Dear Diary,

I've known him for my entire life and there is no exaggeration about that.

I'm only three months younger than him which means that we went to the school together, had same circle of friends, grown up together, we went to the same college together with the rest of our friends and graduated together. We merely separated when he went off to Oxford University to pursue his MBA degree, while I remained in India, Mumbai doing my internship.

I have been in love with him for forever it seems... since the time when I didn't even knew what LOVE actually meant.

His thick shimmering black hair, his beautiful brown chocolaty eyes, his that perfect mole just above his perfectly shaped natural pink lips, his smirk -ohh that smirk of his which melted millions of girls heart, his confident aura, his soulful magical voice that tugged on the heartstrings of every living thing around us, everything about him screamed perfection and I loved each and everything about him.

He wasn't really a player but he had dated a lot of girls. He always dumped them after one or two dates stating that they were hell boring, irritating, annoying or that she is not the one.

***

I still remember in high school, we were in our last year, when he started going out with my younger sister, who was only two years younger than us.

It had come as a shock to each and everyone of us as they couldn't stand each other at all, always fighting like cats and dogs and never getting along with each other.

At first I was worried for her, why wouldn't I be? She's my little sister and he jumped girlfriends faster than I changed my earrings... I did not want him to hurt her,even if he was the guy I love... I would never forgive him if he played with my sister's heart as I hated seeing tears in her eyes.

But it seems like we were wrong the whole time, when among all those fights, teasing and pranks he started falling for her no one realised it...not even me and he was already in LOVE WITH MY LITTLE SISTER.

She also started liking him. I don't think that during that time she loved him as much as I did... or still do, but she clearly did have some feelings for him...

So she said YES to his proposal and my sister became his girlfriend.

Oh it hurts... It hurts so much, it tore me apart each and every second seeing them together, laughing and flirting with each other, teasing the other. They held hands, stole kisses, shared everything. Sometimes I felt jealous of my own sister, wanting her to disappear from our lives and because of that I hated myself very much for thinking like that about my own sister whom I loved very much and tried to conceal my own feelings as I could see that she and he were both very happy together.

Nobody knew I loved him... nobody it was my little secret.

***

After finishing school,

He and I both along with our other common friends went to S. P. A. C. E the top most renowned college in the city, while my sister finished her last two years of schooling.

Despite between all our classes, assignments, workload, busy schedule in college and her school, tuitions and all... they both still managed to make out few hours for themselves to spend quality time with each other, which was merely once or twice a week.

He spend more time with me than my sister...

But he never fell in love with me.

Then two years later, my sister came to S. P. A. C. E and they both were once again inseparable.

They did everything together, came to the college together, and went home together. If he ever needed an hour extra for a lecture, she'd wait for him...

And vice versa, he'd too would always do the same for her.

Shortly after graduation, he left for Oxford to persue his MBA degree and after my sister completed her college she too followed after him to England, they both moved in together in a live in relationship there and I stayed back in India with my parents.

Even after everything I couldn't forget about him... I still loved him.

Its been six years since he left, I haven't heard much from them until just three days ago...

THEY ARE GETTING MARRIED...

***

Flashback...

"Alyaaa!!"

My younger sister... Nandini, squealed as she launched herself towards me at the Mumbai airport. She and her fiancé (also the man I am hopelessly in love with) Manik Malhotra, strutted past the security clearance and straight into the central airport where I stood with car keys in my hand.

It had been a long time since I saw them face to face that is. We used to talk on the phone, Skype each other and when they used to visit India I used to be out of state or country for my work fashion shows as I have become a fashion designer having my own fashion line and showroom. The last time I saw Nandini was when she was twenty... Now she is 24 years old.

Nandini is a well known astrophysicist and Manik is the youngest topmost business tycoon handling his late father's business, the Malhotra empire.

"Nandini" I smiled, hugging my sister tightly. She seemed so much more mature now, her silky straight jet black hair just above her waist and her face older than I had remembered it to be and more beautiful.

"Hi, Alya" Manik said greeting me.

My heart instantly started racing seeing him again in front of me after so many years but I shook his hand, trying to keep a firm and composed posture.

"Manik " I greeted back.

He seemed... manlier than from what I can remember. His muscles seemed more toned, he had an over confident aura about him (he always did but it seemed more obvious now, I guess), and he just seemed so much... more handsome and sexier.

