I lose myself in the soft melody of the guitar chords and your voice. Somehow, it's faint to my ear, but it's the only balm to my heart. No, I'm not suffering from heartache or even heartbreak. It's somewhere between these two, a dull humming of my heartstrings, a numb feeling surrounding my soul. I prop one knee under my chin and wipe the tangled curls from my eyes.

It's getting dark, and I can see streaks of gray over the horizon from where we are sitting on the window ledge. It reminds me of the day three years back when you first introduced me to this place. In this exact place, I fell in love with you, Augustus. Is this it then? Is this a sign, a full circle? Back then, I believed we were fated. If that assumption still holds, then why am I not feeling the same amount of excitement I felt?

Maybe it's because I'm losing a part of myself to Adrian. Yes, I won't allow myself to regret any moment I spent with him. I won't lead myself to think that they were nothing. That would be cheating.

It's been two weeks. Adrian's playing soccer matches at Iowa and ignoring me just fine. Olivia has called me ten times, and every time I couldn't give her a reason why I am extending my stay. It's not like I can do that forever. I have to return, my finals being the reason.

The truth is - I am not sure what I'm running from at the moment. The only thing that gives any relaxation is my job at my Dad's firm. It keeps me busy and away from all the hurricanes crashing inside my head.

Today, Adrian was supposed to take me on a date. I took a promise from him, and I made him break that promise. How can I ever recover from the guilt that I asked him to kiss me, and then I kissed you, Augustus? My mind drifts back to the conversation I had with my mom at the breakfast table this morning.

"Adrian called me last night."

I sip my coffee silently while my heart thrashes wildly inside my chest. Adrian talks to my mom but hasn't sent a single text since the night he climbed out of my window.

Mom sighs, gauzing my face for any reaction, but there's none. "He was asking about you."

My internal organs whine with excitement, and I gulp down a mouthful of hot coffee to subside that. "What did Adrian ask?"

She raises her brow at me then clears her throat. I'm sure, by now, everyone in both our families knows about the tension between us but is modest enough not to bring it up. "He wanted to know how you're doing."

He hasn't stopped caring for me. Adrian still thinks about me.

"Is he doing fine?" Words rush out of my mouth before I can think of anything else to ask or listen to.

"He's drafted to a team." She says with a proud smile, and with the information she just shared, I feel equally thrilled.

I'm so damn happy for him, like the kind he names as dancing-on-air happy with the likelihood that he isn't moping over a girl who broke his heart but rather moving on with his dream. He will be okay even without me. God, it pinches my stomach that I can't be part of his happiness, but I can live with it. He needs to move on and be happy.

Afraid of breaking into tears in front of mom, I nod at her then head upstairs to my room. My steps pause at the last of the stairs when I hear the soft voice of my mom.

"Just give him some time, Violet." She says eyes fixed on mine. "You know he will come along. He always does when it comes to your friendship."

This time he won't come along because I've ruined that chance for us.

Yes, I drown in sadness every time those green eyes sparkle to life. Adrian's doing fine without me- I tell myself every morning as I search my phone for any calls, voice messages, or even a text. But I have to stop doing that if I want him to move on. So, I push his images aside and let your song lull me back to the surface.

You are sitting on the other end of the ledge, wearing loose sweatpants and a band hoodie, your golden hair pulled up in a bun, some of those golden hair sweeping across your forehead. Your legs propped on the chair, eyes closed while your fingers strum against the guitar, playing a slow, sad tune that only adds to the melancholy.

You are singing Long gone and moved on by The Script, too fucking apt for the mess in my heart. It's been so long since I saw you play that it almost feels foreign. But one look at the creases on your forehead, brows knotting every time you hit the high notes and those dimples biting your cheeks has me captivated. I close my eyes and let myself drown some more in your melody.

"Cause I still don't know how to act

Don't know what to say

Still wear the scars like it was yesterday

But you're long gone and moved on

'Cause you're long gone

But I still don't know where to start, still finding my way

Still talk about you like it was yesterday

But you're long gone and moved on

But you're long gone, you moved on."

Each word of the song scraps my heart, closes up my lungs, and pain in your voice surrounds us with bittersweet remembrance. The words in your deep voice hit home.

I needed the time and space to think through my heart, and even though there's no known equation to break my feelings into proportions and check which one occupies more of my heart, I'm trying to do that. I'll have to settle for the one who makes me happy enough to dull that ache in my heart.

But you are here to fight for our chance. You are the one who made me feel loved. Maybe, you are the right choice, and there's only one way to settle that. I chose you already, and it's time to accept that choice.

