one day, I promise. But till then, I have to let you go so that you soar in the world out there without something or someone tying you down here." You said, pressing your forehead against mine.

"Don't do this, Augustus," I mumbled.

"I don't want to, but I have to do this for you. Maybe one day, when we meet in a different circumstance, not like strangers but like our true selves, we will make this work. I will fight for you then, and we will be together." You breathed, giving a deep kiss on my forehead.

"What if we never get that chance again?" I snapped at you. Your eyes remained calm as you stared at me and said nothing. I hurried out of the truck, slamming the door loudly after me, and laughed dryly. It was so savage of you to decide for me when it was my decision too. You were older than me, wiser than me, and a lot more patient, but you weren't brave enough to admit your feelings.

Is this our chance? The truth is you're here to fight for us, but I'm not sure what I want anymore. Back then, I believed we would meet again, and I will fight for you too. But the truth is I am not that seventeen-year-old Violet anymore. Now, I have promises to keep and feelings to settle with one, who I'm willing to give our chance to in a heartbeat.

Adrian.

My plea heard, my cell chimes pulling me away from you and dragging me out of my scalding past. It's a text from Adrian. Last night I was so consumed by your presence knocking at my door that I didn't respond to his messages, and even now, as I stare at the words on my phone's screen, I'm unable to type in a response.

Adri: I just woke up to a lovely sunrise, but it wasn't the same without your cute snores.

A wet chuckle breaks through my lips as I finally punch in a reply.

Me: Hey, I don't snore.

Adri: I knew that would earn me a reply. You made me wallow in heartache by keeping my messages on seen last night.

Me: Is this some revenge, you vindictive prick?

Adri: I'm not vindictive. I love your snores. Fucking music to my ears, V.

Me: Are you flirting with me, Adrian Hayes? ;)

Adri: Maybe. Also, I got something for you, and I think you'll love it. Waiting for this week to end soon. :(

Me: I can't wait for the surprise. :)

I lock my phone and toss it aside. I blame Adrian for a lot of my misery. If not for his denial of my feelings, I wouldn't have met you, Augustus. And maybe, my heart wouldn't split into two if it weren't for him.

Augustus, you were supposed to be my first love, my first kiss, and my only chance. Instead, you let me go, you left my heart in pieces, and now you're back, but those pieces are already with someone else, Adrian.

The damn ache is back, and before I know what I'm doing, I pack everything back inside the box, every memento, every memory, and the journals too. Once I close the lid, I've made my mind, my choice. I scramble off my bed and send a text to Emma with trembling fingers, ignoring the constant echo inside my head.

Me: Em, can you pick me in the evening? I might need you to drive me somewhere.

As I wait for her response, my eyes linger on the brown memory box I've preserved all these years. How can I not feel broken all over again? Can I have the heart to do what I'm about to and still be happy? I'm not sure if I can do it without feeling the pain in every cell of my body.

***

Author's Note: This chapter legit made me cry while writing. Not sure if it hits the right chords of your heart, but if it does, do let me know in the comments. Also, I'm working on another sad chapter, and it's so worth the pain.

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