But he's my sister's fiancé...

Yet I still love him.

Oh God.

"How're amma and appa... and Rishab ?" Nandini asked as she pushed the trolley, Manik beside her as I stood on her other side. He was quiet and I didn't know why or what reason he had to be so silent. We're best friends-we grew up together and heck, he doesn't know I'm in love with him so he has nothing against me, right?

"Mama's fine," I replied to Nandini's question, "she's already planning on names for grandchildren."

Nandini laughed and I saw Manik's lip twitch in a beautiful smile filled with amusement.

Oh god he just cracked a smile... ohh how much I missed seeing that mesmerising smile of his.

I'm blushing-crap!

"That's amma for you" Nandini shook her head as I pushed the door open for her. She pushed the trolley out of the door and I kept it open for Manik too. He glanced at me once before stepping through the exit.

I frowned.

That was cold.

Ignoring his weird action towards me, I left behind him and hit the auto-unlock button on my keychain and my car lit up. Nandini pulled open the passenger seat door and hopped in, grinning excitedly like a child.

She hasn't changed at all . She was still the Nandini I knew.

I started the engine of my car and allowed it to stay idle for a few moments. Manik was sitting in the backseat as Nandini and I took the front two seats, she in the passenger seat and me in the driver seat. Turning on my CD, we started cruising (ugh, teenage lingo). Nandini chattered animatedly about how England is so different from our Indian culture and I couldn't help but notice Manik sitting quietly in my backseat...

Oh my god!!

He's sitting in my car... first time in SIX years and my heart still races, my stomach still jitters with butterflies and my blush still forms...

I, truly, do love this guy.

"We didn't want to get married so soon," Nandini stated, finally getting onto the topic of her and Manik. I glanced at the rearview mirror to find Manik smiling fondly, while staring out the window.

It was in his eyes...

He was thinking about Nandini .

"Then why are you guys getting married ?" I inquired as I exited out of the airport terminal and straight onto the freeway that led to our house...

Nandini grinned widely and looked away and I frowned slightly seeing the sudden change in her expression "Nandini ?"

She didn't respond...

"Manik ?" I asked as I glanced at him. His eyes flickered to the rearview mirror and our eyes met and locked for a split second before he looked out of the window again.

My heart was racing.

Racing...

RACING.

"Nandini's pregnant," Manik spoke, his voice a husky whisper. My mind reeled with euphoria listening to his voice but what words he said truly did catch my attention. My shock was absolutely evident on my face as I glanced at my sister.

"You're..."

Nandini smiled brightly with slight rosy blush appearing on her cute soft chubby cheeks making her glow beautifully and nodded shyly "Pregnant."

***

Dear Diary,

I'm in love.

I'm so in love that it hurts to be away from him. But the thing is that he's my sister's husband...

No, scratch that... he was my sister's husband. Seven years after their wedding, seven years after giving birth to a beautiful cute little handsome baby boy MANAN... seven years into their marriage togetherness , Nandini , my younger sister... she died...

I still remember that day very clearly which changed all our lives...

I was out of Mumbai then, out of India actually. I was in Paris when Rishab my brother our youngest sibling called me up and told me that Nandini was in the ICU, on life supports... hardly living.

"What happened?" I had asked and I heard Rishab choke back a sob. That scared me... Rishab never cried. This must be serious.

Rishab told me that Nandini was at the mall shopping for little Manan's birthday present. Manan wanted a limited edition car set that Manik had preordered for him. Nandini went to go pick it up. It was fate, actually, that Nandini had to go instead of the butler... Nandini was coming back from her work when she dropped by the mall...

And that horrifying incident happened taking our Nandini away from us for forever.

The Mall was attacked by a small group of terrorist killing and shooting every person present there.

By the time the police force reached the place it was already late.

My purehearted Nandini... Beautiful Nandini sacrificed her life to save a little girl same as the age of Manan from a gun shot. She took the shot herself by shielding and protecting the little girl with her own body.

When the police found her, she had already lost a lot of blood and was breathing very slowly while embracing the crying girl safely in her motherly embrace away from the eyes of the evil.

In the end she was able to save the life of the little child, I am so proud of her.

But we lost our angel... Manan his mother and Manik his shinning star for forever.

***

Flash back...