As you reach the end of the song and finish with a final note- I replay the painful lyrics while thinking about Adrian, his scowling face, and ocean eyes. A long silent minute passes until I feel your fingers brush my hair softly. The distance between us is gone. You are close to me, but I don't open my eyes.

"Are we ever going to talk about it?" You ask softly, still caressing my hair. Am I ever going to talk about it?

I consider telling him about every moment I lived with Adrian, but then an unknown possessiveness consumes me. Those moments are my memories with Adrian, and it belongs only to us. Also, I've already broken one heart. I can't risk hurting you as well.

"There's nothing to talk about," I say, lifting my eyelashes enough to see the frown on your face.

"I don't want you to hide your feelings from me. You need to tell me everything that goes on in your little head." I can feel your hand tense against my hair and then pull away, just like your faint cologne drifts away from me. You lean on the opposite side, your amber eyes burning into my soul.

My chest caves as I release a shuddering breath. "Augustus, I'm not hiding any feelings from you. It's out in the open."

"Come here," you open your arms wide, inviting me to the safety of your embrace, and I don't waste another moment to seek the warmth my heart is craving. I shift towards you, leaning my back against your chest as you hold me as if I'm fragile enough to break into pieces any moment now.

"The song you were playing," I mumble, playing with the cuff of my shirt.

"What about it?"

"It's sad." I twist around to look up at your calm face. "Can you play something else?"

"Does it remind you of him, Violet?" Your voice has an undertone of vulnerability in them as silence engulfs us in a tight knot.

I know what you want to know. Am I still here? Or am I somewhere else? Honestly, I've no idea. But the song does remind me of Adrian, so I give a gentle nod. "Yes, it does."

Your amber eyes gaze deep into mine as if to validate my words. You say nothing, the calm beat of your heart against my back is the only thing I want to concentrate on at the moment.

I've lived this exact moment a million times in my dream over the last three years, and now that you are here, I need to hold it before it's gone. So, I pick the guitar from where it's leaning beside me and place it on my lap, then turn around to look at you. "Augustus, can you play a song that I can remember forever?"

"A song to remember?" Your dimples bite into your cheeks as you take the guitar from my hold and position it in front of us, your inked arms bracketing me from both sides.

"Yes, a song to remember forever." I smile, reaching up to poke your dimples, and then let myself live in the moment, pausing to dot for the one I need to let go of. You focus all your attention on me, your softening eyes caressing my face for the longest minute, making my heart beat fast.

Your fingers tuck an unruly lock of hair behind my ear, and then you are playing the strings of your guitar coaxing a soft melody, strumming the tune that I recognize from the mixtape you gave me three years back.

You sing, eyes locked with me, and I realize you are singing this for me, for us, Augustus.

"There comes a time

A time in everyone's life

Where nothing seems to go your way

Where nothing seems to turn out right

There may come a time

You just can't seem to find your place

And for every door, you open

Seems like you get two slammed in your face

That's when you need someone

Someone that you, you can call

When all your faith is gone

And it feels like you can't go on

Let it be me

Let it be me

If it's a friend that you need

Let it be me

Let it be me."

I'm in tears by the time your song ends, crying ugly, painful tears of love and longing. Love pours from every pull of your strings. It's the most heart-melting, warm, and beautiful kind. The kind I should be falling for and coming back to every single time.

You tilt down your chin to show me the same passion in your eyes, calm yet thunderous. And when you cup my jaw tenderly, searching my eyes for the same love, I don't pull back.

"I love you, Violet. Back then, I was so weak to accept this feeling I have had for you since the moment I saw you. I want you. I want us together. Take as much time you need. But if it's not what you want, then I will not force you through this heartbreaking longing. But I so desperately hope that you stay with me. And I promise on my life that I will never let you go again." You lower your forehead to mine and trail my cheekbone with your thumb. "If I'm the one you chose, then let me be the one who can help you through this choice."

My face falls because everything you say makes sense. If I'm choosing you, then I have to stop punishing myself, dotting over Adrian. I lean towards you with a determined heart and hope that it will fix the whining inside me.

"Okay," I whisper just before your lips touch the corner of mine. You wait for me to lean away from your touch, but I don't. And just before you kiss me, we look deep into each other's eyes. I see us, you and me together in yours, but I wonder what you saw in mine. Because the moment your lips dip down and capture mine, I burn with the intensity in them. You are kissing me with aching passion, pleading, begging, and asking me to stay.

All I have to do is accept my choice.

***

Author's Note: Hi readers, are you still following the story? If yes, then I'm open to your thoughts about the characters. Also, don't forget to add your comments and votes as you read.

Who's pain breaks your heart the most?