In the bus on our way to an excursion in the ending days of ninth grade, you held my hands.

I was surprised at that and wondered why, because we had never talked. Ever. But I didn't pull back.

We moved on to tenth grade and with that came our friendship.

We began noticing each other, mostly because we had been put in the same class. We talked and laughed, although occasionally, but I was fine with that.

Despite your disorderliness and you being a diehard scatterbrain, I realized how humorous you were. The times you'd cause mayhems while lessons were going on and then use a joke to counter the teacher's annoyance at your distraction.

During lessons, you were always something like the comic relief, saving us students from the death threatening boredom the lessons seemed to bring. I guess that was why I started paying closer attention to you. Not that your handsomeness wasn't enough reason, but I guess I kinda liked guys with a keen sense of humor.

Later on, in the ending days of tenth grade, I had a feeling you liked me or something because you were always complimenting me, teasing me, disturbing me.

In fact, it was obvious you liked me, and honestly, I sorta, kinda, mighta liked you back, but this was the only problem with that—the fact that I wasn't able to fully believe in the idea and thought that you liked me.

I mean, you seemed too scatterbrained to actually like anyone or anything except football, so you couldn't really blame me if I didn't like you back immediately.

Then in eleventh grade, you asked me out. There was it. The proof that maybe you really did like me. But, I didn't take it.

I didn't exactly turn your offer down. Instead I replied with an 'I don't know'. Because I really didn't know. I mean, I knew that deep down, I liked you, but again, I couldn't trust the fact that you had feelings for me. It was just too surreal—you never struck me as someone that could have feelings for a girl and keep it.

But here is the proof that as much as I turned down your offer, I wished I didn't; in class, I sat behind you in the second term of eleventh grade, some weeks after you'd asked me. You sat beside my close friends—Penny and Gert.

During lessons, I noticed you always talked with them. Held their hands to probably to 'check' something. Teased them and disturbed them, like you used to with me.

And guess what? Deep down, right there, inside me, I hated you for it. I was jealous! And I hated myself too.

How could you? When you knew I was right behind you. We're you trying to make me jealous? Because you sure tried.

And I hated myself for feeling jealous of my friends. And because of it, I began ignoring you more often than normal.

But it didn't just end there. No.

We moved on to twelfth grade and you continued your regular flirting.

And then you would come up to me and try to tease me or something and I would feign anger or disinterest because I was sorta angry and disinterested.

I guess it's because you never asked me out again. You should've though, because then, I mightn't have turned it down. But you didn't.

So I moved on.

I moved on to liking someone else. And when you found out, you asked me why I hadn't told you, and you looked genuinely surprised. I told you I didn't think it necessary, but apparently, you were kinda hurt that I didn't tell you.

Some weeks ago, we had a talk and you told me that you had still liked me back in eleventh grade and even twelfth grade, but when you found out I liked someone else you "killed" the feeling.

If you had still liked me, why then did you make it seem not. Why did you flirt around with other girls who you knew were my close friends?

Again, we're you trying to make me jealous?

And then after our talk you told me that you didn't like me again because of some bro code shit.

Whatever bro blah blah that was, it was pure shit. Because, I don't see why someone would let some stupid rule some stupid individual or group of individuals came up with take over his system of feeling.

Why did you have to make everything so complicated?

But it doesn't matter now, does it?

Apparently, we'd soon graduate and never see each other again so what's the point.

It's pretty much okay just as friends we are.

                                                  Your Truly,
                                                   Friend.