"It's been four years dammit!" Cabir one of our friend since school time roared one evening inside of Manik's mansion-like house.

"Four years, Manan is eleven, he needs a mother Manik. Alya and Mukti aren't sufficient enough for him!"

Manik's eyes turned bloodshot red as he stood up and turned to leave the living area. Nandini is a very touchy subject for him and he hasn't, even in the last four years, gotten over her...

I still love him...

"No!" Manik snarled at Cabir "Manan and I are fine! I do not need another woman in my life. "

"Nandini is dead Manik! She is never going to come back, you need to move on in your li-"

"And I still love her!"

My eyes widened...

He still loved her... four years later, after everything... all the pain and suffering he had been through, after the many blind dates he was forced to go to in the past one year (courtesy of Cabir, Dhruv and Abhimanyu), no other woman could catch his eyes or interests, he still loved my younger sister Nandini ... his love didn't lessen a bit ...

In fact it seemed more stronger than before.

"Maybe..." Cabir started slowly, glancing at me, he was one of the few who came to know over the years that I loved Manik since grade-school... one of the many few... "maybe... Manan's maternal aunt would... perhaps a bit of Nandini ... would be enough?"

Manik's gaze hardened and his jaw tightened. "What are you trying to tell me Cabir? ..."

I think he already knew what Cabir was trying to say...

"I THINK YOU SHOULD MARRY ALYA..."

***

I'm 37 years old, never been married ...

This is now my first wedding. I'm getting married to the man I have loved since forever. The man who married my sister... who gave her a son...

Two months ago, when Cabir suggested Manik to marry me, he denied it right away but logic was pounded into his head by everyone... and in the end he agreed, eventually...

He said he'd marry me.

I should be happy right...

But I'm not.

I feel like a replacement.

My sister's replacement.

I am sitting on a chair dressed in a beautiful simple red saree, looking at my groom dressed in a black tuxedo sitting beside me surrounded by all our dear and near one's.

He looked handsome Greek God like always... Manan was standing beside him, timidly, shyly. I smiled at him warmly... within a few moments I will be his mother...

We decided to have a simple court marriage, the lawyer was present here in his office with all the necessary documents. After signing the legal papers we would exchange rings and garlands, and then Manik would tie the nuptial chain around my neck and filled my head with vermilion in the presence of my family as Manik's parents are already dead and our friends to make us husband and wife for the rest of our lives.

The lawyer kept the papers and a pen in front of us " please sign down there and after that the witness from both sides will sign"

I remember Nandini 's wedding... Manik and she were holding hands, smiling innocently and lovingly at each other...

But today he was merely glancing around the room ... he looked everywhere and anywhere except at me...

I picked up the pen first and started signing my name in the papers which will state me as his legal wife, making us a married couple.

I should be happy. This is my dream... Marry the man I love with my life...

I should be...

But I'm not...

After I finished signing the lawyer asked Manik to sign too...

I saw him stiffen at his place listening to the lawyer's words...

Everyone watched...

Everyone stared at him...

I stared at him as he took in a deep breath and finally looked straight into my eyes as he said

"I can't..."

Jaws dropped...

My heart stopped beating. My knuckles tightened on the armrest of my chair.

I stared at him without blinking my eyes even for a second.

"I love her..." Manik said "I love Nandini and I can't do this-I will die alone if that means that Nandini remains my one and only for eternity ..."

I had tears in my eyes.

Manik for the first time ever looked at me with soft eyes... a kind of softness that he only gave to Nandini ...

"I'm sorry..."

***

Dear Diary,

I loved him...

But he never loved me back... he never did... he never will.

It's been ten years since that marriage incident and now I'm married to Aryaman Khurana, a businessman owning his own music company . We have a daughter together, Amayrah is her name and I must say... I'm quite happy.

Manik never remarried... Manan grew up perfectly fine. We all miss Nandini terribly, but I have to say, she did one hell of a job in capturing Manik's heart.

He had the chance to love again. But he chose not to.

He loved... Sorry loves Nandini .

Dear diary... I did, maybe still do, love him. I won't ever forget him but I've moved on. Know why?

He loves my sister... and I could not ask for a better man for her...

She was lucky...

She still is.

The end.

***

My first ever OS... hope my dear sweeties readers will like it while reading this😅🤞🤞... Few words for it...

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